Kyou kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyou!

A new dawn has arrived.

I mean yesterday’s dawn.

“Then does it still count as new?”

Josak, who’s swinging his arms together with me, interrupts from my side.

I’m sitting cross-kegged on the narrow lifeboat, happily stretching my arms and looking up into the sky. The sky above me is dusted with a thin veil of clouds, the sun playing peekaboo from between them—the weather has been like this since morning. Something worth being grateful for, is that now isn’t the time when the sun beats down on us from above, if we were hit directly by that kind of sun, we’d probably be long since dehydrated.

As for why—There’s no water onboard.

We’re drifting on a world of water called the ‘sea’, but there’s no fresh water that can wet our throats and sustain life within reach, and there isn’t any food either. If it was just a couple days, we can still handle it. For that, I have to be grateful that I usually get enough food, and I have quite a bit of meat on my stomach and thighs. For that, I have to grateful that this is a time of ample food, and be grateful for my muscles too.

To show grat.i.tude to the muscles on me, I have to give them the appropriate stimuli regularly. It doesn’t matter if I’m currently in a narrow place where I can’t stand up whenever I want. If we don’t exercise more while we can move, our blood vessels will get obstructed and produce lactic acid. I want to at least move my upper body a bit, so I very diligently do radio aerobics[1], and recently I’ve even invented a sit-down version of the exercise on my own.

“It’s very important to do relaxing or stretching exercises, you know! It can also prevent us finally getting to go on holiday abroad, only to get economy cla.s.s syndrome[2].”

The only one amongst us who has experienced air travel, Lord Weller, corrects me half-heartedly,

“You’re talking about a plane, but we’re on a boat now.”

“It’s basically the same, sheesh.”

My tone is so bad even I think it’s not very nice of me. Maybe it’s because he noticed the weird atmosphere between us? Saralegui creases his neat brows, saying,

“What is that weird exercise? Is it a mazoku habit? Waving your limbs like a monkey, how fascinating.”

“These are radio aerobics, you know. It’s normal if you’ve never seen it. In order to live an active and effective life, I do these every morning during my summer break!”

“Is that so—Then are those ‘Actie’ and ‘Effectie’ husband and wife?”

That, I don’t know.

“Yuuri, are you feeling uncomfortable? Are you seasick but pretending to be okay?”

“I’m fine, and I don’t feel uncomfortable anywhere, my body feels perfectly fine!”

“But why don’t I think so? Ah! Turns out you’re like me, whenever you’re in the sun or the sea breeze, the skin on your face and fingers get really dry.”

“Mmph!”

He leans over to caress my face, a hint of sadness in his eyes behind those pale-colored lenses.

“No wonder, we haven’t soaked in a bath for almost two days, there’s not even a chance for us to wash off the salt on our bodies with plain water. Ah~ how I wish I could soak in hot water full of medicinal properties, to let the warm steam open up my pores, and get rid of all the old filth. Yuuri thinks the same, right? Otherwise your skin will be just like that fake woman over there! No way, that’d be too much of a waste.”

“What did you say, hah?”

I see the muscles in Josak’s face twitching. Although doing so now is a bit weird, I still hastily squeeze in between the spy and the king from another country.

“B-but I was always a baseball boy that likes being in the sun, and loves outdoor activities, so this degree of sun is nothing! Don’t need to feel sorry for me, really. Gurrier has been stressed out a lot too, right? Because I’m just too useless, so you have to spend your mind and energy to take care of me, I’m so sorry.”

Lord Weller, with his arms on his knees supporting his chin, looks out into the waves with an expression of apathy. And the few Shou s.h.i.+maron crewmen stop their rowing actions to keep glancing our way. Since they’re already bone-dead exhausted, if they heard such a stupid conversation, they’d surely feel uneasy.

“Ah~ Sorry, let’s switch! I’ll go over there right now.”

When I move along the narrow boat with my waist bent low, Josak shrugs helplessly and follows me without a word. Although I volunteered to join the rowing team, but after four rounds even he’s run out of things to say.

