"Yes," said Mr Merdle; "yes. There has been a delay."
"Not that it is of consequence," said f.a.n.n.y.
"Not," a.s.sented Mr Merdle, after having examined the cornice of all that part of the room which was within his range: "not that it is of any consequence."
"My only anxiety is," said f.a.n.n.y, "that Mrs General should not get anything."
"She won"t get anything," said Mr Merdle.
f.a.n.n.y was delighted to hear him express the opinion. Mr Merdle, after taking another gaze into the depths of his hat as if he thought he saw something at the bottom, rubbed his hair and slowly appended to his last remark the confirmatory words, "Oh dear no. No. Not she. Not likely."
As the topic seemed exhausted, and Mr Merdle too, f.a.n.n.y inquired if he were going to take up Mrs Merdle and the carriage in his way home?
"No," he answered; "I shall go by the shortest way, and leave Mrs Merdle to--" here he looked all over the palms of both his hands as if he were telling his own fortune--"to take care of herself. I dare say she"ll manage to do it."
"Probably," said f.a.n.n.y.
There was then a long silence; during which, Mrs Sparkler, lying back on her sofa again, shut her eyes and raised her eyebrows in her former retirement from mundane affairs.
"But, however," said Mr Merdle, "I am equally detaining you and myself.
I thought I"d give you a call, you know."
"Charmed, I am sure," said f.a.n.n.y.
"So I am off," added Mr Merdle, getting up. "Could you lend me a penknife?"
It was an odd thing, f.a.n.n.y smilingly observed, for her who could seldom prevail upon herself even to write a letter, to lend to a man of such vast business as Mr Merdle. "Isn"t it?" Mr Merdle acquiesced; "but I want one; and I know you have got several little wedding keepsakes about, with scissors and tweezers and such things in them. You shall have it back to-morrow."
"Edmund," said Mrs Sparkler, "open (now, very carefully, I beg and beseech, for you are so very awkward) the mother of pearl box on my little table there, and give Mr Merdle the mother of pearl penknife."
"Thank you," said Mr Merdle; "but if you have got one with a darker handle, I think I should prefer one with a darker handle."
"Tortoise-sh.e.l.l?"
"Thank you," said Mr Merdle; "yes. I think I should prefer tortoise-sh.e.l.l."
Edmund accordingly received instructions to open the tortoise-sh.e.l.l box, and give Mr Merdle the tortoise-sh.e.l.l knife. On his doing so, his wife said to the master-spirit graciously:
"I will forgive you, if you ink it."
"I"ll undertake not to ink it," said Mr Merdle.
The ill.u.s.trious visitor then put out his coat-cuff, and for a moment entombed Mrs Sparkler"s hand: wrist, bracelet, and all. Where his own hand had shrunk to, was not made manifest, but it was as remote from Mrs Sparkler"s sense of touch as if he had been a highly meritorious Chelsea Veteran or Greenwich Pensioner.
Thoroughly convinced, as he went out of the room, that it was the longest day that ever did come to an end at last, and that there never was a woman, not wholly devoid of personal attractions, so worn out by idiotic and lumpish people, f.a.n.n.y pa.s.sed into the balcony for a breath of air. Waters of vexation filled her eyes; and they had the effect of making the famous Mr Merdle, in going down the street, appear to leap, and waltz, and gyrate, as if he were possessed of several Devils.
CHAPTER 25. The Chief Butler Resigns the Seals of Office
The dinner-party was at the great Physician"s. Bar was there, and in full force. Ferdinand Barnacle was there, and in his most engaging state. Few ways of life were hidden from Physician, and he was oftener in its darkest places than even Bishop. There were brilliant ladies about London who perfectly doted on him, my dear, as the most charming creature and the most delightful person, who would have been shocked to find themselves so close to him if they could have known on what sights those thoughtful eyes of his had rested within an hour or two, and near to whose beds, and under what roofs, his composed figure had stood. But Physician was a composed man, who performed neither on his own trumpet, nor on the trumpets of other people. Many wonderful things did he see and hear, and much irreconcilable moral contradiction did he pa.s.s his life among; yet his equality of compa.s.sion was no more disturbed than the Divine Master"s of all healing was. He went, like the rain, among the just and unjust, doing all the good he could, and neither proclaiming it in the synagogues nor at the corner of streets.
