Lu Xiulan hadn’t considered the repercussions of meeting him like this. If there was one thing that she hated about him, it was being blunt—that it was too easy for him to read her like an open book.
It was easy for anyone with half a brain to know how much she adores him—how much she loves him, and it scared her. She didn’t like the feeling of being vulnerable to someone’s eyes.
Her hands closed over her arms and rubbed it up and down. The coldness of the night seeping through her evening dress, but it wasn’t enough to numb the pain she could feel inside her chest.
“Is this about what Yuan Jin said earlier? That you’re quitting and this would be your last project?” he asked.
“Partly, yes,” Lu Xiulan admitted. “The whole reason why I left med school was that I saw one of your campaign ads when I was returning home from school.”
Confusion reflected on his eyes. He started to open his mouth to ask why, but she silenced him by lifting a hand. He had known that she attended med school but hadn’t known he was partly responsible for her quitting.
“Please, just let me speak and don’t say anything. I just want to tell you these. There’s a lot I want to say, but I know I couldn’t. Least you can do for me is to let me finish.”
Song Yichen hesitated but nodded to her request.
“I was walking my way back home on a rainy afternoon. Dejected that I failed another major exam that day. I felt so empty, so hopeless. I didn’t know what I want to do with my life anymore.
“My parents had high hopes for me, wanting me to pursue a career I have no interest in. I thought I could make it through, but I couldn’t. Every pa.s.sing day, I felt like I’m burning out; and then I saw your campaign ad.”
She lifted her gaze just to see his face. She tried to imprint this memory of him on her mind as this would be the last time that she’d be with him.
“Your campaign ad was able to move me. It reminded me how beautiful dreams are, that I should try to reach for it no matter how hard it would be; at least, I did try my best.”
She lowered her eyes as her tears fell down her cheeks, catching him off guard. He opened his mouth again in an attempt to say something, but she silenced him again with a pointed stare.
“After that, I left med school and took marketing and film courses. It wasn’t easy at first, but because I love what I was doing, I didn’t care about the hards.h.i.+ps. Then I met you.” She laughed at the memory. “I was like a crazy fangirl meeting her idol for the first time. You have no idea how happy I was when I met you the first time. It was like I was high in some kind of drugs. Who would have thought that I will fall in love with your masterpiece first before falling head over heels with you?”
Remembering those times, she couldn’t help but shake her head from her silly antics. His alluring scent enveloped her, reminding her deeply of his presence.
“I read articles about you. So many of them, but nothing had prepared me when I met you personally. You were different from what the media portrays you to be. They don’t know how pa.s.sionate you could be when you’re working diligently on your projects. I know that you chose them wisely. You reject offers that others would fight tooth for a tooth. This was why I stayed and tried my best to produce films and campaigns that could move people as you did to me.”
By now, Lu Xiulan could sense that he was paying attention to her words. He wasn’t the one who usually started their talks as he knew nothing about carrying one.
“To cut it short, I have fulfilled what I want to do and cannot continue anymore. It’s time for me to take another path. A path of uncertainty.”
She was resolved to make it right and not let him bear the guilt of her pain. She brought this to herself and should pay dearly for it.
“You’re getting married.” Song Yichen’s words pierced her as if he was accusing her. In the end, he really overheard her conversation with Yuan Jin earlier.
Lu Xiulan grimaced. She couldn’t even hide this truth from him.
“Yes.” Her voice sounded too weak for her liking. Where was her confidence when she needed it?
“And you will just leave me alone like this?”
His voice was lower than usual. Lu Xiulan looked away quickly. “When did I ever turn my back on you?” she defended.
“Aren’t you doing it to me right now?”
Lu Xiulan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She tried to suppress the bitterness that was trying to resurface in her heart.
“Oh, no. You aren’t doing this to me again.” She whispered lowly. She opened her eyes and stared back at the pond, watching the koi fishes swarm in one spot near them. “I learned my lessons this time. I’m not going to play the same game you started.”
“Did you really think that it was all but a game to me? That you are nothing to me?” Song Yichen hissed back. Angry to himself, frustrated as to why she was thinking like this. If he didn’t say his piece, then he might regret it sooner or later. “It wasn’t a game. Lu Xiulan, I know you’re a smart girl, and I never thought you could be dense like this. You mean something to me more than you ever know.”