The absence of Felicia at the supper-table completely overcame me. I, who have so often comforted others in their afflictions, could find no comfort for myself. Even now that the day has pa.s.sed, the tears come into my eyes, only with writing about it. Sad, sad weakness! Let me close my Diary, and open the Bible--and be myself again.
June 23d.--More resigned since yesterday; a more becoming and more pious frame of mind--obedient to G.o.d"s holy will, and content in the belief that my dear daughter"s married life will be a happy one.
They have gone abroad for their holiday--to Switzerland, by way of France. I was anything rather than pleased when I heard that my son-in-law proposed to take Felicia to that sink of iniquity, Paris. He knows already what I think of b.a.l.l.s and playhouses, and similar devils"
diversions, and how I have brought up my daughter to think of them--the subject having occurred in conversation among us more than a week since.
That he could meditate taking a child of mine to the headquarters of indecent jiggings and abominable stage-plays, of spouting rogues and painted Jezebels, was indeed a heavy blow.
However, Felicia reconciled me to it in the end. She declared that her only desire in going to Paris was to see the picture-galleries, the public buildings, and the fair outward aspect of the city generally.
"Your opinions, father, are my opinions," she said; "and Marmaduke, I am sure, will so shape our arrangements as to prevent our pa.s.sing a Sabbath in Paris." Marmaduke not only consented to this (with the perfect good temper of which I have observed more than one gratifying example in him), but likewise a.s.sured me that, speaking for himself personally, it would be a relief to him when they got to the mountains and the lakes.
So that matter was happily settled. Go where they may, G.o.d bless and prosper them!
Speaking of relief, I must record that Judith has gone away to Aberdeen on a visit to some friends. "You"ll be wretched enough here," she said at parting, "all by yourself." Pure vanity and self-complacence! It may be resignation to her absence, or it may be natural force of mind, I began to be more easy and composed the moment I was alone, and this blessed state of feeling has continued uninterruptedly ever since.
V.
September 5th.--A sudden change in my life, which it absolutely startles me to record. I am going to London!
My purpose in taking this most serious step is of a twofold nature. I have a greater and a lesser object in view.
The greater object is to see my daughter, and to judge for myself whether certain doubts on the vital question of her happiness, which now torment me night and day, are unhappily founded on truth. She and her husband returned in August from their wedding-tour, and took up their abode in Marmaduke"s new residence in London. Up to this time, Felicia"s letters to me were, in very truth, the delight of my life--she was so entirely happy, so amazed and delighted with all the wonderful things she saw, so full of love and admiration for the best husband that ever lived. Since her return to London, I perceive a complete change.
She makes no positive complaint, but she writes in a tone of weariness and discontent; she says next to nothing of Marmaduke, and she dwells perpetually on the one idea of my going to London to see her. I hope with my whole heart that I am wrong; but the rare allusions to her husband, and the constantly repeated desire to see her father (while she has not been yet three months married), seem to me to be bad signs. In brief, my anxiety is too great to be endured. I have so arranged matters with one of my brethren as to be free to travel to London cheaply by steamer; and I begin the journey tomorrow.
My lesser object may be dismissed in two words. Having already decided on going to London, I propose to call on the wealthy n.o.bleman who owns all the land hereabouts, and represent to him the discreditable, and indeed dangerous, condition of the parish kirk for want of means to inst.i.tute the necessary repairs. If I find myself well received, I shall put in a word for the manse, which is almost in as deplorable a condition as the church. My lord is a wealthy man--may his heart and his purse be opened unto me!
Sister Judith is packing my portmanteau. According to custom, she forbodes the worst. "Never forget," she says, "that I warned you against Marmaduke, on the first night when he entered the house."
VI.
September 10th.--After more delays than one, on land and sea, I was at last set ash.o.r.e near the Tower, on the afternoon of yesterday. G.o.d help us, my worst antic.i.p.ations have been realized! My beloved Felicia has urgent and serious need of me.
It is not to be denied that I made my entry into my son-in-law"s house in a disturbed and irritated frame of mind. First, my temper was tried by the almost interminable journey, in the noisy and comfortless vehicle which they call a cab, from the river-wharf to the west-end of London, where Marmaduke lives. In the second place, I was scandalized and alarmed by an incident which took place--still on the endless journey from east to west--in a street hard by the market of Covent Garden.
