The familiar tirade-but to these people here?
And-Freya. Where was she? Here, too . . . wherever here here was? was?
Not now, he realized with utter hopelessness. I won"t find her now.
Appealing to everyone in the room the curly-haired youth said, "I don"t intend to be a weevil for the whole d.a.m.n balance of my life.
That"s one thing I can tell you." In abrupt restless anger, a spasm of anger that convulsed his features, he strode toward the large image on the TV screen.
Rachmael said thickly, "Omar Jones. Where is he speaking from?" This could not be Whale"s Mouth. This could not be Whale"s Mouth. This speech, these people listening-all of this, everything he saw and heard, ran contrary to reason, was in fact just plain impossible. At least was if Omar Jones consisted of a manufactured fake. And he was; there lay the entire point. This speech, these people listening-all of this, everything he saw and heard, ran contrary to reason, was in fact just plain impossible. At least was if Omar Jones consisted of a manufactured fake. And he was; there lay the entire point.
If this were Whale"s Mouth, these people had to know that as well as he did. But-possibly the THL soldier, after shooting him with the LSD-tipped dart, had carted him to a Telpor station and dumped him back to the Sol System and Earth, the planetary system out of which he-grasping his time-warping construct cammed as a tin of Yucatan helium-powered bootlegged prophoz-had so recently emerged. And Freya. Back on Earth? Or dead at Whale"s Mouth, dead here, if this was actually the colony . . . but it was not. Because this and only this explained the credulous partic.i.p.ation by the people in this room in the hypnotic, droning oration of the man on the TV screen. They simply did not know. So he was not on the ninth planet of the Fomalhaut system any longer; no doubt of it at all. The invasion by the two thousand seasoned field reps from Lies, Incorporated had failed; even with UN a.s.sistance, with UN control of all Telpor stations, UN troops and advanced weapons-Rachmael closed his eyes wearily as acceptance of the terrible obvious fact ate out of existence any illusion that he might have held that THL could be overturned, that Sepp von Einem could be neutralized. Theodoric Ferry had handled the situation successfully. Faced with the exposure of the Whale"s Mouth hoax, Ferry had reacted swiftly and expertly and now it had all been decided; for one single, limited episode the curtain had been lifted, the people of Terra had received via the UN"s planet-wide communications media a picture of the actuality underlying the elaborate, complicated myth . . .
Then he was not on Terra either. Because, even though THL had in the sudden great showdown toppled the combined probe constellated out of the resources of its two immense opponents, the citizens of Terra had already been briefed fully, had already been exposed systematically to the entire truth-and nothing, short of planet-wide genocide, could reverse that.
It made no sense. Bewildered, he made his way across the room, to the window; if he could see out, find a landscape familiar or at least some aspect which linked to a comprehensible theory-any comprehensible theory-that would serve to reorient him in s.p.a.ce and time . . . he peered out.
Below, streets wide, with trees blossoming in pink-hued splendor; a pattern of arranged public buildings, an aesthetically satisfying syndrome clearly planned by master builders who had had at their disposal a virtually unlimited variety of materials. These streets, these impressive, durable buildings, none of the constructs beyond the window had come into existence haphazardly. And none seemed destined to crumble away.
He could not recall any urban area on Terra so free of harsh functional autofacs; either the industrial combines here were subsurface, or cammed into the overall design somehow, disguised so effectively that they blended even under his own expert scrutiny. And no creditor jet-balloons. Instinctively, he searched for sign of one; flapples cranked back and forth in their eccentric fashion- this much was familiar. And on the ped-runnels crowds roamed busily, fragmenting at junctions and streaming beyond the range of his vision intent (this, too, was customary; this was eternal and everywhere, a verity of his life on Terra) on their errands. Life and motion: activity of a dedicated, almost obsessive seriousness; the momentum of the city told him that what he saw below had not popped obligingly into existence in response to his scrutiny. Life here had gone on for a long time before him. There was too much of it and far too much kinetic force, to be explained away as a projection of his own psyche; this which he saw was not delusional, an oscillation of the LSD injected into his blood stream by the THL soldier.
Beside him, the white-oak blonde deftly appeared, said softly in his ear, "A cup of hot syn-cof?" She paused. Still numbed, Rachmael failed to answer; he heard her, but his bewilderment stifled even a reflexive response. "It will really make you feel better," the girl continued, after a time. "I know how you feel; I know very well what you"re going through because I remember going through the same experience myself when I first found myself here. I thought I had gone out of my mind." She patted him, then, on the arm. "Come on. We"ll go into the kitchen."
Trustingly, he found himself accepting her small warm hand; she led him silently through the living room of people intent on the image of Omar Jones enlarged to G.o.dlike proportions on the TV screen, and presently he and the girl were seated opposite each other at a small brightly decorated plastic-surfaced table. She smiled at him, encouragingly; still unable to speak he found himself hopefully smiling back, an echo resonating in response to her relaxed friendliness. Her life, the proximity of her dynamism, her body warmth, awoke him minutely but nevertheless critically from his shock-induced apathy. Once again, for the first time since the LSD dart had plunged into him, he felt himself gain vigor; he felt alive.
