LEGEND OF THE GOLDEN TIGRESS

Xing had planned to leave for the Great Sands by herself once they got out of the city, to find Seiren as she still believed that he is alive. She heard a knock by the window of her carriage and she looked pus.h.i.+ng away the curtains to see Huojin riding beside her.

" Isn"t this what you always wished for? Everyone praising you? How many more lives will you sacrifice for that? ", he scoffed coldly and Xing saw the disgust in his eyes. Bai Li closed the curtain as he saw her looking exasperated and hurt.

"My little brother"s blood and my mother"s tears are all on you!", his cold voice seeped through the window making Xing shudder and she clenched her heart that hurt like it was being squeezed.

Most of them had decided that Seiren is dead already and that it would be a waste of time and energy to search for him anymore. Lady Zhong who had heard the news, fainted and she fell sick and is still under recovery. But she still sent his elder son to fight for the kingdom, now the Sky Kingdom is trying to attach them.

Zhong family is cursed by the G.o.ds to loyally serve the Empire afterall!

Xing drank a cup of wine to compose herself and changed her clothes to be more comfortable for riding a horse and got out of the carriage and went to the Emperor"s.

" Kouki, I have decided to look for Seiren in the deserts. I"ll leave on a horseback and return to the west by the time you"ll reach there", she told him.

The Emperor looked at her looking pale and frail and he felt bad for her. She didn"t seem well the past days and she only started to look more and more terrible each day. With the news of her cousin"s miscarriage, the trouble with the pharmacies and Seiren"s disappearance, she was exhausted physically and mentally.

Could she be able to survive in the desert alone?
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"No", he replied curtly. As much as he thought of her as a selfish person, he believed Seiren"s disappearance has nothing to do with her. Even though she is in love with his brother, what he did to Seiren cannot be blamed on her.

He was there when Seiren decided to leave and he saw the fight she put up with Seiren urging him not to leave. She even sent people to protect him. Seiren knew the danger he was in and went on his own accord. She cannot be blamed for that.

"I"m not asking for your permission", Xing replied and turned to leave the carriage. She didn"t have time to play games with anyone anymore. If she left now, she might be able to get some news from those who have already searched for him. Or if that does not work out, she was even willing to make a deal with Fei Lian to get information about Seiren"s whereabouts. She doesn"t have much to give in return to that G.o.d... But still... She felt the need to at least try.

"Huang Mingxia! I forbid you to leave", the Emperor bellowed with the authority he has as the one above all. She clearly looked like she is going to do something she might regret later and he wondered about mental health. Even with Seiren gone without news for this many days and from the testimony of Lin Mubai, it is mostly likely that.... And she still wouldn"t believe that...

"Hmpf", Xing snorted. He clearly thinks that his brother killed Seiren already , right? But I still trust Chenglei... He wouldn"t have killed Seiren!

She could not say how she knew it but she felt it in her heart that Chenglei won"t be able to kill Seiren.

"Do you think Chenglie killed Seiren too, Kouki?", she asked with her voice shaking. There were some noises outside with the guards wondering why the Emperor"s carriage is stopped.

The Emperor looked at her with his eyebrows knitted and lips pursed. He is thinking that but the way she bluntly asked him that as if she is blaming him made a tug in his heart. He wanted to tell her that looking at the situations... They"d been searching for him for two weeks.. Two weeks and not a single news about him is heard. It is highly likely, right?

He wanted to tell her that the man she trusts is a cold-blooded killer but seeing her eyes that were s.h.i.+mmering with trust he dared not to and he felt his heart feel sad for her.

What a naive girl!

"I"ll take my leave, your Majesty ", she bowed and stepped back to exit the carriage as the Emperor looked tongue-tied.

"Stop right there, you... Stiff-necked recalcitrant!", he bellowed again as an order seeing her leave.

Why is she trying to leave my side, knowing she might get her heart hurt? Why does she trust my brother that much?

"Why must I?", she shouted back clearly not appreciating his goodwill and Bai Li tried to get her tone down since the guards are outside.

Why is that whatever I try to do, I"m being blamed? If I do nothing I am being selfish... If I try to do something I am being defiant... Then what can I do to not get blamed?

