Chapter 449: 449
CHAPTER 449
SCARS
All he could see were blurry blends of light and shadow dancing rapidly . The sounds melded together in a symphony of grating noise, yet he could not voice a complaint . Something was stuck in his throat – blood, he was certain . Unable to move a muscle, each breath was a strain, bringing with it burning pain that shocked every inch of his body . Yet, he had to breathe . One in and one out . Slowly . As gently as he could .
The first feeling to return was in his fingers; he could barely strain them, almost an invisible flicker, but he could . A faint trace of joy jolted his heart – so long as he was getting better, he would get well . It was all a matter of time and patience .
After fingers came toes, and after toes came lips and after lips his throat . It was dry, gratingly so, yet he couldn"t voice out the desire for some water . He could patiently wait and endure . Soon . He would be able to talk soon .
Alison stood on the side with a horrified expression, her fingers clutched together, pressed against her chest, shaking . She could hardly recognize the disfigured man lying on the bed ever after a general clean-up . Though his wounds had closed and stopped bleeding, and though the blood itself was washed away, the wounds themselves still stood sore . Gash after gash, hole after hole, there was barely a whole patch of skin untouched anywhere on him .
Standing right next to her was Lucky who dealt with it seemingly better . Her arms were crossed over her chest, her back leaned against the cold stone of the wall . It wasn"t the first time she"d seen Lino on the brink of death, though it certainly never got as bad as it did this time around . Behind the façade, in the ever-flickering gaze, there was a s.h.i.+mmer of painful light coveted in guilt and shame .
"—he"s… he"ll really be… okay?" Alison mumbled uncertainly, turning to Lucky, unable to look at him any longer .
"… yeah," Lucky nodded . "He"ll be just fine . Don"t worry . There, you saw him . Wanna head back?"
"… yeah . " Alison nodded . "Let"s go back . "
The two glanced at the body strapped to the bed once more before leaving .
He could hear them, though he couldn"t call out to them . The footsteps grew distant, but it brought joy to him once more – he could hear . It was no longer a painful blend of everything, but distinct sounds that made up the world itself . The quivers in their voices . The solemnness of their footsteps . The faint trace of voices coming from the outside . Slowly but surely, he was getting better . It was only a matter of time .
"… was it worth it?" a robotic voice spoke to him inwardly, causing him to groan in a reply . "You could have escaped scarless . "
"…"
"Your insanity will only get you so far," Ataxia said . "And a similar transgression in the future will mean death . If they hadn"t come, you would have either been crippled permanently or outright died . You have learned nothing . "
"…"
Lino didn"t reply, not because he couldn"t, but because there was nothing to say . In more than one way, after all, Ataxia was right – he did cross a boundary he shouldn"t . He could have contained himself, limited his injuries, merely at the expense of some Dragons he didn"t even know . Why didn"t he? He couldn"t say himself . Even introspection – the sole thing he could do at the moment – was inadequate . He can"t even quite recall his thought process before sending the Dragons away . Or even the one that led him to tell Ella to stay out of it no matter what happens . No, that he could still recall .
Lying there, covered in wounds and scars, unable to utter a word, he had all the time in the world to think and understand, yet he couldn"t . Something first has to make sense in order to be understood – his actions today, or yesterday, or a century ago as far as he knew, did not . He merely made a dent in an army that will never dry up nearly at the expense of his life . He hardly feared death, but the life of those he"d leave behind . Whether he coaxed them to his side or whether they joined him willingly was irrelevant; he was, in a way, responsible for them . Not merely as a symbol uniting them all underneath the same banner, but also as the s.h.i.+eld .
Today, or yesterday, or a century ago as far as he knew, that s.h.i.+eld cracked and splintered and it bled . And, worst of all, it nearly split permanently . Why? Because he fancied himself a sword? Perhaps . He couldn"t quite understand, which made him frustrated .
He used that frustration, however, to groan audibly and move his arms for the first time . They were weak, feeble, and they hurt – so much so he winced and cried out lowly – but he moved them nonetheless . There was no one in the room to notice his achievement . But, he didn"t care . The walls were his witness, in the end .
After a few more attempts, he managed to weakly pull himself up and sit . He was stuck in a corner of a rather wide room, a curtain to his left blocking the majority of it; opposite of him was an empty stretch of well-lit, tiled floor and bricked walls holding several, white cabinets on the other end of the room . He was all alone in this ma.s.sive ward that can probably host at least a dozen other souls .
Almost all of his body was either draped in gauze or punctured by very thin needles trickling blood directly into his veins . He hung his head low, exhausted, strained . It was too much; he shouldn"t have rushed it .
He tried stirring his Qi, barely managing to summon a whiff to circulate through his body once . Even that, solitary action caused him to soak in cold sweat right after, his body temporarily quivering as a nauseating feeling overwhelmed him, nearly causing him to vomit his innards .
Taking a few deep breaths in succession, he managed to recover somewhat, lifting his head up once more . Right as he did, blood in his veins froze; she stood right there, by the bed"s edge, still as a frozen river . In her hands she held a small babe, fast asleep, sucking on its thumb .
