All of the air whooshes out of my lungs. There it is. Toby was right. My hands shake as they hold onto Bennet"s shoulders, no doubt covering the fabric of his late grandfather"s suit with sweat.
"You mean...you would have asked me to prom?"
He shakes his head slowly. "I guess I"ve always taken you for granted. You were always there, and I was always secretly in love with you-" He sighs, pressing his lips together. Then he slowly brings his gaze up to mine. "Then Toby got to you first and I realized I missed out. I screwed up."
"Bennet..." I stop, and take a deep breath. There"s really only one thing left to say now. Bennet has always liked me, and I never even realized it. He"s always been there, supportive and caring. He knows me better than anyone, and he listens. He listens to everything I say. Bennet is in love with me.
And I"m in love with him.
"So..." I say, feeling so nervous I might pa.s.s out. "Should we start dating?"
"No," he says quickly, his hands gripping my sides. "No, no, no."
Chapter 28.
Tears spring to my eyes. Everything was going so well and then he just told me no. I"m such an idiot. Bile rises in my throat. I step backward, breaking our dance, and then I meander around the dancing happy couples and step off the wooden floor. Everything is a blur and I can"t concentrate. I just know I"ve now been more humiliated than ever.
This is worse than when I kissed Toby. It"s the worst rejection I could have ever had. Bennet is the guy I can trust, and he"s turned me down.
I swallow and tears spill over my eyelashes, no doubt ruining the makeup my mom spent so long fixing for me. I reach a wall, and look around. The bathrooms are all the way on the other side of the room, so I stay close to the wall and make my way toward them, stepping around couples making out in shadowy areas. Screw everyone who is happy tonight.
And screw me too, because apparently I don"t deserve to be happy.
I"m almost at the bathrooms when I notice Ashlyn"s maroon dress. She"s leaning against the wall, her phone in her hand and her face glowing from the screen. She"s grinning bashfully, which is a stark difference from her normal demeanor. She seems so very happy and I know I should turn around so she doesn"t see me. At least one of us is having a good time. I shouldn"t ruin it.
I stop quickly, hoping to turn and bolt, but she looks up at exactly the wrong moment. The smile slips off her face. "Lana?"
I blink and more tears fall and I wipe them off with my hand. "I"m fine," I say, attempting to walk past her. "Just have to pee."
She puts a hand on my arm to stop me. "Lana babe, peeing doesn"t make you cry."
I notice Ashlyn"s done her makeup more than usual. She has a smoky eye and little rhinestone hairpins in her short black hair. "You look very pretty," I say, swallowing back the urge to cry even more. "I"m sorry I didn"t get dressed with you. I shouldn"t have gone with Toby."
"What happened?" she asks, her head tilting. "You and Toby are friends now, right? I thought you would have a good time."
I shake my head and wipe off my tears carefully with my fingertips. "It"s not Toby. Well-maybe it is. He gave me this idea and that idea kind of ruined things."
Ashlyn puts a hand on her sparkly hip. "I don"t understand. I talked to Toby a few minutes ago, and he said you and Bennet were dancing. He seemed fine. What did he tell you?"
I take a deep breath. This isn"t the kind of thing I can keep from Ashlyn. She"s not only my best friend, but she"s a part of this, too. If Bennet no longer wants to talk to me after tonight, it"ll affect her. She"ll be forced to split her time between him and me. It"s like a screwed up divorce of friends and the custody battle will be over Ashlyn.
"Toby made me think that Bennet might like me."
Ashlyn"s eyes widen. "I know, right?" I say with a sarcastic snort. "I"m so stupid."
"You"re not stupid, Lana babe." Ashlyn pulls me back while a group of girls walk toward the bathroom. We tuck against the wall and Ashlyn fixes a serious look on me. "Bennet totally likes you. I"ve pretty much always suspected it."
I shake my head. "I thought maybe he did, too, so I talked to him about it." Tears well up in my eyes. "It was while we were dancing," I say, my voice getting choked up.
Ashlyn pets my arm in this comforting way. Knowing her, she"s probably dying for details this instant, but she"s being a good friend and not rushing me. I take a few deep breaths.
"I asked him if we could try out dating and he told me no."
She balks. "He said no?"
"He said no, no, no, to be precise."
Ashlyn"s expression is blank. "That doesn"t make any sense."
I shrug and toss my hands in the air. "Apparently, no one wants me, not even my own best friend."
Ashlyn"s phone lights up and she turns it over in her hand without checking the message. "You should get that," I say.
She shakes her head. "You"re more important."
"But it"s Bethany, right? You should talk to her. Don"t put off your happiness because of me."
"She"ll understand," Ashlyn says. For being so short, she seems so confident in everything. It makes my chest hurt with how much I care about her. I truly am glad that she"s found someone special.
"You"re a good best friend," I say, wiping off more tears from my cheek.
Her lips turn upwards into a sad smile. "I just don"t understand why Bennet would do that. I"ve always thought he liked you." She looks off in the distance as she talks. "And when Toby came in the picture, it really p.i.s.sed him off so it was obvious, you know?"
I shrug. Someone calls my name and I freeze. It"s Bennet"s voice. And then the smell of his cologne appears and he"s standing right here between us. "There you are."
"Go away," I say, turning to look at the wall.
"I"m not leaving, Lana." Bennet touches my arm but I shrug him off. "We need to talk."
"I"ll say," Ashlyn says. "What"s going on?"
"This is kind of...private?" Bennet says, making it sound like a question. "I mean, I love you Ash, but Lana and I need to talk."
