"Only from his fortress. Never from his influence."
He traces his fingers along the twenty-nine holes in his shoulder, making me wonder again what Raiden did before number thirty. I ask a more important question instead. "How did you get away?"
A smug smile twists his lips. "Raiden"s greatest weakness is that he has no weakness."
"What does that mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like. His fortress has more security than anyone could ever need and none all at the same time. Once I figured that out, getting away was easy."
I try to make sense of his riddle, but it"s far too vague to tell me anything useful.
"Why are you so interested?" he asks, narrowing his eyes. "Planning a friendly visit to Raiden?"
"I"m not planning anything. But there"s always the possibility that he could find me."
"Not if you"re with me. I know how to keep Raiden away- something you can thank me for when you"re done mooning over your lost beau. I must say, I"m rather surprised I felt no trace of him coming to rescue you. I figured he"d be racing here as fast as the winds can carry him, and I was looking forward to thwarting his daring rescue. Are you two having a lovers" quarrel?"
"He knows I can take care of myself."
"Yes, you"re doing a smashing job." He hisses a command, and the greenish winds tighten around my chest. My lungs burn and my vision clouds, but just before I black out, Aston releases me. "That ought to get his attention. Unless an incomplete bond isn"t strong enough to feel that kind of thing."
"What?" I ask when I"ve stopped hacking and coughing. "Please, I"ve felt your essence. I know you held part of yourself back."
"I have no idea what you mean."
"Don"t you?" He grabs my chin, twisting my face from side to side. I try to hold his gaze, but my eyes keep going back to his scars. Without them he would probably be handsome.
"Interesting," he whispers.
"What?"
"I can see why he wanted you."
His thumb brushes my lower lip and I jerk my head back. "Oh, relax. I only meant it as a compliment."
Maybe he did. But the way he"s staring at me makes my skin itch. He whispers something that makes everything inside me stir, and I brace for whatever pain is coming. But it lasts only a second before he falls silent and the sensation fades.
"Feels like he didn"t hold back with you. You were the only one who had doubts."
I don"t know what he wants me to say.
"Wow, you really don"t know, do you?"
I glare at him and he laughs, rubbing his chin like he"s deep in thought. It makes a vile, hollow sound.
"Let me ask you this,"he says after a second."When you were"- he puckers his cracked lips-"was there a little voice in your mind telling you it was wrong?"
"Of course."
Mostly my head was a blur of burning heat and wanting more and trying to take in every single detail.
But I still knew that what we were doing was forbidden. He taps my nose. "And that, right there, is why your bond isn"t complete. It"s mostly there," he adds as I clutch my chest, trying to feel what he feels. "But there"s a slight separation. Perhaps because some deeper part of you knew you really wanted someone who makes up for what he lacks in flesh and blood with a charming smile and lightning-fast wit."
He winks at me and I swear my skin actually crawls. "Oh, fine, you don"t have to look so disgusted. But it seems like a rather telling thing, don"t you think? Loverboy happily gave all of himself to you. And yet you couldn"t fully surrender to him." "That"s not-I just . . ."
I don"t know why I"m explaining this.
I"m not even sure if I believe him.
But if he"s right, I never wanted to hold back. I love Vane more than I"ve ever loved anything, and if my guilty conscience affected something when we kissed, it was an accident. One I will be correct ing when I finally get home.
My lips burn just thinking about it.
Though . . . that"s a.s.suming Vane will even want me. I abandoned him.
Left him to deal with the Gales and my mother and the mess of problems we should"ve been facing together.
I wouldn"t blame him if he hates me now.
I certainly hate myself.
"Can Vane tell that our bond isn"t . . . ?"I can"t seem to say it out loud. Aston smiles and shakes his head. "You know, I"ve threatened your life multiple times and you barely batted an eye. But the slightest mention of boy troubles and you get all weepy?"
I want to tell him I"m not going to cry, but my eyes are burning.
I do my best to blink the tears back.
"Oh, cheer up. Even if he can tell, I hardly doubt he"s running off to break your bond." He laughs as I frown. "Don"t tell me you still foolishly think that bonds can"t be broken?"
His question swells inside my mind, refusing to sink in. I can"t believe it.
I won"t believe it.
Aston sighs.
"Honestly, haven"t I taught you anything?" He points to the row of twenty-nine symmetrical holes in his shoulder. "Everything can be broken, Audra."
CHAPTER 15.VANE.
I.
"ve been on some pretty awkward first dates in my life-most of which were epically ruined by Audra in her chaperone-from-h.e.l.l days. But meeting The Girl I Canceled My Betrothal To with half the Gale Force watching definitely wins the prize for Most Ridiculously Uncomfortable Moment in the History of Uncomfortable Moments.
I mean, what do they think I"m going to do? See how hot Solana is and drop to one knee, begging her to marry me after all? Or maybe we"re just supposed to make out right here.
