Volume 1: Incident of H City"s Earth-born Fetus
Chapter 5 – Cheers! Firecrackers! Our Leader is finally here!
"…" Br.i.m.m.i.n.g with jealousy, the countryside peasant entrepreneur Fatty Huang said, "Nice to meet you, Zhou Yi. I"m your brother. My name is Zhou Ri [1]."
Fatty Huang wanted to ask Chairman Chu to throw in a few sarcastic remarks as well, but he turned around just in time to see Chu He heading out in a hurry. He lost his calmness at once: "Where"re you going? These b.a.s.t.a.r.ds are b.u.t.ting in! Hurry back and stand up for me!"
Chu He looked back. His jaw was tightly clenched. In fact, his whole complexion looked a little pale. "I"m leaving first. Call me later if you need anything."
Fatty Huang refused to let him go, "What"s going on?"
Chu He tried to break away, but the grip of a three-hundred pound man didn"t allow him to do so easily. If they went on like this, even those people from the provincial office would notice the commotion over here. Such a moment of desperation didn"t leave Chu He much choice. He pressed his hand on Mayor Huang"s and explained in a whisper, "That Zhou is an old acquaintance of mine…"
"So? Is there enmity between you two?"
"I left a spell on him before, so that the next time we see each other, as long as I don"t call him, he won"t notice me for five minutes. This five-minute period is for me to escape. I"ll go home first. Look for me tomorrow after you send away those provincial officials."
Mayor Huang was at a complete loss whereas Chu He had already freed himself and started striding out.
"I heard someone just jumped off a building here. Aiya, it took me quite a while to find this place —— What?! The police have finished investigating already?" Zhou Yi"s pa.s.sionate voice came from afar, "Aiya, if you run into any trouble next time, call me! I LOVE trouble!"
Aida: "…"
"You have no idea how f*cking suffocating it is to be stuck inside an office. It"s so hard to get field work like this. I really wish we can stay outside for a couple more days. Hey! By the way, little beauty. I ran into you as soon as I got out. Won"t you say it"s destiny that brought us together?"
Yan Lanyu said, "…Mr. Zhou is a funny person."
"Seriously, I"m not joking." Zhou Yi said, all smiles, "You have no idea how accurate I am on fortune telling. If I say we"re destined, then we must be. Whether it"s a good destiny or an ill-fated one… We don"t have to worry about that right now —— Hey! Mayor Huang! What are you doing over there?! Didn"t you say you were going to choose the site for the project? Have you already decided?"
Mayor Huang"s mouth twitched. "…Not yet."
Following Mayor Huang"s gaze, Zhou Yi glanced at the gate of the construction site. "Then what are you still waiting for? Come and decide!"
——In the direction he was looking at, Chu He was striding towards a Hongqi car parked not far away.
But Zhou Yi turned his head back as if he didn"t notice him.
Right at the moment, the police car in the distance which was about to leave suddenly stopped. The captain of the detachment jumped out of the car holding a phone in his hand: "Chairman Chu——"
It must have been a very funny scene in other people"s eyes: Zhou Yi, Aida, and Yan Lanyu formed a triangle as they stood against each other. Not far from them, Chu He was hurrying away without throwing a glance back. Mayor Huang stood at the midpoint of the line connecting Zhou Yi and Chu He and tried to use his enormously large body to prevent Zhou Yi from spotting the latter. On the other side, the captain was running towards Chu He and calling "Chairman Chu" in between his gasps —— almost as if his b.u.t.t was on fire. He was so loud that except for those people mentioned above, everyone, including that Director Li from the International Visitors Office, turned their eyes to Chu He uniformly.
"Chairman Chu!" The captain finally caught Chu He, although he completely failed to notice the other person"s suddenly paled face. "Chairman Chu, we were looking for you. An emergency. Someone just called the local police office saying that your house…"
Chu He interrupted him as he walked non-stop toward the car. "I"m heading home right now."
"…That your house is on fire!" The captain reported earnestly, "Fire trucks are on their way to your place. But don"t worry! It seems like there are no casualties so far."
