"Would you allow me to see you safe home?" he suggested.
Any other man would have offended me. This man blushed like a boy, and looked at the pavement instead of looking at me. By this time I had made up my mind about him. He was not only a gentleman beyond all doubt, but a shy gentleman as well. His bluntness and his odd remarks were, as I thought, partly efforts to disguise his shyness, and partly refuges in which he tried to forget his own sense of it. I answered his audacious proposal amiably and pleasantly. "You would only lose your way again,"
I said, "and I should have to take you back to the inn for the second time."
Wasted words! My obstinate stranger only made another proposal.
"I have ordered lunch here," he said, "and I am quite alone." He stopped in confusion, and looked as if he rather expected me to box his ears. "I shall be forty next birthday," he went on; "I am old enough to be your father." I all but burst out laughing, and stepped across the street, on my way home. He followed me. "We might invite the landlady to join us," he said, looking the picture of a headlong man, dismayed by the consciousness of his own imprudence. "Couldn"t you honor me by lunching with me if we had the landlady?" he asked.
This was a little too much. "Quite out of the question, sir--and you ought to know it," I said with severity. He half put out his hand.
"Won"t you even shake hands with me?" he inquired piteously. When we have most properly administered a reproof to a man, what is the perversity which makes us weakly pity him the minute afterward? I was fool enough to shake hands with this perfect stranger. And, having done it, I completed the total loss of my dignity by running away. Our dear crooked little streets hid me from him directly.
As I rang at the door-bell of my employer"s house, a thought occurred to me which might have been alarming to a better regulated mind than mine.
"Suppose he should come back to Sandwich?"
II.
BEFORE many more days pa.s.sed I had troubles of my own to contend with, which put the eccentric stranger out of my head for the time.
Unfortunately, my troubles are part of my story; and my early life mixes itself up with them. In consideration of what is to follow, may I say two words relating to the period before I was a governess?
I am the orphan daughter of a shopkeeper of Sandwich. My father died, leaving to his widow and child an honest name and a little income of L80 a year. We kept on the shop--neither gaining nor losing by it. The truth is n.o.body would buy our poor little business. I was thirteen years old at the time; and I was able to help my mother, whose health was then beginning to fail. Never shall I forget a certain bright summer"s day, when I saw a new customer enter our shop. He was an elderly gentleman; and he seemed surprised to find so young a girl as myself in charge of the business, and, what is more, competent to support the charge. I answered his questions in a manner which seemed to please him. He soon discovered that my education (excepting my knowledge of the business) had been sadly neglected; and he inquired if he could see my mother. She was resting on the sofa in the back parlor--and she received him there.
When he came out, he patted me on the cheek. "I have taken a fancy to you," he said, "and perhaps I shall come back again." He did come back again. My mother had referred him to the rector for our characters in the town, and he had heard what our clergyman could say for us. Our only relations had emigrated to Australia, and were not doing well there.
My mother"s death would leave me, so far as relatives were concerned, literally alone in the world. "Give this girl a first-rate education,"
said our elderly customer, sitting at our tea-table in the back parlor, "and she will do. If you will send her to school, ma"am, I"ll pay for her education." My poor mother began to cry at the prospect of parting with me. The old gentleman said: "Think of it," and got up to go.
He gave me his card as I opened the shop-door for him. "If you find yourself in trouble," he whispered, so that my mother could not hear him, "be a wise child, and write and tell me of it." I looked at the card. Our kind-hearted customer was no less a person than Sir Gervase Damian, of Garrum Park, Suss.e.x--with landed property in our county as well! He had made himself (through the rector, no doubt) far better acquainted than I was with the true state of my mother"s health. In four months from the memorable day when the great man had taken tea with us, my time had come to be alone in the world. I have no courage to dwell on it; my spirits sink, even at this distance of time, when I think of myself in those days. The good rector helped me with his advice--I wrote to Sir Gervase Damian.
A change had come over his life as well as mine in the interval since we had met.
Sir Gervase had married for the second time--and, what was more foolish still, perhaps, at his age, had married a young woman. She was said to be consumptive, and of a jealous temper as well. Her husband"s only child by his first wife, a son and heir, was so angry at his father"s second marriage that he left the house. The landed property being entailed, Sir Gervase could only express his sense of his son"s conduct by making a new will, which left all his property in money to his young wife.
