"What happened?"
"Help me...."
Jocke"s eyes were now fully accustomed to the dark and he could see the child stretch out a pale arm. The body was naked, probably raped. No. When he got close he saw that the child was not naked, was simply wearing a pink top. How old? Ten or twelve. Maybe he had been knocked down by his "friends." Or her. If it was a girl that was less likely.
He crouched down next to the girl and took her hand.
"What happened to you?"
"Help me. Lift me up."
"Are you hurt?"
"Yes."
"What happened?"
"Lift me up...."
"Is it your back?"
He had been drafted into the medical corps during his compulsory military training and knew you shouldn"t lift people with neck or back injuries unless you secured their heads first.
"It"s not your back, is it?"
"No. Lift me."
What the f.u.c.k was he supposed to do? If he took the child home to his apartment the police would think . . .
He would have to take him or her to the restaurant and call an ambulance from there. Yes. That was a plan. The child had a small, thin body- must be a girl-and even though he wasn"t in the greatest shape he thought he could manage to carry her there.
"OK. I"ll carry you to a place where we can call, alright?"
"Yes ... thank you."
That "thank you" stung his heart. How could he have hesitated? What kind of b.a.s.t.a.r.d was he? Well, he had managed to keep his head and now he was going to help the girl. He coaxed his left arm under her knees and put the other arm under her neck. "OK. Up we go." "Mmm." She weighed almost nothing. It was incredibly easy to lift her up. Twenty-five kilos, at most. Maybe she was malnourished. Problems at home, or anorexia. Maybe a stepfather or something who abused her. f.u.c.king pathetic.
The girl put her arms around his neck and leaned her cheek against his shoulder. He was going to manage this. "How does that feel?"
"Good."
He smiled. A feeling of warmth rushed through him. He was a good person, in spite of everything. He could imagine the others" faces when he came in, the girl in his arms. At first they would wonder what the f.u.c.k he was up to and then they would be more and more impressed.
"Well done, Jocke," etc.
He turned to start walking up to the restaurant, consumed by his fantasies of a new life, the new start he was in the process of making, when he felt the pain in his throat. What the f.u.c.k? It felt like a bee-sting and his left hand wanted to go up and wave it away, examine it. But he couldn"t drop the child.
Stupidly he tried to bend his head to see what it was, even though he naturally couldn"t see his own throat from that angle. He couldn"t bend his head anyway because the girl"s jaw lay pressed against his chin. Her grip around his neck grew tighter and the pain stronger. Now he understood. "What the h.e.l.l are you doing?"
He felt the girl"s jaws working up and down against his chin as the pain at his throat grew more intense. A warm trickle of fluid ran down his chest. "Stop it!"
He let go of the girl. It wasn"t a conscious thought, simply a reflex: must get this off my throat.
But the girl didn"t fall. Instead she established an iron grip around his neck-good G.o.d how strong her little body was-and wrapped her legs around his hips.
She clung to him like four hands wrapped tightly around a doll, while her jaws continued to work.
Jocke grabbed her head and tried to pull it away from him but it was like trying to tear a fresh branch from a birch tree with your bare hands. Her head was, like, glued to him. Her grip on him was so strong that it pressed the breath from his lungs and didn"t allow him to draw in fresh air.
He staggered backward, desperate for air.
The girl"s jaws had stopped working on him; now he only heard a quiet lapping. She had not loosened her grip for a moment, quite the opposite. Her grip on him was even tighter now that she was sucking. A muted crunch and his chest radiated with pain. Several ribs had been broken. He had no more air for screaming. He pummeled the girl"s head with a few feeble blows as he staggered around in the dry leaves. The world was spinning. The distant street lamps danced like fireflies in front of his eyes.
He lost his balance and fell backward. The last sound he heard was the leaves crunching as they were crushed by his head. A microsecond later he hit the stone pavement and the world disappeared.
Oskar lay wide awake in his bed, staring at the wallpaper.
He and his mom had watched The Muppets The Muppets but he had not followed the story at all. Miss Piggy had been angry about something and Kermit had been looking for Gonzo. One of the sour old men had fallen from the theater balcony-but the reason why he had done so had escaped Oskar. His thoughts had been elsewhere. but he had not followed the story at all. Miss Piggy had been angry about something and Kermit had been looking for Gonzo. One of the sour old men had fallen from the theater balcony-but the reason why he had done so had escaped Oskar. His thoughts had been elsewhere.
Then he and his mom had had hot cocoa and cinnamon buns. Oskar knew they had chatted but couldn"t remember about what. Something about painting the kitchen sofa blue, maybe.
