What was the point of living when you don"t have a single ounce of reason to stay alive? Li Chuntao left the penthouse in a hurry and took the car with her. She drove mindlessly, not knowing where she was going. She ignored the fact that her forehead was bleeding and the shards from the broken vanity had pierced her arms and legs.
When her tears had run dry and she couldn"t cry anymore, the pain seemed to intensify inside of her. All she could feel was sadness, every other emotion pushed out from her being. The love, the light and the laughter were replaced with an aching hollowness.
Sometimes the pain crushes you- it leaves one incapable of everything. It leaves a person broken- in and out. The tears won"t roll, and the screams won"t escape past her quivering lips.
The sadness flowed through her veins and blurred her mind. It was poison to her spirit, numbing her, killing off her other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon her.
The world was lost to her and she felt like nothing could bring it back to the right track. She had never felt so alone, so lost... So incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of her pain, the beginning of her suffering.
Would it have been better if she died right now? Would it be better to follow her loved ones to the afterlife?
Her bottom lip quivered with indignation over her sister"s death. Why? Why did Ying have to die? Just when she was about to move on and start a new life, fate had taken that chance away from her.
Why did Li Chuntao have to lose her loved ones and be left alone so early in life? Why didn"t they allow her to die with them?
They say the pain eases with time, and that things will get better. But how can things be better when the reason the pain wasn"t as bad anymore, was because she"d forgotten Ying? Li Chuntao didn"t think it was possible for her to forget not unless she hit her head and had amnesia.
If getting past the pain means forgetting Ying, then Li Chuntao would rather choose to suffer her entire life.
It didn"t take long before Li Chuntao thought of a place where she could be alone. After an hour of driving, she arrived at a lake where she and Ying had spent their last summer together. She stepped out of the car unperturbed by how the chilly wind hit her body.
The lake was surrounded by large hills and it sat like the regal crown of the earth.
After the rain that poured earlier, Li Chuntao could see the dark mud of the path. She tilted her head towards the sun, feeling the gentle warmth, reminding her of Ying"s warm smile. Wherever she looked, she was reminded of Ying, and it pained her.
Her feet dragged her to the place where Ying painted the beautiful scenery of the lake on her canva.s.s. It took her a whole day to find the right shade of the leaves of the trees she was painting and Li Chuntao remembered being annoyed for the long wait.
"Ying, you"ve been away for a week now. You"re gone, and this time it"s for good. I still don"t believe that this is the end. You know, it"s so hard to see a person that you love abandon you alone in this cruel world." Li Chuntao talked and stood at the edge of the wooden way of planks in the pier, staring at the still water beneath her.
"It"s so hard for me to turn and not see you behind me. I wish that you were here just to tell you things I couldn"t tell you anymore; tell you that I love you, tell you that I"ll never forget you, tell you that I"ll always see you in the stars at night, tell you that I miss you. So much that it hurts…"
On that sultry day, the lake was as flat as any mirror. It lay without a ripple in the silver-blue water as if time itself had been frozen. Not a sound could be heard, no movement of branches, no birds calling from the tall pine trees around the edge. It was a stark contrast to the summer scenery that greeted her and Ying seven years ago.
A deep sense of serenity overcame her as she stared at the expanse of blue that lay before her. Rays of lights danced delicately across the water, birthed from the afternoon sun that both limited her sight and made the view all the more beautiful.
At that moment, Li Chuntao wanted to become part of the lake itself. She wanted to become part of the serenity that she was lacking for days.
The lake mirrored the sky above and the hills surrounding it, it was a s.h.i.+mmering mixture of blue and green. A beautiful view for a Sat.u.r.day afternoon. Li Chuntao closed her eyes. The breeze that ran unchecked over the rippled surface blew her long bangs from her eyes and brought color to her usually pale cheeks.
She stood there unmoving for a long time before she opened her eyes again and stared down at the waters, seeing her reflection on the surface showed how much she had changed for the past week since Ying was gone, but most of all, she saw the same face she"d been longing to see.
For the first time in her life, Li Chuntao hated the face that she had. From now on, it would be a constant reminder of what she"d lost and what she could never touch or hear from anymore. It was too much for her. Was this a punishment? She wondered.
"Ying, would you wait for me?" She whispered to the wind before closing her eyes once more, her body falling forward.
Her body made a huge splas.h.i.+ng sound, disturbing the peace of the area. She was so ready to follow her parents and sister to the afterlife but a part of her wanted to seek forgiveness from her Uncle Yuren and Auntie Yue for her selfish decision.
The coldness of the water seeped through her clothes, submerging her whole body as she continued to sink. The incredible pressure compressed her chest, forcing her lungs to burn. Her heart began hammering, increasing in intensity and speed, like a bird trapped in a cage. Her throat seared in agony with the rising pressure of trapped air
This must be exactly how Ying felt when she was submerged in the water, waiting helplessly for someone to rescue her. The coldness, the hards.h.i.+p she endured while fear consumed her entirety.
"Ying… I should"ve come and picked you up personally instead of waiting on the other side of the world…"
She thought that maybe if she had been with Ying during the accident she might be able to save her life or she would have died with her which she wouldn"t mind at all. At least Ying wouldn"t feel alone and she wouldn"t be left alone.
Li Chuntao let herself sink further, not caring if she drowned to death. Giving up all thoughts of survival, she lost her consciousness and her body started sinking to the dark, cold bottom of the lake.