"While I am speculating to little purpose, perhaps you are doing--what?
Might not a biography from your pen bring forth again some great, half- obscured soul to act on the world? Even Sir Philip Sidney ought to be superseded by a still n.o.bler type.
"This must go immediately, to be in time for the bearer, of whose meeting with you I shall think as the friend of both. May it be happy!
"Your affectionate
"A. I. N. B."
One letter more from Lady Byron I give,--the last I received from her:--
LONDON, May 3, 1859.
DEAR FRIEND,--I have found, particularly as to yourself, that, if I did not answer from the first impulse, all had evaporated. Your letter came by "The Niagara," which brought f.a.n.n.y Kemble to learn the loss of her best friend, the Miss F---- whom you saw at my house.
"Her death, after an illness in which she was to the last a minister of good to others, is a soul-loss to me also; and your remarks are most appropriate to my feelings. I have been taught, however, to accept survivorship; even to feel it, in some cases, Heaven"s best blessing.
"I have an intense interest in your new novel. {149} More power in these few numbers than in any of your former writings, relating, at least, to my own mind. It would amuse you to hear my granddaughter and myself attempting to foresee the future of the love-story; being, for the moment, quite persuaded that James is at sea, and the minister about to ruin himself. We think that Mary will labour to be in love with the self-devoted man, under her mother"s influence, and from that hyper-conscientiousness so common with good girls; but we don"t wish her to succeed. Then what is to become of her older lover? Time will show.
"The lady you desired to introduce to me will be welcomed as of you.
She has been misled with respect to my having any house in Yorkshire (New Leeds). I am in London now to be of a little use to A----; not ostensibly, for I can neither go out, nor give parties: but I am the confidential friend to whom she likes to bring her social gatherings, as she can see something of the world with others. Age and infirmity seem to be overlooked in what she calls the harmony between us,--not perfect agreement of opinion (which I should regret, with almost fifty years of difference), but the spirit-union: can you say what it is?
"I am interrupted by a note from Mrs. K----. She says that she cannot write of our lost friend yet, though she is less sad than she will be.
Mrs. F---- may like to hear of her arrival, should you be in communication with our friend. She is the type of youth in age.
"I often converse with Miss S----, a judicious friend of the W----s, about what is likely to await them. She would not succeed here as well as where she was a novelty. The character of our climate this year has been injurious to the respiratory organs; but I hope still to serve them.
"I have just missed Dale Owen, with whom I wished to have conversed on spiritualism. {150} Harris is lecturing here on religion. I do not hear him praised.
"People are looking for helps to believe, everywhere but in life,--in music, in architecture, in antiquity, in ceremony; and upon all these is written, "Thou shalt not believe." At least, if this be faith, happier the unbeliever. I am willing to see through that materialism; but, if I am to rest there, I would rend the veil.
"June 1.
"The day of the packet"s sailing. I shall hope to be visited by you here. The best flowers sent me have been placed in your little vases, giving life to the remembrance of you, though not, like them, to pa.s.s away.
"Ever yours,
"A. I. NOEL BYRON."
Shortly after, I was in England again, and had one more opportunity of resuming our personal intercourse. The first time that I called on Lady Byron, I saw her in one of those periods of utter physical exhaustion to which she was subject on account of the constant pressure of cares beyond her strength. All who knew her will testify, that, in a state of health which would lead most persons to become helpless absorbents of service from others, she was a.s.suming burdens, and making outlays of her vital powers in acts of love and service, with a generosity that often reduced her to utter exhaustion. But none who knew or loved her ever misinterpreted the coldness of those seasons of exhaustion. We knew that it was not the spirit that was chilled, but only the frail mortal tabernacle. When I called on her at this time, she could not see me at first; and when, at last, she came, it was evident that she was in a state of utter prostration. Her hands were like ice; her face was deadly pale; and she conversed with a restraint and difficulty which showed what exertion it was for her to keep up at all. I left as soon as possible, with an appointment for another interview. That interview was my last on earth with her, and is still beautiful in memory. It was a long, still summer afternoon, spent alone with her in a garden, where we walked together. She was enjoying one of those bright intervals of freedom from pain and languor, in which her spirits always rose so buoyant and youthful; and her eye brightened, and her step became elastic.
One last little incident is cherished as most expressive of her. When it became time for me to leave, she took me in her carriage to the station.
As we were almost there, I missed my gloves, and said, "I must have left them; but there is not time to go back."
With one of those quick, impulsive motions which were so natural to her in doing a kindness, she drew off her own and said, "Take mine if they will serve you."
I hesitated a moment; and then the thought, that I might never see her again, came over me, and I said, "Oh, yes! thanks." That was the last earthly word of love between us. But, thank G.o.d, those who love worthily never meet for the last time: there is always a future.