"Anything you say to her, you can say to me," she says, folding her arms across her chest. "She told me what happened, and I want an explanation. I thought you were in love with Lana.
Pain rises up my throat. I"m about to be rejected again.
"I am," Bennet says. "I am in love with her."
I must have heard that wrong. I look over at him, at his pleading eyes that are locked on mine. "I am, Lana."
My jaw tightens. I don"t want to be humiliated right now. "But you said no, no, no."
His lips quirk up in a grin and I want to punch him right in that cute face of his. "You left too soon." He swallows and then looks at Ashlyn and back at me. "I was trying to be cute I guess, but it backfired."
"Explain," Ashlyn says.
Bennet takes my hand in his and brings it up to his chest, squeezing his other hand around my fingers. "You asked if we should date, and I said no, but it was because I wanted to say that you can"t ask me out. I wanted to ask you out."
He pauses and presses his lips together. "You know... like the gentleman type thing to do. That"s all."
Tears spring to my eyes, but this time they"re out of happiness and hope. "Are you serious?"
He nods and squeezes my hand. "I just wanted to be the one to ask. But you ran away before I could explain myself."
"Well then," Ashlyn says. I jump, because after getting lost in Bennet"s eyes just now, I forgot she was still here. She puts a hand on my shoulder and the other one on Bennet"s. "I think my job here is done. You two have fun."
She gives me this evil grin and then slips away, probably to tell Bethany everything that just happened. "I"m sorry I ran off," I say, my voice so low I can barely hear it over the beating of my heart.
"I"m just glad I found you before it was too late." Bennet lowers my hand and then takes both of them in his own. There"s a heat between us that I"ve never felt, not with any guy in my past. The energy between us, it feels real, alive.
I look up into the eyes of the boy I"ve known my whole life, the boy I"d trust with my life.
"Lana," he says slowly.
I grin. "Are you going to be cheesy about this?"
"Oh you bet I am," he says with a nod. "It"s the only way to stop myself from puking in fear."
"You don"t need to be afraid of me," I say.
He gnaws on his bottom lip. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
Heat rushes to my cheeks, and my heart seems to skip a beat. I"d never realized how badly I wanted to hear those words until they were spoken. It"s always been Bennet. All along it was him, and I just never realized it.
"I"ll have to think about it," I say, smirking at him through my eyelashes.
"Oh that"s so mean." Bennet"s eyes crinkle at the corners and he steps a little closer, his hands sliding over my waist.
"Yes," I say.
"Yes, you"re being mean?"
I grin. "Yes, I"ll be your girlfriend."
Chapter 29.
The day after prom I wake up feeling hung over even though I didn"t drink and I"ve never been hungover in my life. But judging by how people look on movies when they"ve drank too much, I feel hung over. It"s no doubt from the whirlwind of emotions last night. Emotions are worse than alcohol.
I"m still in bed, staring up at the ceiling. My pillow smells faintly of hairspray left over from last night. I"d been so happy that I barely made it to the bathroom to wash off my makeup before I crashed in bed. I hadn"t bothered with my hair, and now it probably looks insane, but who cares.
Last night was magical.
After, you know, all the drama.
Bennet and I went back to the dance floor and danced our hearts out. I no longer felt nervous around him, and I think he was the same with me. We laughed and talked and held hands every time we weren"t dancing. The best part of the night was the very end. Around eleven, Toby found us where we"d sat at an empty table with Ashlyn.
"Hey guys," he said, clearing his throat. "Lana, can I talk to you for a minute?"
I glanced at Bennet, but he nodded for me to go with Toby. There was an understanding now, that Toby wasn"t a threat to this new thing between Bennet and me.
I stood up and Toby didn"t walk very far away, just a few steps. "I take it the talk went well?" he said.
I nodded. "Very well. He asked me to be his girlfriend."
Toby smiled, the same look that used to make me swoon now made me feel a little sad. He was happy for me, happy things worked out, even if his own life wasn"t so great.
"I have an idea," he said, nodding toward a group of his friends at a nearby table. "Some of the guys didn"t have dates, so I asked to ride home with them. They want to hit up Josh Branson"s house and have a party afterward. Why don"t you and Bennet take the limo back home?"
"I can"t do that," I said. "It"s your limo."
He shrugged. "It"s all fake for my parents. They paid for the d.a.m.n thing," he said with a laugh. "I think you should use it. Go home with the guy who should have been your prom date."
I glanced over at Bennet. He was talking to Ashlyn. "Okay," I said. "We"ll take it."
"Great," Toby beamed. "I already told the driver you"d be taking it with a friend."
He turned back to the table and said goodbye to my friends.
"I like that guy," Bennet said as Toby walked off. "He"s grown on me."
"Well, you might like him even more," I said. "He just gave us his limo for the ride home."
"Oh sweet!" Ashlyn said, clapping her hands together. "That means I get to drive the Mustang!"
Bennet glared at her, but after a lecture about how to treat his precious car, he finally gave Ashlyn the keys. That ride home in the limo with Bennet is what"s on my mind now.
It was so romantic. We snuggled together in the back seat, watching the starry sky through the sun roof as we drove across town. Everything had been perfect, and I thought it was the moment we"d share our first kiss.
After all, it doesn"t get more romantic than kissing under the stars in a fancy limo. But it didn"t happen. We held hands, and I rested my cheek on his chest. We didn"t talk much, and then the next thing I knew, we were pulling onto Forth Street.
"I guess we should call it a night," Bennet had said after walking me to my front door. "This wasn"t exactly the prom night I had in mind, but I like the way it turned out."