Brittany wanted to call her a b.i.t.c.h and tell her to go to h.e.l.l, but none of those words came out of her mouth. The best she could manage was to say, "Yeah, Jessie, I happen to think being murdered by a serial killer is a traumatic event no matter who it happens to."
"Britt"s right," Christina said. "What happened to Gray is terrible. If you don"t think that"s terrible, Jessie, what kind of f.u.c.ked-up person are you?"
Jessie frowned. "Well, I mean, of course it"s terrible, but it"s not like it happened to one of us."
Brittany rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh.
Aaron opened the door to the theater and held it for them like he was a gentleman or something. They all went in and were herded down the stairs by a teacher to the lower third of the auditorium. A group of adults had gathered on the stage. Princ.i.p.al Rodgers looked fussy and unhappy as he discussed something with a pet.i.te woman with short-cropped blond hair-Kyle"s mom, who had come to school a few times for the antidrug program. With her was the big, burly detective who had come to Brittany"s room that first night anyone had realized Gray was missing. A younger woman with a sleek dark bob and tattoos peeking out of her sweater stood to one side of the big detective-Sonya Porter.
Emily leaned ahead in her seat on the far side of Jessie, looking down the row at all of them, and said, "That"s Sonya Porter from TeenCities."
Behind them, Aaron leaned forward and put his hands on Christina"s shoulders and whispered something in her ear. Christina laughed.
Brittany squeezed herself to the far side of her seat, away from them, wanting to slink out and disappear. Christina leaned toward her, all loving concern, and put a hand on her knee. "Are you all right, Britt?"
"I"m fine," Brittany said, avoiding eye contact. "I"ve got a headache, that"s all."
"Do you want something for it?" Christina whispered as Princ.i.p.al Rodgers took the podium and the room began to quiet. "Aaron can get you something."
"No, thanks," she said, thinking there was no drug to help what was bothering her.
Princ.i.p.al Rodgers started droning on in his self-important, condescending way, telling them all what a tragedy had befallen their school and how their school would be here for them in their time of need. He didn"t have a clue what went on in his school. He didn"t have any idea who his students were. How much help could he possibly be? He had hated Gray, was always angry with her for the way she dressed, for the way she did her hair. Brittany had once seen him stop Gray in the hall and make her take out all but two of her earrings and give them to him right there.
Kyle"s mom took the podium next. Brittany had never actually met her, but she had seen her at school a couple of times and had been fascinated with the idea that she was a homicide detective. Kyle didn"t like to talk about it. To him, his mom was just his mom, who happened to be a cop, who happened to investigate murders.
"My colleague and I are here today to talk to you about what happened to Penny Gray," she began. "I"m sure you"ve all seen the reports on the news. I know there are a lot of rumors going around. We"re going to be very honest and straightforward with you.
"Penny Gray was murdered. That"s upsetting. It"s disturbing. I know people would rather not have to hear about things like this, but it"s important that you know the truth. This isn"t a story about a stranger in some other place. This happened to a girl many of you knew, a girl who walked the halls of this school. Maybe you liked her, maybe you didn"t. That doesn"t matter. It"s important that you know what happened to her. This is real. This is as real as it gets. We want you to know the truth and we need you to tell the truth.
"If any of you have any information at all about Penny Gray, we need you to share it with us. Anything she might have said to you, rumors that you heard about her, anything at all-even if it doesn"t seem like it could be important. It"s impossible to know what impact even a small, seemingly insignificant detail might have.
"At this point we don"t know if Penny was abducted by a stranger or was victimized by someone she knew. We know she was at the Rock and Bowl on the evening of the thirtieth. We know she left that place and made a stop at a nearby convenience store. So far as we know, she was not seen again-except by her killer-until her body was found New Year"s Eve.
"We don"t know why Penny was killed," she said. "We don"t know if she was a random victim or if she provoked someone. We don"t know if someone was angry with her or hated her for some reason, or if she knew something that was a threat to someone. This is why we"re asking you guys to help.
"I want you all to look around this auditorium this morning. You"re all individuals who are part of a community. Look at your friends. Look at the kids you don"t know or don"t like. Realize that other people are looking at you and thinking the same things. And I want you to imagine, what if you were Penny Gray? What if you found yourself in a terrible situation? You would hope the people who knew you would help. You would hope if someone could do something, they would."
Brittany looked around the room. The seats were filled with students and teachers. One section had been reserved for parents. Some people were listening. Some weren"t. Some were on their phones, texting, playing Angry Birds or Words with Friends.
She glanced at the people sitting in her row-Emily, Jessie, Christina-and wondered what they would do. If I was missing, would they care about me?
The answer sat like a stone in the pit of her stomach.
Sonya Porter got up next and talked about social media and social consciousness and the obligation young people-and particularly young women-should have to one another.
