"I beg and entreat you, ma"am--" Arthur interposed.
"Oh, Mr Clennam, can you really be so credulous?"
It made such a painful impression upon him to hear her talking in this haughty tone, and to see her patting her contemptuous lips with her fan, that he said very earnestly, "Believe me, ma"am, this is unjust, a perfectly groundless suspicion."
"Suspicion?" repeated Mrs Gowan. "Not suspicion, Mr Clennam, Certainty.
It is very knowingly done indeed, and seems to have taken YOU in completely." She laughed; and again sat tapping her lips with her fan, and tossing her head, as if she added, "Don"t tell me. I know such people will do anything for the honour of such an alliance."
At this opportune moment, the cards were thrown up, and Mr Henry Gowan came across the room saying, "Mother, if you can spare Mr Clennam for this time, we have a long way to go, and it"s getting late." Mr Clennam thereupon rose, as he had no choice but to do; and Mrs Gowan showed him, to the last, the same look and the same tapped contemptuous lips.
"You have had a portentously long audience of my mother," said Gowan, as the door closed upon them. "I fervently hope she has not bored you?"
"Not at all," said Clennam.
They had a little open phaeton for the journey, and were soon in it on the road home. Gowan, driving, lighted a cigar; Clennam declined one. Do what he would, he fell into such a mood of abstraction that Gowan said again, "I am very much afraid my mother has bored you?" To which he roused himself to answer, "Not at all!" and soon relapsed again.
In that state of mind which rendered n.o.body uneasy, his thoughtfulness would have turned princ.i.p.ally on the man at his side. He would have thought of the morning when he first saw him rooting out the stones with his heel, and would have asked himself, "Does he jerk me out of the path in the same careless, cruel way?" He would have thought, had this introduction to his mother been brought about by him because he knew what she would say, and that he could thus place his position before a rival and loftily warn him off, without himself reposing a word of confidence in him? He would have thought, even if there were no such design as that, had he brought him there to play with his repressed emotions, and torment him? The current of these meditations would have been stayed sometimes by a rush of shame, bearing a remonstrance to himself from his own open nature, representing that to shelter such suspicions, even for the pa.s.sing moment, was not to hold the high, unenvious course he had resolved to keep. At those times, the striving within him would have been hardest; and looking up and catching Gowan"s eyes, he would have started as if he had done him an injury.
Then, looking at the dark road and its uncertain objects, he would have gradually trailed off again into thinking, "Where are we driving, he and I, I wonder, on the darker road of life? How will it be with us, and with her, in the obscure distance?" Thinking of her, he would have been troubled anew with a reproachful misgiving that it was not even loyal to her to dislike him, and that in being so easily prejudiced against him he was less deserving of her than at first.
"You are evidently out of spirits," said Gowan; "I am very much afraid my mother must have bored you dreadfully." "Believe me, not at all,"
said Clennam. "It"s nothing--nothing!"
CHAPTER 27. Five-and-Twenty
A frequently recurring doubt, whether Mr Pancks"s desire to collect information relative to the Dorrit family could have any possible bearing on the misgivings he had imparted to his mother on his return from his long exile, caused Arthur Clennam much uneasiness at this period. What Mr Pancks already knew about the Dorrit family, what more he really wanted to find out, and why he should trouble his busy head about them at all, were questions that often perplexed him. Mr Pancks was not a man to waste his time and trouble in researches prompted by idle curiosity. That he had a specific object Clennam could not doubt.
And whether the attainment of that object by Mr Pancks"s industry might bring to light, in some untimely way, secret reasons which had induced his mother to take Little Dorrit by the hand, was a serious speculation.
Not that he ever wavered either in his desire or his determination to repair a wrong that had been done in his father"s time, should a wrong come to light, and be reparable. The shadow of a supposed act of injustice, which had hung over him since his father"s death, was so vague and formless that it might be the result of a reality widely remote from his idea of it. But, if his apprehensions should prove to be well founded, he was ready at any moment to lay down all he had, and begin the world anew. As the fierce dark teaching of his childhood had never sunk into his heart, so that first article in his code of morals was, that he must begin, in practical humility, with looking well to his feet on Earth, and that he could never mount on wings of words to Heaven. Duty on earth, rest.i.tution on earth, action on earth; these first, as the first steep steps upward. Strait was the gate and narrow was the way; far straiter and narrower than the broad high road paved with vain professions and vain repet.i.tions, motes from other men"s eyes and liberal delivery of others to the judgment--all cheap materials costing absolutely nothing.
No. It was not a selfish fear or hesitation that rendered him uneasy, but a mistrust lest Pancks might not observe his part of the understanding between them, and, making any discovery, might take some course upon it without imparting it to him. On the other hand, when he recalled his conversation with Pancks, and the little reason he had to suppose that there was any likelihood of that strange personage being on that track at all, there were times when he wondered that he made so much of it. Labouring in this sea, as all barks labour in cross seas, he tossed about and came to no haven.
The removal of Little Dorrit herself from their customary a.s.sociation, did not mend the matter. She was so much out, and so much in her own room, that he began to miss her and to find a blank in her place. He had written to her to inquire if she were better, and she had written back, very gratefully and earnestly telling him not to be uneasy on her behalf, for she was quite well; but he had not seen her, for what, in their intercourse, was a long time.
He returned home one evening from an interview with her father, who had mentioned that she was out visiting--which was what he always said when she was hard at work to buy his supper--and found Mr Meagles in an excited state walking up and down his room. On his opening the door, Mr Meagles stopped, faced round, and said:
"Clennam!--Tattycoram!"
"What"s the matter?"
"Lost!"
"Why, bless my heart alive!" cried Clennam in amazement. "What do you mean?"
