Life: A Black and White Film

Chapter 10.2 — To Gaze Down with Compa.s.sion Like Bodhisattva (2)

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Happy New Year! New Year’s bonus chapter (although the little birdie did give away the surprise… LOL)! Thank you to the readers who have spent any part of 2017 with us. May 2018 be an amazing year of joy and health for you.

Wen Han may be an ordinary girl, but she’s not a pushover. Alas, she’s dealing with men who are more than simply extraordinary. How will she react to what Fu Ming said to her earlier?

Chapter 10.2 — To Gaze Down with Compa.s.sion Like Bodhisattva (2)

If he were to leave her one day?

This was a message Cheng Muyun frequently told her through his actions and through his words, all of them p.r.o.nouncing that one day, sooner or later, he would wholly and thoroughly leave her.

Wen Han admitted she was jealous because of that "past" this man spoke about. That girlfriend who seemed dark and legendary, and also that comment about renouncing the world and becoming a monk because of love—it was difficult not to mind these things. However, this did not mean she needed to display the fact that she did mind, that they bothered her, in front of a man who was obviously trying to provoke her.

It was just like in her schooldays since childhood. The more the people around her derided her for being an adopted child and for the Chinese blood in her, the more she knew to hide away her anger. Showing that your emotions are agitated, that is the stupidest thing to do.

This was her instinctive way of protecting herself.

She speculated, Fu Ming must have thought those shocking words would invoke anger and jealousy in her, and then out of jealousy, she would answer that she did not care at all about Cheng Muyun"s departure. And so, she instead gave a smile and carried on watching the wedding ceremony, not answering anything.

Slowly, a grin came over Fu Ming"s face.<>Please read this story at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

Right this second, he saw the defiance and challenge this girl was directing at him.

Fu Ming"s att.i.tude suddenly changed, the cutting sharpness in his stance completely disappearing and leaving only politeness in its place.

He very courteously suggested that he would escort Wen Han back, since, after all, there were several buildings in this vicinity that were in the midst of renovations and many workers were living in them, so it could not be considered very safe here. Wen Han felt his words were very reasonable. She had wandered too far and was already unable to find her way back. Hence, she did not refuse his offer.

However, after walking with him for only a short period, she discovered he was not taking her to the white, two-storey building that she was staying in.

The lodging that the master of this manor house arranged for her was neat and very well-kempt, and both in front and behind the building, there was a neatly-maintained lawn.

This place here was obviously not so elegant.<>Please read this story at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

The building appeared to be just-built and was also two storeys high. There was no lawn, however. Rather, there were sheds used for rearing peafowls and diary cows, and further away, there was a two-metre-high gray, brick wall.

This was some corner on the estate grounds?

"What are you bringing me here for?" Wen Han planted her feet on that b.u.mpy, pothole-filled ground of yellow soil, refusing to go forward any further.

"To come find him for a drink." Fu Ming pointed at the gray, two-storey building standing in the darkness.

Him? Wen Han stopped blankly.<>Please read this story at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

He"s referring to Cheng Muyun? He"s staying here tonight?

"Miss Wen Han, did you not say that you don"t know or understand him? I will give you a chance to get to know him. If you want to understand a man, going through his brothers is the best shortcut."

She was not certain whether Fu Ming had heard her dialogue earlier with Cheng Muyun, but it was evident Fu Ming had done this on purpose, bringing her here and leaving her with no choice but to go inside.

"It"s so late already. I won"t go in." She took a look at her surroundings. "Are any of the manor"s servants nearby? I can have them bring me back."

"No," Fu Ming answered. "This is the place in the manor with the worst living conditions. There are no servants, only some simple living facilities. If you want someone to lead you back, then aside from me, there is only Cheng Muyun."

"……" She was beginning to suspect that this was "revenge" brought against her because of her instance of defiance and challenge from earlier on. But she did not feel that a man who looked to be in his thirties could be petty to such a degree. "All right, then. No problem. The scenery is pretty good here, and it"ll be quite nice to look at the peac.o.c.ks."

"Miss Wen Han, you really don"t intend on going inside?" Fu Ming gave an obscure smile. "There is a good chance I may get drunk and won"t come back out until tomorrow morning. You don"t mind waiting for a whole night?"

"Mr. Fu Ming, you really know how to make a joke. I wish you a good time catching up with him. Do not worry about me. Once dawn comes, I"ll be able to walk back myself. You can sleep all the way until tomorrow evening."

Fu Ming laughed. "Then I shall wish, as well, that you and the peac.o.c.ks get along happily."

Turning, he waved at Wen Han with his back to her, and then he really did leave.

When this only person who had been with her also disappeared from view, Wen Han at last, after the fact, felt that this type of bleak, crude place was actually a little creepy and chilling.

A two-metre-high, gray brick wall would not be able to stop any thieves, right?

If some unknown person really did come… would those two men who were drinking in that room hear her if she yelled? As Wen Han thought about this, she felt even more vexed.