CHAPTER II. LADY BYRON"S STORY AS TOLD ME.
I now come to the particulars of that most painful interview which has been the cause of all this controversy. My sister and myself were going from London to Eversley to visit the Rev. C. Kingsley. On our way, we stopped, by Lady Byron"s invitation, to lunch with her at her summer residence on Ham Common, near Richmond; and it was then arranged, that on our return, we should make her a short visit, as she said she had a subject of importance on which she wished to converse with me alone.
On our return from Eversley, we arrived at her house in the morning.
It appeared to be one of Lady Byron"s well days. She was up and dressed, and moved about her house with her usual air of quiet simplicity; as full of little acts of consideration for all about her as if they were the habitual invalids, and she the well person.
There were with her two ladies of her most intimate friends, by whom she seemed to be regarded with a sort of worship. When she left the room for a moment, they looked after her with a singular expression of respect and affection, and expressed freely their admiration of her character, and their fears that her unselfishness might be leading her to over-exertion.
After lunch, I retired with Lady Byron; and my sister remained with her friends. I should here remark, that the chief subject of the conversation which ensued was not entirely new to me. In the interval between my first and second visits to England, a lady who for many years had enjoyed Lady Byron"s friendship and confidence, had, with her consent, stated the case generally to me, giving some of the incidents: so that I was in a manner prepared for what followed.
Those who accuse Lady Byron of being a person fond of talking upon this subject, and apt to make unconsidered confidences, can have known very little of her, of her reserve, and of the apparent difficulty she had in speaking on subjects nearest her heart.
Her habitual calmness and composure of manner, her collected dignity on all occasions, are often mentioned by her husband, sometimes with bitterness, sometimes with admiration. He says, "Though I accuse Lady Byron of an excess of self-respect, I must in candour admit that, if ever a person had excuse for an extraordinary portion of it, she has; as, in all her thoughts, words, and deeds, she is the most decorous woman that ever existed, and must appear, what few I fancy could, a perfectly refined gentlewoman, even to her femme de chambre."
This calmness and dignity were never more manifested than in this interview. In recalling the conversation at this distance of time, I cannot remember all the language used. Some particular words and forms of expression I do remember, and those I give; and in other cases I give my recollection of the substance of what was said.
There was something awful to me in the intensity of repressed emotion which she showed as she proceeded. The great fact upon which all turned was stated in words that were unmistakable:--
"He was guilty of incest with his sister!"
She here became so deathly pale, that I feared she would faint; and hastened to say, "My dear friend, I have heard that." She asked quickly, "From whom?" and I answered, "From Mrs. ----;" when she replied, "Oh, yes!" as if recollecting herself.
I then asked her some questions; in reply to which she said, "I will tell you."
She then spoke of her first acquaintance with Lord Byron; from which I gathered that she, an only child, brought up in retirement, and living much within herself, had been, as deep natures often were, intensely stirred by his poetry; and had felt a deep interest in him personally, as one that had the germs of all that is glorious and n.o.ble.
When she was introduced to him, and perceived his admiration of herself, and at last received his offer, although deeply moved, she doubted her own power to be to him all that a wife should be. She declined his offer, therefore, but desired to retain his friendship. After this, as she said, a correspondence ensued, mostly on moral and literary subjects; and, by this correspondence, her interest in him was constantly increased.
At last, she said, he sent her a very beautiful letter, offering himself again. "I thought," she added, "that it was sincere, and that I might now show him all I felt. I wrote just what was in my heart.
"Afterwards," she said, "I found in one of his journals this notice of my letter: "A letter from Bell,--never rains but it pours.""
There was through her habitual calm a shade of womanly indignation as she spoke these words; but it was gone in a moment. I said, "And did he not love you, then?" She answered, "No, my dear: he did not love me."
"Why, then, did he wish to marry you?" She laid her hand on mine, and said in a low voice, "You will see."
She then told me, that, shortly after the declared engagement, he came to her father"s house to visit her as an accepted suitor. The visit was to her full of disappointment. His appearance was so strange, moody, and unaccountable, and his treatment of her so peculiar, that she came to the conclusion that he did not love her, and sought an opportunity to converse with him alone.
She told him that she saw from his manner that their engagement did not give him pleasure; that she should never blame him if he wished to dissolve it; that his nature was exceptional; and if, on a nearer view of the situation, he shrank from it, she would release him, and remain no less than ever his friend.
Upon this, she said, he fainted entirely away.
She stopped a moment, and then, as if speaking with great effort, added, "Then I was sure he must love me."
"And did he not?" said I. "What other cause could have led to this emotion?"
She looked at me very sadly, and said, "Fear of detection."