Kyou kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyou!

Chapter 6

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Wow~! The footnotes!! THE FOOTNOTES!!! My numbers in parentheses went up to 10! This chapter was really heavy on the pop-culture references. And then a couple of those references get repeated/referenced to a few times afterwards. I only footnote them once, though.

Oh, and Hyscliff! I didn"t footnote any of the Mito Koumon stuff because that carries over from novel 2, but in case anyone hasn"t read that novel in forever and/or forgot, basically Yuuri and Conrad pretended to be people from the show "Mito Koumon" while they were in human territory. At this point, you don"t really need to know anything about Mito Koumon because they"re just using the names.

ANYWAY, I"ll shut up now~

Chapter 6

      It was about five months ago.
      Even more inexperienced as the Demon King than now, I, Yuuri s.h.i.+buya, left on a journey to search for the Demon Sword called Morgif. On a s.h.i.+p, I had met Mr. Hyscliff and danced a waltz with his around six year old daughter. In a stroke of bad luck, we were attacked by a pirate s.h.i.+p and before I knew it, I had saved them and had been named the man to whom which they owed their lives. For more details, consult Günter’s diary.
      Despite his appearance, he’s a former Crown Prince of Cavalcade who fell in love with a Hildyard merchant girl, threw away his social status and eloped. So, is he in a hot-blooded romance or not?
      “Ah, to meet in a place like this! It’s been a while, Mr. Mitsuemon! I’ll never be able to repay you for what you… oh? Are you not with your hot-blooded fiancé today? And where is the master fencer, Kakunos.h.i.+n?”
I can’t tell him that we were travelling under fake names. In his mind, Conrad and I are still Mito Koumon and his companion Kakunos.h.i.+n. How can I make an excuse after all this time?
      “Actually I’m surprised, Mr. Hyscliff. Why is a man who’s thrown away everything for his wife in a suspicious place like this?”
      “’Suspicious’ is a bit hars.h.!.+ However, that’s right. Since I have a devoted wife, today I’ve come here on business from far away Miss.h.i.+nai to have a meeting. At any rate, as the son-in-law of the Enuroy family, I cannot allow the ama.s.sed fortune of my father-in-law to be reduced. I have just now arrived here, but I wanted to start negotiations as soon as possible.”
      Son-in-law!? So he’s the son-in-law.
      “But enough about me, how have you been, Mr. Mitsuemon? To relay my grat.i.tude I chased after you all the way to s.h.i.+maron, but there were only balloon-like skins in the room you were confined in. I told them that they were skins you had shed and left behind so there would be no point in confining them, but the s.h.i.+maron soldiers and their superior officer all believed that they would eventually turn back into you. And now I’m meeting your beautiful self here outside of s.h.i.+maron.”
      “… Although unfortunately, I can’t shed my skin.”
      “And who is this adorable young girl?”
      Since he’s the father of a six year old daughter, he sees children differently than I do. It’d be troublesome if he thought I had some sort of little girl fetish, so I told him the truth.
      “This is Greta, my hidden child.”
      I’ve already begun telling this lie. It’s a conditioned reflex.
      “I used the bathroom,” Greta said.
      “That’s right. And you took so long it got late.”
      “I told you, I wasn’t that long!”
      “Oh, what a smart child! Then, I’d like you to understand what I’m about to say. Miss Greta, I’d like to borrow your father. I have a very important issue that I absolutely must have his opinion on.”
      Because I’m freaking out after discovering that Mr. s.h.i.+ny is involved with this shop, I can only come up with the bad excuse of, ‘but I have to get back to the hotel and check in with Con… Kakunos.h.i.+n and children need to get their sleep or they won’t grow.’ However, the ever honest Hyscliff brushed that aside saying that his subordinates would relay the message.
      The employees timidly cut into our conversation.
      “Excuse me, Mr. Hyscliff, but Luis Biron is waiting…”
      While his name sounds like a brand-name rip-off, this man seems to be the owner of this place. In other words, the inexcusable jerk who is Izura and Nina’s boss and is making innocent young teens and preteens work in the s.e.x trade.
      If I’m with Hyscliff, even if I were to give that man a piece of my mind, there would be no danger of being attacked for being rude.   In any case, if I can’t escape right now, the smartest thing would be to go along with my acquaintance as the man who he owes his life to. As I’m coming to that decision, one of his subordinates leaves the store. If he’s going off to report to Conrad, Mitsuemon or Kakunos.h.i.+n won’t be on the lodging register.
