Xing knew Chenglei was following her. Back then when she lost her mother, he followed her too. That day he asked her to share her sorrows with him and ever since then she always relied on him. But the one following her now, is not the one who she could rely on.Chenglei! If you were going to forget me like this, you never should have spoiled me! I used to be able to not cry and keep everything deep inside my heart! You were the one who made me able to express my sorrows properly and now.... You"ve abandoned me.
Xing gripped the urn she had in her hands tightly. All she now wanted was to be in a silent place burying every sorrow inside her heart like she used to before.... Before her mother died, before he came back for her after leaving her for years, before she had a father,before she was free to do whatever she wanted.
When, she had control of her own life.
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After she composed herself and get a hold of herself, she"d return back to her husband and her Manor. Where else would she go, if not there?
I still have nowhere to go other than to him, neither do I want to find another place. I"m stupid!
But I need a little break for now.
Xing looked at the urn in her hand and took a deep breath. If she could do it before, she could do it now too.
Yes! Nothing is bad! Everything is fine!
She tried to compose herself. But her master"s dying face came to her mind.
This is going to be tough! She sighed.
And that"s when she remembered the odd thing.
Even though Bai Li said it was the Dark One who opened the portal to the netherworld letting all the other darksouls out, the timing was odd.
"How come the Dark One was able to open the portal the moment I had a spat with the G.o.d of death?"
She refused to believe it was coincidental both happening at the same time.
"And Master Yuan, he is the enemy of G.o.ds and got cursed, right? Where will his soul be sent after this? Will he be punished in his next life too?"
Xing decided to make a trip to the heavens to find out about it and also what the situation is there now that the portals are closed.
Just as she was about to think of the ways to get to the Heavenly Council, she felt a strong hand grabbing her arm.
"Are you going to him?", Chenglei asked,his face red and his eyes filled with anger. He had been calling out to her all this time and she is just ignoring him.
"Wh.. Who?", Xing who didn"t hear anything he said till then, looked at his angry face and wondered how she got him mad, again.
Is my silence angering him now? And who is this "him" he is referring to?
"Your Prince... The one in your heart. The one you love"
"Wh", it took a minute for her to register what he is saying.
Don"t I love only him? And why is he speaking like there is someone else?
" What do you mean?", she asked still not understanding what he meant.
By the way, how did he know that I used to refer him as "My Prince"?
Her clueless look even after he explained everything made him enraged.
Does she have no shame? Even after I bring it up, she is refusing to talk to me about it?
Xing noticed him getting angry for no reason once again and turned to walk away from him.
"I"ll...", "be back in a while"
Those were the words she was about to utter but it was swallowed by Chenglei"s bitter words.
"You are married to me and yet you are shamelessly running to your lover?"
Chenglei saw her about to leave even without answering him properly and lost his last shred of patience and spewed those words out of desperation.
Xing paused and turned to look at him with his fists clenched and his breathing was erratic and he was gritting his teeth.
He means what he says? He actually thinks I have a LOVER?
Her already bleeding heart stopped beating for a moment as she didn"t know how to react.
Surely I must have mistaken, she thought. There is no other way that he actually said what I think he said.
"My lover?", she repeated hoping that he retracts what he said.
"Yes"
"Your lover"
Xing closed her eyes as her heart got to a great turmoil and the already dark clouds started to cry in the form of rain just like her heart was crying.
"Your lover you gave all your firsts to. The one you are waiting for. The one... "
Chenglei went on his ramble and thunders helped Xing not to hear what he said further.
"You are believing that I"m the kind of woman Who"d marry another while having someone else in my heart?", she opened her eyes and cut him off who was still speaking about this supposed lover she never knew she had.
Chenglei paused his ramble and looked at the woman in front of her who spoke like she was in deep pain and his heart clenched.
At that moment, big drops of rain fell from the clouds making a thin veil of white in between them. Her dark back hair got wet and the cold drops of rain dripped through her face making her pale face look translucent. Her thick, dark lashes were wet probably because of the rain... Or is she crying?
" I... I did force you to marry me", his tone softened a lot as he stepped towards her. He didn"t want to hurt her but it seemed like he did.
Like a child who touched a flame, she took a step back. Her eyes were clear as it looked at him and it told him not to get close making him s.h.i.+ver.
" Heh!", she sneered shaking her head as she ran her tongue through her pink lips that were glossy, "You thought you were trapping me just by announcing out wedding in the court? You thought I would give face to the Emperor and agree to marry just anybody? You thought I"m that kind of woman who"d bow down to authority betraying her heart?", her voice gradually became shaky with every word she spoke and she looked like she had a spear had pa.s.sed through her heart.