Chu He finally lost control of himself and snapped, "I said I"m going back!"
——Click. It seemed like there was an invisible clock whose second hand had just hit the top.
Zhou Yi turned back as if he had just noticed the commotion on that side.
"What"s going on? Who"s the guy over there?"
Chu He shoved the captain to the side single-handedly and reached for the Hongqi"s door. However, Zhou Yi, who was standing behind him frowned at the same time —— He seemed to have noticed some unusualness in that person"s seemingly familiar back.
"——Who is it?"
Chu He"s hand was already on the door.
"Stop there for a second!"
Chu He"s movement halted mid-air. Someone had already put their hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Zhou Yi standing behind him.
When looked at closely, Zhou Yi"s face appeared to be even more strikingly handsome. Under those European-style prominent brow ridges were a pair of deep, bright eyes —— The love in those devilishly attractive eyes was truly as deep as the sea. Had a young girl been stared at by him so devotedly, he wouldn"t need any more words, and she would have fallen prey to the snares of love and given her heart to him in just a few seconds.
But Chu He was very calm. Not only was he calm, he was also very innocent. "Excuse… me?"
Zhou Yi stared fixedly at Chu He"s face in such a way that it seemed like he was trying not only to see through Chu He"s skin, but even dig out and take a look at the brain behind those bones.
His look was so intent that it scared Mayor Huang. Just as Mayor Huang started to suspect this gigolo of having some strange kinks, Zhou Yi suddenly smiled. He released Chu He and apologized, "I"m sorry. You look a lot like an old acquaintance of mine from behind. I was so excited that I mistook you for someone else. I apologize."
With his heart finally at rest, Mayor Huang accidentally blurted out a question, "What old acquaintance?"
Zhou Yi sounded especially affectionate, "My ex-wife."
Mayor Huang: "…"
Chu He: "…"
Mayor Huang"s mouth twitched suspiciously, "Xiao-Zhou, you might not want to hear this, but even though Chairman Chu is a little skinny, he"s still a grown man. If your ex-wife"s figure really resembles his, then isn"t she a little too…"
"Lao-Huang, you don"t understand!" Zhou Yi said in sober earnest, "My ex-wife, he"s [2] the vermillion mark in my heart that never fades, a white lotus that never withers! I don"t care who he looks like now. I"d still love him even if he looks like you!"
Mayor Huang didn"t say anything. Judging by the expression on his fat face, he was already shocked to the degree of being speechless.
Chu He couldn"t stand listening to him anymore. He stepped back and got into the car. "You two can enjoy. My house is on fire, I have to go home."
Zhou Yi immediately clung to the door: "Where do you live?"
"…Mr. Zhou, please let go."
"Ah —— No way, no way! Where do you live? It must be destiny that has brought us together. Your house is on fire? That"s a big deal! How can we miss a scene like this?"
It left everyone as dumbfounded and speechless as Mayor Huang in an instant. Even Chu He had a twitch in the corner of his eyes. He couldn"t help but point to Yan Lanyu: "Mr. Zhou, isn"t your destiny over there?"
"Aiya, Chairman Chu, there is something that you don"t know about! Destiny differs in depth and priority! The fact that you look like my ex-wife —— though only about 3% or so —— means the bound between us must be very deep. I wouldn"t say it"s loftier than mountains or deeper than seas, but it"s at least… Hey! Don"t go yet!"
The Hongqi whizzed by into the distance, leaving Zhou Yi nothing but a gust of exhaust.
"…" Zhou Yi wiped his face and explained helplessly, "I just wanted to ask him, if his car broke down by any chance…"
Bang!
Before he could finish the sentence, the Hongqi made a loud noise. White smoke came out of its bonnet immediately afterward as the car stopped moving.
"…Would he be willing to sit in ours?" Zhou Yi said innocently.
Mayor Huang had no choice but to get into that shinny bada.s.s-looking black Mulsanne together with Chu He. As for Aida and the j.a.panese group, Mayor Huang had to bid them farewell with the excuse that it was getting late. Before he left, they agreed to meet again tomorrow in the Development Center to discuss the blueprints.