The Shou s.h.i.+maron king Saralegui and his cargo s.h.i.+p crewmen, and the king’s guard Lord Weller, add that to Josak and I, and that makes the twelve of squeezed into this cramped lifeboat, drifting on the sea for an entire day. Yesterday evening when we escaped from the cargo s.h.i.+p, the land looked like it was just ahead. But once we really boarded a small boat without a sail, and move forward with only the power of a few people rowing, we finally realize that the distance hasn’t been shortening at all. Although we can see the brown land with our naked eyes, but the direction of the waves is the opposite of our rowing.

“But Sara, I know you really like baths, but can’t you have a bit of a sense of danger? Hey—your Majesty the King, do you know the current situation? We’re basically in a wreck!”

“Is that so—”

Saralegui hugs his cheeks with his palms, replying in the tone of someone unaware of the seriousness of the situation.

But the mastermind who lied to them that the cargo s.h.i.+p has a problem, and forced them into this situation, is yours truly.

In my sixteen years of life being unpopular with the ladies, forget being chased, I haven’t even experienced someone coming up to me of their own accord. Right now, though, because of my absurd lies, this group of men physically better than me by several times are drifting with me on foreign waters.

“Eh~ And we can already see the land, too.”

“Young Master, do you want to help row? Or will you just leave it to me? Can I please ask you to make a decision?”

“I’ll row, I’ll row, of course I’ll row. Although every time I row I might just be using the power of three swings.”

The pale brown land can only be seen the split second when the boat is lifted high by a wave, but at least we’re not drifting in the dead center of the Pacific, and our target is very obvious. I cheer myself up that way, and continue holding the wooden oars covered with splinters.

The orange-haired spy beside me blows a ‘hua-hua-puu—hua-hua-puu’ whistle as he deftly handles the oars. This rhythm seems sort of familiar. His pride-- those biceps, are also peeking out from underneath his rolled-up chef’s outfit. Doesn’t he feel cold? Even though I haven’t rolled up my sleeves, I feel cold, instead.

“How cold… If we go on like this, it’ll be even worse when the sun sets… Mn?”

I just happen to look around the ocean surface, and notice a white object surfacing from the waves, so I rub my eyes, which I can barely open in the sea breeze, and blurrily see someone’s arm.

Arm…? I let go of the oars and rub my eyes again to look closely. Using my 2.0 vision to carefully determine it, it really looks like a human arm, or I should say it simply is a human arm.

“Waa! This is bad, bad! Conrad, your arm, is your arm still there!?”

“It’s still here, Your Majesty?”

Before suspecting why there would be a human arm in the middle of the sea, I worry first about Lord Weller’s left arm, and he replies honestly too. Now isn’t the time to feel awkward.

“A-arm, arm, arm, arm, there’s an arm there!”

I use the exaggerated reaction of someone in a two-hour long detective series, pointing at the white thing, and by now the Shou s.h.i.+maron crewmen have started fidgeting as well. The base underneath that slender long forearm doesn’t seem to be affected by the waves, staying where it is without budging. Is this a horror film in the middle of the sea? Or a lonely water ballet solo!?

“Save them, first we must save them!”

Josak, a few of the crewmen and I grab the oars and start rowing desperately, the boat quickly dashes up to the arm, until we can clearly see that pale palm, but there aren’t any life lines on it.

“Should we say, ‘Hang in there, I’m coming to save you!’?”

“I don’t know… Ah, Young Master, really!”

“Waa!”

I shut my eyes tightly despite myself. The cold and bloated skin, feels like rubber to the touch, completely unlike a live human arm.

“It’s not a floating corpse, is it?”

“M-maybe. Eeeek—It feels, a little, disgusting—”

I don’t know what kind of funerals seamen have, but if you want me to let go of a hand I held and ignore it, I can’t do that either. Although I’m a little scared thinking of what may be under that arm, I still resist the terror and pull that arm.

That heavy and white arm gets closer and closer to the boat, Josak leans out to try and give me a hand, while some kind crewmen also try to observe what’s in the water from the side. Just as I’m about to exert more force and pull them up—

I make a very embarra.s.sing scream, and try to let go of that right hand.

“What’s the matter!?”

“He’s grabbing me! This guy grabbed my hand… Waa!”

