Emma didn"t respond. She was too busy doing her cleaning and swabbing stuff. It hurt like h.e.l.l, but I tried to talk through the pain.
"Talk to Sergeant MacKenzie for me? Please, Emma."
"We"ll see ... There. You"re done." And with that, she walked back to the desk and started to write up some medical notes. As I got dressed, I couldn"t help but stare at the big black body bag again.
"John." I hadn"t realized I had said his name out loud until she answered.
"What about him?"
I didn"t even know why I was asking. "Can I see him? You must have cleaned him up by now."
Emma"s voice was softer, kinder. "You sure that"s what you want?"
I gave a nod. "Yeah. Quick goodbye before he goes."
Emma put down her pen and turned off the Chili Peppers. There was a long zip noise as she slowly opened the body bag so just his face was showing. She didn"t want me to see the wounds. We both stared at John for a while without speaking. It looked almost like he was sleeping, but his face looked weird. His skin was grey, not sunburnt like it was yesterday. It was Emma who broke the silence. She sounded like she was trying to put a brave face on it.
"Don"t worry, he will look a lot cleaner by the time his family gets to see him. They"ll put make-up on him and wash his hair. He should get to Kandahar tonight. He"ll be back home soon."
I couldn"t find any words. "Uh-huh," is all that came out. There was another long pause before Emma spoke again. Her voice was small and less sure than usual. "First body you"ve seen?"
"Well, first one of us. Talis don"t count, do they?"
"Not good, is it? You all right?"
I swallowed hard. "Yeah. He doesn"t really look like John any more with that skin, does he? Know what I mean?"
She asked me again. "Sure you"re OK?" I could only nod in response.
"Well, I"m not," she sounded upset as she zipped up the body bag. "I don"t think I can go on looking at dead soldiers much longer."
That surprised me as I would have thought she"d be used to it. Now there was no holding her back.
"I am TA and this is my third and final tour, Briggsy." Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke.
"You getting some of those stress symptoms you told me about, then?"
"No. Course not. I"m a paramedic back home. I"ve seen more blood and guts than you ever will. But you know what? This is different."
I looked her in the eye and waited to find out why.
"Because I know John. I"ve known all of them. I know each and every guy stuffed in one of those body bags, and each and every guy who arrives here with an arm or leg blown off. I live with you, eat scoff with you, have a laugh with you, even use the same drums to dump in as you, but you know what?" A tear started to roll down her face and she brushed it away angrily. "Bring on Glasgow"s house fires, car crashes and Sat.u.r.day night stabbings. If I can"t save them, then at least I don"t have to be mates with them."
A helicopter flew over our heads and interrupted her outburst. We both looked up towards the sky, as if we could see through the canvas above us. "That"ll be for John." Emma went back into medical mode again. "The rest will be here soon to get you lot back out on the ground."
The sound of the heli got louder as I opened the tentflap. I couldn"t get out of there fast enough. I turned just before I made my exit, "Talk to Sergeant MacKenzie, Emma. Please."
Chapter Thirteen
I went back to the tent and Toki helped me finish the bluey to my dad before evening scoff. There wasn"t so much p.i.s.s-taking now as everyone had the Green Zone on their minds, including me. MacKenzie had given Toki the go-ahead. I was going back out to the Green Zone with the rest of the lads that night.
After scoff, I spent quarter of an hour queuing for the phone. I thought I"d better call Mum again. She"d only get herself in a state otherwise. She sounded OK as soon as she realized it was me. She sounded like the happy, smiling mum off the Oxo adverts, but I wasn"t falling for it that easily.
"Mum. Listen, sorry about the call earlier."
"That"s all right." She was so cheery, she sounded like she was offering me a KitKat. "I know I get a bit worked up sometimes, David. You know, being on my own and all that."
I think she was hoping we could leave it there, but I needed to get through to her once and for all. "Look, Mum, I think we have to have a straight-up talk. I don"t blame you for me being in the army. I chose to be here. It"s what I want. I like being a soldier. n.o.body made me join the army, and the day I don"t like it any more, I"ll get out. I"m a man now, Mum, I"m proud of myself. You"ve done a brilliant job. You know that, don"t you?"
I heard her sniff then, trying to fight back the tears. Her voice quivered as she spoke. "I tried so hard. It"s just that it felt like you left me cos I didn"t do enough for you when you were younger. I wanted to be there but ..."
