Chapter 136: Lunatic Guan
Translator: EndlessFantasy Translation Editor: EndlessFantasy Translation
Lunatic Guan’s home was rather messy, one could step into a pile of utilities or miscellaneousness right by the entrance. Ye Chong had to lift his every step in caution or he would actually initiate an avalanche from the mountain piles of items in the room and be engulfed by it. The scene reminded him of the trashes back on Trash Planet-12 though.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Shang"s voice rang. He sounded impressed, "It looked like you had met quite an intriguing lady." It was for the women again, of course, "Eh, it felt like an old spinster with mentality issues? Kekeke, Ye, take care and good luck!" Shang rejoiced the catastrophe coming to our hero soon.
Ye Chong did not seem to be interested in joining Shang’s chatter. However, as he understood deep in his heart that no matter what sort of reply he made, be it sarcasm or bland statement, it would only make the artificial intelligence more excited. So Ye Chong decided to give the artificial intelligence some silent treatment, let him have his slice of self-indulgence in relations.h.i.+p that Ye Chong could never convey.
"Kekekeke…" Shang teasingly laughed on, "Ay! Almost forgot! Ye your heart did not belong to the outside, it’s all belonged to that fist-fighting la.s.s! … Kek… Ye, I feel your heartbeat racing~!" Shang’s pride was demonstrated through the mechanical ups-and-downs in his tone.
The garb of pure whiteness flashed in his mind as the veins on his forehead pumped uncontrollably, his nose sensed as hooked by the strange aroma again, and his tongue felt coated by the slipperiness of something before…
And Ye Chong actually zoned out for a moment.
He was pulled back to the ground of the Orbits after perceiving sounds of graceless footsteps by his ears.
He took a look at the hazy Lunatic Guan in her hangover.
Lunatic Guan was around 28 to 29 years old, she was rather demure, judging by how Shang exclaimed upon seeing her… although it would be a killing challenge to ask Ye Chong to judge from his view. Her mind was still on the other side of the Orbits, she was sort of unconscious, flushed and disheveled, with her s.h.i.+rt sliding to one side, exposing that fair left shoulder of hers. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were magically appearing back and fro through the loosened clothing of hers. She seemed to be unaware of her striptease... in spite of that, as the cup rested upside down in her slender hand like herself.
Gasp!
It was not Ye Chong. He heard it clearly from Shang. Nevertheless after attending loyally to Shang’s every motivational session, none of his outrageous behavior seemed to surprise Ye Chong anymore.
Ye Chong simply did not get it, the way of how one judged someone’s appearance. Fundamentally, everyone has the same number of eyes, ears, nose and mouth. Nothing strikingly different there was. Certainly Ye Chong could understand the fact that there are differences at some point. For instance, he was well-aware of the differences in his eyes and ears, as his sight and hearing were way more sensitive; for his smell and taste though, they were slightly inferior. However! Ye Chong could never be convinced the fact that one could justify such difference of strength at first sight, even for someone like Mu!
If that was the case, probably such difference in strength was not one of the factors contributing to the so-called "aesthetic judgment" by Shang.
a.s.suming it was based on the facial muscularity in actuality… Well, Ye Chong believed he lacked such knowledge as he could hardly imagine how the muscles on one’s face could do anything positive to combats. If these lumps could do no good in battle, how would one determine their quality? Presuming that Shang meant hair, that would do nearly nothing to battle too! In fact, it was on the contrary - having an overgrown hair would affect the progress of the battle negatively. So it would be most appropriate to stay bald provided that one was on Trash Planet.
Bald would be considered the beauty then…
But Ye Chong had never heard Shang complimenting a bald female!
Then how the heck do I even judge one’s beauty? Ye Chong was utterly dumbfounded. It was challenging indeed!
"Ahh…" A mechanical moan from Shang beeped by, "Oh my Fal… Oh heavens, how in the world? How in the world there would lie such an absolute beauty at such a shabby place? Ye, I’m done! Ye, I. Am. Done. For!"
"Shang, what’s wrong?" Ye Chong was startled.
"Umm, Ye." His voice was shaking, "This is what we called ‘being shot by the arrow’. And I’m sure I had been shot."
