Xing could not sleep that night as she had terrible nightmares that were so lucid. The last thing Fei Lian said before she cursed him refusing to take down the spell around the Imperial Place was "Remember what Yuan told you!"That G.o.d of Wind knew her master and he had a complicated expression, Xing could not pin on in his eyes. He seemed to be relieved, angry, surprised and tried to seem indifferent nonetheless. That G.o.d even mentioned that her master had put a spell of targeted memory loss on her. Xing realised that"s why she had forgotten all about her Master Yuan all this time.
Shengli realised she was not sleeping properly and lied beside her and hugged her back. He felt Xing being cold throughout her body and felt disappointed. He even thought the pill that G.o.d gave her would cure her but turns out it was some painkiller and it doesn"t seem to be working either.
In what seemed to be a vivid dream as her memories about her master, Xing was an eight year old and she was in that cave with her Master Yuan. He never let her show her face to him and he would shout at her if she forgets to wear her veil as if she had done some dreadful act. He hated her golden hair too. This made young Xing confirm her belief that she was ugly as first told by her good friend Haru.
"You think you are special? You are not! ", Master Yuan told her one day when she cried her hands hurt holding the sword for so long. There were blisters in her hands that hurt a lot and he didn"t even get medicines for her and made her train some more.
"Don"t be a whiney girl! Toughen up! They don"t need a girl!", he said one day when she cried because her knees got sc.r.a.ped and it got septic.
"Make yourself useful! You are expendable. Don"t think highly of yourself. You are nothing!", he said one day when she could not move because of hunger.
"Do not bow your head. You"ll get stomped", he sneered when she begged for water after a long run.
"Who would want someone useless? Get better at something. Only then there will be some respect for you. Otherwise you"ll die like a dog", he spitted out one night when there was no moon as she was scared of that eerie darkness.
Everyday he tried to break her but she survived each day. One day she could not hold on anymore and cried for her mother and she was s.h.i.+vering on the cold rocky ground of the cave. Her entire body felt heavy and she couldn"t even move.
"Shall we stop? You don"t want to be with your Prince anymore?", he master asked standing tall in front of her curled up pet.i.te form s.h.i.+vering without even fire in that cold damp cave.
"I only want to be with my Prince", She answered with her heart filled with spite for her master. Everytime she almost gave up, her master would bring up Chenglei and she would give up the idea of giving up.
"How stupid, just like... ", he"d mumble. "Love only brings trouble"
"You are wrong, Master Yuan!" she gathered her strength and sat up with her eyes red because of the high fever, "Love brings only happiness"
Boy! Wasn"t I naive!
Xing remembered that was the only time she got fever and she started convulsing because of the high temperature and she fainted immediately after. She only had vague memories after that. The warmth she felt being wrapped around those strong arms of her master and his sobs,
"I"m sorry.... I"m sorry for... "
"I had to..."
"Forgive me... Forgive this old fool for..."
"It was my selfishness that brought all this..."
"You"ll have to be strong because..."
"It"s the only way"
His big hands wiped her forehead and he placed a kiss on her forehead,
"You really look like my...."
Xing who was in an out of consciousness could only hear bits and pieces of what he said and she could feel him sobbing, hugging her closely as she was laying on his lap with him sitting cross legged.
Xing who is actually kind at heart could not bear her Master crying and she even forgot about her sickness and hugged his neck,
"Master Yuan", she spoke in Guyu language with her childish voice and her stiffed nose making her feel so feeble, "Don"t cry... I"ll do what I should do... So please don"t cry... I"ll finish what I"ll have to do for you and after that go back to my Prince. So don"t cry."
Her master who was holding her like a baby tightened his grip on her and took a deep breath resting his forehead on her small, narrow shoulder, " Aren"t you my mother? Just fight till the end, my dear... ", he whispered and Xing didn"t understand what he meant and went back to sleep before he finished talking . That was the only day her master was gentle with her and soon after that he left her with her mother and she had forgotten all about him till now.
Xing woke up in the morning to see Shengli not around and her mood was extremely depressed. She felt like everyone around her only wanted her for some reason, the G.o.ds and her Master and who knows, even Her family is with her only because she is their blood and they actually hate her. Shengli is hiding more things from her too and refusing to even look at her in the eye.
I have no one!
Xing"s heart was filled with various negative thoughts as she cleaned up and changed her clothes and told Xu mama that she"ll take walk and left not heeding the cries of Xu Mama to stop her.
Xing walked towards the mountain as no one can follow her there and disturb her. The sun was rising just then and the snow on the ground was getting loose as spring was approaching and Xing could not listen to the beautiful song of the birds around her and walked where her feet took her.
As she was walking aimlessly on the mountain, she was intercepted by ZhuRong. Xing didn"t know what this G.o.ddess had against her but she always looked at her with hate.
"Are you here to find medicine for your infecundity?", her chin was up and her eyes were looking down on Xing, proclaiming superiority over her.
Xing felt her heart skip a beat by her question and she lost her balance and held on to a tree nearby. The G.o.ddess seemed pleased by the paled expression of Xing, " Never mind, you won"t find it!"