"You aren"t here though, you are in the kitchen getting the kebabs and asparagus and the small cooler." When I raised my eyebrow at Caity, she continued. "I put some extra beer, ice, and the b.u.t.ter and sour cream for the potatoes in it." I grinned at her, pleased with the way she prepared things.
"You got it, babe. I"ll be right back."
I dropped a kiss on her head as I handed her my beer and went inside. When I came back out with the supplies and food, the two of them stopped talking.
"What"s going on? Everything all right out here?"
"Yup, we"re fine. Just talking about some stuff to do with my sister. Kristy thinks she might be working too many hours at her second job." Caity looked concerned and she had the cutest little furrow in her forehead that I just wanted to kiss away.
"I"m sure she"s fine. She just needs to get used to the schedule, right Spike?"
"I dunno, Donny. She"s been pulling some serious hours from what I"ve heard. They had some pretty bad calls recently and it sounds like she"s been on every one of them."
I knew Pauli had taken a second job as a medic for a rural company. She said she liked the extended transport times as it gave her more of a chance to work on her patients. I figured she was saving up for something or wanted to brush up on her skills.
"h.e.l.l, Spike, we all go through our turns being a s.h.i.t magnet. It"s just part of the job."
We all knew the truth of that statement. I had a period that lasted close to six months where I couldn"t go a week without having a fatality of some kind happen around me. It sucked, but that was life on the streets.
Spike shook her head at me, "I think it"s more than that this time. Haven"t you noticed? She"s been short tempered the past couple of weeks. She"s forgetting stuff and she even snapped at me last shift."
"I haven"t ridden with her other than that one call the other day. I"ve been paired with Gina. I haven"t had a shift without her for weeks."
"Well, she even yelled at Tony the other day. You know how much he likes her. He was asking her some questions about her favorite places to eat and she snapped out at him. She did it right in the main bay of the station too in front of everyone on shift. That just isn"t like her, Donny. We have to step in and take some kind of action. The Cap already said he wants us to have a talk with her."
I looked between Spike and Caity. I was going to have to do the supervisor thing on my lover"s little sister? Talk about a tough spot to be put into by fate.
"Caity, what about you? Have you noticed anything different about Pauli lately? You guys usually talk pretty often, right?" I knew they had but I hadn"t actually heard any phone calls or anything recently.
"I actually haven"t heard from her much. I got an email the other day, short and sweet, no details, just a h.e.l.lo. Sorry, baby, I don"t have any idea what is going on with her right now. Frankly, that worries me more than her temper flare-ups. She used to talk to me about almost anything, now she forgets to return my calls."
"I guess that seals it for me, Spike. Let"s figure out how we"re going to handle it. Then, let"s get it done fast before it escalates any further. I think Gina is ready to ride with someone else. I"ll take Pauli out with me this week and see if I can get any idea about what"s bugging her."
"Great, we"ll figure it out. In the meantime, didn"t you two promise me food?"
I found myself running a twelve-hour shift with Pauli less than a week after the dinner with Spike. I was glad of the chance to partner up with her again, and to investigate what was going on with her. We started the day nice and slowly with breakfast at the usual diner with Tony and Gina. Tony seemed quieter than normal, but I attributed that to the early morning as much as his experience with Pauli. I was waiting until a little later in the day to ask her any questions, so I kept my end of the conversation away from anything too personal.
We split after breakfast, and Pauli and I headed for the station so I could get some paperwork done. On the way back, we responded to a call for back up from the BLS crew for a potential heart problem. I decided to let Pauli handle the call to see how she did with interacting with the EMT crew.
"Pauli, you got this one? I"d like to sit back and watch the EMT crew work for a report I"m doing." Yeah, it sounded lame, but she wouldn"t know that is was garbage.
"Yeah, sure, Donny, I"m cool with it."
We arrived on location, the patient"s home, and met with the crew in the driveway. There was an EMT in the rig with the patient, a female in her early fifties. The woman was on high flow oxygen, and was in a semi-raised position to help her breathing. I hung back and watched Pauli jump in the rig, attach the leads from the monitor to the patient, and run a strip. She asked for repeated vitals, but her tone wasn"t sharp, just professional. I tried to find any sign of the Pauli I had heard about, but she seemed fine to me.
Pauli made the decision to release the patient back to BLS care. She grabbed her gear and jumped out of the rig so they could get going. I took the monitor from her and we reloaded our stuff in the rig before pulling out and heading back to base. I hadn"t learned a thing other than that Pauli seemed to be the same competent medic I had known for years.
Later in the shift, Pauli came to me in the office to talk. I was surprised as she hadn"t sought me out since the day she drove to my house.