Hannah wore long-wound, draped, white dress, her crimson hair spilled freely a stark contrast to it . The pair of emerald-green eyes stared at him, but he couldn"t see even a trace of anger or disappointment – just fear and joy . Tears welled at the corners of her eyes, breaking out soon after, folding over her rosy cheeks .
"… do you want some water?" she asked, quickly wiping her cheeks, holding Aaria with one arm while pouring a cup of water with the other . Lino nodded faintly as she walked up, helping him to a few gulps . The somewhat chilly water jolted him awake, seemingly cleansing whatever was stuck in his throat .
"… t-thanks . " he said somewhat groggily .
"… you hurt?" she asked, sitting on the bed, glancing over his body .
"I"ll… be fine . " Lino replied, trying to smile with little success .
"I was really worried, you know?"
"… I know . "
"Do you, though?" she asked, meeting his gaze once more .
"… o-of course I do—"
"I don"t think you do," she interrupted . "I don"t think you really understand how worried we are for you, Lino . Not just me . Everyone . Do you know… how silent the fortress is right now? Whereas we should be celebrating, celebrating so many things, we can"t . "
"…"
"Don"t look away . " she said, gently pulling his head back over until his eyes faced hers once more . "You can"t always look away, make a charming comment, and wait till it blows over . I"ve tried to tell you many times, many times, that you"re now a leader . But it seems to me you don"t understand what that implies . Not wholly, at least . "
"—I"m sorry…"
"I don"t need you to be sorry . We don"t need you to be sorry," she added, her lips curling up into a faint smile . "We know you, despite your crippling fears over it . I know you . I know you will never stop being who you are . I know you"ll never step back and push others to fight your battles, even if they"re unwinnable by you . I know you"ll never sacrifice the lives of others just so you can escape . I know you"ll gladly scar yourself time and again, and that you will never regret it . Not even if it costs you your life . "
"…"
"But, we need you to fear dying, Lino . We don"t need a fearless, dauntless leader," her voice grew a pitch lower as she glanced at the little girl in her arms . "We need someone who understands the full capacity and consequences of him suddenly dying . "
"… you think I don"t?" he asked .
"Then why are you testing the fate time and again?"
"Because I have to, Hannah . "
"You don"t," she said . "Not anymore, at least . Why didn"t you let Ella help you?"
"Because—"
"No more "because", Lino . Save the thinly veiled excuses for the public speech you"ll make to others," she interrupted . "Not for me . Tell me… do you love me?"
"I do . "
"Do you trust me?"
"I do . "
"Do you respect me?"
"… of course I do . " he met her eyes once more, biting his lower lip .
"Then why don"t we be honest with one another . Just this once . Forget the façade, the implied understanding . Be honest with me . Be honest with us . Why didn"t you let Ella help you?"
"… because… I"m terrified of her . " Lino mumbled after a short silence . "Because I"m terrified of her, Hannah…"
"… why?" Hannah asked, seemingly having expected the answer .
"For the same reason you are," Lino replied . "Because she"s a piece that doesn"t fit into any of the puzzles . I know… I know, deep in my heart, she would never let anything happen to me . I know she would even die for me . But… I just… can"t rectify it . I tried . So hard . I really did…"
"I know you did," she stretched out her free arm and caressed his cheeks warmly . "I know . But… tell me – what are our options?"
"… either to doubt her—"
"—or trust the kindness, love, and warmth she"d showed you your entire life . " Hannah completed the strung end of the sentence .
"… yeah . " Lino said, taking in a deep breath . "Or that . "
"We"re not simply trying to figure out our roles in all of this anymore, Lino . We know our roles . From now on, we have to figure out a path that takes us to the end of this nightmare . Together . "
"…"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah . "
"Did you learn anything new?" she asked, slowly snuggling next to him, holding onto Aaria carefully .
"Nothing I didn"t already know," Lino shrugged faintly . "Just that the end to all of this might not be too far away . I"ve seen One, by the way . "
"One? The Descent"s One?" Hannah asked, seeming somewhat shocked .
"Hm," Lino nodded . "It was his form of greeting me, I"m a.s.suming . A way of recognizing me . It looks like he won"t partic.i.p.ate in the Origin War . "
"… that"s good . Did you figure out how strong he is?"
"Heh…" he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head . "I"ve figured out nothing . Absolutely nothing . "
"… we will, one day . Until then… we can just take it slow . " Hannah said . "However many timers are pressing us to push onwards, n.o.body is forcing us to obey them to a tee . "
"… sometimes," he mumbled . "I forget just how brilliant you are . "
"Oh? You do? My, my…"
"Ha ha ha, yeah . How"s Aaria doing?"
"Great, now that her dad"s back . "
"Ouch . That was low . "
"Yeah," she nodded, grinning . "I felt it . Sorry . "
"… no matter," he said, kissing the young girl"s head gently . "I"ll become better… for you, for her, and for everyone else . I promise . "
"… I know you will," she said, leaning over and kissing him gently . "Because you always have . "