She stiffened as she felt the intensity of his glare on her face. Lu Xiulan wanted so desperately to rip out her own heart and throw it away so it would stop tormenting her. What could he possibly get by toying her like this again?
“You don’t.” Her voice was thick, trying to keep her composure, but her tears couldn’t stop falling. If he really did care for her, he wouldn’t have let her suffer for too long.
“I knew you were infatuated with me, but I never thought it will turn to something else. I didn’t know you’ll fall for me.” Song Yichen started. His voice was calm unlike hers, but it was enough to get a reaction from her.
“That’s very conceited of you, Mr. Song.”
“And I also fell for you.”
Those were enough to make Lu Xiulan silent. She shook her head, refusing to accept his words. “It was all wrong. I was wrong. I should never have gotten myself involved with you. I should have listened to my parents and stayed in med school. Just look at the price I had to pay because of my foolishness.”
“You think waiting for me was a foolish thing to do?”
“No!” she cried, turning her body to face him. Letting him see how broken she was. She struggled to regain her composure.
“I don’t know what do you still want from me, but I’m tired. I’m really tired. I could wait for as long as you want me to if you could at least give me one good reason to do it. I will cross a thousand miles of ocean between us if only I could be with you. I’m willing to take thousands of steps just to reach you if only you’ll not stray too far from me.
“I’m tired, Yichen. I’m tired of having you in my head and never being able to be free of you. Most of all, I’m tired of being lied to, led on, and left behind as if what I feel didn’t matter. If you think by turning my back now means I’m leaving you, then so be it! I don’t care anymore!”
She took in a deep, steadying breath, her sobs shaking her shoulders.
“You don’t love me.” Lu Xiulan said in a dejected tone.
She hadn’t intended to say those words, but it felt like a cry from the depths of her soul. When she looked at his face, her hopes crashed down and died. There were emotions reflected in his eyes, but there was no love. Confusion, hesitation, anger… but never love. He’d said that he felt something for her; now, she was sure it wasn’t love.
Swiftly before he could react, her hand moved towards her neck and removed the golden necklace that adorned it. She then slipped it on his hand.
“I’m sorry. I hope, someday, you’ll find a woman worthy of your time.” She turned to leave him behind, to hide the tears that she couldn’t stop anymore. She stopped and looked over her shoulder.
“Maybe you should get back inside. They’ll probably be looking for you, and by the way–” she hesitated. She wanted to say ‘I love you’ one last time, but she knew him well. Those words wouldn’t change anything. He would never choose her, and she longed for someone who’d choose her above the rest and not treat her just another option. “I miss you.”
Without another word, she walked back up the path to the grand hall. Song Yichen called out her name, but she never stopped. He stared at the golden necklace with a pair of angel wings. It was the same necklace he’d given on her birthday.
He still couldn’t comprehend what she was thinking, what she wanted from him. Staring down at her necklace, it looked all wrong. It should be on Lu Xiulan’s neck. She should be glowing with happiness, not staring back at him with a tear-stained face.
She’d left him for good.
Song Yichen made no move to follow her but clenched her necklace in his hand. He swallowed hard and breathed deeply as he tried to reign himself. He’d never experienced such wrenching feeling before, and it was Lu Xiulan who made him feel this way. Yet, he was sure that she really meant what she’d said to him. His hurt couldn’t be comparable to what pain he’d put her through.
It was all, by no means, his own fault. If this was his punishment for breaking her heart, then so be it. The corners of his mouth lifted in a bitter smile. If she really wanted nothing more to do with him, then he’d leave her be.
The roles had been reversed now. When he finally found the guts to pursue her, she gave up on him. He might have killed whatever she was feeling for him by his constant absence and uncaring words. All that was left for him to do now was to watch her walk the aisle and marry another man before shutting himself off from all the feelings she invoked from him.
He dragged a hand down his face and released a sigh. He then stood straight and reigned his emotions. Hearing other footsteps coming his way, Song Yichen hardened his heart and put up the walls that Lu Xiulan destroyed earlier.
“Director Song? Some of our guests are asking to meet you.” A young man bowed his head to him.
He nodded and casually walked back inside the hotel, painfully aware of the constricting feeling on his chest.
—
Yuan Jin and Shen Xue were talking with another prospective client when they spotted Lu Xiulan hurriedly taking steps to the exit. They noticed her puffy eyes, knowing something must have happened.
“I can’t leave, Shen Xue.” Yuan Jin desperately turned to Shen Xue. “Please follow Xiulan. I’m worried she won’t be able to handle herself this time.”