Not gonna happen.
Though she is hotter than I expected, I"ll give them that. And the tiny yellow dress she"s wearing, hugging every curve-and there"s quite a lot of curve on display-is a nice touch. But when I look at her all I think is: no.
Just . . . no.
I take a deep breath to try and stay calm, but when I turn to Os and see his hopeful smile I hit my breaking point. "I can"t believe you did this."
"Vane, it"s not what you thi-"
"Don"t start," I warn him. "I"m not an idiot, okay? And clearly you think I am if you thought I"d fall for this."
I"m shaking now, but I can"t help it.
Os puts a hand on my shoulder. "I promise, Vane. Solana is only here to train you."
"Oh really? Funny, because Fang never wears a s.e.xy dress for our training sessions-so is that the new Gale Force uniform? Will you all be wearing that from now on?"
"Well, I can if you want," Gus interrupts, "though yellow really isn"t my color."
If I weren"t so p.i.s.sed I would probably laugh. Instead I just glare at him before jerking away from Os. "Find a new trainer."
"Vane-"
"Find a new trainer!"
A painful silence follows and I wonder if I"m really allowed to shout orders at the captain of the Gales. But I"m done being calm about this.
I do feel a little bad when I glance at Solana, though.
She"s staring at the ground, her face all red and blotchy, like she"s trying not to cry.
I hate that I"ve hurt her-and I hate the Gales even more for putting me in this situation.
I rub my temples, feeling a ma.s.sive headache forming. "I can"t deal with this today. Call me when you find a real trainer."
Then I wrap myself in the nearest Easterly and launch into the sky.
I"m sure someone will try to follow me, so I add extra winds to speed my flight. I have no idea where I"m going-I just need to get away. But somehow I end up at the last place I really want to be. The place I"ve been trying to avoid.
I shiver as I touch down in front of the crumbling, fire-scarred shack, even though it"s easily the hottest day of the summer. I thought the place couldn"t look any c.r.a.ppier, but the palm branches that used to line the scorched roof beams have all blown away, and there are date roaches everywhere. They crunch under my feet as I make my way inside and find more dirt and chaos. The leaves Audra used to sleep on are scattered on the floor and there"s a pile of rotting animal carca.s.ses, probably courtesy of her stupid hawk. I can see him watching me from a nearby tree.
I should try to clean things up, but I"m too tired.
Tired of not sleeping.
Tired of dealing with all the problems by myself.
Tired of waiting for her to "be home soon."
"This isn"t soon!" I shout, picking up a rock and throwing it at the cracked window.
Of course I miss.
Audra"s stupid hawk screeches at me as I reach for another.
"Don"t tempt me," I shout, aiming at his gray head.
Gavin"s red-orange eyes glare at me for a second. Then he divebombs me.
I flail and duck, expecting him to rip out a chunk of my hair, like he always did when I was a kid. Instead he lands on my wrist.
I freeze.
I hate birds-especially this bird.
But as I stare into Gavin"s eyes I realize he"s the only one who understands what I"m feeling. The only one who misses her as much as I do.
"You must be really desperate," I whisper as I sc.r.a.pe together the courage to stroke his feathers. I"m half expecting him to snap off one of my fingers. But he leans into my hand, c.o.c.king his head so I can scratch his neck.
"Well, at least you made one friend today," Gus says from somewhere behind me, making Gavin screech again. "I can"t say the same about the Gales."
I roll my eyes and stroke Gavin to calm him. "I guess I should"ve known you"d be the one to follow me. That"s kind of your specialty, isn"t it?"
"Yeah, and I saved your life because of it. You"re welcome for that, by the way."
"Right. Thanks for chewing on me." I hold up my bandaged pinkie. "Let"s hope I don"t have rabies."
"Wow, are you always this p.i.s.sy? Because I"m starting to get why Audra needed a break."
His words sting way more than he realizes, and I have to blink hard to force back any tears.
"Look," Gus says quietly, "I get that you"re exhausted and the Gales are putting a lot of pressure on you. But if you would just give them a chance to-"
"If you"re going to try and talk me into training with Solana, you can stop right there. It"s not going to happen."
"I know. You made that pretty clear when you screamed at Os- and you"re lucky he didn"t launch you across the desert for disrespecting him like that. But I gotta say, I don"t get what the big deal is."
I roll my eyes. "Maybe betrothals are normal for you-"
"They"re not, actually. You and Solana are the first. Were the first. And that"s the thing, Vane. You canceled it. It"s over."
"Is it? Sure seemed like they were trying to change my mind today."
"So what if they were? What, are you afraid it"s going to work?"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you care?"
"You don"t understand."
"You"re right-I don"t." He sighs, kicking the ground a few times before he mumbles, "Solana"s a good girl. She doesn"t deserve to be treated like that."