Now that her daughter mentioned it, Madam Shen finally understood the unspoken truth between her eldest son and Li Chuntao. While it was true that they knew Zichen"s attraction over Ying, he was more at ease being with Chuntao since they were young. When Li Chuntao left seven years ago, she"d seen how troubled her eldest child was. Lu Xinyi initially thought that it was because they understood each other and they had a common interest that Zichen didn"t find anyone except for Li Chuntao.
"Do you think he realizes this himself?" Madam Shen asked her daughter. Was he really after Ying or he was overlooking someone close to him?
Shen Lingqing hummed before taking a sip from her drink. Her eyes followed her brother"s movements and saw how he quietly placed another piece of meat on Li Chuntao"s plate.
"No. I don"t think Zi Gege knows," she responded. "Sister Chuntao somewhat reminds me of Auntie Feiyan," Qingqing added.
"How so?" Lu Xinyi tilted her head slightly to look at her.
"They"re good at hiding what"s in their hearts and wouldn"t care how the public perceive their indifference."
Shen Lingqing wouldn"t even doubt that her brother was also oblivious about Li Chuntao"s feelings. If she hadn"t seen what she had seen seven years ago, she wouldn"t have even suspected that Li Chuntao held such feelings for her brother.
However, as Shen Lingqing looked at Li Chuntao"s eyes now, it seemed like those memories from seven years ago were already locked and buried somewhere deep inside her. Her eyes guarded it and put a shackle over her heart. It was as if she was afraid that it would resurface and trouble her again.
Seven years were too long for a person and so many things may change but would it be enough to wipe the love that bloomed to one"s heart? Was it really enough to teach your heart to stop beating for someone?
Li Chuntao had chosen to isolate herself for a long time, stopping herself to fall deeper than she already had. Now that she was back, would the shackles she purposely put around her heart stay or be broken?
To love someone in silence, to force yourself to look away when it started to get hurt, Shen Lingqing wasn"t sure how Li Chuntao was able to endure it. Maybe for Li Chuntao, faking a smile was so much easier than explaining why she was sad.
The one reason why she couldn"t love him was gone but would Li Chuntao allow herself to be free to love? Shen Lingqing didn"t think so. Based on Li Chuntao"s personality, she would probably feel guilty if she did.
"I see you"ve already started without me," Shen Yi appeared at the doorway of the main house which diverted everyone"s attention.
"Dad!" Shen Lingtian lifted a hand and waved to his father. "Come on and join us quickly, or else Yan Jie and Qingqing Jie would finish everything!"
"I haven"t even touched my share yet!" Shen Lingqing exclaimed, throwing the empty can of her drink on her brother"s head.
"Oww, sis. Do you really have to hit me that hard?" The youngest Shen rubbed his head and glared at his sister.
"That"s me checking if there"s really a brain existing in your head!" The demon princess scowled back at him. "I guess it"s really non-existent!"
"Mom! Qingqing Jie is bullying me again!" Shen Lingtian complained to their mother.
Lu Xinyi stood up from her seat and welcomed her husband, who gave her a kiss on her cheek, placing a hand on her hips as he raised a brow on their son"s childishness.
"Play nice kids," was only Lu Xinyi"s response which got her husband smirking at Shen Lingtian"s irritation.
—-
Li Chuntao felt that it had been too long since she enjoyed her meal and looking around her, she was glad to have agreed to join the Shen family tonight. The taste of the meat that hit her tongue was absolutely divine, something she wasn"t able to enjoy while staying overseas.
Ah, one of the perks of being a family friend of the Shens, she gets to enjoy Madam Shen"s cooking once in a while. Her dishes were still way better than those greasy fast food the westerns had.
There was something endearing with the way Madam Shen prepared meals for her family that Li Chuntao never failed to notice since she was young. Madam Shen always had this wide smile on her face whenever her children fought for the share of the dishes she made.
"Chuntao, are you alright? You haven"t finished your food yet. Is it not to your liking?" Madam Shen asked her curiously when she sat alone in the corner, watching the Shen twins fight over who"ll cook the next batch of meat.
"Oh, no. It"s very delicious, Auntie Xin. These are way better than the barbeques I had abroad," Li Chuntao took a quick glance at her plate which was refilled for the third time by Shen Zichen before Madam Shen appeared next to her seat.
That dumb surgeon. Was he planning to make her fat?
"Well, I"m glad you like it. I was worried when Zichen said you refused to eat anything a month ago… I was worried and Zichen didn"t know what to do with you. I was about to force him to pick you up and bring you here, but then you ran away."
Li Chuntao flushed at the memory. That was during the first week after Li Xiuying"s death. She"d really neglected her state and health as she grieved over her sister"s death.
"I"m sorry, Auntie Xin… I didn"t intend to make everyone worry."
Madam Shen"s hand reached out and gently caressed Li Chuntao"s hair.
"I know it"s really hard for you right now. You"ll feel alone even if there was someone with you." Lu Xinyi started, "I won"t promise that it would get better because it won"t. The loss would always be there and would always show itself especially late at night making you feel weak and vulnerable, but one thing is for sure…" she paused and looked at Li Chuntao. Her eyes were glistening with tears as she bit her lower lip. "You won"t be forever alone. Believe me when I say this."
Li Chuntao had no other words to say and could only nod her head and allow Madam Shen to pull her into an embrace. Shen Zichen had once told her and Ying that Madam Shen had lost her parents at a young age, parted from her older brother and was forced to live as a commoner before marrying the Shen family"s Young Master.
Madam Shen had endured hards.h.i.+p for years before she found her own happiness, would she have to wait for a long time to get hers? Li Chuntao thought.
"Until then, Chuntao let yourself cry. Don"t bottle it up. I"m sure your parents and Ying wouldn"t want you to hurt yourself. They loved you, so you better love yourself too."
Li Chuntao rested her head on Lu Xinyi"s shoulder and let herself cry. She hadn"t really thought that there would be someone who"ll understand her pain but she was wrong. Madam Shen was able to find her happiness no matter how hard she suffered and maybe… just maybe, if she could endure everything that comes her way, she would learn how to be truly happy once again.
"Thank you, Auntie Xin… thank you."