      If only he’d quick put his wig back on as soon as his greeting was over, but as we climb the stairs, Greta is completely entranced by his bald head. If she tells me she wants that kind of haircut after we go back to our country, how am I going to convince her otherwise?
      And then there was a gold covered door, the only gorgeous thing around, with a painting of a familiar looking bear-like creature on it. I wonder if that’s supposed to be their mascot character like in pro sports. But for some reason, the face is strangely scary. Kind of like Gizmo when he was up to something. (1)
Luis Biron was a small man that had a face that invited sympathy with a prominent jaw and eyebrows that slanted upwards near his nose. But above all that, with his straight hair parted down the middle, I immediately think of the nickname ‘Kinpachi.’ His morals are completely different, but he looks a lot like Kinpachi from the first season. The next best comparison would be an afghan hound. (2)
      “You seem to be well, Mr. Hyscliff.”
      He steals a glance at me, the newcomer, as he speaks.
      “And you, Mr. Biron, seem to be thriving more and more with your business. Ah, this person is Mr. Mitsuemon, a crepe silk dealer from Echigo. Despite being so young, he’s a cut above the rest and even I have to tip my hat to him. Wanting to have his opinion, I have brought him along to this meeting.”
      This evaluation is too much for this common, baseball brat.
      “A-Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mitsuemon. You don’t have to write the ‘Mitsu’ in katakana and the ‘emon’ in hiragana. I don’t have anything to do with Doraemon.” (3)
      While I’m giving this likely unintelligible introduction, my eyes are drawn to the red object in Mr. Biron’s lap and I stop. He’s petting it with his meticulously manicured nails as he sits on the gorgeous couch.
      A lobster!? That’s a lobster, isn’t it? If it’s red, it’s already been cooked, right?
      Looking around the room again, I see that this man has tons of things in this room that are just so bizarre my general knowledge can’t make sense of them. Even though he’s in his private room in his own shop, he has three bodyguards behind his chair. There’s another in the recesses of the room, standing with a wastebasket on his head as a light shone on him. That one drew Greta’s attention. That’s understandable. Even for me, who’s used to seeing period dramas, seeing this real-life Komusou is really exciting.(4)
      The man was tall and skinny and, if I had to say so, round-shouldered. From what I can see, the sword at his waist is so long I probably wouldn’t have been able to even draw it from its scabbard.
      The portrait on the wall had the same hairstyle as the real person, but its face was on par with an actor. Furthermore, the plate under the frame had a comment written on it along the lines of ‘the world famous Luis Biron and the wholesale home appliance store.’
      My literacy rate is on a steep climb.
      “Getting to the point, Mr. Biron,” Mr. s.h.i.+ny began, not paying attention to me who, because the material in this couch is so soft, didn’t even get s.h.i.+fted as he leaned forward. “I have a reason for calling on you this hour instead of meeting with you tomorrow morning as I would usually do. I wish to go over the business under development immediately. Yes, right now, this night.”
      “I fail to see your point.”
      “If you’re going to play innocent I’ll be blunt. Judging from how much the previous owner loved gambling, it’s clear what methods you used to come into possession of the deed to this district. But, that is in the past and it is pointless to call a person no longer around foolish. However, four months after becoming the district of Biron, the western district has radically changed its image. Many customers lacking character have gathered and tenant disputes are never-ending. That’s not all. As the owner of the southern district, I’ve had one of my own investigate and have found that there is morally bereft business being widely conducted.”
      The veins on Hyscliff’s bare scalp slightly rise. It seems he’s not just spouting off, but is truly angry from the bottom of his heart.
      “I’ve just verified this with my own eyes, but just as my subordinate said, it was a sickening scene. Making even those who are not harlots take on customers and to exploit them without sharing any of the profit! Mr. Biron, I am here to warn you and make a demand. Immediately revise the const.i.tution of your business and come forward with reparations to all of the people you have trodden upon. If you do not, I will make your immoral business known to the Hildyard royalty and you will be arrested!”
      So in other words, in short, that means ‘your business is too evil so stop making minors work?’
      “That was good! I’m moved! You’re great, Mr. Hyscliff from Miss.h.i.+nai!”
      He’s as awesome as Ichiro from Taiwan. (5)
      Kinpachi, or Luis Biron, stops petting the lobster.