These particulars I gathered from the steward, who was expressly sent to visit me at Sandwich.
"Sir Gervase never makes a promise without keeping it," this gentleman informed me. "I am directed to take you to a first-rate ladies"
school in the neighborhood of London, and to make all the necessary arrangements for your remaining there until you are eighteen years of age. Any written communications in the future are to pa.s.s, if you please, through the hands of the rector of Sandwich. The delicate health of the new Lady Damian makes it only too likely that the lives of her husband and herself will be pa.s.sed, for the most part, in a milder climate than the climate of England. I am instructed to say this, and to convey to you Sir Gervase"s best wishes."
By the rector"s advice, I accepted the position offered to me in this unpleasantly formal manner--concluding (quite correctly, as I afterward discovered) that I was indebted to Lady Damian for the arrangement which personally separated me from my benefactor. Her husband"s kindness and my grat.i.tude, meeting on the neutral ground of Garrum Park, were objects of conjugal distrust to this lady. Shocking! shocking! I left a sincerely grateful letter to be forwarded to Sir Gervase; and, escorted by the steward, I went to school--being then just fourteen years old.
I know I am a fool. Never mind. There is some pride in me, though I am only a small shopkeeper"s daughter. My new life had its trials--my pride held me up.
For the four years during which I remained at the school, my poor welfare might be a subject of inquiry to the rector, and sometimes even the steward--never to Sir Gervase himself. His winters were no doubt pa.s.sed abroad; but in the summer time he and Lady Damian were at home again. Not even for a day or two in the holiday time was there pity enough felt for my lonely position to ask me to be the guest of the housekeeper (I expected nothing more) at Garrum Park. But for my pride, I might have felt it bitterly. My pride said to me, "Do justice to yourself." I worked so hard, I behaved so well, that the mistress of the school wrote to Sir Gervase to tell him how thoroughly I had deserved the kindness that he had shown to me. No answer was received. (Oh, Lady Damian!) No change varied the monotony of my life--except when one of my schoolgirl friends sometimes took me home with her for a few days at vacation time. Never mind. My pride held me up.
As the last half-year of my time at school approached, I began to consider the serious question of my future life.
Of course, I could have lived on my eighty pounds a year; but what a lonely, barren existence it promised to be!--unless somebody married me; and where, if you please, was I to find him? My education had thoroughly fitted me to be a governess. Why not try my fortune, and see a little of the world in that way? Even if I fell among ill-conditioned people, I could be independent of them, and retire on my income.
The rector, visiting London, came to see me. He not only approved of my idea--he offered me a means of carrying it out. A worthy family, recently settled at Sandwich, were in want of a governess. The head of the household was partner in a business (the exact nature of which it is needless to mention) having "branches" out of London. He had become superintendent of a new "branch"--tried as a commercial experiment, under special circ.u.mstances, at Sandwich. The idea of returning to my native place pleased me--dull as the place was to others. I accepted the situation.
When the steward"s usual half-yearly letter arrived soon afterward, inquiring what plans I had formed on leaving school, and what he could do to help them, acting on behalf of Sir Gervase, a delicious tingling filled me from head to foot when I thought of my own independence. It was not ingrat.i.tude toward my benefactor; it was only my little private triumph over Lady Damian. Oh, my sisters of the s.e.x, can you not understand and forgive me?
So to Sandwich I returned; and there, for three years, I remained with the kindest people who ever breathed the breath of life. Under their roof I was still living when I met with my lost gentleman in the street.
Ah, me! the end of that quiet, pleasant life was near. When I lightly spoke to the odd stranger of the expiring trade of the town, I never expected that my employer"s trade was expiring too. The speculation had turned out to be a losing one; and all his savings had been embarked in it. He could no longer remain at Sandwich, or afford to keep a governess. His wife broke the sad news to me. I was so fond of the children, I proposed to her to give up my salary. Her husband refused even to consider the proposal. It was the old story of poor humanity over again. We cried, we kissed, we parted.