In that moment I am almost completely pulled into the sea, and I hastily grab the side of the lifeboat. Josak also hugs my waist in time, preventing me from being pulled under.

“Yuuri!”

Conrad yells in a nervous voice completely unlike him, and just as he’s running over here, the lifeboat starts swaying from side to side. In spite of myself, the ‘do not run on the boat’ warning flashes into my mind.

“No way, sheesh, it’s not working! Don’t hold my pants, hold my legs! Hold my legs tightly! Waa—my pants are gonna come off, my pants are gonna come off! I’m not a male stripper!”

“I know, ‘stripping’ is Gurrier’s job!”

“Your Majesty, please calm down. Those guys mean well.”

A warm hand touches my back, like comforting a child—it’s a familiar touch to me.

“Those guys?”

I’m pulled by a strong force until my entire face is almost plastered to the ocean surface, and I finally see the countless creatures in the water. A school of fish the size of tuna with sparkling silver scales, are fanning past the blue water and swimming, carefree.

By swimming, I mean swimming with their deft limbs.

“Fish have arms and legs…”

“Maidmer princesses.”

The owner of the arm lets go of my hand and jumps out of the water, the violent leap splas.h.i.+ng water into the boat. He has a pair of legs too, no, judging from the white and soft legs, that was probably a ‘she’.

“But those guys with a lot of leg hair, are they male maidmer princesses?”

“No, they’re manmer lords. Their people need a long time to grow limbs, and then they change from fish-shaped to humanoid.”

“That should count as an evolution, right? Speaking of which, last time I carried one in the s.h.i.+n Makoku sewers, huh? Or should I say it was a maidmer princess.”

Back then I thought she was Murata.

“Oh~ If that’s the case…”

The maidmer princesses and manmer lords wave their hands in the blue and clear water, and caught within the current that they created, the lifeboat is already moving towards the land at a fairly smooth speed.

“They must be here to repay Your Highness’ kindness.

“…Don’t call me Your Majesty”

I suddenly regain my sanity, and say so as I move my gaze to somewhere else, I’m scared to look at his face.

My wet fringe is plastered tightly to my forehead, making me uncomfortable, so I simply push it upwards, and the seawater that drips down has a piercing smell of the sea.

“Your ‘Your Majesty’ isn’t me, right.”

My voice has suddenly become very stiff, and Lord Weller’s curt answer is as cold as ice.

“I apologize… in my haste I didn’t notice.”

After saying that, he turns and returns to Saralegui’s side. Josak mutters with his mouth slanted sideways, his tone and voice full of contempt,

“What a bother~ Such a draggy man, my Young Master is a lot manlier than you.”

How am I manly?

“Don’t make me laugh!”

If my will was strong enough, no matter what others call me, I should be able to reply with a laugh, right? It’s exactly because I’m narrowed-hearted that I reacted that way, if I knew how to think for others, then I wouldn’t be blowing off on any little thing.

I put all my strength into waving my arms, offering my grat.i.tude to the maidmer princesses and the manmer lords. This time they will definitely send us to Seisakoku!

There’s nowhere better to take a foreign lady in a kimono with what looks like koi embroidery out for a walk than the Narita Airport in the late night.

Anyway, no one will report the police here. And clueless foreigners are just like those j.a.panese tourists with gla.s.ses and a camera hanging around their necks, not rare in the slightest.

“In other words, isn’t that super rare!?”

Even the comedy couples from Yos.h.i.+moto Kogyo[3] don’t wear such extravagant kimonos anymore.

s.h.i.+buya Shouri pushes his gla.s.ses up his nose, telling everyone they meet,

“Not me! I’m not this woman’s partner!”

But in the midnight airport after a typhoon, no one bothers with him at all. That sense of emptiness leaves him feeling horrible.

As for the clueless lady who’s putting on a show of walking beside him, whenever she brushes against any pedestrian, she will fold her palms together and bow.

“Are you a spy sent here by the Shaolin Temple?”

“What—are you saying--? The j.a.panese are all very polite. The way of GAY[4] is the way of the geisha, which is to ‘begin with a bow and end with a bow’, right?”

