“At her young age, Meixiu had become popular. However, being a Sun, she was subjected to the rumors about her father’s affair with another woman. It also didn’t help that Sun Liuxian took his illegitimate children in before acknowledging her as his daughter.
“I might not have been blessed with a good husband, but I was given an exceptional child. She didn’t ask me questions, but I know she was able to find the answers on her own. There was only one thing she couldn’t answer, and that was her conception.”
There was a hint of shame in her eyes when Tang Lingfei said this to her granddaughter. She took a quick glance to see her reaction, but there was none. Didn’t her granddaughter find it appalling? Her own daughter had found it disgusting when she learned about it but accepted the truth later on.
Of course, she was ashamed of what she’d done. How could she tell her own daughter that she drugged her husband to force him to sleep with her? However, if she hadn’t made that mistake, she’d never be able to give birth to Sun Meixiu; and there wouldn’t be a Lu Xinyi sitting across her at this moment.
“At least I know the truth now.” Lu Xinyi snorted. “So the rumors about you allowing the old man to get a mistress… it wasn’t because you couldn’t get pregnant.”
“Don’t you find it repulsive?” The old woman couldn’t stop her curiosity to find out Lu Xinyi’s opinion on the matter. She swallowed hard and squared her shoulders.
Lu Xinyi’s brows rose inquiringly. “Why would I find it repulsive?”
“Well, I thought that would be the logical reaction I’ll get from you.” Tang Lingfei slightly s.h.i.+vered when the wind from the outside found a way to get inside through the gaps of the windowsill.
“Who am I to judge you? Each of us has done a stupid thing in their younger years, and I’m not an exception. I’ve let myself get fooled for seven years by a man. You’ve got cheated on before your marriage. Although marrying Chairman Sun was indeed a moment of weakness on your part, there’s nothing else to be done but to divorce him.”
When Tang Lingfei heard her, she froze into blankness. She remained absolutely motionless for a moment. This wasn’t what she was expecting to hear from Lu Xinyi. She thought that her granddaughter would react the same way her mother had.
“I—” and that she found herself lost for words.
“Lady Tang shouldn’t worry about such trivial things. It doesn’t matter to me. You’ve done it, and you’ve faced the consequences of your actions.” Lu Xinyi lowered her gaze to her teacup. “I was merely curious where you were when my mother died. My mother… she rarely talked about you, and neither did she talk about the Sun family.”
Yes, that was why when her parents died and the Sun family took the matter to their hands and brought her to the Sun Estate, she was really scared. They said they were her mother’s relatives, but how come her mother never mentioned them to her? Or why did they never visit them?
Young Lu Xinyi couldn’t understand why Chairman Sun had taken her away from her brother Lingyu and Grandma Lu. It also didn’t help that Sun Qiyan and her friends were constantly bullying her during her stay. She’d tried to run away from the estate, only to be brought back by their family’s servants.
Lu Xinyi leaned back, sipping her tea contentedly, as she waited for Tang Lingfei’s explanation.
“I hope you’re not thinking that I also disapprove of your mother’s marriage to your father.” Tang Lingfei also leaned back to her seat, suppressing a sigh.
“You don’t?” It was Lu Xinyi’s turn to be surprised by her grandmother.
The old woman chuckled at her granddaughter’s question. She didn’t know why, but she was starting to see the same mannerism her granddaughter shared with President Shen from speech to body language to emotion. They were almost the same as if they’ve been together for years and not married for only a couple of months.
“Why would I? I was even the one who gave your mother a push to marry Lu Sibai. He loved her, and she adored him. I could see the love they had for each other when I saw them.” Tang Lingfei pushed back a wayward strand of her gray hair.
“I didn’t want your mother to suffer the same way I did. You and your mother are lucky to find a man who’ll love you wholeheartedly. I must have wasted my chance when I married that man.” She turned away, her hands clenched stiffly at the blanket covering her legs.
“As for your question, I wasn’t in the country when your mother died. After refusing the marriage arrangement Sun Liuxian set for her and marrying your father instead, Meixiu left the capital with your father after their attempt to separate them. I’ve long migrated overseas and hadn’t much communication with your mother except for a few mails.
“You should also know by now how hard it was to communicate through long distance. The technology before isn’t as advanced as what we have now. When I heard what happened to your family, it was too late.”
When she heard what happened to her daughter, she collapsed on the spot and was rushed to the hospital for immediate treatment. It took her a month to recover, and before she could fly back home, she found out that her daughter’s remains were already buried in the cold ground next to Lu Sibai’s grave.
The pain was carved in merciless lines on her face as she tried to suppress her tears from flowing. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Parents are not meant to bury their children. She wasn’t prepared for it. When her daughter died, there was no time to process everything, no time to say goodbye.
Losing a child in any way was probably the singular most devastating pa.s.sage anyone could be asked to endure during a lifetime. For Tang Lingfei, she never fully resolved the death of her child; and she couldn’t get peace from her loss.
No parent should have to bury a child. No mother should have to bury a child. Mothers were not meant to bury their children. It was not in the natural order of things. When a mother lost her young, the world had slipped off its axis and spun out of control. The universe mourned, knowing it had gone against the circle of life: children should bury their mothers, not the other way around.
She remembered the morning her daughter was born as if it was yesterday. The moment the midwife placed her baby in her arms, she was infused with a love beyond all measure and understanding. She remembered holding her child, and looking over at my brother and saying…
“Now, I know the reason for my existence,” Tang Lingfei told him.
One day, she was whole; and the next, broken beyond repair. Breath and joy had been sucked out of her body and replaced with pain so powerful; her soul was lost in the grief. Her world shattered beyond repair. Her child was gone before she knew it.
Her grief was never-ending. It began each day as she woke up and followed her like a lost puppy throughout her day. It crawled into bed with her at night and wrapped its arms around her heart.
A brief sleep was her only respite. Dreams of her child might come and comfort her troubled heart, but when she woke up, the nightmare of her life would begin anew. Sun Meixiu was her last thought before closing her eyes and the first thought as she awakened.
Her child was gone, and she remained unable to be comforted.