The people who hung around Cheng Muyun were just as unreasonable as him, and they all did things that did not follow normal logic. Just a moment ago, she really had believed that out of kindness Fu Ming would, on the way, escort her back to where she was staying, since, after all, she was Cheng Muyun"s friend. Apparently, though, that other party only wanted to trick her into coming here and make her feel even more awkward.

Inside the fence, there was only a single peac.o.c.k strutting around.

Of her own accord, she stepped a little closer. This was the only animal outside that was awake? Those dairy cows off in the distance clearly were asleep already, snuggling up motionlessly against each other to keep warm.<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the translation has been taken without consent of the translator.

Wen Han rubbed her own arms. From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a shadow.

It was Cheng Muyun.<>This is an UNAUTHORIZED copy, taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

"Are you looking for me?" His voice was weary.

"No." Wen Han continued gluing her eyes on the peac.o.c.k. "Your friend tricked me into coming here. It"s really dark out and I don"t know the way back, so I can only wait here for sunrise." However, that peac.o.c.k did not give her any face, and lifting its tail, it ran into the curtain of night with only a few steps.

He walked up to her.<>Please support the original translation at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

She sidestepped him. He drew near again.

Wen Han had already been feeling cold and angry from being duped by Fu Ming into coming here. Now, as he forced himself into her s.p.a.ce like this, she felt even more stifled and decided to simply turn around. "Do you think it"s really funny to do that?"

In that instant when her head lifted, she finally saw the wound on his face. She halted in shock.

Cheng Muyun"s eyes narrowed. "What? Why is your expression like you just saw an injured stray cat." This was the first time he had shown such an impatient expression on his face.

Yes, extremely impatient.<>This is an UNAUTHORIZED copy, taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

As a result of this att.i.tude of his, Wen Han"s anger was also incited. Spinning around, she strode away, not caring whether she needed to wait until sunrise or where she would end up walking to. But before she had even strode ten steps away, the person behind her had grabbed her by the arm and picked her up under his own arm. Completely ignoring her struggles, he tossed her into the nearest haystack.

She was all of a sudden plunged into that pile.<>Please read this at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

"Where is that fear that is in your very bones?" His voice was low and provoking. "Where is that pitifulness you showed when you were like a little savage in the forest, waiting for me to bring you food?"

"Let go of me!" The sharp ends of numerous pieces of hay stabbed painfully into her.

Cheng Muyun twisted her arm behind her, and then with every part of his body, he bore down against any of her joints that could possibly move. Before him, she not only had no ability to inflict harm, a casual squeeze of his hand was enough to shatter her wrists or even all the bones in her entire body.

The most hateful thing was, he was also covering her mouth and nose.

Against the blackness of the night, Wen Han"s eyes gave off a deep blue colour as they glared at him. Without the ability to breathe through her mouth and nose, she was getting less and less oxygen…

"Human beings are such frightening animals." The tone of his voice suddenly grew light, as if the emotions just a moment ago had not been real. "With just the slightest displeasure, they will be filled with anger and resentment and forget about all the true, tangible things they had once received. Dearest, in that moment when you take out your anger on me, can you not spare some of your attention to think about, in Kathmandu, who spent an entire night drawing a lotus flower for you? Who wiped down your body for you in the camp? Who, after narrowly escaping death, still did not forget to make you a complete woman? Of course, I did everything willingly and should not speak words of complaint."

In pain, she squinted her eyes. Her chest was beginning to ache from lack of air. The hay beneath her did not seem all that important anymore. Fortunately, Cheng Muyun relaxed the grip over her mouth and nose.

She gasped frantically, desperate to replenish her oxygen.

"Perhaps I overestimated you. You have a coolheadedness that allows you to protect yourself. Every time there is danger, you have been able to make the judgment on whether or not you should trust me. Yet at the same time, you have also preserved those little irrational emotions that women have?"

He spoke no more.<>This is an UNAUTHORIZED copy, taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

His eyes were on her.<>Please support the original translation at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

In this still night, she heard only the sound of her own breathing gradually quieting and becoming even.

Were it not for the fact that she could sense the specialness in the way he treated her, how could she so recklessly and fearlessly trust the one who had abducted her? It was only because she firmly believed that he had feelings for her that she would have expectations and hopes, that she would feel that, at any time, he would never hurt her.

So, she went along with him, staying here in this unfamiliar place.

She trusted him, believing with certainty that in three months she would be safe.

She had even begun to integrate herself into his life and surroundings, forgetting about the hurt she had experienced and how she had fled for her life, treating this as if it was merely a "journey." How absurd.

"What you are doing now and what you will be doing in the future, those are both things you can"t tell me anything about." At last her lips moved, her voice soft and low. "What about your past, then? I want to know about those things that have happened already."

"My past?" Perceiving that she was no longer struggling, Cheng Muyun shifted slightly to the side, giving her s.p.a.ce to move. He seemed quite surprised she would ask this question. "What would you like to know?"

There were too many faces to this man. She did not even know where to begin to help her understand him. What did she want to know?

"Why did you enter monkhood?"<>Please read this story at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

"Why…" His eyes took in the side view of her face. In the light of the moon, her eyes showed hesitation and probing and her eyelashes quivered slightly. His finger started at her lashes and traveled downward until it reached her collarbone.

