I HEAR that the "shocking story of my conduct" was widely circulated at the ball, and that public opinion (among the ladies), in every part of the room, declared I had disgraced myself. But there was one dissentient voice in this chorus of general condemnation. You spoke, Madam, with all the authority of your wide celebrity and your high rank. You said: "I am personally a stranger to the young lady who is the subject of remark.
If I venture to interfere, it is only to remind you that there are two sides to every question. May I ask if you have waited to pa.s.s sentence, until you have heard what the person accused has to say in her own defense?"
These just and generous words produced, if I am correctly informed, a dead silence. Not one of the women who had condemned me had heard me in my own defense. Not one of them ventured to answer you.
How I may stand in the opinions of such persons as these, is a matter of perfect indifference to me. My one anxiety is to show that I am not quite unworthy of your considerate interference in my favor. Will you honor me by reading what I have to say for myself in these pages?
I will pa.s.s as rapidly as I can over the subject of my family; and I will abstain (in deference to motives of grat.i.tude and honor) from mentioning surnames in my narrative.
My father was the second son of an English n.o.bleman. A German lady was his first wife, and my mother. Left a widower, he married for the second time; the new wife being of American birth. She took a stepmother"s dislike to me--which, in some degree at least, I must own that I deserved.
When the newly married pair went to the United States they left me in England, by my own desire, to live under the protection of my uncle--a General in the army. This good man"s marriage had been childless, and his wife (Lady Claudia) was, perhaps on that account, as kindly ready as her husband to receive me in the character of an adopted daughter. I may add here, that I bear my German mother"s Christian name, Wilhelmina.
All my friends, in the days when I had friends, used to shorten this to Mina. Be my friend so far, and call me Mina, too.
After these few words of introduction, will your patience bear with me, if I try to make you better acquainted with my uncle and aunt, and if I allude to circ.u.mstances connected with my new life which had, as I fear, some influence in altering my character for the worse?
II.
WHEN I think of the good General"s fatherly kindness to me, I really despair of writing about him in terms that do justice to his nature. To own the truth, the tears get into my eyes, and the lines mingle in such confusion that I cannot read them myself. As for my relations with my aunt, I only tell the truth when I say that she performed her duties toward me without the slightest pretension, and in the most charming manner.
At nearly fifty years old, Lady Claudia was still admired, though she had lost the one attraction which distinguished her before my time--the attraction of a perfectly beautiful figure. With fine hair and expressive eyes, she was otherwise a plain woman. Her una.s.suming cleverness and her fascinating manners were the qualities no doubt which made her popular everywhere. We never quarreled. Not because I was always amiable, but because my aunt would not allow it. She managed me, as she managed her husband, with perfect tact. With certain occasional checks, she absolutely governed the General. There were eccentricities in his character which made him a man easily ruled by a clever woman.
Deferring to his opinion, so far as appearances went, Lady Claudia generally contrived to get her own way in the end. Except when he was at his Club, happy in his gossip, his good dinners, and his whist, my excellent uncle lived under a despotism, in the happy delusion that he was master in his own house.
Prosperous and pleasant as it appeared on the surface, my life had its sad side for a young woman.
In the commonplace routine of our existence, as wealthy people in the upper rank, there was nothing to ripen the growth of any better capacities which may have been in my nature. Heartily as I loved and admired my uncle, he was neither of an age nor of a character to be the chosen depositary of my most secret thoughts, the friend of my inmost heart who could show me how to make the best and the most of my life.
With friends and admirers in plenty, I had found no one who could hold this position toward me. In the midst of society I was, unconsciously, a lonely woman.
As I remember them, my hours of happiness were the hours when I took refuge in my music and my books. Out of the house, my one diversion, always welcome and always fresh, was riding. Without, any false modesty, I may mention that I had lovers as well as admirers; but not one of them produced an impression on my heart. In all that related to the tender pa.s.sion, as it is called, I was an undeveloped being. The influence that men have on women, _because_ they are men, was really and truly a mystery to me. I was ashamed of my own coldness--I tried, honestly tried, to copy other girls; to feel my heart beating in the presence of the one chosen man. It was not to be done. When a man pressed my hand, I felt it in my rings, instead of my heart.
These confessions made, I have done with the past, and may now relate the events which my enemies, among the ladies, have described as presenting a shocking story.
III.
WE were in London for the season. One morning, I went out riding with my uncle, as usual, in Hyde Park.
The General"s service in the army had been in a cavalry regiment--service distinguished by merits which justified his rapid rise to the high places in his profession. In the hunting-field, he was noted as one of the most daring and most accomplished riders in our county. He had always delighted in riding young and high-spirited horses; and the habit remained with him after he had quitted the active duties of his profession in later life. From first to last he had met with no accident worth remembering, until the unlucky morning when he went out with me.