What was I to do next?--Write to Sir Gervase?
I had already written, soon after my return to Sandwich; breaking through the regulations by directly addressing Sir Gervase. I expressed my grateful sense of his generosity to a poor girl who had no family claim on him; and I promised to make the one return in my power by trying to be worthy of the interest he had taken in me. The letter was written without any alloy of mental reserve. My new life as a governess was such a happy one that I had forgotten my paltry bitterness of feeling against Lady Damian.
It was a relief to think of this change for the better, when the secretary at Garrum Park informed me that he had forwarded my letter to Sir Gervase, then at Madeira with his sick wife. She was slowly and steadily wasting away in a decline. Before another year had pa.s.sed, Sir Gervase was left a widower for the second time, with no child to console him under his loss. No answer came to my grateful letter. I should have been unreasonable indeed if I had expected the bereaved husband to remember me in his grief and loneliness. Could I write to him again, in my own trumpery little interests, under these circ.u.mstances? I thought (and still think) that the commonest feeling of delicacy forbade it. The only other alternative was to appeal to the ever-ready friends of the obscure and helpless public. I advertised in the newspapers.
The tone of one of the answers which I received impressed me so favorably, that I forwarded my references. The next post brought my written engagement, and the offer of a salary which doubled my income.
The story of the past is told; and now we may travel on again, with no more stoppages by the way.
III.
THE residence of my present employer was in the north of England. Having to pa.s.s through London, I arranged to stay in town for a few days to make some necessary additions to my wardrobe. An old servant of the rector, who kept a lodging-house in the suburbs, received me kindly, and guided my choice in the serious matter of a dressmaker. On the second morning after my arrival an event happened. The post brought me a letter forwarded from the rectory. Imagine my astonishment when my correspondent proved to be Sir Gervase Damian himself!
The letter was dated from his house in London. It briefly invited me to call and see him, for a reason which I should hear from his own lips. He naturally supposed that I was still at Sandwich, and requested me, in a postscript, to consider my journey as made at his expense.
I went to the house the same day. While I was giving my name, a gentleman came out into the hall. He spoke to me without ceremony.
"Sir Gervase," he said, "believes he is going to die. Don"t encourage him in that idea. He may live for another year or more, if his friends will only persuade him to be hopeful about himself."
With that, the gentleman left me; the servant said it was the doctor.
The change in my benefactor, since I had seen him last, startled and distressed me. He lay back in a large arm-chair, wearing a grim black dressing-gown, and looking pitiably thin and pinched and worn. I do not think I should have known him again, if we had met by accident. He signed to me to be seated on a little chair by his side.
"I wanted to see you," he said quietly, "before I die. You must have thought me neglectful and unkind, with good reason. My child, you have not been forgotten. If years have pa.s.sed without a meeting between us, it has not been altogether my fault--"
He stopped. A pained expression pa.s.sed over his poor worn face; he was evidently thinking of the young wife whom he had lost. I repeated--fervently and sincerely repeated--what I had already said to him in writing. "I owe everything, sir, to your fatherly kindness."
Saying this, I ventured a little further. I took his wan white hand, hanging over the arm of the chair, and respectfully put it to my lips.
He gently drew his hand away from me, and sighed as he did it. Perhaps _she_ had sometimes kissed his hand.
"Now tell me about yourself," he said.
I told him of my new situation, and how I had got it. He listened with evident interest.
"I was not self-deceived," he said, "when I first took a fancy to you in the shop. I admire your independent feeling; it"s the right kind of courage in a girl like you. But you must let me do something more for you--some little service to remember me by when the end has come. What shall it be?"
"Try to get better, sir; and let me write to you now and then," I answered. "Indeed, indeed, I want nothing more."
"You will accept a little present, at least?" With those words he took from the breast-pocket of his dressing-gown an enameled cross attached to a gold chain. "Think of me sometimes," he said, as he put the chain round my neck. He drew me to him gently, and kissed my forehead. It was too much for me. "Don"t cry, my dear," he said; "don"t remind me of another sad young face--"
Once more he stopped; once more he was thinking of the lost wife. I pulled down my veil, and ran out of the room.
IV.