      “And here I cancelled my other plans because the head of the Enuroy family was personally coming to meet with me and it turns out to be for having this foolish and hypocritical debate? If that’s all you’re here for, please leave immediately. I’m a very busy man.”
      “Busy? You’re busy deceiving young girls from Svelera where the production of esoteric stones has stopped, cattle cannot be raised and there aren’t even seeds for grain?”
      Mr. Hyscliff turns harsh.
      “What you’re saying is unintelligible-pon.”
      Unintelligible-pon?
      “I haven’t said a single deceptive thing! Would I, the world famous Luis Biron, do something so inhumane? We have properly signed contracts with their guardians and have taken custody of their daughters with mutual consent. I’m simply reaching out a hand to the people in Svelera where there is no work and completely-pon disregarding profit!
      Co-completely-pon?
      “Those contracts should be signed after you teach them to read. We have testimonies from many families in Svelera who claim they did not know the contents of those contracts. If you won’t rethink your att.i.tude, I could just take them straight to the royal government.”
      “Do so, if you wish. I have many acquaintances within the government. If you want, I’d be happy to introduce you to them.”
      The man sitting across from us playing the part of an outrageously evil man has quite literally set my insides to boiling. I grip my kneecaps to resist flipping my switch and yelling at this man because Hyscliff is here with me.
      “If you won’t change your mind after all I’ve said, there’s no choice. I’ll simply have to acquire your deed.”
      “Oh? And under what terms do you plan to do so? I’ve no intention-pon of giving it up even if you pooled together the entire Enuroy family fortune.”
      Is that some kind of speaking habit?
      “If it’s money I can make as much as I want in the future. I won’t be moved by such an ordinary thing.”
      “Well, how about we gamble?”
      Since I’d opened my mouth after being silent the whole time, the two merchants stare at me blankly.
      “What do you mean by that, Mr. Mitsuemon?” Hyscliff asks.
      “I don’t know who you are or where you’re from, Mitsuemon, but this is not a discussion for a young person to intrude upon, Mitsuemon or whoever.”
      Being called Mitsuemon over and over again makes it sound like ‘honwakapappa,’ so stop it. (6) Struggling to sit up from where I had sunk into the sofa, I take my eyes off the lobster and say:
      “It’s a deed you got from a bet anyway, right? Then you can risk it again in another bet.”
      “I see, I figured you were a properly raised boy and as I thought-pon, it seems your thought process is naïve as well. You don’t have any experience with gambling. As long as I don’t want money, I’ll need something of greater value than the production rights in the western district. Can you find something like that so easily? Oh yeah, if you plan on betting the deed to the southern district, I’ll decline your offer now. I don’t need that boring place filled with bathhouses.”
      “Eh, Mr. Hyscliff owns the hot spring paradise? This might be a bad time, but can you do something about those super dangerous bikini thongs?”
      “Oh? But they’re quite popular with the ladies.”
      I guess everyone likes them.
      Just as we had outworn our welcome, some other people enter with nice timing. They draw the gazes of everyone in the room.
      “Oh, it’s your fiancé and Mr. Kakunos.h.i.+-“
      “Yuuri, you jerk!”
      Raising his manicured eyebrows, Wolfram grabs my collar and lifts me up.
      “Running around playing in the red-light district when you have someone like me… how frivolous can you be!?”
      “Ugh, Wolf, I, I can’t, bre-breathe!”
      “Do you have any idea how much Conrart lectured me because of this!?”
      “It couldn’t have been more than three different ways! Seriously!? Pay attention! Stop shaking me! That’s it! I’m gonna suffocate so get off!”
      After pulling his younger brother off of me, Conrad took a look at my light clothing and, without giving me a chance to refuse, wrapped his coat around me. The room wasn’t that chilly, but I was pretty cold.
      “If you catch a cold after coming here to get treated in the hot springs, who knows what Günter will say to me. Honestly, after going out for some gallivanting, where exactly did you lose your coat?”
      “Hey, the one who went out gallivanting with girls first was you, wasn’t it? Even though you have such a nice guy face, are you really called The Great Demon Kingdom’s Emperor of the Night?”
      “I wasn’t going to hang out with girls. I just had something to give to an acquaintance. The child was sleeping soundly, and because I heard some suspicious breathing coming from the next room, I thought it would be impolite to stay and listen to the sounds of you making love so...”
      “We weren’t making anything!”