She had it all wrong, as usual. It was nothing to do with that. "Mum, it"s OK, I know. You should be proud of what you have done for me. I am. Listen, everything is good. We"re OK, yeah?"
She gave another big sniff and started to recover a little. "Yeah, course we are." She gave a little laugh to prove it. I kept going with what I wanted to say. "That"s good, because I got to tell you stuff ... I"ve sent a letter to Dad."
"Oh, David ..." The crying immediately started again.
"Mum, if you can"t help him, I"ve got to. He needs help, Mum. That"s why I wrote to him, Mum. You understand?"
Her crying was getting louder now.
"Mum, you OK?"
She pulled herself together then and put her cheery Oxo mum voice back on. "Yeah, I"m all right. You"ve always been a good boy. I just miss you. It"s not easy being on my own. Sometimes I even miss your dad. Even when he was being a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, at least he was here." She laughed at her own bad joke.
"I know you miss him, Mum. I know."
She was off down memory lane again now. I"d heard it all before, but funnily enough, I quite liked her going on about how things used to be. Made us sound like a proper family for once.
"We used to love dancing. Disco mad, your dad and I were. He was a right John Travolta." We both laughed at the image of Dad doing a bit of Sat.u.r.day Night Fever Sat.u.r.day Night Fever on the dance floor. on the dance floor.
"Bet both of you looked a nightmare in flares and platforms, Mum."
"We looked fantastic!"
Just then the phone beeps started to go. I spoke in a rush to get the words out in time. "Mum, card"s gonna run out soon. I can"t call for the next four or five days, so don"t worry or ..."
"What"s happening? You doing anything dangerous?" The worry was back in her voice again.
"Mum, it"s all right. I just have to wait for my new phone card, that"s all."
"I love you."
"Me too, Mum." Then the phone line went dead.
As I put down the phone, I suddenly felt very alone. I missed my mum, even though I really did want to be out in Afghanistan. I felt my eyes p.r.i.c.kle with tears and decided to stay where I was for a bit to calm down. Didn"t want the lads to see me blubbing, did I? They would have even more to take the p.i.s.s out of. I sniffed loudly, trying to fight back the tears, and hoped that no one could hear me on the other side of the canvas.
I"d been telling everyone I wanted to get back in the Green Zone, but now that I"d got it, I wasn"t sure if I wanted to go after all. It just didn"t feel exciting any more. To be honest, I wasn"t sure I could hack it. It was just luck that I"d got myself out of a drama and killed that Tali. What if I couldn"t do it again? Si had really got me thinking and I was pretty scared now. I was hoping Toki was right about me. But what if I ended up letting my mates down when it mattered most?
I quickly wiped my eyes before pulling aside the canvas flap. I had to switch on and get a grip of myself before we started shooting the Taliban once again.
Chapter Fourteen
It was about five-thirty in the morning and we had been back out in the Green Zone for over seven hours. It wasn"t going well. We had been in major contacts with the Taliban all night long and, in the confusion, lots of us had got split up from our platoons.
MacKenzie had ordered our four-man patrol to move to a new location so he could link up with us, but that was easier said than done. Firstly, it was pitch dark so we couldn"t see where we were going. Secondly, during all the fighting, we"d got surrounded by Taliban. They were taking regular pot-shots at us, and judging by the amount of fire coming our way, we were seriously outnumbered.
Toki got on the radio to MacKenzie to let him know that we couldn"t move anywhere. Worse still, our ammunition was seriously low. We had completely run out of ammo for our rifles, and we"d only got about half a mag left on our pistols, so we had about six rounds each left. That was it.
MacKenzie said he would send two Apaches out to us. They"d be there in thirty minutes. Once they started firing their 30mm cannons into the maize fields, we"d have plenty of fire cover to get out. All we had to do was stand our ground until they arrived. Toki said MacKenzie had wished us all luck. The Tali rounds were getting closer by the minute, so it looked like we were going to need it.
I wiped the sweat off my mud-caked face, and tried taking deep breaths to calm my breathing. It wasn"t working. "Toki, they"re getting closer, mate."
"We are all right, Briggsy. They"re just firing into the dark, trying to flush us out."
"They will soon. It"s nearly first light." I was beginning to wonder if we were going to get out of this one. Another twenty minutes or so and the sun would be up and there was no way we weren"t going to be seen.
Flash was obviously thinking the same thing, and when he spoke, I could hear that he too was breathing heavily, which made me feel a lot better. "How we going to stand our ground until the Apaches get here?"