"Arrow?" Ye Chong panicked as he looked around quickly, but there was nothing… although Ye Chong still kept his guard high, "Could it be a new form of archery? Of using a projectile of invisibility? Wave-based arrows? No! It is a ray arrow?" Ye Chong got into his stance right away, awaiting the moment Shang confirmed the wounding strike. Then he would deploy the Guardian and blast off in the speed of light instantly. With the Guardian they would be in good hands, it had to be this female who a.s.sa.s.sinated Shang, then Ye Chong would kill this despicable feline at the quickest speed possible so he could spend more time to find this ballista of revolutionary in leisure!
ZZzt!
Shang almost crashed himself! "Ye, do you really have not the slightest humanity?"
"Humanity? But Shang, you said you got shot, I clearly heard it! Mhm, considering how weaponry this ancient could do you no harm, it has to be a new kind of weapon that involves ray beams or some sort of impulsive waves. That would be more likely." Ye Chong’s tone was dead serious.
Zzt! It was super effective.
Shang fainted… nearly. "Ye, have you not heard of the arrow of Cupid?"
"Arrow of Cu- what?" Ye Chong did not understand it. "What company makes it? What’s the exact specs? The model? The brand? What does it do exactly? What are the capacities? I don’t think I have seen such a sophisticated product before…" Ye Chong was dead serious, pondering.
ZzZZzt!
Shang could not hold it any longer, he launched a full barrel of lecture, "Ye, you freaking beast! Could you be a little more normal sometimes? You don’t even know the arrow of Cupid? You and your b.l.o.o.d.y head filled with endless fighting, killing, ma.s.sacre and your b.l.o.o.d.y mechs and your b.l.o.o.d.y modifications! When in the century would you learn the true meaning of life?" The very last sentence was uttered romantically in stark sentiments by Shang, which tickled Ye Chong from the soul, that his hair went standing.
"Does it have anything to do with this?" Ye Chong was bewildered. Well it seemed like Shang was not attacked, so it was a relief.
"Ay…" Shang was depressed, "I must admit it was my misconduct to have left you in such demise. Talking about the true meaning of life with you, is like talking to walls. Nothing productive comes back."
"But Mu said walls do produce something. They produce echoes and the sound reflects back." reb.u.t.ted Ye Chong.
"Oh my Fal Galaxy. Holy matrimony! What kind of … thing! Are both of you? Heavens what have I done to stay with both of them?" Shang’s tone was filled with tears, he howled in grief.
"Hmmmmmmmmm?" a sweet tone going upwards pretentiously.
"Ye, my cute Ye boy, what is that stare? Missing me? Loving the good old me?" Lunatic Guan’s eyes were hazier than ever, tripping her steps, collapsing anytime it seemed. The tone was seductive.
"Magnefique! This is gorgeous!" Shang exclaimed. "Ye, do you know what it is? It’s known as the Twirling Tongue Tease! According to a research on women, ladies who spoke in such tease hold an alluring arousing appearance - a G.o.d’s gift! I never knew, never knew the slightest, that in a filthy place like this, a beauty, a beauty of such otherworldliness stood, just stood right there!" No one seemed to get what Shang was saying anymore… his tone was intensely pa.s.sionate that it felt like some gibberish generated from dictionary.
No doubt, Ye Chong did not understand a single sentence uttered by this lunatic indulgence. He probably only got the part where Shang emphasized on how good Lunatic Guan was. She’s… good? His eyes were rolled into the realm of his head, wondering how Hei Zi would be jumping around and seeing the dinner he had last night returning if he heard what Shang had said.
Ye Chong took a careful look at Lunatic Guan, still, he did not identify anything good on her… other than her hands. They were a nice pair of hands, which they were fair, with great proportion. Ye Chong’s eyes could even discern the fine distribution of muscles on the arms. Slender yet agile hands! The downside though… Ye Chong was sighing, the skin was too fair. Fragile, feeble, torn upon touch, the defense would be poor.
But thinking of how she was actually a chemist who fought in a laboratory with chemicals, rather than a real hand-to-hand fighting, Ye Chong was confused of his judgment once again.
Lunatic Guan had gotten used to Ye Chong’s silence, just like how Ye Chong had gotten used to her drunk lunatic self. Most of his visits happened to spot her alcoholic self slurring and rolling around while twitching in some insanity sometimes, which were the reasons why Hei Zi showed reluctance of paying her a visit and also why her name being "Lunatic" Guan.