Shouri, with the future of Tokyo on his shoulders, looks skywards and heaves a sigh. Why do they spread such misconceptions about j.a.pan? Quentin Tarantino has to bear responsibility for this!

“Wait a sec, Graves, don’t talk to strangers with that weird j.a.panese of yours! It’ll only make them more troubled.”

“OH—j.a.panese people shouldn’t be so cold. And Shouri, don’t call me Graves, please call me Abby, Abby. NO NO NO NO NO, LOOK ME, LOOK MY MOUSE. A-bby, please say A-bby.”

“This isn’t the Wicky[5] era anymore!”

The American sitting in the VIP lounge, Abigail Graves in her unique kimono, has stuck with him like glue ever since she found out Shouri is Bob’s friend. Shouri tried to contact Bob with his phone, but it’s as though Bob was sealed in a heavy lead box, because there’s no response at all. Just when he’s thinking that all he can do now is lead her near a taxi, forcefully send her to Narita Airport, and was planning on walking straight to the exit—

Abigail continuously holds back the people pa.s.sing by, and then keeps on greeting them in her imperfect j.a.panese. Hearing her j.a.panese mixed with 10% vulgar content, Shouri finally loses it and yells,

“Speak in Englis.h.!.+ This is really embarra.s.sing!”

As a result Abigail suddenly says in a teaching material tone,

“I don’t wanna, your English is like the Teletubbies.”

“The Teletubbies can’t talk, and compared to your half-a.s.sed j.a.panese that’s much… Whoa!”

Bob is finally replying, and Shouri picks up his phone enthusiastically.

“Bob, what’s going on here? Why is your guest here? If this wasn’t an astronomical coincidence, causing me to b.u.mp into her, this koi might have waited for you in the airport lounge until she turned to stone!”

‘You’re exaggerating, JUNIOR.’

Shouri tsks in dissatisfaction, indicating to Bob not to call him that.

‘I’m waiting for Rodriguez, but he’s not here yet.’

“I don’t care if you’re waiting for Rodriguez or Madriros, I’m telling you to talk to her!”

Abigail Graves widens her eyes and stares at him for a while, then accept the phone Shouri hands her. And then her voice suddenly goes higher—

“OH—Bapu!”

“Not Bapu, why is it Bapu!”

Standing beside someone speaking their mother tongue at four times the seed, the elite student who successfully pa.s.sed the English proficiency test is dying. Maybe it’s because her speaking speed is naturally especially fast, so he can only understand a few nouns he recognizes. She’s not arguing it out with Bob, but instead she chats for several minutes in an intimate tone. Before returning the phone to Shouri, she even laughs out loudly at something Bob said.

“You and the driver, who’s coming to pick her up?”

‘That’s impossible, s.h.i.+buya.’

Bob’s next suggestion is far beyond his imagination.

“You want me—to be her host!?

Shouri repeats in a tone of disbelief, “You want me—to host this woman?” His brows even droop into a figure eight (八).

‘That’s right, Shouri. Abby is my guest, but you know, because of your little brother’s emergency situation, I forgot that she arrives in j.a.pan today. So sorry, but before Ken goes to where you are, can you please help me host her? Isn’t receiving visitors the basic ability of the j.a.panese working cla.s.s?”

“Stop joking, Bob! It’s against electoral law for the governor to host or be hosted by anybody! And even if that’s not the case, I don’t want to have anything to do with a fake geisha who’s like a B-grade movie actress! Besides, if I take her around, what’ll happen if anyone mistakes us for lovers!? The h.e.l.l I’m doing this! And even more besides, how old is this fella? For all I know she’s just a high school student[6]! Even if it’s not so bad, she’s still a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, right? I don’t want to break Tokyo laws!”

‘Aren’t you a citizen of the Saitama prefecture?’

The Maou of the financial world calmly corrects the older s.h.i.+buya brother, who’s screaming until his voice is hoa.r.s.e.

“N-no matter what it won’t work, I still want to go the Niagara Falls in a moment. And I don’t have the money to deal with an heiress who can go around the world while still a high school student… Ah!”

The call was cut, and no matter how he dialed it wouldn’t go through. The image of a man in sungla.s.ses cackling on the other end of the phone immediately floats into his mind. He must feel like he’s managed to get a hot iron off his hands.

