In pag. 148, he tells us also: That there was one at Salisbury, in the midst of his health drinking and carousing in a Tavern; and he drank a health to the Devil, saying, That if the Devil would not come and pledge him, he would not believe that there was either G.o.d or Devil. Whereupon his companions stricken with fear, hastened out of the room: and presently after, hearing a hideous noise, and smelling a stinking savour, the Vintner ran up into the chamber; and coming in, he missed his Guest, and found the window broken, the Iron barr in it bowed, and all b.l.o.o.d.y: But the man was never heard of afterwards.
Again, in pag. 149. he tells us of a Bailiff of Hedly: Who upon a Lords Day being drunk at Melford, got upon his horse, to ride through the streets, saying, That his horse would carry him to the Devil: and presently his horse threw him, and broke his neck. These things are worse than the breaking of Mr. Badmans Leg, and should be a caution to all of his friends that are living, lest they also fall by their sin into these sad Judgements of G.o.d.
But, as I said, Mr. Badman quickly forgot all, his conscience was choaked, before his legg was healed. And therefore, before he was well of the fruit of one sin, he tempts G.o.d to send another Judgment to seize upon him: And so he did quickly after. For not many months after his legg was well, he had a very dangerous fit of sickness, insomuch that now he began to think he must dye in very deed. {143a}
Atten. Well, and what did he think and do then?
Wise. He thought he must go to h.e.l.l; this I know, for he could not forbear but say so. {143b} To my best remembrance, he lay crying out all one night for fear, and at times he would so tremble, that he would make the very bed shake under him. {143c} But, Oh! how the thoughts of Death, of h.e.l.l-fire, and of eternal Judgment, did then wrack his conscience.
Fear might be seen in his face, and in his tossings to and fro: It might also be heard in his words, and be understood by his heavy groans. He would often cry, I am undone, I am undone; my vile life has undone me.
Atten. Then his former atheistical thoughts and principles, were too weak now to support him from the fears of eternal d.a.m.nation.
Wise. Aie! they were too weak indeed. They may serve to stifle conscience, when a man is in the midst of his prosperity, and to harden the heart against all good counsel when a man is left of G.o.d, and given up to his reprobate mind: {143d} But alas, atheistical thoughts, Notions and Opinions, must shrink and melt away, when G.o.d sends, yea comes with sickness to visit the soul of such a sinner for his sin. There was a man dwelt about 12 miles off from us, that had so trained up himself in his atheistical Notions, that at last he attempted to write a book against Jesus Christ, and against the divine Authority of the Scriptures. (But I think it was not printed:) Well, after many days G.o.d struck him with sickness, whereof he dyed. So, being sick, and musing upon his former doings, the Book that he had written came into his mind, and with it such a sence of his evil in writing of it, that it tore his Conscience as a Lyon would tare a Kid. He lay therefore upon his death-bed in sad case, {144a} and much affliction of conscience: some of my friends also went to see him; and as they were in his chamber one day, he hastily called for Pen Ink and Paper, which when it was given him, he took it and writ to this purpose. [Picture: Take note symbol] I, such an one, in such a Town, must goe to h.e.l.l-fire, for writing a Book against Jesus Christ, and against the Holy Scriptures: And would also have leaped out of the window of his house to have killed himself, but was by them prevented of that: so he dyed in his bed, such a death as it was. "Twill be well if others take warning by him.
Atten. This is a remarkable story.
Wise. "Tis as true as remarkable; I had it from them that I dare believe, who also themselves were eye and ear witnesses; and also that catcht him in their arms, and saved him when he would have leaped out of his chamber-window, to have destroyed himself.
Atten. Well, you have told me what were Mr. Badmans thoughts (now, being sick) of his condition; pray tell me also what he then did when he was sick?
Wise. Did! he did many things, which I am sure he never thought to have done, and which, to be sure, was not looked for of his wife and children.
In this fit of sickness, his Thoughts were quite altered about his wife; I say his Thoughts, so far as could be judged by his words and carriages to her. {144c} For now she was his good wife, his G.o.dly wife, his honest wife, his duck, and dear, and all. Now he told her, that she had the best of it, she having a good Life to stand by her, while his debaucheries and unG.o.dly Life did always stare him in the face. Now he told her, the counsel that she often gave him, was good; though he was so bad as not to take it.