Despite having mulled over it again and again, Mayor Huang still couldn"t figure out: "Why did my car suddenly break?"
No one spoke in the car. Even those subordinates from the Provincial International Visitors Office remained completely silent like a bunch of gourds with their mouths sawed. Only Zhou Yi suddenly popped his head over and asked cheerfully, "Chairman Chu, do you have a preference for Hongqi?"
Chu He: "…"
"Then are you comfortable with sitting in my car?"
Chu He turned to the side and rested his head on his hand. He had no desire to speak with him.
Zhou Yi"s subordinates were probably used to his habitual out-of-character behavior and kept their faces straight like a group of secret agents. However, Fatty Huang failed to hold back his sarcastic mouth and commented ironically, "Regardless of it being good or not, that Hongqi was provided by the city. We"re not as rich and powerful as your provincial departments, where even an International Visitors Office is equipped with a luxury car worth ten million. Our seventh or eighth tier town surely can"t compete against where you"re from."
Zhou Yi was smiling from ear to ear, "Ay —— You"re really treating us as strangers! However much money the provincial government has, we can"t waste it like that! Right? To be honest, I bought this car myself. I spent some money modifying it at first, but then I left it there and forgot about it. It"s been several years, a pretty old car actually…"
"Xiao-Zhou"s family does business too?" As a fatty who was satisfied with two chickens a day, Mayor Huang"s heart was now screaming in pain.
"Business? No, just living off some past gains. I"m probably not even any wealthier than that j.a.panese dude." Zhou Yi turned his smile to Chu He as if he didn"t mind at all how Chu He was treating him like he was nonexistent. "Life is hard for men like us. Not only do we have to work hard, we also have to save money and feed our wife and children. And if you"re not careful enough, your wife might even become your ex-wife —— It"s not like I"m suggesting anything, but how about we kidnap that j.a.panese dude and blackmail them? It seems to me that the Aida Family is quite rich. Maybe we can get a hundred billion or two out of him as my ex-wife"s alimony…"
Mayor Huang"s mouth twitched for quite a while. He turned to Li Hu with a disapproving look, "Director Li…"
"Shhh!" Li Hu moved her b.u.t.t seemingly inadvertently to a spot a little farther from Zhou Yi, then whispered, "I know what your question is. Don"t. Ask. Yes, you can think him as somewhat abnormal…"
***
As they talked, the car had already pulled up to the gate of the Zhang family"s villa. This place was quite far from the city center, and all neighboring communities consisted of large-lot villas that were scattered spa.r.s.ely. As a result, there weren"t any spectators. Only two fire trucks were parked in front of the still smoking tiles and the ground flooded with water and white foam.
The front of the villa was fairly intact, but the southeastern section, which included the bedroom, had already collapsed after burning for so long. It would take at least three to five months to rebuild it.
A few young maids were crowding closely on the stairs, shivering, while the two little b.a.s.t.a.r.ds, Zhang Shun and Huang Pian, were trying to comfort them with every trick they had. After they heard the sound of the horn, Zhang Shun turned around: "Ay ——！Brother!"
Chu He strode up, raised his hand, and was about to slap.
Zhang Shun immediately turned his head to the side. "Brother! Are you going to slap me?!"
"Chairman Chu! No! It"s not what you think!" Seeing that things were going down the wrong track, Huang Pian rushed forward in a flurry to stop the fight. "It really has nothing to do with Zhang Shun! Aiya, it"s all that Master Fang"s fault —— Ayy? Uncle?"
"Uncle, Listen to me! I can explain…"
Mayor Huang covered his nephew"s mouth and dragged him to the side at once. "Are you not aware that you have just cultivated into human form after the country was founded [3]?! You idle about doing nothing everyday, yet still don"t know how to stay low-key!? YOU WANNA DIE?!"