Brittany watched her, taking in the avant-garde style, the piercings and the tattoos juxtaposed against the sleek haircut and the retro-chic outfit. She listened to Sonya Porter speak with pa.s.sion and conviction. Gray might have turned out like this, she thought. She might have channeled her anger into pa.s.sion and honed her self-expression into style. Gray might have grown up to be a Sonya Porter, but she would never have that chance.
"I want to finish by reading you something," Sonya Porter said. She adjusted her cat-eye gla.s.ses and began.
"Fight
Struggle Clash Square peg, round hole Force to conform Blend in. Fall in line Stifle Smother Hate each other You"re red I"m blue I don"t want to be you You don"t want to look at me.
Stop Shift. Now. Change.
Look See Everybody be free Open hearts Open minds See what"s real Listen See me Unique Special Unlike another Be who you are Live Acceptance."
When she finished, she looked up, her gaze scanning from one side of the silent room to the other.
"That poem was written by Penny Gray," she said. "This is who your school lost. This is who the world lost. Whether you liked her or not, approved of her or didn"t, she had a unique voice, and a unique talent, and a unique view of the world. Just like each one of you. You should be angry that someone took her away."
Jessie Cook leaned into Christina, rolled her eyes, and whispered, "I wish someone would take her away."
The two of them giggled under their breath.
Brittany gave them both a look of irritation. She wanted to get up and leave, move to another seat in another part of the theater. But she could imagine everyone looking at her, and she could imagine what would be said about her by Jessie and Christina and the rest of them.
Be who you are.
If she only had the courage. If only she could be more like Gray-the girl n.o.body liked.
The counselors spoke. People asked questions. Business cards were pa.s.sed out. Phone numbers and e-mail addresses were posted on the projector screen.
Brittany counted the minutes until they were told they could leave. When that moment came, she popped out of her seat and started up the aisle, not even looking to see if Christina and company were behind her. Let them think that she wasn"t feeling well, that her headache was making her sick, that she had to go to the bathroom. She just wanted out and to be away from them.
She hurried to her locker, got her coat, grabbed her purse. It was lunchtime. They were allowed to leave the campus. Lots of kids did to go to the nearby restaurants and coffee shops. Brittany had no interest in lunch. As much as her mother thought it was the last thing she should do, she just wanted to go home and be alone and not have to pretend everything was all right.
She didn"t care that it was a cold, long walk. In fact, she thought it was all the better to feel cold, to feel the pain of numbing fingertips and tense shoulders hunched against the wind. Head down, she put one foot in front of the other and just kept going, away from school, across the parking lot, heading for the street.
"Britt! Brittany!"
She didn"t want to look up or acknowledge the person calling her. She didn"t want to be recognized. Of course, it did her no good to ignore him. If she knew one thing about Kyle, it was that he didn"t give up.
He caught up to her and fell in step beside her. She glanced at him. His cheeks were red from the cold, but he"d had sense enough to put on a gray watch cap with the letters UFC embroidered in red. He wore an old letterman"s jacket from some school in St. Paul over a gray hoodie. It irritated her that she thought he was cute.
"What are you doing here, Kyle?" she asked, annoyed. "I thought you were suspended."
"I am," he said. "But I got the text about the a.s.sembly. I wanted to come."
"Your mom is investigating Gray"s murder. That must be weird."
"Yeah. What part of any of this isn"t weird? Someone we knew was murdered. I can"t get my head around that, can you?"
"No."
"Where are all your good friends?" he asked sarcastically.
"Don"t give me a hard time," she said, annoyed with him for asking, more annoyed with herself for suddenly feeling like crying. She had no "good friends." She was stupid for ever thinking otherwise.
"Want to see what Jessie was tweeting during the a.s.sembly?"
"No."
"You get that it"s their fault, don"t you?" he asked, then corrected himself. "Our fault. You got her to go there. I didn"t stop her from leaving."
Brittany stopped and faced him. "Yes. I get it, Kyle. It"s all I think about. Does that make you happy? I"m sick about it. I wish I"d never moved here. But what do you want me to do?"
He looked back toward the school. She had left. Literally. She had walked away from Christina and the rest of them. What more could he call her on?
"I don"t know," he admitted. "I don"t know either. I feel like we should do something. Go see her mom or something. Tell her we"re sorry."
From the corner of her eye, Brittany saw the car approaching-Aaron Fogelman"s midnight-blue Lexus, cruising slowly toward them. The window on the pa.s.senger"s side ran down as the car came alongside them at the curb.
"Hey, Britt," Christina said. "Need a ride?"
It wasn"t a friendly offer. There was accusation in Christina"s expression and her voice. It wasn"t hard to imagine what she thought-that Brittany had ditched them to meet up with Kyle.
Brittany hesitated. She didn"t want a ride. She didn"t want to be with those people another minute. And yet, there was a part of her that was afraid to say no. She hated herself for it, and she hated Kyle for putting her in this position.
Aaron put the car in park, got out, and looked at them across the roof. "Jesus, Hatcher, don"t you ever take a hint? Leave her alone. She doesn"t want to be with a loser like you."