      That was me doing sit ups. We’re not a couple from fifty years ago so why would we come to a hot spring for our honeymoon. Anyway, please notice. We’re both guys, alright!?
      Everyone in the room was dumbfounded, but Greta was watching the Komusou. Mr. s.h.i.+ny reluctantly interjects into our conversation.
      “Uh, Mr. Mitsuemon? Mr. Kakunos.h.i.+n? Who are Yuuri and Conrart..?”
      “Oh sorry, sorry. That’s me. I’m the crepe silk dealer from Echigo, Mitsuemon, with the pen name, Yuuri.”
      “Your pen has a name?” (7)
      Pretty boy, I’m not sure if you’re out of sorts, you were trying to make a joke, or if you’re just an airhead.
      “Anyway, I’m glad you’re safe. We were looking everywhere. Did you protect him, Greta?”
      When Conrad puts on his nice-guy smile and places his hands on Greta’s shoulders, her face lit up as she looked up at the tall adult. So this is how you’re supposed to touch girls. As a new daddy, this is a very important lesson.
      And, it was only for a second, but Conrad’s gaze focused on the corner of the room.
      The komusou swayed forward.
      In the next moment, the man swiftly crossed the room with one, shuffling step and drew his ridiculously long sword and brandished it. Arching his back, he points the tip of the blade in his hand at his prey.
      The person he’s announcing he’s going for a homerun with is… me!?
      “..!”
      I can’t even speak.
      I can only duck down.
      After reflexively closing them, I open my eyes again at the loud sound of metal clanging. The impact sends a shockwave through the air and it hits my cheek along with some sparks. My sungla.s.ses fly off and the room suddenly brightens. That’s right. This isn’t the time to be closing my eyes. I won’t even be able to dodge like that.
      Wondering why I’m staring at a light blue surface, I realize it’s because all I can see is Conrad’s back. Because I was standing there like an idiot, Wolfram roughly pulls me away.
      “Did you get cut!?
      “… uh…”
      “Okay, you’re fine.”
      Without even being able to give a proper answer, I could only stand behind him like a doll. Hyscliff picks up the petrified Greta.
      No matter the master swordsman, in order to receive an attack from above from a longsword, you have to put a blade edge horizontally in front of your face and support it with your left hand. Immediately, blood wells up there. The komusou momentarily withdraws and pretending he’s seizing the opportunity, aims for Conrad’s shoulder. Since he moved out of the way with so little time to spare, I’m not even sure if he’s dodging it well. Most likely, only the partic.i.p.ants can understand how well their attacks are going.
      I tried to call out his name, but my voice still wasn’t coming out.
      But that was probably for the best. It could cost him his life to have his concentration broken.
      Even though I’m five steps away, I can feel the tension between the two so clearly it hurts. They’re crossing blades at a speed that an amateur can’t keep up with. When Conrad somehow lost his balance and managed to hold his ground, I shamefully swayed on my feet and had to lean my body against the wall.
      My entire body was shaking. No matter what I told myself, I couldn’t stop shaking. My teeth wouldn’t come together, my eyes were bloodshot, and I felt a cold sweat on my cheeks and back.
      In just a few days, I’d had my life targeted twice, but the fear I felt now was nothing like the first time.
      When that man came at me, I felt his overwhelming intent to kill and despaired.
      I’m gonna die, I thought. For the first time in my life, I thought I was going to be killed. There was nothing else in my life that I could compare it to.
      Some cold part of me outside of my emotions watched the swordplay as if it was happening on the other side of a gla.s.s wall. Against a brave enemy flamboyantly waving his sword around, Conrad kept his movements to the bare minimum. As he drew his sword in a calculated silver stream, I couldn’t help but think it was miraculous.
      Before I knew it, all the men in the room had their hands on their sword hilts. Biron’s three bodyguards are all definitely targeting us. Hyscliff’s subordinate moves to stand in front of him, but the former Crown Prince who is peerless only with his smile simply laughed and pushed him aside, taking a step forward.
      “Yuuri!”
      “… huh?”
      Wolfram, his back to me, spoke to me over his shoulder in a small but strong voice. When did Greta cling to my knees?
      “When it starts, look for an opening and get out. Don’t worry about your ankle and just run to the hotel. Lock the door. Don’t let anyone in. Take the kid and go.”
      “Ah, yeah.”
      My voice finally came back to me.
      “Just in case… unsheathe your blade.”
      “Blade? …. But, just flowers come out of this.”