Was it her imagination?<>This is an UNAUTHORIZED copy, taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

She felt as if he had become a wholly different person.

He actually made her feel that asking this question aloud was a very difficult task.<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the translation has been taken without consent of the translator.

That past had been so very long.<>Please support the original translation at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

Countless sutras and scriptures. Morning bells and evening drums of the temple. Oil lamps burning before Buddha"s statue.

The first time Wen Han laid eyes on Cheng Muyun had been in the Tibetan region, but actually, he merely had been there in preparation for entering Nepal. His last ten years had been spent in a secluded place, one that was not lively or exciting. The monk who had given him his monk"s tonsure was very old but was unwilling to become his teacher, only bestowing upon him his dharma name.

When he first arrived in that place, his Chinese had not been very good. He and the old monk would teach one another, one teaching Chinese and the other teaching Russian, so he had not been bored.

Six months ago, when he left, the old monk had told him, if he could not let go of the hatred in his heart, it would only create more karmic consequences until he was deeply sunken in them.

“Buddha"s warrior attendant’s eyes are filled with terrible rage to vanquish the Four Maras; Bodhisattva lowers her eyes to shower compa.s.sion on the Six Realms[1].

“In this world, if there is a Bodhisattva who lowers her eyes in compa.s.sion, then there shall certainly be a warrior attendant whose eyes are filled with terrible rage.”

This was the response he had given to the old monk.

……<>This is an UNAUTHORIZED copy, taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

"So as to allow the spirits of the departed to go to the Pure Land[2]." After a lengthy silence, he gave her this answer.

"Whom did you do this for?"<>Please support the original translation at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

This was the first time in ten years someone had dared, to his face, ask him this question. How could there be anyone—including even the four who were currently in this manor, or those who had been around for a long time and were waiting for the bout of punishment to begin, or those who were new but vaguely knew about that incident from ten years ago—who would actually dare ask him this?

"For many people."<>This is an UNAUTHORIZED copy, taken from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com

It was not for a woman.<>Please support the original translation at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

This was already the result she had desired from her question. But the answer he gave left her feeling even worse. She did not know whether these feelings she was experiencing were those that came with being in love with a person. Only a moment ago, she had been filled with terrible hatred, but now a moment later, a deep pain, a deep sorrow for him filled her heart from simply imagining how so many people close to him had died, people so important to him they were worthy to him of entering into monkhood to help release their souls from suffering.

"Why are you not asking anymore?" Cheng Muyun all of a sudden posed this question.

Wen Han thought for a moment, then softly replied, "I got the answer I wanted."

He was puzzled. What was the answer she wanted? Those things of the past had absolutely nothing to do with her. However, retaining his curiosity but not exposing anything or probing with questions was the principle he always followed. "I had thought you would be more curious about why I left the monastic life."

"Why?" she immediately asked.<>Please read this story at hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com instead

"Because of you. Because I wanted to try and see what karmic consequences would result from violating the precept of celibacy." Giving a chuckle, Cheng Muyun leaned his forehead against hers. The warmth of life was there—such a wonderful thing.

He could not even count how many times already that his forehead had leaned against an ice-cold body. The number was far greater than what was written on the information Meng Liangchuan had received.<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the translation has been taken without consent of the translator.

[1] 金刚怒目，所以降伏四魔；菩萨低眉，所以慈悲六道。This is a line quoted directly from《太平广记》Taiping Guangji (also known as Extensive Records of the Taiping Era), compiled in the Song dynasty.
金刚 "Jingang" is the warrior attendant of Buddha. In Buddhist beliefs, this warrior appeared with a fierce and terrifying face, his eyes filled with rage, in order to conquer the Four Maras [evils; demonic forces]. These four are the Mara of death; the Mara of afflictions, emotions, and att.i.tudes; the Mara of the aggregate factors of experience; and the Mara as the son of G.o.ds.
The image of the Bodhisattva, with her eyes lowered, is a symbol of compa.s.sion. She looks down to bring compa.s.sion to the Six Realms. The Six Realms of Existence are the Buddhist representation of all possible realms in which a being may exist. (See also footnote [2] in chapter 1.3).
Note that this line is not placing any judgment on whether a warrior attendant is "mean" or whether the Bodhisattva is "good." They are contrasted as two different methods to achieve the same goal.

[2]往生净土 "w.a.n.g sheng Jingtu." This Chinese name for the Pure Land, which in Sanskrit is called Sukhavati, and is also known as the Land of Pure Bliss or the Western Paradise. Although described as a joyous place, the concept is actually not like that of heaven, and the Pure Land is a place in which a person can be reborn and dharma is everywhere.

As usual, I put forth the disclaimer that I am not learned on Buddhism and proper Buddhist doctrine. Please take these notes only as an approximation to understand in context to the story.<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the translation has been taken without consent of the translator.Additional Comments:

While I don’ give spoilers, I will tell you that the relationship tension between Cheng Muyun and Wen Han will basically be cleared up by the end of chapter 10. Something for you to look forward to.

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