Huang Pian argued with a sullen face, "It really wasn"t my fault. It"s all that Master Fang! He"s the one rushing to court his death…"
As it turned out, after Huang Pian heard that Zhang Shun"s house was haunted, he immediately got excited. The young weasel-spirit knew he was a monster ever since he was born, so he was not as afraid of ghosts as ordinary humans were. In fact, rather than helping Zhang Shun, he was more interested in watching the fun. Therefore, he immediately invited Master Fang who was recently quite popular in the city over to Zhang Shun"s place.
That Master Fang had a fairly high reputation in the Hong Kong and Guangdong areas. It was said that he came to H City on his trip around the country searching for materials to refine his magic artifacts. Supernatural nonsense aside, he was indeed somewhat skilled in fortune-telling and exorcisms. Several local billionaires had invited him to take a look at the Feng Shui of their residences. Speaking of which, the Zhang Family was actually the only big shot in H City that hadn"t invited Master Fang yet.
Even though Master Fang claimed to be an expert outside of the mundane world, he still needed to make a living in secular society. In fact, he had thought about making connections with the Zhang Family for a while now, but despite how Master Fang pined for attention, Chairman Chu had a heart of steel. If second yang master Zhang had not personally come this time, Master Fang still could not have found a way into the Zhang house.
After hearing about the "Record of a Big Dork Haunted by a Ghost" from Zhang Shun, Master Fang felt it was going to be an easy task. The Zhangs were in the mining industry before, and it was said that quite a number of people died when the mines collapsed. This was obviously some grieving ghost dropping in to demand compensation. All he needed to do was give some good prayers and then send them off, then it would be done.
Thus, Master Fang swaggered into the Zhang residence. After a tour around it, his back was covered in cold sweat.
——The setup of Zhang villa… was a f.u.c.king Corpse Nurturing Array!
Most businessmen liked to set up a Feng Shui array in their house to acc.u.mulate wealth or to bless their family with prosperity and peace, and that was what Feng Shui should be about. However, Zhang villa was built with its front window facing at its back window. From Feng Shui"s perspective, it was similar to having a sword piercing directly through its living hall. In addition, they even opened a narrow slit on the ceiling. Not only did that make it a Heaven"s Cut, since it wa facing north, it also brought in evil light spirits. It was like they were trying to make the place as ominous as possible. If a normal person were to live here for two or three years, their family would have died out already, let alone opening a company and doing business?
Master Fang wiped the cold sweat on his face and asked, "Second young master, does your brother have any health problems?"
Overjoyed, Zhang Shun exclaimed, "Master! You"re a true master! How did you know! I was just saying that he looked like he had kidney deficiency all day. Recently, there are even signs of weakness from too much s.e.x…"
If Zhou Yi was here, he wouldn"t even call it a Corpse Nurturing Array. Throw in a couch and he would have sunbathed in those evil light spirits. If Yan Lanyu was here, he would probably think about whether it was the host"s intention to set it up this way, and if there was any deeper meaning behind it. Afterwards, he would just leave silently and pretend that he didn"t know.
As for Master Fang, however, first of all, he never thought that second young master Zhang"s brother would be so cruel as to give his life to become a demon and offer his heart-tip blood as a sacrifice to the Demon Lord. Secondly, he was blinded by the dazzling check in second young master Zhang"s hand and wanted to show off his skill.
——And then came the disaster.
"Mmaster had just taken out his copper coins, paper dolls, and rooster blood, and suddenly, the paper doll started burning itself… Zhang Shun and I immediately poured water on it, but no matter how much water we used, the fire just burnt more and more furiously. In the end, the whole bedroom was… b-b-burnt to dust…"
Chu He asked, "You burned it in my bedroom?"
Huang Pian nodded timidly.
Chu He took a deep breath and felt that it must have taken all of his self-control to be able to restrain himself from giving the young weasel a thorough beating. He turned around and walked to his bedroom —— it was now a pile of charred tiles and bricks ——and sat down on the ruins by himself.
Zhang Shun hesitated for quite a while before he walked over, trembling in fear. "Br-brother."
His brother ignored him.
"Brother. Beat me if you want. I didn"t mean it…"
Chu He turned his head to the side.