"Wouldn"t count five-and-twenty, sir; couldn"t be got to do it; stopped at eight, and took herself off."
"Left your house?"
"Never to come back," said Mr Meagles, shaking his head. "You don"t know that girl"s pa.s.sionate and proud character. A team of horses couldn"t draw her back now; the bolts and bars of the old Bastille couldn"t keep her."
"How did it happen? Pray sit down and tell me."
"As to how it happened, it"s not so easy to relate: because you must have the unfortunate temperament of the poor impetuous girl herself, before you can fully understand it. But it came about in this way. Pet and Mother and I have been having a good deal of talk together of late.
I"ll not disguise from you, Clennam, that those conversations have not been of as bright a kind as I could wish; they have referred to our going away again. In proposing to do which, I have had, in fact, an object."
n.o.body"s heart beat quickly.
"An object," said Mr Meagles, after a moment"s pause, "that I will not disguise from you, either, Clennam. There"s an inclination on the part of my dear child which I am sorry for. Perhaps you guess the person.
Henry Gowan."
"I was not unprepared to hear it."
"Well!" said Mr Meagles, with a heavy sigh, "I wish to G.o.d you had never had to hear it. However, so it is. Mother and I have done all we could to get the better of it, Clennam. We have tried tender advice, we have tried time, we have tried absence. As yet, of no use. Our late conversations have been upon the subject of going away for another year at least, in order that there might be an entire separation and breaking off for that term. Upon that question, Pet has been unhappy, and therefore Mother and I have been unhappy." Clennam said that he could easily believe it.
"Well!" continued Mr Meagles in an apologetic way, "I admit as a practical man, and I am sure Mother would admit as a practical woman, that we do, in families, magnify our troubles and make mountains of our molehills in a way that is calculated to be rather trying to people who look on--to mere outsiders, you know, Clennam.
Still, Pet"s happiness or unhappiness is quite a life or death question with us; and we may be excused, I hope, for making much of it. At all events, it might have been borne by Tattycoram. Now, don"t you think so?"
"I do indeed think so," returned Clennam, in most emphatic recognition of this very moderate expectation.
"No, sir," said Mr Meagles, shaking his head ruefully. "She couldn"t stand it. The chafing and firing of that girl, the wearing and tearing of that girl within her own breast, has been such that I have softly said to her again and again in pa.s.sing her, "Five-and-twenty, Tattycoram, five-and-twenty!" I heartily wish she could have gone on counting five-and-twenty day and night, and then it wouldn"t have happened."
Mr Meagles with a despondent countenance in which the goodness of his heart was even more expressed than in his times of cheerfulness and gaiety, stroked his face down from his forehead to his chin, and shook his head again.
"I said to Mother (not that it was necessary, for she would have thought it all for herself), we are practical people, my dear, and we know her story; we see in this unhappy girl some reflection of what was raging in her mother"s heart before ever such a creature as this poor thing was in the world; we"ll gloss her temper over, Mother, we won"t notice it at present, my dear, we"ll take advantage of some better disposition in her another time. So we said nothing. But, do what we would, it seems as if it was to be; she broke out violently one night."
"How, and why?"
"If you ask me Why," said Mr Meagles, a little disturbed by the question, for he was far more intent on softening her case than the family"s, "I can only refer you to what I have just repeated as having been pretty near my words to Mother. As to How, we had said Good night to Pet in her presence (very affectionately, I must allow), and she had attended Pet up-stairs--you remember she was her maid. Perhaps Pet, having been out of sorts, may have been a little more inconsiderate than usual in requiring services of her: but I don"t know that I have any right to say so; she was always thoughtful and gentle."
"The gentlest mistress in the world."
"Thank you, Clennam," said Mr Meagles, shaking him by the hand; "you have often seen them together. Well! We presently heard this unfortunate Tattycoram loud and angry, and before we could ask what was the matter, Pet came back in a tremble, saying she was frightened of her. Close after her came Tattycoram in a flaming rage. "I hate you all three,"
says she, stamping her foot at us. "I am bursting with hate of the whole house.""
"Upon which you--?"
"I?" said Mr Meagles, with a plain good faith that might have commanded the belief of Mrs Gowan herself. "I said, count five-and-twenty, Tattycoram."
Mr Meagles again stroked his face and shook his head, with an air of profound regret.
"She was so used to do it, Clennam, that even then, such a picture of pa.s.sion as you never saw, she stopped short, looked me full in the face, and counted (as I made out) to eight. But she couldn"t control herself to go any further. There she broke down, poor thing, and gave the other seventeen to the four winds. Then it all burst out. She detested us, she was miserable with us, she couldn"t bear it, she wouldn"t bear it, she was determined to go away. She was younger than her young mistress, and would she remain to see her always held up as the only creature who was young and interesting, and to be cherished and loved? No. She wouldn"t, she wouldn"t, she wouldn"t! What did we think she, Tattycoram, might have been if she had been caressed and cared for in her childhood, like her young mistress? As good as her? Ah! Perhaps fifty times as good.
When we pretended to be so fond of one another, we exulted over her; that was what we did; we exulted over her and shamed her. And all in the house did the same. They talked about their fathers and mothers, and brothers and sisters; they liked to drag them up before her face. There was Mrs Tickit, only yesterday, when her little grandchild was with her, had been amused by the child"s trying to call her (Tattycoram) by the wretched name we gave her; and had laughed at the name. Why, who didn"t; and who were we that we should have a right to name her like a dog or a cat? But she didn"t care. She would take no more benefits from us; she would fling us her name back again, and she would go. She would leave us that minute, n.o.body should stop her, and we should never hear of her again."
Mr Meagles had recited all this with such a vivid remembrance of his original, that he was almost as flushed and hot by this time as he described her to have been.