He discovered, all at once, a cup of syn-cof in his hand; he sipped and as he did so he tried, against the weight of the still-formidable apathy that pervaded him, to frame a remark calculated to convey his thanks. It seemed to require a million years and all the energy available, but the task edified him: whatever had happened to him and wherever in the name of G.o.d he was, the havoc of the mind-obliterating hallucinogen had by no means truly left his system. It might well be days, even weeks, before he found himself entirely rid of it; to that he was already stoically resigned.
"Thanks," he managed, finally.
The girl said, "What did you experience?"
Haltingly, with painstaking care, he answered, "I-got an LSD dart in me. Can"t tell how long I was under." Thousands of years, he thought. From the days of Rome to present. Evolution through centuries, and each hour a year. But there was no point in communicating that; he would not be telling the girl something new. Undoubtedly, when she had lived on Terra, she had been exposed- like everyone else at one time or another-to at least a residual dose of the chemical lingering in one of the major population centers" water supply: the still-lethal legacy inherited from the war of "92, so taken for granted that it had become a part of nature, not desired but silently endured.
"I asked," the girl repeated, with quiet, almost professional persuasiveness, fixing the focus of his attention on her and what she was asking, "what you experienced. What did you see? Better to tell someone now, before it gets dim; later it"s very difficult to recall."
"The garrison state," he said hoa.r.s.ely. "Barracks. I was there. Not long; they got to me fairly fast. But I did see it."
"Anything else?" The girl did not seem perturbed. But she listened tensely, obviously determined to miss nothing. "What about the soldier who fired the dart at you? Was there anything about him? Anything odd? Weird or unexplainable?"
He hesitated. "Christ," he said, "the hallucinations; you know lysergic acid-you"re familiar with what it does. My G.o.d-I was inundated by every kind of perception. You want to hear about the Day of Judgment again, in addition to having gone through it yourself? Or the-"
"The soldier," the white-oak-haired girl said patiently.
With a ragged, sharp-pained exhalation, Rachmael said, "Okay. I hallucinated a cyclops, of the cephalopodan variety." For an interval he became silent; the effort of putting his recollection into words exhausted his precariously limited strength. "Is that enough?" he said, then, feeling anger.
"Aquatic?" Her luminous, intelligent eyes bored steadily at him; she did not let him evade her. "Requiring, or evidently requiring-"
"A saline envelope. I could see-" He made himself breathe with regularity, halting his sentence midway. "Signs of dehydration, cracking, of the dermatoid folds. From the effluvium I"d a.s.sumed a rapid evaporation of epithelial moisture. Probably indicates a homeostatic breakdown." He looked away, at that point, no longer able to meet her steady, critical gaze; the strain was too much for his vitiated powers, his ability to collect and maintain his attention. Five years old, he said to himself. The abreaction of the drug period; regression to the s.p.a.ce-time axis of early childhood, along with the limited range of consciousness, the minute faculties of a preschool-age kid, and this is the topic that has to be dealt with; this is just too much. And it would be, he thought, even if I could pull out and function as an adult again, with an adult"s ability to reason. He rubbed his forehead, feeling the ache, the constriction; like a deep, chronic sinusitis which had flared to its most malignant stage. A pain-threshold alteration, he speculated dully. Due to the drug. Routine common discomfort, ordinary somatic promptings, everything enlarged to the point of unbearability, and signifying nothing, nothing at all.
Conscious of his grim, introverted silence, the girl said, "Under LSD before, did you ever experience a physiognomic alteration of this sort? Think back to the initial mandatory episode during your grammar-school days. Can you remember back that far?"
"That was under a control," Rachmael said. "One of those Wes-Dem Board of Education psychologists, those middle-age do-gooding ladies in blue smocks who-what the h.e.l.l did they use to call themselves?-something like psycheleticians. Or psychedelictrix; I forget which. I guess both groups got to me at one time or another. And then of course under the McLean Mental Health Act I took it again at sixteen and again at twenty-three." But the control, he thought; that made all the difference. Someone there all the time, trained, able to do and say the right thing: able to maintain contact with the stable objective koinos kosmos koinos kosmos so that I never forgot that what I was seeing emanated from my own psyche, type-basics, or as Jung once called them, archetypes rising out of the unconscious and swamping the personal conscious. Out of the collective, suprapersonal inner s.p.a.ce, the great sea of non-individual life. so that I never forgot that what I was seeing emanated from my own psyche, type-basics, or as Jung once called them, archetypes rising out of the unconscious and swamping the personal conscious. Out of the collective, suprapersonal inner s.p.a.ce, the great sea of non-individual life.