To see Chu He acting like this made Zhang Shun felt even worse. It was true that in his young and thoughtless years, he had hated this cheap brother of his. He also couldn"t accept the fact that his father left everything to his brother. But after so many years, it would be a lie now if he said that he still had no feelings for his brother.
Besides, his brother was really nice to him. If Zhang Shun asked for money, he gave him money. If Zhang Shun asked for cars, he gave him cars. Even though his att.i.tude was a little cold, he granted his brother whatever he requested and never made Zhang Shun feel discontent again. The year their father pa.s.sed away, Zhang Shun got sick. It was his brother who took care of him 24 hours a day for two weeks, not leaving the house even once. When he was young, he once got drunk after a break-up. His brother searched through all the bars in the club street one by one, deep into the night, looking for him. He threw up all over his brother, but Chu He didn"t mind. He said he wanted a Ferrari that costed several million, and his brother bought him one without a second word ー his brother had never driven such an expensive car himself. He spent all day flirting with women while his brother was so busy working that he didn"t even have time to find a girlfriend…
"Brother, I won"t do it again! I promise!" Zhang Shun raised his hand and gave himself a loud slap. Just as he was about to slap again, his brother shouted at him, "Stop!"
Zhang Shun looked at his brother pitifully. His expression very much resembled that of an abandoned husky.
There was a strange look on Chu He"s face. He seemed a little helpless while at the same time caught between laughter and tears. After a long time, he suddenly kicked his little brother away. "Gogogo, get lost!"
Zhang Shun covered his b.u.t.t with his hands and broke into a run until he was a dozen or so meters away. He looked back and, seeing that his brother wasn"t chasing after him, was finally relieved.
Second young master Zhang felt his face with his hands. After making sure that it was neither swollen nor marred, he slowly went around the ruins and headed towards the villa"s front gate —— Over there, the butler was giving orders to the servants to move things around and take note of any property loss.
Uncle Mayor Huang and his nephew Huang Pian were standing on an empty s.p.a.ce and staring at the stairs with strange looks.
A handsome young man was sitting on the stairs, surrounded by several flower-like young maids while he was reading their palms with seeming seriousness: "Your love line is a mess, which means there will be twists and turns in your relationship —— maybe even separation or death. But don"t worry. Even if there is, it won"t last long. You"re destined to marry a rich husband. Then you won"t have to worry about food ever again. You are going to have two babies in three years… Huh? Boy or girl? Aiya, trust me. Nowadays, daughters are much better. Daughters are like your little heart-warmers, while having a son is like owning a debt. If you have two sons, then your life is pretty much doomed…"
Zhang Shun"s mouth twitched. "…Who"s this guy?"
The handsome man raised his head and accurately spotted Zhang Shun among a group of people. In an instant, like a moth to a flame, he rushed over, three steps in two, his voice full of excitement: "Dear! Dear, the place between your brows looks dark. It seems like you are going to have a b.l.o.o.d.y misfortune! Come here and buy a lucky charm from me! Well, since we are greatly destined, I"ll give you a 5% discount!"
"Are you f*cking crazy?!" Zhang Shun turned around and left at once. The next second, he somehow tripped on his own foot on flat ground, and his face crashed heavily against the road with a snap.
Everyone: "…"
It was such a heavy fall. Most people who fell off stairs weren"t as bad as he was. Zhang Shun struggled for a long time to lift his b.l.o.o.d.y face from the ground, and two streams of blood, together with snot, shot out of his nostrils.
"Master," Zhang Shun asked, his face streaming with tears, "Heavenly Master! May I ask what your name is? How much is the lucky charm?"
The handsome man fished out a wrinkled napkin from his pants, handed it to him, and said sympathetically, "I"m your brother"s friend. My name is Zhou Yi. We must be destined to meet here today. The original price of this lucky charm is 12000, but you can have it for 8,800."
"…and you charge your friend 8,800 for it?!"
Zhou Yi crouched down, held Zhang Shun"s face, which was now crisscrossed with blood and tears, in his hand, and said in all seriousness, "We"re not just friends! Chairman Chu"s little brother is like my own little brother! No, even closer than my own brother! Here, short accounts makes close brothers. Are you paying with card or check? There"s a 2% transaction fee if you use card…"
Zhang Shun got up and left immediately.