His horse, a fiery chestnut, ran away with him, in that part of the Park-ride call ed Rotten Row. With the purpose of keeping clear of other riders, he spurred his runaway horse at the rail which divides the Row from the gra.s.sy inclosure at its side. The terrified animal swerved in taking the leap, and dashed him against a tree. He was dreadfully shaken and injured; but his strong const.i.tution carried him through to recovery--with the serious drawback of an incurable lameness in one leg.
The doctors, on taking leave of their patient, united in warning him (at his age, and bearing in mind his weakened leg) to ride no more restive horses. "A quiet cob, General," they all suggested. My uncle was sorely mortified and offended. "If I am fit for nothing but a quiet cob," he said, bitterly, "I will ride no more." He kept his word. No one ever saw the General on horseback again.
Under these sad circ.u.mstances (and my aunt being no horsewoman), I had apparently no other choice than to give up riding also. But my kind-hearted uncle was not the man to let me be sacrificed to his own disappointment. His riding-groom had been one of his soldier-servants in the cavalry regiment--a quaint sour tempered old man, not at all the sort of person to attend on a young lady taking her riding-exercise alone. "We must find a smart fellow who can be trusted," said the General. "I shall inquire at the club."
For a week afterward, a succession of grooms, recommended by friends, applied for the vacant place.
The General found insurmountable objections to all of them. "I"ll tell you what I have done," he announced one day, with the air of a man who had hit on a grand discovery; "I have advertised in the papers."
Lady Claudia looked up from her embroidery with the placid smile that was peculiar to her. "I don"t quite like advertising for a servant," she said. "You are at the mercy of a stranger; you don"t know that you are not engaging a drunkard or a thief."
"Or you may be deceived by a false character," I added on my side.
I seldom ventured, at domestic consultations, on giving my opinion unasked--but the new groom represented a subject in which I felt a strong personal interest. In a certain sense, he was to be _my_ groom.
"I"m much obliged to you both for warning me that I am so easy to deceive," the General remarked satirically. "Unfortunately, the mischief is done. Three men have answered my advertis.e.m.e.nt already. I expect them here tomorrow to be examined for the place."
Lady Claudia looked up from her embroidery again. "Are you going to see them yourself?" she asked softly. "I thought the steward--"
"I have hitherto considered myself a better judge of a groom than my steward," the General interposed. "However, don"t be alarmed; I won"t act on my own sole responsibility, after the hint you have given me. You and Mina shall lend me your valuable a.s.sistance, and discover whether they are thieves, drunkards, and what not, before I feel the smallest suspicion of it, myself."
IV.
WE naturally supposed that the General was joking. No. This was one of those rare occasions on which Lady Claudia"s tact--infallible in matters of importance--proved to be at fault in a trifle. My uncle"s self-esteem had been touched in a tender place; and he had resolved to make us feel it. The next morning a polite message came, requesting our presence in the library, to see the grooms. My aunt (always ready with her smile, but rarely tempted into laughing outright) did for once laugh heartily.
"It is really too ridiculous!" she said. However, she pursued her policy of always yielding, in the first instance. We went together to the library.
The three grooms were received in the order in which they presented themselves for approval. Two of them bore the ineffaceable mark of the public-house so plainly written on their villainous faces, that even I could see it. My uncle ironically asked us to favor him with our opinions. Lady Claudia answered with her sweetest smile: "Pardon me, General--we are here to learn." The words were nothing; but the manner in which they were spoken was perfect. Few men could have resisted that gentle influence--and the General was not one of the few. He stroked his mustache, and returned to his petticoat government. The two grooms were dismissed.
The entry of the third and last man took me completely by surprise.
If the stranger"s short coat and light trousers had not proclaimed his vocation in life, I should have taken it for granted that there had been some mistake, and that we were favored with a visit from a gentleman unknown. He was between dark and light in complexion, with frank clear blue eyes; quiet and intelligent, if appearances were to be trusted; easy in his movements; respectful in his manner, but perfectly free from servility. "I say!" the General blurted out, addressing my aunt confidentially, "_he_ looks as if he would do, doesn"t he?"
The appearance of the new man seemed to have had the same effect on Lady Claudia which it had produced on me. But she got over her first feeling of surprise sooner than I did. "You know best," she answered, with the air of a woman who declined to trouble herself by giving an opinion.
"Step forward, my man," said the General. The groom advanced from the door, bowed, and stopped at the foot of the table--my uncle sitting at the head, with my aunt and myself on either side of him. The inevitable questions began.
"What is your name?"
"Michael Bloomfield."
"Your age?"
"Twenty-six."
My aunt"s want of interest in the proceedings expressed itself by a little weary sigh. She leaned back resignedly in her chair.
The General went on with his questions: "What experience have you had as a groom?"
"I began learning my work, sir, before I was twelve years old."
"Yes! yes! I mean what private families have you served in?"
"Two, sir."
"How long have you been in your two situations?"
"Four years in the first; and three in the second."
The General looked agreeably surprised. "Seven years in only two situations is a good character in itself," he remarked. "Who are your references?"
The groom laid two papers on the table.