Shen Yi stood next to the window and stared outside with his hands in his pockets.
Today was their wedding day. He was supposed to be happy and should feel great that he would be marrying Lu Xinyi in front of their friends and loved ones.
For the first time since they divorced, his parents would be in the same place. Lady Tang, who was recently reunited with his wife, and the rest of the Tang family would be there. Tian Lingyu was also there to act as a proxy for his father-in-law with the twins acting as their ring bearer and flower girl.
Lu Xinyi had agreed on his suggestion to hold a small but intimate wedding ceremony, and he couldn’t be luckier to have her as his wife. However, he was still restless knowing that Feng Zexian was still out there, hiding somewhere preparing to seek revenge against him.
He might have done something inhumane in the past and thought that he’d get away from it. Yet, there was this inkling doubt and fear that Feng Zexian would use Lu Xinyi and the twins to hurt him.
Since his last meeting with Li Yuren, the general had been scouting the city and trying to find a trace or lead to Feng Zexian’s whereabouts. There were unverified reports that he’d left the capital, but Shen Yi wouldn’t give Feng Zexian an opening to hurt his wife and increased the security personnel to look after her.
He wondered if his silence about his past somehow made Lu Xinyi uncomfortable, that even if she was curious to know, she respected him that much that she would rather wait for him to talk about it.
What he did to save Shen Xue back then, he’d already considered it as a part of his past that couldn’t be changed. He had done wrong; he knew that now. However, when the thought of losing another family member close to him after his uncle, Shen Yi couldn’t accept it.
In a moment of rage and desperation, he tainted his own hands with blood to save his brother. In truth, he didn’t consider what awaited him in the future after saving Shen Xue’s life. If it wasn’t for his father and the Li family’s cooperation, he and the Shen family would suffer a great blow from his violent actions.
There were times when Shen Yi wished he hadn’t behaved recklessly. The consequences of his actions had been a wake-up call to him that his life also matters, not just Xue’s.
In the end, he couldn’t convince himself that everything was fine. Still, he wouldn’t let this chance slip and would marry his wife.
A knock from the door broke through his deep thoughts.
“Yi? Are you there? Are you alright?” He heard Lu Xinyi’s voice from the outside. There was a hint of worry and sadness in her tone, which made him uncomfortable.
Shen Yi walked towards the door but didn’t open it. His mother and Lady Tang insisted that he shouldn’t see the bride before the ceremony.
“Yes, I’m here,” he responded, “Do you need anything?”
“Nope. Just checking if you’re alright. Are you sure you’re okay? You know you can always talk to me if you want to.” Lu Xinyi was fidgeting outside the room, trying to figure out what to do.
Shen Yi chuckled as he moved closer to the door, imagining his wife’s lovely face. She must be chewing that lower lip again. He so wanted to see her face right now, but he had to keep the promise he made to his mother and in-laws.
“Positive. How about you, Xinxin? Are you ready?” he murmured quietly but enough for Lu Xinyi to hear from the other side.
“Well, yeah. It took time for them to dress me up and fix my hair though.” Shen Yi heard her laugh. “Mom and Lady Tang surely know how to make a potato pretty on her wedding day.”
“Xinxin, you’re beautiful. I bet they didn’t change your appearance but let you see how beautiful you really are instead,” he rea.s.sured her. “Of course, I prefer your beauty from the rest especially when you’re naked beneath me and moaning my name.”
He wanted to say more, but Lu Xinyi’s loud shriek outside the room stopped him.
“Stop! Stop! Stop! I don’t wanna hear this on my wedding day. Shen Yi, you idiot!”
It was Shen Yi’s turn to laugh. Now, he could imagine her face flus.h.i.+ng red. Ah, too bad he wasn’t allowed to take a peek at her appearance before the ceremony started. Talking to her had sure pushed away his worries and hesitations. She was clearly the person he couldn’t live without.
“Xinxin? Thank you, and I’m sorry.”
He couldn’t change the past, but he’d make sure he’d give her a better future this day onward.
“Why are you apologizing?” Lu Xinyi frowned.
“Because there are still things I haven’t told you yet…” he paused, “Things that I had done and actions that may hurt you in the future,” he admitted.
Shen Yi closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the door. He so wanted to tell her everything, but he wouldn’t dare to ruin this special day.
Lu Xinyi stood outside and went silent for a while.
“Do you regret them?” Her words came out decisively.
“Will you hate me if I say no?” Shen Yi replied truthfully. Although he couldn’t change the past, what he did had saved Shen Xue’s life. During those times, he recklessly annihilated the mob at the Saffron Boulevard, not caring if he loses Shen Group in the process.
This made the frown on Lu Xinyi’s face deeper. It was then it dawned upon her that he was talking about Feng Zexian. If he said it like that, then he probably still did it in spite of the consequences of his actions. It must be really hard for him.
Lu Xinyi was silent for a moment before uttering a single response. “Okay.”
Shen Yi straightened up. Okay? What was she agreeing about?
“Okay with what?” he asked confusedly.
“Darling, as I told you earlier, you can tell me anything you want,” his wife reminded him.
“I-I can’t right now.” Shen Yi inwardly cursed himself for being such a coward in front of his wife.
Lu Xinyi’s laugh from the other side startled him.
“Hush, you. I didn’t say you have to tell me right now. You can tell me later whenever you feel you’re ready.”
Shen Yi sighed at his own foolishness. Not only did he let himself overthink but also made his wife worry about him. His eyes widened when the door was opened from the outside, but since he was blocking the way, it was only a crack, allowing one of Lu Xinyi’s hands to slip inside and blindly searching for him.
He looked at her well-manicured nails and grabbed her hand. Lu Xinyi had once complained to him that she didn’t have beautiful hands that she could be proud of, but Shen Yi disagreed with her. Her hands had suffered some cuts and burns from working hard in the kitchen, but it only made him appreciate her more.
Shen Yi placed her hand on the side of his face and kissed her palm.
“Thank you, Madam Shen. You’re the best.”
“But of course, you don’t have any choice, President Shen. I’m the only wife you’ll have in this lifetime.” Lu Xinyi grinned as she rubbed her thumb on his cheek, pleased that his mood got somehow better.