"JiaXing, I...", Chenglei realised how right she is about herself and how dumb he has been till then.
She did erase the one in her heart away before she married me! But I was the one who thought she still had him in her heart and hurt her needlessly.
" If you thought of me this way... Why did You marry me, Lord Li? With all those extravaganza.... That day at the New Year"s banquet.... Why? What purpose did I serve you, Prince Jin?", she took a deep breath looking up as the rain cleansed her face, "Someone you thought is a wh*re? Someone you knew to be a barren?", her eyelashes were lined with water droplets and she tried hard to not blink her eyes because she knew she"d break down.
"Shh", she raised her hand showing him her palm to stop him from speaking. Never in her life did she think that she"d be standing like this in front of him accused by him for thinking of another man while married to him.
Did he think like this all this time? While we missed, while we made love? He thought I had someone else in my heart yet doing this with him?
If so why did he marry me?
"I know...", she scoffed, "You wanted the high hanging fruit... The one flower high up the peak.... To brag to your peers....", she held the urn in one hand and stretched the other hand and spoke in a deep voice mimicking him,
""Look at me! I got Tang JiaXing, the one and only. She is beautiful, rich, smart and look how she is caged in my Manor now obediently like a good wife. Look how I tamed the untamable wild horse and made her ...."
"Enough JiaXing!", Chenglei shouted angrily.
What is she blabbering? What is she saying? Why would I want to rule over her? Why did she think that way?
"Getting angry now, your highness? Then tell me why you married a woman you knew cannot give you an heir if not as a decorative piece to add to your resplendent Manor?", she shouted back.
She really couldn"t take it that she was blamed of cheating by him. And she forgot she could have tried telling him that he was the one she used to call "My Prince". More than forgetting she was already broken and wasn"t thinking straight and also she had tried telling him plenty of times, unsuccessfully and she had lost all hope.
" Why? You are asking me why? Why else you dumb woman? Because I want you, I need you.. ", he could not continue seeing the look despise in her face.
Because I love you!
"Of all the things I"ve done in my life, marrying you was the one thing I did with overwhelming joy, utmost sincerity and with great expectations. But you...Just wanted me and needed me? As a... Slave? Is that why you treated me like a captive, fearing I"d escape your gilded cage? I have nothing to say to you ", she turned hugging the urn not noticing Chenglei kneeling dejected on the ground.
Her words stung! It stung deeply! Is that what she thinks of me? What if she cannot bear children? I never minded that. I just wanted her to love me and needed her by my side as my support. What is wrong with that?
Taming her?
Decorative piece?
Gilded cage?
Why would she say all those heavy words? Is that how she felt?
He looked up to see that woman... That woman who created a hurricane on his heart walking with her back straight in the rain. The blood stains in her robes were smudging making her robes hideous.
Stop!
He wanted to scream but his heart stopped as he saw her disappearing right before his eyes. He stood up immediately shouting her rain and ran in the direction she went and she was not there.
The rain shower stopped abruptly the moment she disappeared too.
She"s gone! She is gone! The thing I feared came to pa.s.s! What should I do?
It"s my fault! I knew she is a prideful woman yet treated her badly. But still... Why did she leave me?
Chenglei in his wet robes and dishevelled hair, tried to find his wife who had left him all around the mountain.
---
Xing in the other hand appeared at the Heavenly Audience Hall with the urn tightly clasped in her hand.
After she spoke whatever that came in her mind to Chenglei, she felt like she should take some time alone and decided to not think about Chenglei anymore for some time.
He really didn"t marry me out of love!
Her heart broke with the thought but the urn in her hand gave her the next task she should do.
Only by doing something, did she think she would be able to keep herself sane.
As she thought of the Heavenly Council, she could feel a portal opening for her.
Is it because I am the Prince of Heavens?
But then she realised that wasn"t the case. It should be because of her Master.
Before she plunged the sword in his heart he was mumbling something. That should be a spell.
Master Yuan.... Not only he closed all the portals but also he sealed them with his blood using a spell.
And his insistence on me killing him myself...
It should be because...
Right!
Because I killed him, I hold the key to the portals! I am the guardian of all the portals!
That Master of mine! Even when he died he put a check on everything and gave the key to his descendant so that I could be protected!
Xing could not hide the smile in her face and automatically tears formed in her eyes.