Now he would hear her talk to him, and he would lie sighing by her while she so did. Now he would bid her pray for him, that he might be delivered from h.e.l.l. {145a}
He would also now consent, that some of her good Ministers might come to him to comfort him; and he would seem to shew them kindness when they came, for he would treat them kindly with words, and hearken diligently to what they said, only he did not care that they should talk much of his ill spent life, because his conscience was clogged with that already; he cared not now to see his old companions, the thoughts of them was a torment to him: and now he would speak kindly to that child of his that took after its mothers steps, though he could not at all abide it before.
He also desired the prayers of good people, that G.o.d of his mercy would spare him a little longer, promising that if G.o.d would but let him recover this once, what a new, what a penitent man he would be toward G.o.d, and what a loving husband he would be to his wife: what liberty he would give her, yea how he would goe with her himself to hear her Ministers, and how they should go hand in hand in the way to heaven together.
Atten. Here was a fine shew of things; I"le warrant you, his wife was glad for this.
Wise. His wife! Aie, and a many good people besides: it was noysed all over the Town, {145b} what a great change there was wrought upon Mr.
Badman; how sorry he was for his sins, how he began to love his wife, how he desired good men should pray to G.o.d to spare him; and what promises he now made to G.o.d in his sickness, that if ever he should raise him from his sick bed to health again, what a new penitent man he would be towards G.o.d, and what a loving husband to his good wife.
Well, ministers prayed, and good people rejoyced, thinking verily that they now had gotten a man from the Devil; nay, some of the weaker sort did not stick to say that G.o.d had began a work of Grace in his heart; and his wife, poor woman, {145c} you cannot think how apt she was to believe it so; she rejoyced, and she hoped as she would have it. But, alas!
alas! in little time things all proved otherwise.
After he had kept his Bed a while, his distemper began to abate, and he to feel himself better, so he in little time was so finely mended, that he could walk about the house, and also obtained a very fine stomach to his food: {146a} and now did his wife and her good friends stand gaping, to see Mr. Badman fulfill his promise of becoming new towards G.o.d, and loving to his wife: but the contrary only shewed it self. For so soon as ever he had hopes of mending, and found that his strength began to renew, his trouble began to goe off his heart, and he grew as great a stranger to his frights and fears, as if he had never had them.
But verily, I am apt to think, that one reason of his no more regarding, or remembring of his sick-bed fears, and of being no better for them, was, some words that the Doctor that supplied him with Physick said to him when he was mending. For as soon as Mr. Badman began to mend, the Doctor comes and sits him down by him in his house, and there fell into discourse with him about the nature of his disease; and among other things they talked of Badmans trouble, and how he would cry out, tremble, and express his fears of going to h.e.l.l when his sickness lay pretty hard upon him. To which the Doctor replyed: {146b} That those fears and Out-cries did arise from the height of his distemper, for that disease was often attended with lightness of the head, by reason the sick party could not sleep, and for that the vapours disturbed the brain: But you see Sir, quoth he, that so soon as you got sleep and betook your self to rest, you quickly mended, and your head settled, and so those frenzies left you.
And was it so indeed, thought Mr. Badman; was my troubles, only the effects of my distemper, and because ill vapours got up into my brain?
Then surely, since my Physician was my Saviour, my l.u.s.t again shall be my G.o.d. So he never minded Religion more, but betook him again to the world, his l.u.s.ts and wicked companions: And there was an end of Mr.
Badmans Conversion.
Atten. I thought, (as you told me of him) that this would be the result of the whole; for I discerned by your relating of things, that the true symptoms of conversion were wanting in him, and that those that appeared to be any thing like them, were only such as the reprobates may have.
Wise. You say right, for there wanted in him, when he was most sensible, a sence of the pollution of his Nature; he only had guilt for his sinful actions, the which Cain, and Pharaoh, and Saul, and Judas, those reprobates, have had before him. {147a}
Besides, the great things that he desired, were, to be delivered from going to h.e.l.l, (and who would willingly?) and that his life might be lengthened in this world. We find not by all that he said or did, that Jesus Christ the Saviour was desired by him, from a sence of his need of his Righteousness to cloath him, and of his Spirit to sanctifie him.
{147b}
His own strength was whole in him, he saw nothing of the treachery of his own heart; for had he, he would never have been so free to make promises to G.o.d of amendment. He would rather have been afraid, that if he had mended, he should have turned with the dog to his vomit, and have begged prayers of Saints, and a.s.sistance from heaven upon that account, that he might have been kept from doing so.