"Mate, soon as it"s light, they"ll be able to see us," added Si. He sounded as scared as the rest of us. "Mate, we"ve got no ammo."
We fell silent for a moment, and waited for Toki to come up with something. I was desperate for him to come up with anything that sounded like a plan.
Just then, two of the Taliban started shouting at each other in between firing off a few rounds across the maize. They definitely had a plan, and chances were it involved us.
My heart was beating even faster by the time Toki finally spoke. "OK, listen in."
We all moved an inch closer to him so as not to miss a word. "Soon as it becomes light enough for us to see where we are going, we move to the edge of the maize and take cover in the irrigation ditch that runs in the open ground. That way we can wait up until the Apaches start hosing down the fields, plus we don"t need to worry about getting hit by their rounds. Then, once they"ve done their bit, we can start moving and link up with Sergeant MacKenzie. Any questions?"
I had one. "I"ve only got four rounds left that"s it. What happens if we run into them on the way out?"
There was a short pause before I heard the sound of grating metal. "Fix bayonets," came the reply.
I didn"t keep mine in its metal sheaf like Toki, so I pulled my bayonet out from where I had jammed it into the webbing of my body armour. I twisted it into the barrel of my rifle, and checked and double-checked it was on tight.
This was getting really scary. I"d never actually used one before, at least not in real life. I"d only done it back in the UK while we were training. We"d practised screaming at sand bags as we charged towards them making what was supposed to be a terrifying face. You had to put on a war face to frighten the enemy as well as rev yourself up a bit. That way you"d be able to do the business with your bayonet when you finally reached him. It was all a bit of a laugh in training. I never really thought I might have to do it for real.
Si was feeling the pressure, too. "Mate, we"re outnumbered. There are shedloads of "em out there."
Toki"s voice remained calm as ever. "If we move through the maize slowly and quietly, we shouldn"t b.u.mp into any of them. But if it kicks off, we"ll take them one at a time. That"s right, isn"t it, Briggsy?"
I managed to mumble a yes, but it didn"t sound very convincing.
Toki ignored my fear and carried on. "In here, they"re going to have to be within a metre or so before they see you. And when they do, you got to be quick. Remember, grip the weapon. Get your body behind it, the b.u.t.t tucked in under your arm. Ram that lump of metal into him before he has a chance to do anything to you. Aim for the centre of what you can see of him. His bones and kit will resist a little, so keep your body weight behind the weapon. Take him down, leave him dead or alive, and just keep moving on. Fight your way out of the field and take cover in the ditch."
Flash spoke quietly but urgently. "It"s first light, Toki." He was right. The eight-foot-high maize field was beginning to take shape.
"You ready?" Toki fixed his eyes on Flash, who took a gulp of air before he answered slowly and steadily, "Ready."
Toki then checked out Si, although to be honest, when his reply came he sounded less sure.
Toki then fixed his eyes on me. "You ready?"
My mouth was so dry I couldn"t get the words out.
"Briggsy, you ready?" he repeated.
I swallowed hard and tried to sound confident. "Ready." It was more of a squeak than an answer.
Toki started to move through the maize, "Single file, behind me."
Chapter Fifteen
Flash and Si fell in and I followed behind, each of us a couple of metres behind the other. We needed to be spread apart as much as possible to prevent a burst of Tali fire taking all four of us down at once, but not so far apart that we couldn"t see the next man in front.
The maize rustled as we pushed ourselves through. I held the pistol-grip of my rifle with my right hand. My left was around the barrel, keeping the bayonet raised, ready to take on anyone who came near. I desperately hoped they wouldn"t. With just a few rounds each, staying hidden was going to be our greatest weapon.
As I inched my way slowly through the field, a head of corn banged against my shoulder and made me jump like a startled rabbit. Even a snap of straw under my feet made me flinch. I could still only see about two metres ahead of me, but I could hear all four of us breathing heavily.
Every so often the Taliban would let out one of their bloodcurdling screams and a whole load of them would open fire with their AK47s. We would duck down automatically every time it happened, praying that the rounds weren"t heading our way. Toki kept us moving forward as quickly as we could.
All of a sudden, Si screamed out, "Contact right! Contact right!" All four of us turned. I could just make out the shape of two men as one of them fired wildly in our general direction. We all fired a few puny rounds into the thick maize as they zipped past us then quickly disappeared.
"Out of ammo! RV. Get to the RV!" shouted Toki and we broke into a run. I was still last in line, huffing and puffing, sweating in my body armour and helmet, terrified I might get left behind.