"Oh… Gulp. Don’t tell… Don’t tell me, you had finished your… your… strengthening liquid… che-chemical again…" She swung her cup, "Wait… no. You had taken tons before this… You-You can’t have used all up already…" Lunatic Guan was shocked and she giggled as she teased, "So… you did miss the good old me, eh? Ye my boy. Hahahaha, hmm? Why don’t, why don’t, I accompany our poor, poor, poor lonely Ye boy tonight? Only tonight!"
"Holy!" Shang sounded mesmerized, "Gorgeous!" He sounded impatient, "Ye, say yes to that statement, go green light! Please make sure you accept the world’s greatest offer!"
Of course Ye Chong directly showed ignorance towards the unwanted cheerleading counseling service.
"It’s not about the strengthening chemical, ma’am." Ye Chong spoke on, "Master called me here to learn about alchemy from Aunt Guan."
Lunatic Guan flinched… and then she began making glances over Ye Chong, "Well, I can’t tell at first sight. Looks like your master had some expectations on you… for he actually asked you here to learn alchemy from me. How could I miss such hint? Tsk, tsk, they say you shouldn’t judge a wine by its bottle and I guess it’s true. The good old me had seen it wrong!" She probably meant "judge a book by its cover"…
"Well," Ye Chong asked abruptly. "What does Aunt Guan think about this?"
"Kekekekekekekeke… Jajajajajaja…" Lunatic Guan went lunatic for a moment, "Ay, Ye my little boy, how many times must I remind you? Call me Sister! ‘Aunt Guan, this.’ and ‘Aunt Guan, that’, you and your naming are making me old!" She might had gone lunatic, but Ye Chong saw her hand holding the cup, her fingers twirling the handle, justifying the fact that she was considering it.
So Ye Chong stayed quiet as he waited for a clear, conscious reply from her.
…
… …
It was a moment of silence between both of them.
The fingers stopped twirling. "So, what do you think?" Ye Chong quickly spoke, in his usual monotonous tone.
Lunatic Guan looked quite surprised. Apparently she did not expect Ye Chong to grasp the timing so accurately.
The cheeky smile on her face vaporized somehow. Her expression was stern out of sudden, which Ye Chong saw it the first time ever on her. Her bottomless pupils rolled over Ye Chong and rolled back to the center, as she looked into the cup, her words fell slow, "If it’s an order by your master, if you really wanted to come here and learn alchemy, I wouldn’t mind…" Her voice trailed off.
"Mhm. Conditions? What about the conditions?" asked Ye Chong with his still face.
"Well, conditions, there"s none…" Lunatic Guan’s eyes looked greatly impressed, "If you want to learn alchemy from me, there are indeed a few rules and regulations from me. If you could not obey them, I won’t be teaching you at all, even if your master came and tried convincing me," the last sentence went grim.
"Ok," Ye Chong was not horrified. "State it," his tone fell flatly.
"First, what your master intended was probably for you to master the formula of a few kinds of strengthening liquid. But, since you came for me, I’ll decide what I want to teach and you can leave only after I admitted your expertise in this! You cannot simply leave on a whim anytime before this. Of course, you are allowed to get back to your master occasionally," she spoke serenely.
"No problem," Ye Chong replied after a moment of pondering,
"Second, you are my student and you will do as what I have instructed, no doubt, no bargain and most importantly, no slacking!"
"Okay."
"Third, whatever place I forbid you to go and whatever item I disallow you to touch, do not, ever, go, and do not, ever, touch it! If I caught you, you better be able to face the consequences." Though the regulation came nonchalantly, Ye Chong could smell the danger between the words for some reason.
"I am not a curious person to begin with," Ye Chong was confident of this side of his personality.
"Think it through," stated Lunatic Guan.
"Done it," replied Ye Chong. "I agree."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure."
"Hm, alright. For starters, clean this room, organize everything." The first instruction was tossed over Ye Chong as Lunatic Guan burped, turned and walked away in grace.
"Ye."
"Regarding those words…"
"Ye, I’m taking every word that I’ve said!" No cure for regrets, Shang… Horrified Shang upon seeing the piling junks in the room. His mechanical heart ran colder than ever.