He stared at the wallpaper.
The whole wall that his bed was pushed up against was decorated with a photograph wallpaper depicting a forest meadow. Wide tree trunks and green leaves. He would sometimes lie in bed and dream up figures in the leaves nearest his head. There were two figures he always saw as soon as he looked. The others he had to try harder to summon forth. Now the wall had developed another significance. On the other side, on the other side of the forest, there was . . . Eli. Oskar lay there with his hand pressed against the green surface and tried to imagine what the other side looked like. Was the room on the other side her bedroom?
Was she also lying in her bed right now? He transformed the wall into Eli"s cheek, stroked the green leaves, her soft skin.
Voices on the other side.
He stopped stroking the wallpaper, and listened. One high and one low voice. Eli and her father. It sounded like they were arguing. He pushed his ear against the wall to hear better. d.a.m.n it. If only he had had a gla.s.s. He didn"t dare get up and get one because maybe they would stop talking before he got back.
What are they saying?
Eli"s dad was the one who sounded angry. You could hardly hear Eli"s voice at all. Oskar had to concentrate to catch the words. He only heard the occasional swear words and "... unbelievably cruel." cruel." Then there was a thud as if something had been knocked over. Had he hit her? Had he seen them when Oskar stroked Eli"s cheek... could that be it? Then there was a thud as if something had been knocked over. Had he hit her? Had he seen them when Oskar stroked Eli"s cheek... could that be it?
Now Eli was talking. Oskar could not hear a word of what she was saying, only the soft tones of her voice as it rose and sank. Would she be talking that way if he had hit her? He couldn"t couldn"t hit her. Oskar would kill him if he hit her. hit her. Oskar would kill him if he hit her.
He wished he could vibrate himself through the wall, like Lightning, the superhero. Disappear through the wall, in through the forest and out the other side, see what was happening, if Eli needed help, comforting, anything.
Now it was quiet on the other side. Only the sound of his heart drumming out its sucking whirling beats in his ear. He got up out of bed, went over to his desk, and poured out a number of erasers from a plastic cup. Took the cup back with him into bed and held the open end against the wall, the closed end against his ear. The only thing he could hear was a distant clanking, hardly from the room next door. What were they doing? He held his breath. Suddenly there was a loud bang.
A gun shot!
He had taken out a gun and-no, it was the front door, slammed so hard the walls were ringing.
He jumped out of bed and walked over to the window. After a few seconds a man emerged. Eli"s dad. He was carrying a bag in his hand and walked with quick, angry strides toward the exit, and disappeared from sight.
What should I do? Follow him? Why?
He went back to bed. It was only his imagination working overtime. Eli and her dad had argued, like Oskar and his mom sometimes. It even happened that his mom stepped out like that afterward if it had been really bad. But not in the middle of the night. But not in the middle of the night.
His mom sometimes threatened to move out when she thought Oskar was being bad. Oskar knew she would never do it, and she knew he knew. Maybe Eli"s dad had simply taken this game of threats a step further. Took off in the middle of the night with a bag and everything. Oskar lay in his bed with his palms and forehead pressed against the wall.
Eli, Eli. Are you there? Has he hurt you? Are you sad? Eli... There was a knock on Oskar"s door and he flinched. For a terrible moment he thought it was Eli"s dad coming in to take him on as well. But it was his mom. She tiptoed into his room. There was a knock on Oskar"s door and he flinched. For a terrible moment he thought it was Eli"s dad coming in to take him on as well. But it was his mom. She tiptoed into his room.
"Oskar? Are you asleep?"
"Mmm."
"I just have to say .. . about these new people . .. what neighbors. Did you hear them?"
"No."
"You must have heard them. He was screaming and banged that door like he was crazy. Good G.o.d. Sometimes I"m so relieved I don"t have a man in my house. Poor woman. Have you seen her?"
"No."
"I haven"t either. Well, I haven"t seen him either for that matter. Blinds drawn all day. Probably alcoholics."
"Mom."
"Yes?"
"I want to sleep now."
"Yes, sorry, honey. I just got so ... Good night. Sweet dreams."
"Mm."
His mom walked out and closed the door carefully behind her. Alcoholic? Yes, that seemed probable. Oskar"s dad drank too much from time to time. That was why he and mom weren"t together anymore. Dad could have tantrums like that when he got too drunk. He never hit anyone but could scream so he got hoa.r.s.e, bang doors, and break things.
Something in Oskar was cheered by this thought. Ugly, but still. If Eli"s dad was an alcoholic then they had something in common, something they shared.