"Have you got a minute? I"d kind of like to ask you something."
"Sure, come on in, shut the door if you"d like."
I leaned back and stretched my upper body. I had never loved a desk less than I did at that moment. Pauli sat in one of the extra chairs scattered around the small table that served as both conference table and desk for the medic supervisors. I waited for her to start since she had asked to see me.
"Well, I was wondering something. I know that you probably have plans, but could we hang out after work, maybe grab a beer or something? I"d like to talk to you, but not here if that"s okay."
Surprised but pleased that she was asking to talk to me, I quickly agreed. "Sure, I haven"t had a chance to hang out with you in a while since I"ve been on training duties. You doing okay, Pauli? You aren"t putting in too many hours are you?" I couldn"t help myself. I had to ask something.
"Nah, I"m fine. I"m working a lot, but I get to sleep through a lot of the hours anyway. It isn"t too bad. I"m sure you"ve heard, it seems to be my turn as the s.h.i.t magnet, but what the h.e.l.l? We all go through it now and then. I"ll leave you to your papers. Catch ya later!"
She left the office and I leaned back, puzzled by what had just occurred. Spike had made it seem as if Pauli was on the verge of burnout. What I had witnessed that morning and talking to her in the office didn"t jibe with what had been told to me. I gave up thinking about it and went back to the paperwork with a sigh.
I called Caity and left a message that I would be going out with her sister after work, but that I would call when I was free. The rest of the shift went smoothly, and we left the station on time, more or less. I followed her to a little bar, not that far from my place, and waited for her as she locked her car.
We made our way into the small neighborhood tavern and found a booth near the back. After ordering a round of lager and some munchies, we made small talk about the shift until the drinks and food arrived.
"So, what"s on your mind, Pauli?" I was curious to find out, but it also seemed as if she was stalling.
Pauli fidgeted, playing with her beer bottle, spinning her coaster, looking everywhere but at me.
Finally, I grew tired of the waiting games and said, "Look, you asked me to get together so we could talk. I don"t understand what the problem is, Pauli. Did I tick you off some how?"
"Oh, no, it isn"t anything like that, Donny. I actually wanted to talk to you for two reasons, but I"m not sure how to start."
"Well, just say it. We"re family, right? Just tell me what"s on your mind and we"ll figure it out." I was still under the impression that it was about her second job, so perhaps because it wasn"t part of our station issues, she felt weird.
"Well, the first part is work related, sort of at least. I"m kind of worried about someone at the station and I wanted your take on it. I just feel weird since it is one of your friends."
I motioned at her to continue but she stalled out again. "Pauli, look, if there is something going on that I need to know about, spill it. If not, I don"t want to get involved in something I don"t belong in."
"No, it isn"t anything like that, Donny. I"m really worried, but I don"t know what to do without getting someone ticked at me. I don"t want to f.u.c.k things up around the station, but I"m getting worried. You know I took that Ma.s.s Casualty Incident Command cla.s.s last month, right?"
I nodded, really wondering where this was headed.
"In the cla.s.s they talked about the need for critical incident debriefing. I already knew about it because the captain is such a believer in it. But they also taught us the warning signs of someone going through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You know, what to look for, how to handle it, that kind of thing. They never told us what to do when it was someone who outranks you, or that you respect, how to help them recognize it."
Now I was concerned, but I couldn"t figure out who she meant. Surely, she didn"t mean me? I didn"t think I"d been acting strangely. Well, not that kind of strange at least. If it was someone that outranked her, it couldn"t be her that she was talking about.
"Just tell me, Pauli, who is it you think is stressed too much?"
"Donny, I think Spike"s having some problems. She hasn"t been sleeping, she isn"t eating well, I can"t tell you the last time I saw her out with the guys from work. She spends all her free time working out at the station, even in her off duty hours. She runs extra calls, but she takes charge all the time. She never steps back anymore to let a probie handle things. She never talks or kids around anymore. She"s all business but that isn"t normal for Spike. You"re closer to her, have you noticed anything?"
d.a.m.n! First Spike gets Caity and me worried about Pauli, and now Pauli is getting me worried about Spike! What the h.e.l.l is wrong with the world? "I haven"t seen anything, but I"ve been running opposite of her a lot so we could get the new probies up to speed. She seemed fine at dinner the other night though."
"You had dinner with her? Did she actually eat it or push it around? I haven"t seen her eat a full meal in weeks."
"I guess she didn"t eat all that much, I just figured she was tired. What do you think it"s about? We haven"t had any serious injuries or anything within the house. I don"t know of anything in her personal life, has she taken any bad calls recently?"
