"I"m infertile and the cure cannot be found?"Xing felt like the ground beneath her feet slipping up and she stood straight just by the support of the tree she was leaning on. She knew something was wrong because until yesterday there was a seasonal river flowing south of her as if it was monsoon season and today after that G.o.d sneaked some pill inside her, she is fine.
Also taking in the fact that Shengli"s inability to look her in the eye, her brother and the Emperor"s melancholic glances, she Kind of guessed that might be the case. That Poison s.h.i.+hong slipped inside her that day... That must be the reason.
As Xing"s rational mind was making deductions putting two and two together, the G.o.d of Fire started to mock her,
" Poor you... How useless you are! It serves OUR purpose though.. ", she sneered.
Xing felt her emotions overwhelm with her statement.
I REALLY AM USELESS! I cannot carry my prince"s children! My Prince knew about it and he hid it from me! I am no longer a woman and that was planned by these G.o.ds too? How cruel they must be to me for making me bow to their wishes? Are they closing every door of my escape so that I will cower to their antics and accept the command they gave me?
Or is this G.o.ddess lying to me? Xing wanted to at least have a sliver of hope left. She wanted what that G.o.ddess told her to be a lie.
Xing felt her throat closing and before she knew her surroundings got blurry as tears formed in her eyes and her heart felt tight and she wanted to wail burying her head in Shengli"s chest. But looking at the derisive G.o.dess in front of her, she held her tears back. She is not that much of a fool to shed tears in front of a person who obviously hated her for some reason.
Xing tried to get out from there as she didn"t want that G.o.ddess to see her broken look but she just appeared in front of her again. She was h.e.l.l bent on teasing her.
How mighty of her to stomp on a mortal when I am down, especially when I"m supposed to do her work for her! To kill a G.o.d!
Xing felt bitter but she didn"t have the energy to argue with her and let herself to be mocked. For her, It seemed like her life was at rock bottom now and she was free to be stomped and trampled on. What self-respect? What dignity? Nothing can be of help now!
Xing, who was in a state of emotional turmoil, decided to just stop dodging the G.o.ddess and let her mock her to her heart"s content and came to a halt. If that"s how it should be, then so be it!
"Ha", the G.o.ddess started to talk but a big streak of gold swept in front of Xing pinning the G.o.ddess to a tree.
It was Fei Lian in his tiger form!
"Speak a word more and I will snap your neck, you ignorant, useless, piece of s.h.i.+t!", his claws were digging in her shoulders making the G.o.ddess cry in pain.
Can he do this? Xing wondered but she didn"t care enough to put more thought to it.
"You"d speak like this for her?", that G.o.ddess gritted her teeth and spoke enduring her pain. Her lips were trembling and her eyes were red filled with deep despair.
"I"ll kill you for her, if needed... Beware!", Fei Lian was enraged and Xing didn"t feel anything for that.
What is the use doing stuff like this for me, when I am always left alone when I actually need help? And judging by his reaction it seems like what that G.o.ddess said is true... I am infertile.
"I"ll take down the spell around the palace in exchange for my cure.... So please.. ", Xing who had lost the last shred of her dignity, begged to that G.o.d.
They want that spell to be broken, I want me cured. It"s a win-win bargain right?
But the expression in Fei Lian"s face who was still holding the G.o.ddess was surprise mixed with extreme pity and helplessness. He was surprised that there would be a day he would see the haughty mortal he saw grew up in front of his eyes would use the word "Please" and mean it, while negotiating. But sadly he could offer her no help in this matter.
Xing turned to leave leaving the G.o.ds to their own fights. She didn"t want to beg more if they are not willing to help her anyway.
Xing felt blank for some time as she wandered on the mountain. She didn"t want to go back to Shengli and she didn"t want to stay here. For the first time in her life she felt like she doesn"t belong anywhere. She has nowhere to go!
But in a corner of her heart, she didn"t want to give up hope and searched for the cure by herself in the mountain. If Fei Lian cannot help, the Heavenly Emperor who had promised that she"ll get anything she wants in these mountains is bound to help her right?
Xing searched the entire mountains high and low, in every nook and corner even to the highest of the cliffs while her beautiful pale blue robes got smeared with dirt and dust and even tore in some places because of the rough terrain and the th.o.r.n.y bushes predominantly found in these mountains, wounded her hands covering it with a thin layer of blood.
Still, she could find nothing... Not a thing!
Xing tripped in a root of a tree and fell on her knees on the mushy ground and started sobbing as the sun was directly above her head. She remembered that white peac.o.c.k"s words, "You"ll find anything if it is meant to be! "
Of course! There is always a catch on every promise a G.o.d gives. How naive of me to believe everything? How naive of me to think that I can do anything... How naive of me to think I am suited for My Prince? He is the sky and I am a muddy puddle... My worth is to be trampled upon by everyone... It was my punishment for thinking I deserve him... How could I? I"m trouble... I"m useless... And it was my fault too... If only I didnt drink the Poison from that Eunuch, I"d have had enough power to stand against s.h.i.+hong and that Old Rong..
Then I wouldn"t have been poisoned by s.h.i.+hong and ended up in this state....
How am I even remotely worthy of Chenglei now? He deserves a woman by his side.. Not some pathetic excuse of someone like me... A barren....
Xing sat on the cold damp ground and leaned her head on the tree and cried to her heart"s content not caring about the time pa.s.sing. She could feel the surroundings getting cold as evening was approaching.
-----
Shengli who was watching over Xing the entire night, didn"t sleep well as she was sleep talking. He knew her talk with the G.o.ds that day would have made her gloomy as was he. But Shengli could feel like she was freezingly cold that night and his efforts to warm her up went futile. She even cried and she muttered, "Why me?" a lot of times making him feel helpless.
He didn"t know how to answer her if she asked him either.
In the morning,he woke up early to get sweet buns from the shop she really liked and went out and planned to return before she wakes up. But by the time he returned, Xing had already left to the mountain behind the temple. He knew that mountain range is her turf and she"ll be safe there and she"ll need some time to be alone and think about everything that had happened recently.
She might not be that strong mentally, but she always stands up after falling down and she"ll be much stronger than before everytime. As long as the fact about her hurt womb is not revealed to her, she will be fine after a good thinking and he was fine with whatever decision she may come up with in regards to everything happening recently. If there is something that is bothering her too much she always tells him everything too.
As far as the outside world, the sudden death of the entire Ran House had created serious rumours but not much loss had happened politically as Xing had made a controlled explosion. All his money Lord Ran converted was returned to the Emperor by Feiye and it was added to the National Treasury. All the businesses owned by Ran family were taken over by the Huang family. Everyone had been wondering about the skills of the great businessman who could even predict such thing and took over their businesses promptly. An Eagle catches its prey without fail!
Eunuch Xin was executed and the entire inner court was cleaned up. Everyone was replaced and new set of servants were brought in under the supervision of the Prime Minister.
The Pure Consort Ran had killed herself after knowing the fate of her family and the Gentle Consort Shu was made the Priestess of the Kingdom according to her wishes.
The preparations of the Coronation were undergoing and even the name of the Huang and Zhong families were considered taboo to be talked by others as their status had been raised by leaps and bounds in the last few days.
It was almost evening when Shengli started to worry why Xing hadn"t returned yet. She hadn"t eaten anything for long either and he felt some intuition in his heart and it was not good.
Still, she will come back to me! She never does anything without telling me!
Shengli decided to wait for her return.