We had just approached a large building, most profusely illuminated with gas, and exhibiting prodigious colored placards having inscribed on them nothing but the name of Barrymore. The cab came suddenly to a standstill; and looking out to see what the obstacle might be, I discovered a huge concourse of men and women, drawn across the pavement and road alike, so that it seemed impossible to pa.s.s by them. I inquired of my driver what this a.s.sembling of the people meant. "Oh," says he, "Barrymore has made another hit." This answer being perfectly unintelligible to me, I requested some further explanation, and discovered that "Barrymore" was the name of a stage-player favored by the populace; that the building was a theater, and that all these creatures with immortal souls were waiting, before the doors opened, to get places at the show!
The emotions of sorrow and indignation caused by this discovery so absorbed me that I failed to notice an attempt the driver made to pa.s.s through, where the crowd seemed to be thinner, until the offended people resented the proceeding. Some of them seized the horse"s head; others were on the point of pulling the driver off his box, when providentially the police interfered. Under their protection, we drew back, and reached our destination in safety, by another way. I record this otherwise unimportant affair, because it grieved and revolted me (when I thought of the people"s souls), and so indisposed my mind to take cheerful views of anything. Under these circ.u.mstances, I would fain hope that I have exaggerated the true state of the case, in respect to my daughter"s married life.
My good girl almost smothered me with kisses. When I at last got a fair opportunity of observing her, I thought her looking pale and worn and anxious. Query: Should I have arrived at this conclusion if I had met with no example of the wicked dissipations of London, and if I had ridden at my ease in a comfortable vehicle?
They had a succulent meal ready for me, and, what I call, fair enough whisky out of Scotland. Here again I remarked that Felicia ate very little, and Marmaduke nothing at all. He drank wine, too--and, good heavens, champagne wine!--a needless waste of money surely when there was whisky on the table. My appet.i.te being satisfied, my son-in-law went out of the room, and returned with his hat in his hand. "You and Felicia have many things to talk about on your first evening together. I"ll leave you for a while--I shall only be in the way." So he spoke. It was in vain that his wife and I a.s.sured him he was not in the way at all. He kissed his hand, and smiled pleasantly, and left us.
"There, father!" says Felicia. "For the last ten days he has gone out like that, and left me alone for the whole evening. When we first returned from Switzerland, he left me in the same mysterious way, only it was after breakfast then. Now he stays at home in the daytime, and goes out at night."
I inquired if she had not summoned him to give her some explanation.
"I don"t know what to make of his explanation," says Felicia. "When he went away in the daytime, he told me he had business in the City. Since he took to going out at night, he says he goes to his club."
"Have you asked where his club is, my dear?"
"He says it"s in Pall Mall. There are dozens of clubs in that street--and he has never told me the name of _his_ club. I am completely shut out of his confidence. Would you believe it, father? he has not introduced one of his friends to me since we came home. I doubt if they know where he lives, since he took this house."
What could I say?
I said nothing, and looked round the room. It was fitted up with perfectly palatial magnificence. I am an ignorant man in matters of this sort, and partly to satisfy my curiosity, partly to change the subject, I asked to see the house. Mercy preserve us, the same grandeur everywhere! I wondered if even such an income as eight hundred a year could suffice for it all. In a moment when I was considering this, a truly frightful suspicion crossed my mind. Did these mysterious absences, taken in connection with the unbridled luxury that surrounded us, mean that my son-in-law was a gamester? a shameless shuffler of cards, or a debauched bettor on horses? While I was still completely overcome by my own previsions of evil, my daughter put her arm in mine to take me to the top of the house.
For the first time I observed a bracelet of dazzling gems on her wrist.
"Not diamonds?" I said. She answered, with as much composure as if she had been the wife of a n.o.bleman, "Yes, diamonds--a present from Marmaduke." This was too much for me; my previsions, so to speak, forced their way into words. "Oh, my poor child!" I burst out, "I"m in mortal fear that your husband"s a gamester!"
She showed none of the horror I had antic.i.p.ated; she only shook her head and began to cry.
"Worse than that, I"m afraid," she said.
I was petrified; my tongue refused its office, when I would fain have asked her what she meant. Her besetting sin, poor soul, is a proud spirit. She dried her eyes on a sudden, and spoke out freely, in these words: "I am not going to cry about it. The other day, father, we were out walking in the park. A horrid, bold, yellow-haired woman pa.s.sed us in an open carriage. She kissed her hand to Marmaduke, and called out to him, "How are you, Marmy?" I was so indignant that I pushed him away from me, and told him to go and take a drive with his lady. He burst out laughing. "Nonsense!" he said; "she has known me for years--you don"t understand our easy London manners." We have made it up since then; but I have my own opinion of the creature in the open carriage."