"Tis true he did beg prayers of good people, and so did Pharaoh of Moses and Aaron, and Simon Magus of Simon Peter. {147c}
His mind also seemed to be turned to his wife and child; but alas! "twas rather from conviction that G.o.d had given him concerning their happy estate over his, than for that he had any true love to the work of G.o.d that was in them. True, some shews of kindness he seemed to have for them, and so had rich Dives, when in h.e.l.l, to his five brethren that were yet in the world; yea he had such love, as to wish them in Heaven, that they might not come thither to be tormented. {147d}
Atten. Sick-bed Repentance is seldom good for any thing.
Wise. You {147e} say true, it is very rarely good for any thing indeed.
Death is unwelcom to Nature, and usually when sickness and death visit the sinner; the first taking of him by the shoulder, and the second standing at the Bed-chamber door to receive him; then the sinner begins to look about him, and to bethink with himself, These will have me away before G.o.d; and I know that my Life has not been as it should, how shall I do to appear before G.o.d! Or if it be more the sence of the punishment, and the place of the punishment of sinners, that also is starting to a defiled conscience, now rouzed by deaths lumbring at the door.
And hence usually is sick-bed Repentance, and the matter of it: To wit, to be saved from h.e.l.l, and from Death, and that G.o.d will restore again to health till they mend; concluding that it is in their power to mend, as is evident by their large and lavishing promises to do it.
I have known many, that, when they have been sick, have had large measures of this kind of Repentance, and while it has lasted, the noyse and sound thereof, has made the Town to ring again: but alas! how long has it lasted? oft-times scarce so long as untill the party now sick has been well. It has pa.s.sed away like a mist or a vapour, it has been a thing of no continuance. But this kind of Repentance is by G.o.d compared to the howling of a dog. And they have not cried unto me with their heart, when they howled upon their bed. {148a}
Atten. Yet one may see, by this, the desperateness of mans heart: {148b} for what is it but desperate wickedness, to make promise to G.o.d of amendment, if he will but spare them; and yet so soon as they are recovered (or quickly after,) fall to sin as they did before, and never to regard their promise more.
Wise. It is a sign of desperateness indeed; yea, of desperate madness.
For surely, they must needs think, that G.o.d took notice of their promise, that he heard the words that they spake, {148c} and that he hath laid them up against the time to come; and will then bring out, and testifie to their faces, that they flattered him with their mouth, and lyed unto him with their tongue, {148d} when they lay sick, to their thinking, upon their death-bed, and promised him that if he would recover them they would repent and amend their ways. But thus, as I have told you, Mr.
Badman did. He made great promises that he would be a New man, that he would leave his sins, and become a Convert, that he would love, &c. his G.o.dly wife, &c. Yea many fine words had Mr. Badman in his sickness, but no good actions when he was well.
Atten. And how did his good wife take it, when she saw that he had no Amendment, but that he returned with the Dog to his vomit, to his old courses again?
Wise. Why it {149a} broke her heart, it was a worse disappointment to her than the cheat that he gave her in marriage: At least she laid it more to heart, and could not so well grapple with it. You must think that she had put up many a prayer to G.o.d for him before, even all the time that he had carried it so badly to her, and now when he was so affrighted in his sickness, and so desired that he might live and mend, poor woman, she thought that the time was come for G.o.d to answer her prayers; nay, she did not let with gladness, to whisper it out amongst her Friends, that "twas so: but when she saw her self disappointed by her husbands turning Rebel again, she could not stand up under it, but falls into a languishing distemper, and in a few weeks gave up the Ghost.
Atten. Pray how did she dye?
Wise. Die! she dyed bravely; full of comfort of the faith of her Interest in Christ, and by him, of the world to come: she had many brave Expressions in her sickness, and gave to those that came to visit her many signs of her salvation; the thoughts of the Grave, but specially of her Rising again, were sweet thoughts to her. She would long for Death, because she knew it would be her Friend. She behaved her self like to some that were making of them ready to go meet their Bridegroom. {149b} Now, said she, I am going to rest from my sorrows, my sighs, my tears, my mournings and complaints: I have heretofore longed to be among the Saints, but might by no means be suffered to goe, but now I am going, (and no man can stop me) to the great Meeting, to the general a.s.sembly, and Church of the first-born which are written in Heaven. {149c} There I shall have my hearts desire; there I shall worship without Temptation or other impediment; there I shall see the face of my Jesus, whom I have loved, whom I have served, and who now, I know, will save my soul. {149d} I have prayed often for my husband, that he might be converted, but there has been no answer of G.o.d in that matter; Are my prayers lost? are they forgotten? are they thrown over the barr? No; they are hanged upon the horns of the golden Altar, and I must have the benefit of them my self, that moment that I shall enter into the gates, in at which the righteous Nation that keepeth truth shall enter: I say, I shall have the benefit of them. I can say as holy David; I say, I can say of my husband, as he could of his enemies. As for me, when they were sick my cloathing was of sack-cloth, I humbled my soul with fasting, and my prayer returned into my bosom. {150a} My prayers are not lost, my tears are yet in G.o.d"s bottle; I would have had a Crown, and Glory for my husband, and for those of my children that follow his steps; but so far as I can see yet, I must rest in the hope of having all my self.