As no man of large experience of humanity, however quietly carried it may be, can fail to be invested with an interest peculiar to the possession of such knowledge, Physician was an attractive man. Even the daintier gentlemen and ladies who had no idea of his secret, and who would have been startled out of more wits than they had, by the monstrous impropriety of his proposing to them "Come and see what I see!" confessed his attraction. Where he was, something real was. And half a grain of reality, like the smallest portion of some other scarce natural productions, will flavour an enormous quant.i.ty of diluent.
It came to pa.s.s, therefore, that Physician"s little dinners always presented people in their least conventional lights. The guests said to themselves, whether they were conscious of it or no, "Here is a man who really has an acquaintance with us as we are, who is admitted to some of us every day with our wigs and paint off, who hears the wanderings of our minds, and sees the undisguised expression of our faces, when both are past our control; we may as well make an approach to reality with him, for the man has got the better of us and is too strong for us."
Therefore, Physician"s guests came out so surprisingly at his round table that they were almost natural.
Bar"s knowledge of that agglomeration of jurymen which is called humanity was as sharp as a razor; yet a razor is not a generally convenient instrument, and Physician"s plain bright scalpel, though far less keen, was adaptable to far wider purposes. Bar knew all about the gullibility and knavery of people; but Physician could have given him a better insight into their tendernesses and affections, in one week of his rounds, than Westminster Hall and all the circuits put together, in threescore years and ten. Bar always had a suspicion of this, and perhaps was glad to encourage it (for, if the world were really a great Law Court, one would think that the last day of Term could not too soon arrive); and so he liked and respected Physician quite as much as any other kind of man did.
Mr Merdle"s default left a Banquo"s chair at the table; but, if he had been there, he would have merely made the difference of Banquo in it, and consequently he was no loss. Bar, who picked up all sorts of odds and ends about Westminster Hall, much as a raven would have done if he had pa.s.sed as much of his time there, had been picking up a great many straws lately and tossing them about, to try which way the Merdle wind blew. He now had a little talk on the subject with Mrs Merdle herself; sidling up to that lady, of course, with his double eye-gla.s.s and his jury droop.
"A certain bird," said Bar; and he looked as if it could have been no other bird than a magpie; "has been whispering among us lawyers lately, that there is to be an addition to the t.i.tled personages of this realm."
"Really?" said Mrs Merdle.
"Yes," said Bar. "Has not the bird been whispering in very different ears from ours--in lovely ears?" He looked expressively at Mrs Merdle"s nearest ear-ring.
"Do you mean mine?" asked Mrs Merdle.
"When I say lovely," said Bar, "I always mean you."
"You never mean anything, I think," returned Mrs Merdle (not displeased).
"Oh, cruelly unjust!" said Bar. "But, the bird."
"I am the last person in the world to hear news," observed Mrs Merdle, carelessly arranging her stronghold. "Who is it?"
"What an admirable witness you would make!" said Bar. "No jury (unless we could empanel one of blind men) could resist you, if you were ever so bad a one; but you would be such a good one!"
"Why, you ridiculous man?" asked Mrs Merdle, laughing.
Bar waved his double eye-gla.s.s three or four times between himself and the Bosom, as a rallying answer, and inquired in his most insinuating accents:
"What am I to call the most elegant, accomplished and charming of women, a few weeks, or it may be a few days, hence?"
"Didn"t your bird tell you what to call her?" answered Mrs Merdle. "Do ask it to-morrow, and tell me the next time you see me what it says."
This led to further pa.s.sages of similar pleasantry between the two; but Bar, with all his sharpness, got nothing out of them. Physician, on the other hand, taking Mrs Merdle down to her carriage and attending on her as she put on her cloak, inquired into the symptoms with his usual calm directness.
"May I ask," he said, "is this true about Merdle?"
"My dear doctor," she returned, "you ask me the very question that I was half disposed to ask you." "To ask me! Why me?"
"Upon my honour, I think Mr Merdle reposes greater confidence in you than in any one."
"On the contrary, he tells me absolutely nothing, even professionally.