Should I just give up and die? Would that shut them all up? Huh! But I"m not allowed to die as per the G.o.ds! I don"t even have that frigging freedom! Xing was crying inside.

"Because I am your husband!", he said as a matter of fact with his green jade eyes filled with complicated emotions . How could this woman care this less about herself? Can"t she stay beside him and get protected always?

Bai Li covered his face with his hands. The G.o.ds are going too far with this or... Did he truly fall for her? What a murky territory they are in!

"What?", Xing who felt her heart stopped beating, said after she composed herself after making herself believe that she misheard what he said. Surely the Emperor did not say that he is her husband, right?

The Emperor took a couple of steps towards Xing whose face was drained of all colour and he tried to hold her cheeks.

Why is my fated one this reluctant to be with me and want to leave me all the time? I just don"t want her to get hurt. I love her!

His heart hurt...

Xing who was shocked beyond anything, pushed his hand aside as an instinct and looked at his eyes that looked awfully identical to Chenglei"s... Their eyes were always similar with that emerald green colour and the golden specks... but the way the Emperor is looking at her now is exactly the same way Chenglei would look at her whenever he wanted to say, "I love you".

She knew...!

"You are my wife", his gentle voice rolled in her ears like a pearl on a silk cloth and it sent s.h.i.+vers down to her soul.

"No! I"m not!", she said without any hesitation , her voice shaking as her entire body felt heavy and her knees were weak and she watched his eyes redden with sorrow.

"I"m not, Your Majesty!", she repeated as she took a step back, taking a deep breath to compose herself but her hands could not stop trembling.

She could not tell why when it was someone else she had no qualms hurting them for thinking that way about her but with this man right in front of her, she always feels weak and scared for his feelings towards her.

Why is that? I could snap his neck if I want to but why am I getting scared of his feelings towards me? Why can"t I be mean to him? What feelings do I have towards him? This strong feeling that makes me scared of him? I know it surely is not the love I have towards Chenglei! And it is not the love I have towards Haru and my family either... So what feelings do I have towards him that makes me afraid of him?

It"s the G.o.ds... The G.o.ds... Confusing him... Torturing me... Is this the third time something like this is happening? And... He still is not taking back what he said... like the previous times.... Bad... This is bad!

I refuse to be here any longer...

"Bai Li! I"m out! I"m out!", Xing wanted to say but her throat went dry and she started coughing. Also, she felt her stomach churning with all the emotions she was feeling and wanted to retch as precipitation formed on her forehead and she covered her mouth with her hands.

Just then a knock was heard outside and a guard announced he had news to report.

Bai Li got the small piece of paper possibly sent through a bird and pa.s.sed it to the Emperor and Xing saw the Emperor clenching his fists and Xing plucked the paper and read it...

Yeah! This happens when I even think about leaving the palace! The reason I know I cannot leave! And now I know what feelings I have towards the Emperor that is making me scared of him...

GUILT!!!

I entered the palace to protect my family and friends and I decided to stay here after knowing everything for that reason and to protect the Emperor even knowing that there is a high possibility that he will fall for me...

To choose between hurting all my family by leaving the palace and hurting one person by staying inside the palace, I chose the latter, the lesser of two evils!

What a pity! I still cannot leave the palace knowing his feelings... Call me selfish... But I simply don"t have a choice and so I am feeling guilty towards him.

So, What should I do next?

"The body of Lord Zhong identified by his family"s guard, is found at the desert and brought to Hailu Town"

That was what the letter said.

Let"s take one step at a time, Xing decided.

"They misidentified!", Xing said taking a deep breath. It cannot be him because he is still alive!

She tore that piece of paper to shreds and got down from the carriage and asked a guard for a horse not thinking about anything else. Right now she has to go there to confirm it is not Seiren. She was particularly happy that at least some news surfaced about him.

"Take me to Hailu Town!", she ordered.

Seeing the Emperor behind her nodding the guard accepted and the Emperor who was flabbergasted that she is still blindly believing that Seiren is alive, followed them in another horse to the southern town.