“Hey, Graves, let me just make this clear to you!”

Having no choice but to keep his phone into his pocket, s.h.i.+buya Shouri once again turns around to face Abigail. Although from her point of view this trip has been unfortunate from the start, but right now all he can do is ask her to tour Tokyo on her own.

“I don’t have the sweet time to bring you around, because my brother’s matter is more important. After you go back to your country, you can bring your boyfriend to TDL (Tokyo Disney Land), USJ (Universal Studios j.a.pan), or Edo Wonderland. Remember to take a picture with Nyanmage, okay? Americans who always put their family first would agree, right?”

“NONO, there aren’t Nyanmages in Boston. What happened to your brother, by the way?”

“That has nothing to do with you, but due to certain reasons I have to get to Niagara and make it flow backwards. As for you, just find a hotel nearby for the night! As long as you bring out Bob’s name you should be able to book a room.”

The phone in his front pocket, suddenly starts vibrating, and the blue light on it flickers non-stop—There’s a mail from the service provider’s inbox coming this way.

Subject: Seen the BBS

Abigail looks at the plasma screen, reading out the words on it loudly,

“See, BBS… Bong! Ow, that hurt!”

“Don’t just read the words you know!”

I’ve seen your message, Niagara doesn’t seem too possible… But why would you want to make it flow backwards? Are you planning some ultimate magic to do with water? Seems like Paint-and-Build s.e.x Toy’s interests are pretty vast, huh—But right now I’m not talking about the waterfall, I’m talking about the UMA (Unidentified Mysterious Animal) that’s been sighted a lot recently in the Swiss Bodensee[7], that may be an omen that the Alps are going to erupt. (Because the Alps aren’t volcanoes, lol) I wonder, can this count as a type of miscellaneous study?

“Hey, hey! I’m looking for an impact as big as a nuclear explosion, not some Bossy[8] or M’Boma[9]!”

But the one watching his every move isn’t the media, it’s Abigail.

“There’s something weird with Bodensee? c.r.a.p, since you mentioned Bodensee, I can’t stay out of this any longer. I have to report this to Mummy! But why would the j.a.panese find out about Bodensee so quickly?”

“You just keep saying ‘Boden, Boden’, were you sent here by the ice-cream company[10]? What’s the matter, Graves, don’t tell me you got a mansion there too?”

“Nah, Mummy said something super scary is sleeping in that lake. Right, and of course I don’t mean a hibernating giraffe.”

Once the topic gets serious, she switches to her mother tongue, but only at twice the speed, so it’s easier to understand.

“I don’t know if it’s real or not, but I heard that if the seal is broken, it will cause serious damage to the world, so it seems to be a super scary thing. Old pal, that’s all I know.”

Abigail beckons to Shouri, bringing her lips to his ear,

“In World War II, the n.a.z.is once coveted that power too! I heard that back then, to prevent it from falling into those guys’ hands, my great grandmother sank it to the bottom of Bodensee.”

“What kind of a person was your great grandmother?”

“Oh, dear!”

Abigail Graves ignores the fact that she’s wearing a kimono, opening her legs wide, bending one knee slightly, raising her right hand into the sky, while her empty left hand is put on her waist. Suddenly it’s a nostalgic, perfect Travolta pose.

“We Graves are generations of treasure hunters, you know!”

But Shouri’s head is full of ‘even the n.a.z.is coveted that power’, not caring at all about what treasure hunters. Compared to making the world’s number one waterfall flow backwards, wouldn’t that power be more likely to fulfill his wish?

Switzerland, huh… Then he must immediately cancel the waiting list seat, and change it to Europe. Wait a second, what is the common language in Switzerland? Can he communicate even without using English? And their currency isn’t a Mark or a Franc, but a Euro, huh? One Euro equals to how many j.a.panese yen, he doesn’t know … But Shouri does know that one Yuuri equals to one younger brother[11].

Abigail continues talking to Shouri, whose head is already full of the European plan,

“PS. I’m a cheerleader and a treasure hunter!”

PPS. ‘Paint-and-Build s.e.x Toy’ is Shouri’s username—But he doesn’t want his own brother to know that.