Atten. Did she talk thus openly?
Wise. No; this she spake but to one or two of her most intimate acquaintance, who were permitted to come and see her, when she lay languishing upon her death-bed.
Atten. Well, but pray go on in your relation, this is good: I am glad to hear it, this is as a cordial to my heart while we sit thus talking under this tree.
Wise. When she drew near her end, she called for her husband, and when he was come to her, she told him, {150b} That now he and she must part, and said she, G.o.d knows, and thou shalt know, that I have been a loving, faithful Wife unto thee; my prayers have been many for thee; and as for all the abuses that I have received at thy hand, those I freely and heartily forgive, and still shall pray for thy conversion, even as long as I breathe in this world. But husband, I am going thither, where no bad man shall come, and if thou dost not convert, thou wilt never see me more with comfort; let not my plain words offend thee: I am thy dying wife, and of my faithfulness to thee, would leave this Exhortation with thee: Break off thy sins, fly to G.o.d for mercy while mercies gate stands open; remember, that the day is coming, when thou, though now l.u.s.ty and well, must lye at the gates of death, as I do: And what wilt thou then do, if thou shalt be found with a naked soul, to meet with the Cherubims with their flaming swords? yea, what wilt thou then do, if Death and h.e.l.l shall come to visit thee, and thou in thy sins, and under the Curse of the Law?
Atten. This was honest and plain: but what said Mr. Badman to her?
Wise. He did what he could to divert her talk, {151a} by throwing in other things; he also shewed some kind of pity to her now, and would ask her, What she would have? and with various kind of words put her out of her talk; for when she see that she was not regarded, she fetcht a deep sigh, and lay still. So he went down, and then she called for her Children, and began to talk to them. And first she spake to those that were rude, {151b} and told them the danger of dying before they had grace in their hearts. She told them also, that Death might be nearer them than they were aware of; and bid them look, when they went through the Church-yard again, if there was not little graves there. And, ah children, said she, will it not be dreadful to you, if we only shall meet at the day of Judgment, and then part again, and never see each other more? And with that she wept, the Children (also) wept; so she held on her discourse: Children, said she, I am going from you, I am going to Jesus Christ, and with him there is neither sorrow, nor sighing, nor pain, nor tears, nor death. {151c} Thither would I have you go also, but I can neither carry you, nor fetch you thither; but if you shall turn from your sins to G.o.d, and shall beg mercy at his hands by Jesus Christ, you shall follow me, and shall, when you dye, come to the place where I am going, that blessed place of Rest: and then we shall be for ever together, beholding the face of our Redeemer, to our mutual and eternal joy. So she bid them remember the words of a dying mother when she was cold in her grave, and themselves were hot in their sins, if perhaps her words might put check to their vice, and that they might remember and turn to G.o.d.
Then they all went down; but her {151d} Darling, to wit, the child that she had most love for, because it followed her ways. So she addressed her self to that. Come to me, said she, my sweet child, thou art the child of my joy: I have lived to see thee a Servant of G.o.d; thou shalt have eternal life. I, my sweet heart, shall goe before, and thou shalt follow after; if thou shalt hold the beginning of thy confidence stedfast to the end. {152a} When I am gone, do thou still remember my words, love thy Bible, follow my Ministers, deny unG.o.dliness still, and if troublous times shall come, set an higher price upon Christ, his Word and Wayes, and the testimony of a good conscience, than upon all the world besides.
Carry it kindly and dutifully to thy Father, but choose none of his ways.
If thou mayest, goe to service, choose that, rather than to stay at home; but then be sure to choose a service where thou mayest be helped forwards in the way to heaven; and that thou mayest have such a service, speak to my Minister, he will help thee, if possible, to such an one.