Morally speaking, this was worse than all. But, logically viewed, it completely failed as a means of accounting for the diamond bracelet and the splendor of the furniture.
We went on to the uppermost story. It was cut off from the rest of the house by a stout part.i.tion of wood, and a door covered with green baize.
When I tried the door it was locked. "Ha!" says Felicia, "I wanted you to see it for yourself!" More suspicious proceedings on the part of my son-in-law! He kept the door constantly locked, and the key in his pocket. When his wife asked him what it meant, he answered: "My study is up there--and I like to keep it entirely to myself." After such a reply as that, the preservation of my daughter"s dignity permitted but one answer: "Oh, keep it to yourself, by all means!"
My previsions, upon this, a.s.sumed another form.
I now asked myself--still in connection with my son-in-law"s extravagant expenditure--whether the clew to the mystery might not haply be the forging of bank-notes on the other side of the baize door. My mind was prepared for anything by this time. We descended again into the dining-room. Felicia saw how my spirits were dashed, and came and perched upon my knee. "Enough of my troubles for to-night, father,"
she said. "I am going to be your little girl again, and we will talk of nothing but Cauldkirk, until Marmaduke comes back." I am one of the firmest men living, but I could not keep the hot tears out of my eyes when she put her arm round my neck and said those words. By good fortune I was sitting with my back to the lamp; she didn"t notice me.
A little after eleven o"clock Marmaduke returned. He looked pale and weary. But more champagne, and this time something to eat with it, seemed to set him to rights again--no doubt by relieving him from the reproaches of a guilty conscience.
I had been warned by Felicia to keep what had pa.s.sed between us a secret from her husband for the present; so we had (superficially speaking) a merry end to the evening. My son-in-law was nearly as good company as ever, and wonderfully fertile in suggestions and expedients when he saw they were wanted. Hearing from his wife, to whom I had mentioned it, that I purposed representing the decayed condition of the kirk and manse to the owner of Cauldkirk and the country round about, he strongly urged me to draw up a list of repairs that were most needful, before I waited on my lord. This advice, vicious and degraded as the man who offered it may be, is sound advice nevertheless. I shall a.s.suredly take it.
So far I had written in my Diary, in the forenoon. Returning to my daily record, after a lapse of some hours, I have a new mystery of iniquity to chronicle. My abominable son-in-law now appears (I blush to write it) to be nothing less than an a.s.sociate of thieves!
After the meal they call luncheon, I thought it well before recreating myself with the sights of London, to attend first to the crying necessities of the kirk and the manse. Furnished with my written list, I presented myself at his lordship"s residence. I was immediately informed that he was otherwise engaged, and could not possibly receive me. If I wished to see my lord"s secretary, Mr. Helmsley, I could do so.
Consenting to this, rather than fail entirely in my errand, I was shown into the secretary"s room.
Mr. Helmsley heard what I had to say civilly enough; expressing, however, grave doubts whether his lordship would do anything for me, the demands on his purse being insupportably numerous already. However, he undertook to place my list before his employer, and to let me know the result. "Where are you staying in London?" he asked. I answered: "With my son-in-law, Mr. Marmaduke Falmer." Before I could add the address, the secretary started to his feet and tossed my list back to me across the table in the most uncivil manner.
"Upon my word," says he, "your a.s.surance exceeds anything I ever heard of. Your son-in-law is concerned in the robbery of her ladyship"s diamond bracelet--the discovery was made not an hour ago. Leave the house, sir, and consider yourself lucky that I have no instructions to give you in charge to the police." I protested against this unprovoked outrage, with a violence of language which I would rather not recall.
As a minister, I ought, under every provocation, to have preserved my self-control.
The one thing to do next was to drive back to my unhappy daughter.
Her guilty husband was with her. I was too angry to wait for a fit opportunity of speaking. The Christian humility which I have all my life cultivated as the first of virtues sank, as it were, from under me. In terms of burning indignation I told them what had happened. The result was too distressing to be described. It ended in Felicia giving her husband back the bracelet. The hardened reprobate laughed at us. "Wait till I have seen his lordship and Mr. Helmsley," he said, and left the house.
Does he mean to escape to foreign parts? Felicia, womanlike, believes in him still; she is quite convinced that there must be some mistake. I am myself in hourly expectation of the arrival of the police.