The sea, he thought. And that physiognomic transformation of the THL soldier; my perception of him became trans.m.u.ted along those lines. So I did see a type-basic, as in the previous times; not the same one, of course, because each episode under the drug is unique.
"What would you say," the girl said, "if I told you that what you saw was not mysticomimetic at all?"
"What I saw," Rachmael said, "could not have been psycheletic; it wasn"t an expansion of consciousness or a rise in the sensitivity of my percept-system."
"Why not?" The girl regarded him keenly. Now two others from the living room, having left the TV set with its booming image of never-failing President Omar Jones, appeared, the thin, severe man with gold-rimmed gla.s.ses and an elderly woman with collapsed, corrugated flesh which hung in dismal wattles, with obviously dyed black, l.u.s.terless hair and far too ornate bracelets on her flabby wrists. Both seemed aware of the direction of conversation which had come before; they listened silently, almost raptly, and now a third person joined them, a dramatically colored, heavy-lidded woman in evidently her early thirties, wearing a blue-cotton Mexican-style shirt tied at the waist and open to expose effectively shaded smooth bare skin; her richly dyed, extremely tight jeans, plus the unb.u.t.toned top of her blouse beneath the Mexican shirt, caused to be manifest a stunning, supple body-Rachmael found himself fixedly contemplating her, no longer aware of the conversation in progress.
"This is Miss de Rungs," the thin, severe-featured man with the gold-rimmed gla.s.ses said, nodding at the impressive, deeply hued woman in the Mexican shirt. "And this is Sheila Quam." He indicated the white-oak-haired girl who had prepared hot syn-cof for Rachmael.
The stout man, still poking at his mouth with his toothpick, appeared at the door of the kitchen, smiled a warped but friendly smile composed of jagged and irregular teeth and said, "I"m Hank Szantho." He held out his hand and Rachmael shook. "We"re all weevils," he explained to Rachmael. "Like you. You"re a weevil; didn"t you know it? What paraworld did you tie into? Not a really bad one; huh?" He eyed Rachmael searchingly, his jaw working, his face coa.r.s.e with shrewd but in no way malicious interest.
"We"re all in the cla.s.s together," the curly-haired youth said in a bellicose but oddly agitated voice, speaking directly to Rachmael as if challenging him, as if some hidden dispute, beyond Rachmael"s perception, somehow had become involved. "We all have the illness; we all have to get well." He physically propelled a slender, short-haired, smartly dressed girl with sharply delineated delicate features; she gazed at Rachmael with a wild, vague anxiety which was almost an appeal-he did not know in regard to what, since the curly-haired youth-whose shoulders and musculature Rachmael noticed for the first time, appeared unusually escalated in use-value-had released her. "Right, Gretch?" the youth demanded.
To Rachmael, in a low but entirely controlled voice, the girl said, "I"m Gretchen Borbman." She held out her hand; reflexively, he shook, and found her skin smooth and lightly cool. "Welcome to our little revolutionary organization, Mr.-" She paused politely.
He gave his name.
"Arab-Israeli?" Gretchen Borbman said. "From the Federation of Semitic Peoples? Or from that drayage firm that used to be so big and now"s disappeared . . . Applebaum Enterprise, wasn"t it called? Any relation? What ever happened to it and to that lovely new liner, that Omphalos Omphalos . . . wasn"t that your flagship?" . . . wasn"t that your flagship?"
It was beyond belief that she did not know; the news media had made a cause celebre of such magnitude out of the Omphalos" Omphalos" flight to the Fomalhaut system that no one could fail to know, at least no one on Terra. But this was not Terra; already, the agreeable, normal milieu of humans in proximity to him, here, had washed into paleness the grotesque apparition of gummy seaweed slime that, caked to the steaming, drying cyclops-face, had stunk so acridly, rinsed in foulness: the degeneration into hydrokinetically maintained organic tissue of what had once been-or convincingly appeared to be-a human being, even if it was a killer-commando mercenary of Trails of Hoffman Limited. flight to the Fomalhaut system that no one could fail to know, at least no one on Terra. But this was not Terra; already, the agreeable, normal milieu of humans in proximity to him, here, had washed into paleness the grotesque apparition of gummy seaweed slime that, caked to the steaming, drying cyclops-face, had stunk so acridly, rinsed in foulness: the degeneration into hydrokinetically maintained organic tissue of what had once been-or convincingly appeared to be-a human being, even if it was a killer-commando mercenary of Trails of Hoffman Limited.