      “Idiot, twist the grip! Why do you think that’s called Windpipe No. 1? Because it’s slit the windpipes of so many people!”
      Okay, now I’m kind of scared to hold this thing.
      With a sound like a futon being thrown out, the battle comes to an end.
      “Conrad!”
      The man who tried to kill me is lying face up on the floor. The description "lump of flesh that resembles a body" is appropriate here.
      “… Is he… dead?”
      “No, not yet. Don’t get close.”
      The komusou hat that was on his head was neatly cut in half. The man’s face is clearly exposed. His left eye is sealed shut by inflamed skin and there are burns on his cheek and nose that have been negligently treated. He’s breathing shallowly, but it seems like his breath may stop at any second. There is a vast amount of red blood gus.h.i.+ng out from his stomach. When I think that Conrad’s sword made that injury, my knees start to shake and I want to run away.
      “This…”
      “He’s probably been tortured. Yuuri, stay back! He’s still alive and he’s quite skilled with magic. It’s not unthinkable that he’ll use the last bit of his strength to attack you!”
      “I, I get it. I get it.”
      After that strong warning I step back. There’s blood flowing from Conrad’s left arm and the side of his temple.
      “Conrad, your arm.”
      “It’s fine, it hasn’t been severed-”
      “Hube!”
      Throwing me off, Greta dashes towards the man. Before I can even tell her it’s dangerous, she’s on her knees and shaking the seriously injured man.
      “Hube, are you going to die!? Hey, are you going to die!?”
      “Greta stop, that man tried to kill... Did you say Hube!?”
      Hearing this name we’ve heard over and over again in the recent past, both Wolfram and I are taken aback. If you’re talking about Hube, that means Lord Gegenhuber Grisela. The husband of the bride Nicola who is going to give birth to the successor of the Grisela family in The Great Demon Kingdom, and through his mother, a cousin of Gwendal von Voltaire’s. I’ve heard they look similar. This man who went missing in Svelera shouldn’t be here in another country’s resort town. But even so, how does he know my hidden child? As a father, that’s very troubling.
      “Hube is, I can’t tell… if he looks like Gwen or not…”
      Even if Wolfram and I peer at him, we couldn’t tell what he originally looked like. Half of his face is burned.
      The child takes a large coin out of her breast pocket and is trying to press it into the hand of the dying man.
      “Hey Hube, I’m giving it back. I’m giving it back so don’t die.”
      “Greta, ignoring why you know Hube’s name, I think you might be mistaken.”
      “No… that’s Gegenhuber,” Conrad murmurs bitterly while holding a finger to the flowing blood on his brow. His voice was a monotone as if he was just confirming for himself and not anyone else.

      “I knew it as soon as we crossed swords. He is Gegenhuber. I don’t know why he’s here though.”
      “Hey wait, so you knew he was Hube and you cut him down anyway!? He’s a demon, and not only that, but someone you know. You almost killed him without going easy on him at all!?”
      “If I’d gone easy on him… I’d have ended up like that.”
      “Huh?”
      Greta very patiently continued to press the coin into the casualty’s hand while speaking to him.
      “You know, I did what you said, but the king wasn’t a woman. But since Yuuri’s a really good person, he said I was his hidden child without even showing him the seal. So, I’m giving it back to you! I’m giving it back so please don’t die.”
      “That’s the insignia,” Wolfram murmured, holding my elbow in place of the second brother who had to stop his bleeding.
      “That’s probably the insignia pa.s.sed down through the Grisela family. If you had something like that, the soldiers would definitely let you pa.s.s without question.”
      “So, that means he really is Gegenhuber Grisela? Then why did he try to kill me?”
      Did he hate me even though we never met?
      “Uhahahahaa!”
      The villainous merchant Luis Biron pointed at me with a laugh that if you gave a survey to a bunch of girls, 8 or 9 out of ten would rate as unpleasant.
      “I don’t need money or women.”
      “… What, then you want to just be a little taller?”
      “I know what I want you to bet now. If I can win Mr. Mitsuemon, I’d gladly bet the deed to the western district.”
      Why me? (8**) I haven’t even revealed since coming in this room that I’m the Demon King. Then why is Biron pointing at me and laughing with a collector’s expression?
      “Ah!”
      I finally realize that my vision is clear and naturally colored and hurriedly pick up my sungla.s.ses from the floor. It’s too late since the merchant has arbitrarily decided my value.