Right at that time, a subordinate from the Visitors Office pa.s.sed by while backing the car. Feeling a sense of loss, Zhou Yi stood up and sighed, "I"m really of no use now… Back then, G.o.ds and buddhas from the entire Nine Heavens and Ten Realms would cry and beg me to sell them a few lucky charms, and they wouldn"t even accept it if I asked a price too cheap… Now no one wants it for 8,800…"
The subordinate immediately jumped out of the car. He knelt with a plop and clung to Zhou Hui"s thigh, crying, "Boss Zhou! Please sell me a lucky charm! I"ll give you 88,000! Do you accept Alipay?"
"What are you thinking? Our destiny don"t cross. Even 880,000 won"t cut it." Zhou Yi patted his head amiably and then strolled away.
Chu He was sitting on a pile of charred debris. The corner of his eye twitched as he saw his brother falling head first to the ground —— but that was all. He turned his head away immediately afterwards and pretended not to see it.
"Relax, Boss Zhou was just joking with him." Li Hu swayed over, her red lips outlining a bewitching smile. She offered her hand and shook them with Chu He"s. "Nice to meet you, Chairman Chu. Boss Zhou is just a quirky and superst.i.tious man like that. He must have amused you."
Chu He suddenly became very gentle in front of this beautiful woman. "It"s fine. Having distinct personalities is a good thing… Why do you call him "boss"?"
Li Hu covered her mouth as she giggled, "That"s his nickname. Everyone in our department calls him by that. Well, he might appear to be a glib-tongued man, but he"s actually very reliable when he gets serious. The way he talks is just a little frivolous."
After hearing that, Chu He smiled, "No wonder his wife ran away with another man."
Not far from them, Zhou Yi happened to pa.s.s by. It was hard to tell whether he heard it or not, but his back suddenly stiffened.
——Reality had proven that one should never provoke Chairman Chu. In less than five minutes, he had already finished getting revenge against Zhou Yi for making Zhang Shun trip.
"No no, it"s not like what you think." Realizing she had said something wrong, Li Hu quickly made up for it: "Boss Zhou has two children with his ex-wife, but they lost both due to accidents. There was a series of family issues, and that"s why he…"
Chu He nodded understandingly. "Director Li, you seem to know quite a lot about your colleagues."
"Are you suggesting something?" Li Hu laughed. Her body shook like a reeling flower. "That"s impossible. It"s true that Zhou and your brother are both romantic, handsome young men, but in my opinion, calm and mature men like Chairman Chu are much more attractive."
Chu He turned his head and glanced at her.
His eyes narrowed slightly under the setting sun. From his high nose bridge to his lips, all the way down his chin and to his neck formed a graceful yet slightly alluring curve. The almost indistinct smile on his face seemed to have brought such an indescribable change to his seemingly plain look that even someone like Li Hu who was used to the sight of handsome guys was momentarily struck by it.
Zhang Shun happened to have returned at this time from washing his face. He put a bandage over his nose and was running towards Chu He with his black-and-blue face: "Brother——"
"Beauty," Chu He gave Li Hu his hand —— together with the Vacheron Constantin diamond watch on its wrist —— and asked gracefully, "May I have the pleasure of inviting you to a midnight snack tonight?"
Li Hu: "…"
Zhang Shun: "…"
Zhou Yi who was not far from them, "…"
"It"s settled then." Chu He said with a smile, "Tonight at nine, I"ll pick you up at your hotel."
Translator"s Notes:
[1] Zhou Yi vs. Zhou Ri: Zhou Yi = Monday in Chinese, Zhou Ri = Sunday. Mayor Huang is making fun of Zhou Yi"s name.
[2] he: he and she sounds the same in Chinese, so other people wouldn"t realize that his ex-wife is a guy.
[3] after the country was founded: China recently established a law that animals/things are not "allowed" to cultivate into spirits after the country was founded. Stupid law. Basically means in television shows, you can"t have things like fox-spirit if the drama is set after 1949.