"Yes," he said cautiously, and, deep within the appropriate section of his mentational apparatus, a conduit carried a warning signal; some sensitized mechanism woke and became thoroughly alert. And did not cease its picket-duty; it would remain in go-position until otherwise instructed; his control over it was virtually nil. "That was-still is-the sole valid a.s.set of our firm. With the Omphalos Omphalos we"re something; without her we"re not." With utmost caution he surveyed the group of people, the weevils, as they called themselves, to see if any appeared aware of the achingly recent abortive flight to Fomalhaut. None of them showed any indication; none of them spoke up or even registered a meaningful facial expression. Their joint lack of response, second by second, plunged him into alarmed, accelerated confusion. And he experienced, weirdly and as frighteningly as each time before, an unannounced oscillation of the drug-state; he felt his time-sense fluctuate radically, and everything, all objects and persons in the room, became changed. The LSD, at least briefly, had returned; this did not surprise him, but it was the wrong time; this, of all possibilities, he could do without at this palpably crucial moment. we"re something; without her we"re not." With utmost caution he surveyed the group of people, the weevils, as they called themselves, to see if any appeared aware of the achingly recent abortive flight to Fomalhaut. None of them showed any indication; none of them spoke up or even registered a meaningful facial expression. Their joint lack of response, second by second, plunged him into alarmed, accelerated confusion. And he experienced, weirdly and as frighteningly as each time before, an unannounced oscillation of the drug-state; he felt his time-sense fluctuate radically, and everything, all objects and persons in the room, became changed. The LSD, at least briefly, had returned; this did not surprise him, but it was the wrong time; this, of all possibilities, he could do without at this palpably crucial moment.
"We get d.a.m.n near no news from Terra," the stout man with the toothpick, Hank Szantho, said to him . . . the voice sounded close by, but the man"s shape: it had warped into a lurid color collage, the textures of his flesh and clothes exaggerated, now rapidly becoming grotesque as the light factor doubled and then doubled again until Rachmael looked into a formless blur of heated metal, red so molten and ominous that he moved his chair back, away from the sliding slag-like sheet which had replaced the man; behind it Hank Szantho bobbed, the balloon-head capriciously located, as if by whim, in the vicinity of the collage of torch-shaped fire which had a moment ago been the body and clothing and flesh of the man.
And yet the man"s face, diminished in vigor and solidity as it now was, had undergone no physiognomic disfiguration; it remained the balanced countenance of a somewhat crude but amiable, tolerant, heavy-set human.
Astutely, the white-oak-haired girl Sheila Quam said to him, "I see apprehension in your eyes, Mr. ben Applebaum. Is it the hallucinogen?" To the others she said, "I think it"s rephasing within his brain-metabolism once more; obviously it hasn"t as yet been excreted. Give it time. Drink your cup of syn-cof." Sympathetically, she held it up, between his line of vision and Hank Szantho"s nimbus of radiant color; he managed to fix his attention, make out the cup, accept it and sip. "Just wait; it"ll go away. It always does, and we"re very familiar with the illness, both subjectively in ourselves and objectively in each other. We help each other." She moved her chair closer, to sit beside him; even in his condition he made note of that, and in addition the fact that this superficially slight maneuver effectively placed her between him and the dramatic, dark-complexioned woman, Miss de Rungs, and the willowy, attractive Gretchen Borbman with her springy, near-bobbed chic hair. At this loss he felt sad; a dismal awareness of his powerlessness burgeoned within him, realization that, in the drug-state, he could not fashion in any manner whatsoever a change in the flow of sense-data flowing in on him; the authority of the data, their absoluteness and degree, again reduced him to a pa.s.sive device which merely registered the stimuli without responding.
Sheila Quam patted, then took gentle hold of his right hand.
"The illness," Gretchen Borbman said, "is called the Telpor Syndrome. Disjunction of the percept-system and subst.i.tution of a delusional world. It manifests itself-when it does at all-shortly after teleportation. No one knows why. Only a few get it, a very few. Ourselves, at this present time. We get cured one by one, get released . . . but there always are new ones, such as yourself, showing up. Don"t be worried, Mr. ben Applebaum; it is generally reversible. Time, rest, and of course therapy."
"Sorcerer"s apprentice therapy," Hank Szantho said, from some vector of s.p.a.ce not within Rachmael"s range of sight. "S.A.T., they call it. The cephalic "wash head-benders; they"re in and out of here, even Dr. Lupov-the big man from Bergholzlei in Switzerland. G.o.d, I hate those fnidgwizers; poking and messing around like we"re a bunch of animals."
" "Paraworld," " Rachmael said, after what seemed to him an almost unendurably protracted interval, due to the drug. "What is that?"
"That"s what a weevil sees," the older woman with the dough-like folded face-rolls said in a cross, nagging, fretful voice, as if discussing the subject made her suffer the reoccurrence of some hated osteogenetic twinge. "Some are just dreadful; it"s a terrible, terrible crime that they"re allowed to get away with it, programming us with that as we"re on our way over here. And of course, we are a.s.sured a.s.sured by those Telpor technicians that nothing, absolutely nothing of this sort could possibly happen." Her voice, shrill and accusing, tormented Rachmael"s brain, amplified by the drug; the auditory pain became a fire-sheet, white, brittle, cutting, whirling like a circular saw and he put his hands up to shield his ears. by those Telpor technicians that nothing, absolutely nothing of this sort could possibly happen." Her voice, shrill and accusing, tormented Rachmael"s brain, amplified by the drug; the auditory pain became a fire-sheet, white, brittle, cutting, whirling like a circular saw and he put his hands up to shield his ears.