"f.u.c.k you," Kyle said. "I"m looking at the loser. You got your boyfriends in the car with you?"
"You"re so funny. You"re such a funny little s.h.i.t," Aaron said without a hint of humor. He came around the hood of the car, moving with a menacing swagger. His leather coat hung open, emphasizing the width of his shoulders and chest. "You"re living in quite a fantasy, f.a.ggot, drawing pictures like that one you put on Twitter."
"Yeah, I thought you"d like that," Kyle said.
b.u.t.terflies swarmed in Brittany"s stomach. "Kyle," she said under her breath.
Aaron looked at her as he came forward. "Brittany, get in the car."
Kyle stood his ground with his chin up. "You"ll have to come through me."
"I"m gonna like kicking your a.s.s again," Aaron said with a nasty smile.
"You can"t do it again if you never did it in the first place," Kyle shot back.
Brittany shrieked and jumped back as Aaron charged toward Kyle, his right arm pulled back, bare hand balled into a fist.
Much shorter, Kyle easily ducked the punch and threw one of his own. Aaron"s momentum carried him right into it, and his breath left him in a hard whooosh! as his solar plexus met Kyle"s fist. He dropped straight to his knees on the sidewalk and made a terrible alien sound as he tried to suck in a breath.
Christina screamed, "Aaron!"
One of the back doors of the Lexus opened and Eric Owen started to get out.
Kyle took a defensive stance, hands raised, knees bent, his gaze going from Eric to Aaron, who was already pushing himself to his feet.
"I"m gonna f.u.c.king kill you, Hatcher!" he said, his voice hoa.r.s.e and thready.
Before anything more could happen, a maroon sedan with a flashing light on the dash pulled to the curb behind Aaron"s car, and the big detective, Knutson, got out on the pa.s.senger"s side and came toward them, an authoritative figure in a leather trench coat and a porkpie hat. Kyle"s mother sat behind the wheel of the car but made no move to get out.
"Is there a problem here?" Knutson asked.
Kyle dropped his hands. "No, sir."
Aaron shook his head even as he pressed a hand across his stomach.
The detective gave Aaron a cold look. "Then you"ll get back in your car and move along, won"t you, son? There"s no parking on this street."
Aaron cut Kyle a narrow-eyed, nasty look as he got back in his car. Christina shot Brittany the same look and ran up her window.
Knutson looked at Kyle and Brittany as the Lexus pulled away. "You two kids look like you need a ride somewhere." He hiked a thumb in the direction of the car. "Get in. Let"s go."
39.
Dana Nolan was the happiest, friendliest, most generous, optimistic, talented, well-adjusted, well-loved person in the Twin Cities. To say nothing of beautiful and kind to human beings and small animals.
Kovac spoke to one after another of the young woman"s coworkers. No one had a bad word to say. No one had a story of a jealousy or an office rivalry. She had a sunny smile on the darkest day and never complained about anything, not even driving to work in the dead of winter at three in the morning.
She had been working at the station for nine months, had come to Minneapolis from a small town in Indiana, had aspirations to be a host on the Today show someday. Her relationship with her college sweetheart had ended three months past, not strong enough to hold up long distance. The breakup had been amicable, according to Dana. She lived alone-not counting her cat-because of her odd schedule.
She had many male admirers, but friends only, no one special at the moment. To the best knowledge of her many friends at work, there were no angry exes, no disgruntled would-be lovers.
Like many women in broadcasting, she had her share of weirdos who called, wrote, e-mailed the station wanting to convey their affections, but none of them had threatened anything violent. Station management was more than happy to compile a list of names, addresses, and phone numbers for further investigation.
She had voiced no concerns in the last few days about anyone bothering her or following her. She had been wrapped up in her extra a.s.signment, reporting on the disappearance of Penelope Gray-an a.s.signment she had lobbied hard for. She had been one of the first newscasters to report the story, and she saw the opportunity the extra exposure might provide her. According to Roxanne Volkman-the woman who had taken over that morning"s broadcast when Dana Nolan had failed to show up for work-Dana had expressed a small sense of guilt that reporting on a tragedy might, in the end, be the break that furthered her career.
The irony hung in the air like a foul odor: that her big break had probably attracted the thing that could end her career in tragedy.
Kovac took it all in with a familiar sense of deja vu. Tragedy, loss, fear, grief, disbelief, anger. The cycle repeated itself crime after crime. The emotional undercurrent was essentially the same. Only the faces changed.
He learned as much as he could from the people Dana Nolan worked with. He looked over her messy work cubicle, finding nothing of real interest. Snapshots of family and friends. a.s.sorted trinkets and odd keepsakes. The usual.
When he didn"t think his head could hold any more detail, he took himself outside into the cold surrealist landscape of a television station under the scrutiny of other television stations. Several compet.i.tion news vans sat across the street, recording footage of their brethren"s misfortune.