Oskar leaned his forehead and hands against the wall again.
Eli, Eli. I know how it is for you. I"m going to help you. I"m going to save you. you.
Eli...
The eyes were wide open, staring blindly toward the arched ceiling of the underpa.s.s. Hakan brushed a few dry leaves away, revealing the thin pink sweater Eli usually wore, now discarded on the man"s chest. Hakan picked it up, at first intending to hold it up to his nose to smell it, but he stopped when he felt that the sweater was sticky.
He dropped it back onto the man"s chest, then pulled out his hip flask and took three big swallows. The vodka shot down his throat in fiery flames, licking his stomach. The leaves crunched under his rear end as he sat down on the cold stones and looked at the dead man.
There was something wrong with his head.
He dug around in his bag, found his flashlight. Checked that no one was coming along the path, then turned on the flashlight and directed it toward the man. His face was a pale yellow-white in the beam of light, the mouth hung half-open as if he was about to say something. Hakan swallowed. The thought that this man had been allowed closer to his beloved than he ever had revolted him. His hand fumbled for his flask, wanted to burn away his anguish, but he stopped himself. The neck.
There was a wide red mark running around the man"s neck like a necklace. Hakan leaned over him and saw the wound Eli had opened in order to get at the blood.
Lips against his skin.
-but that didn"t explain the neck ... lace ...
Hakan turned the flashlight off, drew a deep breath, and involuntarily leaned back in the tight s.p.a.ce so that the cement walls sc.r.a.ped against the bald spot in the back of his head. He clenched his teeth together in response to the stinging pain.
The skin on the man"s neck had split because ... because the head had been rotated 360 degrees. One full rotation. The spine had snapped. Hakan closed his eyes, breathed slowly in and out to calm himself and to stop the impulse to get up and run far, far away from ... all this. The cement wall pressed against his head, the stones underneath him. To the left and right, a path where people who would call the police could come walking along. And in front of him ...
It is only a dead body.
Yes. But... the head.
He didn"t like knowing that the head was loose. It could fall back, perhaps come off if he lifted the body. He curled up and rested his forehead on his knees. His beloved had done this. With bare hands.
He felt a tickle of nausea in the back of his throat when he imagined the sound it had made. The creaking when the head was twisted around. He didn"t want to touch this body again. He would sit here. Like Belacqua at the foot of the Mountain of Purgatory, waiting for dawn, waiting for ... A few people came walking from the direction of the subway. Hakan lay down in the leaves, close to the dead man, pressed his forehead against the ice cold stone.
Why? Why do this . . . with the head?
The risk of infection. You could not allow it to reach the nervous system. The body had to be turned off. That was all he had been told. He had not understood it then, but he did now.
The steps grew quicker, the voices more distant. They were taking the stairs. Hakan sat up again, glancing at the contours of the dead, gaping face. Did that mean this body would have sat up and brushed the leaves off itself if it hadn"t been ... turned off?
A shrill giggle escaped him, fluttering like birdsong in the underpa.s.s He slapped his hand over his mouth so hard it hurt. The image. Of the corpse rising out of the leaves and sleepily brushing dead leaves from its jacket.
What was he going to do with the body?
Maybe eighty kilos of muscles, fat, bone that had to be disposed of. Ground up. Hacked up. Buried. Burned.
The crematorium.
Of course. Carry the body over there, break in, and do a little burnin on the sly. Or just leave it outside the gate like a foundling and hope thi their enthusiasm for burning was so great they would pop it in without bothering to call the police.
No. There was only one alternative. On his right the path continue on through the forest, toward the hospital, and down to the water. He stuffed the b.l.o.o.d.y sweater under the man"s coat, hung his bag over his shoulder and pushed his hands under the back and knees of th corpse. Got to his feet, staggered a little, regained his balance. Just as h had expected, the head fell back at an unnatural angle and the jaws shut with an audible click.
How far was it to the water? A few hundred meters maybe. And i someone came by? Nothing to do about that. Then it would be all over And in a way it would be a relief.
But no one came by and once he was safely down by the sh.o.r.e he crept- his skin steaming with sweat-out along the trunk of a weeping willow that grew almost horizontally over the water. With some rope, he had se-cured two large stones from the sh.o.r.e around the feet of the corpse.
With a slightly longer rope wound in a noose around the chest of the corpse he dragged it out as far as he could, then untied it.
He stayed there on the tree trunk for a while, his feet dangling slightly above the water, staring down into the black mirror, now less and less fre-quently disturbed by bubbles.
He had done it.