"For chrissakes," Hank Szantho said angrily, and his voice, also, reverberated hideously, but at a low pitch, like the shifting of the earth below during a major H-head excavation detonation catastrophically close. "Don"t blame the Telpor people; blame the fruggin" Mazdasts-it"s their fault. Right?" He glowered around at all of them, no longer amiable and easy-going but instead harsh, threatening them with his suspicious, wrathful attention. "Go cut the eye-lens out of a Mazdast. If you can find one. If you can get close enough." His gaze, rotating from person to person, fell on Rachmael, stopped; for an interval he contemplated him, with a mixture of scorn, outrage, and-compa.s.sion. By degrees his indignation ebbed, then was entirely gone. "It"s tough, isn"t it, Applebaum? It"s no joke. Tell all these people; you saw it, didn"t you? I heard you telling Sheila. Yeah." He sighed noisily, the wind escaping from him as if the knot of life which regulated the retention of vital oxygen had all at once unraveled itself out of existence. "Some get a mechanical-construct mysticomimetism; we call that The Clock."
"The Clock," Gretchen Borbman murmured, nodding somberly. "That one really isn"t there; I don"t believe that ever existed, and anyhow it"d just be like encountering a simulacrum, only hypnagogic in origin. A balanced person ought to recover from that without having to go through the cla.s.s." She added, obviously to herself, "The G.o.dd.a.m.n cla.s.s. The G.o.dd.a.m.n unending pointless disgusting cla.s.s; jesus, I hate it." She glared swiftly, furiously, around the room. "Who"s the control, today? You, Sheila? I"ll bet it"s you." Her tone was withering, and, in Rachmael"s auditory percept-system, the ferocity of it created for a moment a visual h.e.l.lscape, mercifully fitful in stability; it hovered, superimposed across the surface of the plastic kitchen table, involving the syn-cof cups, the shaker of sweetex and small simulated silver pitcher of reconst.i.tuted organic b.u.t.ter fat in suspension-he witnessed impotently the fusion of the harmless panorama of conventional artifacts into a tabular scene of dwarfed obscenity, of shriveled and deranged indecent entanglement among the various innocent things. And then it pa.s.sed. And he relaxed, his heart under a load of nausea-like difficulty; what he had, in that fragment of time, been forced to observe appalled his biochemical substructure. Even though the drug still clung to his mind and perverted it, his body remained free-and outraged. Already it had had enough.
"Our control," Hank Szantho said, with sardonic sentimentality, then a wink to Rachmael. "Yes, we have that, too. Let"s see, Applebaum; your paraworld, the one the Mazdasts-if they exist- allegedly programmed you for-all this, of course, took place during teleportation while you were demolecularized-is listed code-wise by the authorities here as the Aquatic Horror-shape version. d.a.m.n rare. Reserved, I suppose, for people who cut up their maternal grandmothers in a former life and fed them to the family cat." He beamed at Rachmael, showing huge gold-capped teeth, which, in the churning froth of excitation induced by the lysergic acid in his brain metabolism, Rachmael experienced as a display of revolting enormity, a disfigurement that made him clutch his cup of syn-cof and shut his eyes; the gold-capped teeth triggered off spasm after spasm within him, motion sickness to degree that he had never considered possible: it was recognizable but enlarged to the magnitude of a terminal convulsion. He hung onto the table, hunched over, waited for the waves of hyperperistalsis to abate. No one spoke. In the darkness of his unlit private h.e.l.lscape he writhed and fought, coped as best he could with random somatic abominations, unable even to begin to speculate on the meaning of what had been said said.
"The stuff hitting you bad?" a girl"s voice sounded, gently, close to his ear. Sheila Quam, he knew. He nodded.
Her hand, on the upper part of his neck, rubbing lightly with empathic concern, soothed the demented fluctuations within control of his malfunctioning, panic-dominated autonomic nervous system; he underwent a soothing, infinitely longed-for diminution of muscular contraction; her touch had started the process, the prolonged recovery-period of someone making his way out of the drug-state back to normal somatic-sensation and time. He opened his eyes, gratefully exchanged a silent glance with her. She smiled, and the rubbing, regular contact of her hand increased in sureness; seated close to him, the smell of her hair and skin enveloping him, she steadily increased the vital tactile bridge between them alive; she made it more profound, more convincing. And, gradually, the remoteness of the reality around him shifted in degree; once again the people and objects compressed in the small yellow-lit kitchen became solid. He ceased being afraid even as insight into just how fragmenting this new onrush of the drug-oscillation had been reached the again-functioning higher centers of his brain.