Pauli shook her head. "Not that I know of, at least nothing unusual. I"ve been hit with a lot, but she hasn"t been my partner for any of it. My shrink said that I should talk to someone else who knows her." Pauli stopped, as she realized what she had just admitted. "Yeah, about that, I"ve been seeing someone. I had some stuff I had to work out, and I didn"t want to make a big deal out of it. She"s pretty cool, works with a lot of EMS and PD staff, and I"ve learned a lot.
Before I could ask the question, Pauli added, "I haven"t told Caity yet. I didn"t want her to worry."
Can I just say that my world shifted on its axis a little bit? Pauli in therapy on her own terms and Spike the one with problems? "So, what was that stuff about Tony and you fighting? I heard you almost took his head off a week or so ago?"
She grimaced and rolled her eyes. "He was a jerk! He"s been hitting on me for months and won"t accept that I have no interest in him. I made the mistake of telling him I"m bis.e.xual and not gay. Ever since, he"s been convinced he is the right man for me. He just doesn"t listen, and I finally snapped at him about it. I shouldn"t have done it in public, and I did apologize for that to him."
"Oh! It seems I"m getting incomplete data from several sources. I"m really not sure what to do next. I can"t schedule myself to work with Spike, so I guess I"ll have to go to the captain about her."
Pauli nodded her head slowly, then she lowered her eyes to the table. "I feel terrible about this. I hope I"m wrong and just over reacting. Can"t you try to talk to her first? I"d hate to see you go to the Cap and have it be my imagination."
I thought about it for a minute and decided on a plan of action. I would have Pauli join me for a dinner with Spike the next time we all had an evening free. It shouldn"t be too hard to set up, since we were all essentially on the same schedule rotation. After I told her my plan and she agreed, I ordered another round of beer.
After the waiter set it down, I looked over to see Pauli still looking uncomfortable. "Fer cryin" out loud, Pauli, what else is buggin" you?
She gave me a sheepish smile as a blush spread up her face. "Well, I also owe you an apology. I was upset when you started dating my sister, Donny, but I didn"t tell you the entire truth about it. My shrink helped me realize that I had a huge crush on you, but that it was just that, a crush. When I came over that day, I planned on telling you about it and making you choose. Then I thought of how happy Caity seemed when she told me about you two, and I couldn"t do it."
I didn"t know what to say, so following some wise kindergarten advice, I said nothing at all.
"I just wanted to apologize for being an a.s.s about it that day. I know that you both have been so much happier since you got together. I love my sister, Donny, and I want her to be happy. I was wrapped up in my own fantasy that involved you on a pedestal, not as a real person. I"ve gotten to know you as a person now and I want you to be happy. I"m really glad the two of you are doing so well." She changed her voice to a bit of a thug like quality, "But if you hurt her, you deal with me!"
I let out a relieved laugh and agreed to do right by Caity. We talked more easily after that, going over stuff from work and discussing Caity. The waiter brought the check over, and I grabbed it, telling her that since she had been so honest, the least I could do was grab the bill. She blushed but agreed, and we parted amicably.
As I drove home, my thoughts were a whirlwind. I didn"t know what to do or believe. I tried to think of any changes in Spike but the truth was I had been totally involved with what to do about my attraction for Caity. Since we got together, I was busy living in the joy of our relationship. I hadn"t really been focused on Spike or anyone else, other than Caity and myself.
I woke up to the feel of a warm body pressing against mine, as I smelled the familiar scent of Caity"s shampoo. "Hey, baby, I didn"t hear you come in. What time is it?"
She kissed me and laid her head on my shoulder. "A little after two in the morning. I didn"t mean to wake you."
"Honey, you can wake me anytime. Did something happen on your shift? I"m not complaining, I just didn"t know you were coming over tonight."
"Just a long night with a lot of chaos. I missed you. I just wanted you to hold me for a little while. Sometimes hearing the stuff I hear just makes me so sad, but then I get so grateful that you"re in my life."
She let out what sounded like a tiny sob, and I grew more concerned. "What happened? Don"t tell me nothing. You don"t cry over nothing, Caity. Let me help, tell me what"s wrong."
"I lost a baby today. The older sister was babysitting and the baby stopped breathing. She didn"t know what to do, so she called 911. I was on the phones for the second half of my shift and got the call. I talked her through rescue breathing and CPR but nothing worked. The crew called in later and told me that the ER thought it looked like SIDS. I know there is nothing I can do, but I hate when we lose one."
She started crying in earnest then, and I held her tightly. "It"s okay to cry, baby, I"m here, I"ve got you. I love you, and I love that you care so much. I"ve got you." I kept whispering to her until she finally quieted down and fell asleep.