      “Two people with black eyes and black hair never appear in the same world. And it’s said that if you boil their bodies and extract the essence and drink it, you’ll gain perpetual youth and be cured of any illness.”
      Hey now, am I being treated like a Chinese herbal medicine!? If you want my leftover bathwater, I’d gladly pump it out for you any time.
      “There are many people around the world who want a Twin Black! Among them are n.o.bles who would gladly give up an island or two. They would never be able to stay quiet if I brought a rare beast like that in front of them.”
      “You’re treating me like a rare beast!?”
      “I’ve decided, Mr. Hyscliff! If you’re willing to bet this living treasure, I’ll put forward my deed. This can all be quickly-pon resolved.”
      Uuugh and now I’m being called a treasure. It would be cool if you want to call me the MVP of such-and-such like Ichiro, but when you say ‘treasure’ in a hot spring town, the only thing I think of is an adult treasure house. (9)
      Even after looking at my black eyes, Mr. s.h.i.+ny didn’t seem tempted by the villainous merchant’s offer.
      “To be strung along by some baseless folklore and look at such a splendid person as a prize to be won in a bet! You are a shameless person, Luis Biron!”
      “I see.”
      Biron abruptly stood and moved around the table, walking toward us. That fidgety walk makes him seem even more like Kinpachi.
      “And even after I proposed from my side, it seems you’re not prepared to accept. In that case, I’ll completely-pon forget everything that happened here and pretend we never had this meeting. But still, this man, who suddenly showed up and said he wanted work and I hired as a bodyguard, far from protecting me has went and done something completely unnecessary.”
      He kicked the motionless Gegenhuber in the head with his s.h.i.+ny leather shoes. Greta gives a little shout and raises her head. Even I unconsciously raise my voice.
      “Stop it!”
      Evil Kinpachi narrows his eyes.
      “Oh, so you’re protecting him. It seems you know him. Mr. Hyscliff has some interesting friends if one of their acquaintances tried to kill them. Hey you, get rid of this unpleasant sight.”
      “Hah!”
      “Hah!”
      “Ho!”
      With superb responses that sounded like they were about to go cut down some trees, the three bodyguards lifted up Hube’s body. His exhausted body is dragged limply across the floor.
      “… Wait.”
      Without listening to my words, they’re about to throw him out the door.
      “I said wait, didn’t I!? Don’t carry him around like that! He’s still a living human! Well no, he might not be a human, but he’s not a futon or a clay pipe or anything you know!?”
      Greta is banging on my thigh begging me to make them stop. There is no father who can remain composed when their young daughter is brought to tears. Even if that wasn’t the case, Gegenhuber is the husband of Nicola that we needed to find.
      “And anyway you treat your employees too horribly! And you have the nerve to have that third year, cla.s.s B hair cut, Biron or Melon or whatever your name is. If I was stuck in cla.s.s B for three years, I’d switch homerooms without pity! Forget that, locking Izura and Nina in a stuffed animal room and hitting them and letting them catch colds is pathetic. That’s clear mistreatment. Are you properly thinking of their paid vacations or work-related injuries or insurance!? If you can’t think of welfare programs then you should quit being an entrepreneur!”
      “No Mr. Mitsuemon, making young girls into prost.i.tutes is the more pressing ethical problem rather than a lack of welfare programs…” Mr. s.h.i.+ny sharply points out to me as I stupidly ramble.
      “Ah that’s right! The rights agreements on the children. UNICEF won’t just stand by while you do such inhumane things! Actually, is there not a UNICEF in this world?”
      Conrad places a hand on my left shoulder to calm me down. Biron raises his chin in a sneer and picks up the lobster he had thrown aside. Why a lobster..?
      “I’ve said this before, but I own the right to do business here.  I’m doing business with my money. Making children work is wrong? Their parents took the deposit and have already used it.”
      In these 16 years I’ve lived, I’ve suffered my fair share of losses. They’ve all been due to my short temper. Even quitting baseball which had been a large part of my life was due to me losing my temper and punching the coach. A short temper is a weakness so I’ve never profited in any way from being so volatile.
      However, my bad habit has dragged my middle cla.s.s sense of justice from deep within me right up to my throat.
      “I thoooroughly understand. If there’s no UNICEF in this world and there’s no Tetsuko Kuroyanagi in Hildyard, then I’ll be Tetsuko! I’ll invite her to this very room!” (10)
      My companions next to and behind me sigh as if they were thinking it would turn out like this. While my face is mad, but I’m apologetic inside, I point at Biron with his parted, Kinpachi hair.