" "The Aquatic Horror-shape version," " he said shakily; he took hold of Sheila Quam"s obliging hand, stopped its motion-it had done its task-and enfolded it in his own. She did not draw away; the cool, small hand, capable of such restorative powers, such love-inspired healing, was by a frightening irony almost unbelievably fragile. It was vulnerable, he realized, to almost everything; without his immediate protection it seemed totally at the mercy of whatever malign, distorted into ominous and unnatural shape destructive ent.i.ty that blossomed.
He wondered what, within that category, would manifest itself next. For himself-and the rest of them.
And-had this happened to Freya, too? He hoped to G.o.d not. But intuitively he knew that it had. And was still confronting her . . . perhaps even more so than it did him.
TEN.
Around him in the room the faces of the people became, as he listened to the emphatic, virtually strident pitch of the discussion, suddenly flat and lurid. Like cartoon colors, he thought, and that struck him wrenchingly, as very sobering and very chilling; he sat stiffly, unwilling to move, because even the slightest body motion augmented the oppressive garishness of the crudely painted only quasi-human faces surrounding him.
The discussion had become a vicious, ear-splitting dispute.
Two opposing explanations of the paraworlds, he realized at last, were competing like live things; the proponents of each were more and more with each pa.s.sing instant becoming manic and bitter, and abruptly he had a complete understanding of the inordinate, murderous tenacity of each person in the room, in fact all of them . . . now no one, even those who had decided to remain in the living room to admire the jerky, twitching image of President Omar Jones drone out his harangue, had managed to avoid being sucked in.
Their faces, as Rachmael glanced about, stunned him. Terrible in their animation, their mechanical, horrifyingly relentless singlemindedness, the people around him battled with one another in a meaningless, formless muck of words; he listened with dread, felt terror at what he perceived; he cringed-and felt himself cringe- from them, and the desire to hop up and run without destination or the most vague s.p.a.cial orientation that might help him locate himself, learn where he was, who these envenomed antagonists were- men and women who, a few intervals ago-seconds, days; under the LSD it was impossible to be even remotedly accurate-had lounged idly before the TV set, listening to a man who he knew was synthetic, who did not exist, except in the professional brains of THL"s sim-elec designs technicians, probably working out of von Einem"s Schweinfort labs.
That had satisfied them. And now- "It wasn"t a programming," the fold-fleshed dyed-haired older woman insisted, blasting the air of the room with the shivering, ear-crushing shrill of her near-hysterical voice. "It was a lack lack of programming." of programming."
"She"s right," the thin, severe man with gold-rimmed gla.s.ses said in a squeaky, emotion-drenched falsetto; he waved, flapped his arms in excitement, trying to make himself heard. "We were all supposed to be falsely programmed so we"d see a paradise, as they promised. But somehow it didn"t take with us, the few of us here in the room; we"re the exceptions, and now those b.a.s.t.a.r.d "wash psychiatrists come in and do the job right."
In vitriolic weariness Miss de Rungs said, to no one in particular, "The h.e.l.l with it. Leave it up to our control; let the control worry." She leaned toward Rachmael, unlit cigarillo between her dark lips. "A match, Mr. ben Applebaum?"
"Who"s our control?" he asked as he got out a folder of matches.
Miss de Rungs, with contempt and rasping animosity, jerked her head at Sheila Quam. "Her. This week. And she likes it. Don"t you, Sheila? You just love to make everybody jump. Squirm, squirm, when you come into the room." She continued to eye Sheila Quam with hateful vindictiveness, then turned away, sinking into a voiceless interior brooding, cut off from everyone and all verbal interaction in the room with deliberate and hostile aversion; her dark eyes filmed with loathing.
"What I saw," Rachmael said to Sheila Quam. "Under the LSD-that cephalopod. That you called-Hank Szantho called- the Aquatic Horror-shape. Was that psychedelic? Under the condition of expanded consciousness did I pick up an actual essence and penetrate a hypnoidal screening-field of some kind? And if that-"
"Oh yes; it was real," Sheila Quam said levelly; her tone was as matter-of-fact as if this was a technical, professional discussion, something of academic interest only. "The cephalops of that sort seem to be, or anyhow it"s conjectured by anthropologists in the area to be-anyhow it"s the most reasonable working hypothesis, which they"ll probably have to go on whether they like it or not-is that the cephalopodan life-form experienced as what we refer to as Paraworld Blue, its dominant species, is the indigenous race that dwelt here before THL showed up with-" She paused, now no longer composed; her face was hardened and when she again spoke her voice was brisk and sharp. "Good big a-thought-for-this week advance weapons. Old papa von Einem"s clever monstrosities. The output of Krupp and Sohne and N.E.D. filth like that." She abruptly smashed into a repellent chaos the remains of her cigarillo. "During the Telpor transfer to Whale"s Mouth you were fed the routine mandatory c.r.a.p, but as with the rest of us weevils it failed to take. So as soon as the LSD dart got you you started intuiting within your new environment, the illusory outer husk rigged up became transparent and you saw within, and of course when you got a good clear dose of that-"
"What about the other paraworlds?" he said.