I lay awake for a while, thinking about how lucky we were. We had each other to talk to when a bad call got to us. I"d had Caity around as a friend for years and we had always talked through the rough calls. I started wondering about who Spike talked to at the end of the day. She hadn"t had a relationship that I was aware of in a decade or more.
When I asked her about dating and what she did in her free time, she told me she was married to the job. She believed that no one outside the job could understand what she saw everyday, but she didn"t want to date anyone on the job and worry about him doing his job. I understood that, but I figured she at least kept company with someone and was just close mouthed about it. What if I was wrong? What if Spike just didn"t talk to anyone? How torn up must she feel inside? I resolved to talk to Caity about it in the morning and let myself relax into sleep with her warmth next to me.
CHAPTER 9.
"I DON"T KNOW what to say to her. How do I go up to someone that has mentored me for years and ask her if she"s having a breakdown?" I collapsed onto the couch when I could pace no more. "I don"t have any idea how to approach that conversation, let along guide her into getting help."
Caity took my hand and held it as she tried to help me figure out what to say to Spike. We were having her and Pauli over for dinner the next night and I was totally losing my mind.
"Baby, you have to trust yourself. If she needs help then we"ll help her get it. This could just be a case of a recent cla.s.s making my sister jumpy. There might not be anything going on to worry about. Even if she is going through something, it might have nothing to do with the job."
"Yeah, but I thought about this last night after you fell asleep. She doesn"t have anyone to talk to about her bad days or bad calls. I"ve had you around and you"ve had me around even before we fell in love. She doesn"t have anyone that I know of that she talks to like that outside of work. At work, she"s all business and doesn"t speak to the rest of the crew about stuff like this unless its to help someone else deal with something. I never thought about it before because its just who she is, but I"ve never seen her cry during a debrief, or express much emotion at all. Even the guys break down sometimes. It"s as if she needs to be the toughest kid on the block or something."
"Honey, maybe she has someone we don"t know about. Let"s not worry about it until we talk to her, okay? Are we doing this at my place or yours? And, what time should I expect her and Pauli?"
"I thought we could do it here at my place. I have more s.p.a.ce than you do, and I like my grills better." I gave her a cheeky grin, the grill debate raged long and hard between us. I used two different grills depending upon the food, one charcoal that also functioned as a smoker, and one gas grill, for the times I just needed something done quickly or in bad weather. She was a gas girl when it came to use, though she did admit the superiority of the hardwood charcoal taste.
Tossing an exasperated look at me she said, "yeah, whatever! You just like having control."
I laughed. "Honey, I haven"t had control in a long time and we both know it." Smirking, I continued, "I think they"ll both be over around six-thirty, so we have plenty of time during the day to handle getting set up. Do you work tomorrow?"
"Nope, I"m off today and tomorrow since I"m taking the weekend shifts. The scheduler had no problem arranging for me to work so I could have some time off with you. Weekends are tougher to fill, so whenever you work one, I usually can too."
I gave her a hug and stroked her soft hair through my fingers, reveling in the texture.. "You"re so sweet, Caity. Does this mean I have you all to myself for the rest of today?" I started getting ideas on how we could spend at least part of that time.
"Mmm hmm, all yours today. Did you have plans? I don"t want to impose or take you away from anything."
"No imposition at all, in fact, there is no one I would rather spend the time with today. I even know what we can do!" I was slowly stroking my hand along her rib cage as I spoke. I bent my head and placed light kisses along the line of her neck as I let my hand drift towards the upper part of her ribcage. As I slowly moved my hand towards her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, she moaned and pushed against my hand.
"I think I like your plan. Does it involve staying on the couch or can we go back to bed?"
She looked at me with slightly hooded eyes, her hazel eyes growing dark with desire. I felt myself get wet, and I could barely stand on my quivering legs. I reached down and pulled her from the couch, leading her into the bedroom.
"Strip for me, Chloe, I need to see you naked." Caity leaned back on the bed and watched me as I shed my clothes. I moved to take hers off as well but she pushed me away.
"I have plans of my own for you! I want you to lie down on your back."
I complied. I was turned on even more by her take charge att.i.tude. She grabbed something from the floor and started tying my wrists to the bed frame.
"You don"t mind, do you? I don"t want your hands distracting me from my plan. It isn"t too tight, is it?"
I shook my head since my mouth was too dry to speak. I couldn"t wait to find out what she would do next. She reached down under the bed and pulled out a bag that I hadn"t seen before. She pulled out a couple of toys and put them out of my sight at the end of the bed, then she pulled out some lube and gave me a wicked grin.
"I brought these over the last time I stayed but got distracted." She started gently playing with my stiff nipples as she continued. "You"ve been working too hard, honey. All work and no play makes Donny a dull medic. Time to sharpen you up!"