"Xing!"Xing who was trying to unlock the door heard the gentle voice of her man near her ears and she gasped unconsciously.
"You are here too!", she said turning and looking at Chenglei.
What is going on? Why are they brought here? Is it really his place or somewhere else that looks like it?
Xing was filled with various thoughts but she decided to have a look at Chenglei in front of her. He looked tired and unkempt but his eyes were looking at her the same way he always looked at her - with gentleness and love and his smile reached his eyes as he tried to hug her but for her it looked like he is judging her.
"Come here", he took a step forward trying to hold her and his expression froze when she took a couple of steps back.
" Did you try? The door is not opening", she said pointing at the door with a forced smile as if that was the most important thing then.
Chenglei just stared at her, whose eyes were still amber and wondered that if it might stay that way. Her hair suddenly changed colour after the library incident and stayed that way too. She really looked like a tiger with that hair and eyes. And she seemed to be hiding a lot in those eyes.
"Xing!", he said and for Xing that reminded her of the way he cried for her in that dream.
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He didn"t know what else to say. A lot had happened in the past few months and he didn"t know what changed in her. Last time they met she wanted to tell him some things but was unable to. She was even scared of Fei Lian then. But now, She seemed to be not that thrilled to see him or being alone with him.
Is she okay?
Xing could not look him in the eyes as she felt guilty. Those eyes felt like they were accusing her even though it wasn"t. She didn"t realise it was the guilt she felt by her own decision that is keeping her from her man who is standing just some feet away from her.
"Is it really you, my Prince?", she asked and Chenglei saw her slanting her head looking at him with her eyes scrunched as if she was worried that he might be an illusion.
"Who else am I? Xing, what happened? Tell me! Get here ", he found her questions weird and tried to hold her in his arms.
What happened, my moon?
"I cheated on you", Xing tried to say it emotionless but her voice trembled as she said it and her eyes were fixed on him as if she is testing his reactions.
"... What?", his throat bobbled as he said it but he wanted to think that he misheard. She did not say that she cheated on me!
"Come on, Xing, stop playing around and get here", he said, this time his voice has lost a part of it"s gentleness.
What is she spouting?
He still tried to get closer to her. She must be tired and is spouting nonsense.
"I said, I cheated on you!", she shouted this time enunciation each word, her distant golden eyes still fixed on him and his hands that were raised to hug her paused.
"I cheated on you with...."
"ENOUGH!",he roared with his hands raised in the air but this time it was ready to slap her. His chest heaved up and down and his blood was boiling with rage shown in his reddened eyes. He didn"t want to hear any further. He didn"t want to hear her saying his brother"s name.
How dare she? While he was out there suffering and scheming to end everything, to pave way for them to be together, what is she saying she did?
Xing saw him raising his hands at her and she turned her cheek at him.
Hit me! Let me feel something! Tell me I am not dreaming!
But the pain she expected never came and she opened her eyes when she headed the noise of the kitchen utensils breaking. Je had gone to the kitchen and showing his rage to the poor porcelain dishes. She rubbed her forehead and slid her back down the door and sat down on the floor.
She still wasn"t entirely sure that this wasn"t a dream but she was sure the previous dream where she died did happen.
That dream might happen or not. But she still remembered the painful scream of Chenglei. It still brings s.h.i.+vers to her bones and let"s her stay awake at night. That cry that could melt a stone... Him crying for her!
He must not suffer like that! No matter what!
If I say this he will hate me! It will break his heart but it won"t be as bad as his despair when he sees me dead. If I say this he will hate me enough to not feel that devastated if I actually die killing Old Rong.
Xing sat there hugging her knees and buried her head in her knees. By how angry he looked, he might have believed her. It hurts! But... It"s fine!
Xing trusted Fei Lian to some extent when he said he will protect her life. But who knows what might happen? He has to follow the rules of his realm! In case the dream happened as it was, she didn"t want Chenglei to follow her to death. She wanted him to have a happy life without her. He had suffered enough and he doesn"t have to suffer more.
I"m sorry, my love! This is the only way I could think of to help you have a happy life even without me, if I die. You don"t have to suffer with me anymore...! I will find a way to find Old Rong and s.h.i.+hong by myself and kill them both.
And if I don"t die, after I finish what I have to do, I will kneel in front of you and apologise to you for lying to you and beg you to accept me. I know you will forgive me!
Xing sighed as Chenglei was still throwing things around in the kitchen.
Just let you anger out and conclude to hate me, my love! This is the only considerate Decision I could make for your sake! The first time I am not being selfis.h.!.+ Me wis.h.i.+ng for your happiness, even without me!