"Well? What about them? They"re real, too. Just as real. The Clock; that"s a common one. Paraworld Silver; that comes up again and again." She added, "I"ve been here a long time; I"ve seen that one again and again . . . I guess it"s not so hard to take as Paraworld Blue. Yours is the worst. Everybody seems to agree with that. Whether they"ve seen it or not. When you"ve gone through Computer Day and fed your experience into the fniggling thing"s banks so that everybody in the cla.s.s can-"
Rachmael said carefully, "Why different psychedelic worlds? Why not the same one, again and again?"
Sheila Quam raised a thin, expertly drawn eyebrow. "For everyone? The whole cla.s.s, as long as it exists?"
"Yes."
After a pause she said, "I don"t really know. I"ve wondered a whole lot of times. So have plenty of other people who know about it. The "wash psychiatrists, for instance. Dr. Lupov himself; I heard a lecture he gave on the subject. He"s as no-darn-place as anybody else, and that"s what-"
"Why did Miss de Rungs say everyone squirms when you come into the room?" He waited for her answer; he did not let her off the hook.
Smoking a newly lit cigarillo placidly, Sheila Quam said, "A control, whoever he is-it varies from one month to the next; we take turns-has the power to order the euth-x of someone he thinks a menace to Newcolonizedland. There"s no board of appeal, any more; that didn"t work. It"s a very simple form, now; I fill it out, get the person"s signature, and that"s it. Is that cruel?" She eyed him searchingly; evidently the query was sincere. "Next month, in fact sixteen days from now, it"ll be someone else"s turn and I"ll be squirming."
Rachmael said, "What"s the purpose of the killing? Why has the control been given such power? Such drastic authority to arbitrarily-"
"There are eleven paraworlds." Sheila said. She had lowered her voice; in the crowded kitchen the infuriated, hip-and-thigh argument had terminated by dwindling swiftly away and everyone was mutely listening to Sheila Quam. Even the de Rungs girl was listening. And her expression of malice had one; only a stricken, antic.i.p.atory dread showed. The same expression that pervaded the features of each person in the room. "Twelve," Sheila continued; the presence of the stony, voiceless audience did not seem either to nonplus her nor to goad her; she continued in the same detached, reasonable fashion. "If you count this." She gestured, taking in the kitchen and its people and then she tossed her head, indicating the booming TV set in the living room with the we-bring-you-live-on-tape voice of President of Newcolonizedland, Omar Jones. "I do," she said. "In some ways it"s the most bug-built of all of them."
"But the legal, sanctioned murders," Rachmael said, staring at the girl with her glorious white-shiny hair, her immense guileless blue eyes, and, beneath her turtle-neck sweater, her small, articulated b.r.e.a.s.t.s. It did not seem congruent with her, this capacity, this office; it was impossible to imagine her signing death decrees. "What"s the basis? Or is there a basis?" He heard his voice rise and become almost a snarl. "I guess there doesn"t have to be, not if everyone is locked in." Without consultation with anyone in the cla.s.s he had come to that self-evident conclusion; the huddled, resigned air about all of them showed that. He felt it in himself already, and it was a noxious, almost physically poisonous sensation, to find himself drawn gradually into this demoralized milieu. Waiting for the control to act, and for whatever reason served. "You consider these people enemies of that that state?" He gestured convulsively toward the yammering TV set in the living room, then turned, set down his syn-cof cup with a sharp clatter; across from him Sheila Quam jumped, blinked-he seized her by the shoulders and half-lifted her to her feet. Wide-eyed, startled, she returned his gaze fixedly, peering into him, penetrating him back as he focussed with compa.s.sionless, ruthless harshness; she was not afraid, but his grip hurt her; she set her jaw in an effort to keep still, but he saw, in her eyes, the wince of physical suffering. Suffering and surprise; she had not expected this, and he could guess why: this was not what one did to the pro tem control. Pragmatically it was suicidal if not insane. state?" He gestured convulsively toward the yammering TV set in the living room, then turned, set down his syn-cof cup with a sharp clatter; across from him Sheila Quam jumped, blinked-he seized her by the shoulders and half-lifted her to her feet. Wide-eyed, startled, she returned his gaze fixedly, peering into him, penetrating him back as he focussed with compa.s.sionless, ruthless harshness; she was not afraid, but his grip hurt her; she set her jaw in an effort to keep still, but he saw, in her eyes, the wince of physical suffering. Suffering and surprise; she had not expected this, and he could guess why: this was not what one did to the pro tem control. Pragmatically it was suicidal if not insane.
Sheila, gratingly, said, "All right; possibly someday we"ll have to admit-cla.s.sify-Omar Jones and the colony we"ve built up here as just one more paraworld. I admit it. But until then this remains the reference point. Are you satisfied? And until then any alternate distorted subreality perceived by anyone arriving is judged prima facie evidence that he"s in need of a "wash. And if psychiatric help doesn"t bring him around to the point that you"re at now, sharing this this reality instead of-" reality instead of-"
Hank Szantho said brusquely, "Tell him what the paraworlds are."