      “Luis Biron! I accept your gamble with the deed and I as wager! However, your opponent isn’t Hyscliff! You’re challenging Yuuri s.h.i.+buya of The Great Demon Kingdom!”
      Slightly panicked, Mr. s.h.i.+ny asks ‘Mr. Mitsuemon?’ with the end raising an octave. Kind of like he’s wondering ‘what is this demon saying?’
      After a few moments, Biron laughs impressively and then suddenly stops.
      “How amusing! You’re putting your own self down as a wager? Fine, the world famous Luis Biron accepts your challenge. Now then, you should prepare yourselves. There’s a once in a decade event coming up! We shall bet on the Rare Beast Race!”
      Rare Beast Race!?
      Everyone present exclaims the same thing.

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Holy c.r.a.p. It’s like this chapter was exacting revenge for me only having one footnote last chapter o.o

(1)    Honestly, I didn’t know if I needed to footnote this, but I’m not sure how popular this movie is abroad (and it’s kind of an old movie too XD). He’s talking about the little furry creature from the movie Gremlins.
(2)    Reference to Sannen B-gumi Kinpachi Sensei (Teacher Kinpachi from Year 3 Cla.s.s B), a super long-running television show in j.a.pan (1979-2011) about a teacher named Kinpachi Sakamoto and his experiences teaching in middle school. The show dealt with social issues in j.a.pan in the context of a middle school environment like bullying, suicide, teenage pregnancy etc. Here’s a pic from the time period Yuuri’s thinking about ([Pic here])
(3)    Doraemon is a kid’s manga/show about a robot cat from the future of the same name. As implied in this sentence, Doraemon is written with the ‘dora’ in katakana and the ‘emon’ in hiragana. Hiragana and katakana being the two phonetic writing systems in j.a.panese. It’s very unusual to mix those two together in the same word.
(4)    Komusou were Zen Buddhist monks who wore straw baskets on their heads as a way to convey that they had no ego. Komusou actually means something along the lines of ‘monk of nothingness.’ They meditated by playing a shakuhachi, which is a bamboo flute, and they would wander around on pilgrimages with the baskets on their heads playing music. Because they were such a common sight and were given (the extremely rare) free rein to wander as they wished, samurai and ninja would disguise themselves as komusou for various reasons.
(5)    Baseball reference! Are you surprised? XD ‘Ichiro from Taiwan’ was the nickname for Luis Manuel de los Santos Martinez (or just Luis Santos in j.a.pan) who used to be in the Yomiuri Giants. He was called that because he was playing for a team in Taiwan before he got recruited into the Giants.
(6)    This is a Doraemon joke. The Doraemon theme song has a line that goes ‘Doraemon, Doraemon, honwakapappa, honwakapappa, doraemon.’ It’s a made up word. One theory is that it’s a compilation of ‘honwaka’ (comfy) and ‘pappato’ (quickly).
(7)    Jokes again! Okay, so the j.a.panese version is dirtier XD Anyway, Yuuri says ‘mata no na wo Yuuri’ (my other name is Yuuri) and then Wolfram asks ‘Omae wa mata ni namae ga aru no ka?’ (your crotch has a name?). The joke here being that ‘mata’ can mean ‘other/another/again’ or ‘crotch’ depending on how it’s written/used.
(8)    I had to take out two sentences here because there was a joke that I just couldn’t translate or think of a corresponding English one. Yuuri says ‘Nande, ore o?’ (Why me?). And then because the ‘me’ here is ‘ore o’ in j.a.panese, he starts talking about oreo cookies. SO, the translation of that paragraph actually goes as follows:
      “Why me? If you’re talking about oreos, they’re a major snack with a pleasing contrast of black and white that you can enjoy three times with just one cookie. But even so, while this may be offensive to the inventor of oreos, they shouldn’t be put on the same level as the deed to a business district. I haven’t even revealed since coming in this room that I’m the Demon King…”
(9)    Yuuri is referring to the Atami Treasure House (Atami Hihoukan). Umm, it’s a museum that is kind of like a Ripley’s Believe it or Not but with weird s.e.x stuff.
(10)Tetsuko Kuroyanagi is a Goodwill Amba.s.sador for UNICEF. She was the first person from Asia to be made a Goodwill Amba.s.sador and is super famous for her charity work.

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