The room, then, was silent.
"Good question," the middle-aged, bony, hard-eyed man said presently.
To Rachmael, Szantho said, "It"s von Einem"s doing."
"You don"t know that," Sheila said quietly.
"He"s got some razzle-dazzle gadget he"s been playing around with at the Schweinfort labs," Szantho continued. "Undoubtedly stolen from the UN, from where it tests its new top-secret weapons. Okay, I don"t know know that, not like I saw it in action or a schematic or something. But I know that"s what"s behind all this d.a.m.n paraworld stuff; the UN invented that time-warping device recently and then Gregory Floch-" that, not like I saw it in action or a schematic or something. But I know that"s what"s behind all this d.a.m.n paraworld stuff; the UN invented that time-warping device recently and then Gregory Floch-"
"Ploch," Miss de Rungs corrected.
"Gloch," Sheila said bitingly. "Gregory Arnold Gloch. Anyhow, Gloch, Floch, Ploch; what does it matter?" To Rachmael she said, "That freak who switched sides. Possibly you remember, although all the news media because of really incredible UN pressure more or less squelched it, right down the line."
"Yes," he said, remembering. "Five or six years ago." Greg Gloch, the peculiar UN progeny prodigy, at that time beyond doubt the sole genuinely promising new wep-x designer at the Advance-weapons Archives, had, obviously for financial reasons, defected to a private industrial concern which could pay considerably better: Trails of Hoffman. And from there had beyond question pa.s.sed directly to Schweinfort and its mammoth research facilities.
"From that time-warpage wingding," Hank Szantho continued, appealing to each of them with jerky, rapid gesticulations. "What else could could it be? I guess n.o.body can say because there isn"t nothing; it has to be that." He tapped his forehead, nodding profoundly. it be? I guess n.o.body can say because there isn"t nothing; it has to be that." He tapped his forehead, nodding profoundly.
"Nonsense," Miss de Rungs retorted. "A variety of alternate explanations come to mind. Its resemblance to the UN"s time-warpage device may be merely-"
"To be fair about this," the middle-aged, hard-eyed man said in a quiet but effective monotone, "we must acquaint this newcomer with each of the major logical alternatives to Mr. Szantho"s stoutly defended but only theoretically possible explanation. Most plausible of course-Szantho"s theory. Second-in my opinion, at least- the UN itself, since they are the primary utilizers of the device . . . and it is, as Mr. Szantho pointed out, their invention, merely pirated by Gloch and von Einem. a.s.suming it was obtained by von Einem at all, and proof of this either way is unfortunately not available to us. Third-"
"From here on," Sheila said to Rachmael, "the plausibility swiftly diminishes. He will not recount the stale possibility that the Mazdasts are responsible, a frightening boogyman we"ve had to live with but which no one seriously believes, despite what"s said again and again. This particular possible explanation properly belongs in the category of the very neurotic, if not psychotic."
"And in addition," Miss de Rungs said, "it may be Ferry alone, with no help from anyone; from von Einem or Gloch. It may be that von Einem is absolutely unaware of paraworlds per se. But no theory can hold water if it a.s.sumes that Ferry is ignorant."
"According to you," Hank Szantho muttered.
"Well," Sheila said, "we are are here, Hank. This pathetic colony of weevils. Theo Ferry put us here and you know it. THL is the underlying principle governing the dynamics of this world, whatever category this world falls into: pseudo-para or real or full para." She smiled grimacingly at Hank Szantho, who returned her brilliant, cold glare dully. here, Hank. This pathetic colony of weevils. Theo Ferry put us here and you know it. THL is the underlying principle governing the dynamics of this world, whatever category this world falls into: pseudo-para or real or full para." She smiled grimacingly at Hank Szantho, who returned her brilliant, cold glare dully.
"But if the paraworlds are derived via the UN"s time-warpage gadget," the hard-faced middle-aged man said, "then they would const.i.tute a spectrum of equally real alternative presents, all of which split off at some disputed episode in the past, some antediluvian but critical juncture which someone-whoever it is-tinkered with through the d.a.m.n gadget we"re discussing. And so in no sense are they merely "para." Let"s face that honestly; if the time-warpage gadget is involved then we might as well end all speculation as to which world is real and which are not, because the term becomes meaningless."
"Meaningless theoretically," Miss de Rungs answered, "but not to anyone here in this room. Or in fact anyone in the world." She corrected herself, "Anyone in this this world. We have a ma.s.sive stake in seeing to it that the other worlds, para nor not, stay as they are, since all are so very much worse than this one." world. We have a ma.s.sive stake in seeing to it that the other worlds, para nor not, stay as they are, since all are so very much worse than this one."