Living to Suffer

XX

Shen Liangsheng caught the fragrance of osmanthus. Many fortnights remained till autumn, but the year-round osmanthus in thecorner of the yard had already budded and was exuding a subtle sweetness.

Amidstthe aroma, he leisurely ran through a set of sword techniques, returned hisweapon to its sheath and immediately caught sight of the man by the windowgazing at him over his book. Their eyes met, and the man ducked his headnonchalantly and continued reading the saints’ words.

“Ch’in-taifu,” Shen Liangsheng strode to the window,hands clasped behind his back, and inquired casually, “How many pages have youread in these two hours?”

“Quitea few, naturally,” Ch’in Ching quickly answered without looking up from thepage. Far from showing self-consciousness, he even fired back a question. “Shen-hufa, have you bathed in the medicinalspring today?”

“Was itnot Ch’in-taifu who suggested that Igo in the evening?” Shen Liangsheng raised his brows. “Or is that an invitationto bathe together?”

“Shen-hufa, you overthink,”the doctor replied almost immediately, but his expression was not quite right.Though his head was still facing down at his book, his ears were slowly butsurely turning red.

“Ch’inChing.” The taller man reached over the window sill and closed the book. “Nouse reading if your heart’s not in it.”

“Andhow would Shen-hufa know that mine’snot?” He finally looked up, and his lips were curved in a delicate arc.

“Howwould I know?” Shen Liangsheng shot him a look. “For the past two hours, haveyou been looking at the book or at me?”

“Hah…”Just now he had been fl.u.s.tered by the man’s utterance, but now he was like acooked pig – the boiling water no longer affected him – and he leaned over hisdesk and lightly slapped Shen Liangsheng’s face. “Hey beautiful, you’re toomodest.”

He should know never to spar verbally with this man,someone who would dare run a dye house after learning the names of threecolours.

ShenLiangsheng caught the doctor’s hand and pulled him over to silence that cheekymouth of his.

Surrept.i.tiously,the sweet scent of osmanthus burrowed between their lips and lingered on thetip of their tongues, instantly stimulating the taste buds.

For amoment he was lost. He felt an overwhelming sense of contentedness, but thatwas still not enough. Then he had the most absurd idea – he wanted to ferment this man, whom he was kissing while separated by a window sill,into a bottle of wine with the sweet osmanthus and sip it for the rest of hislife.

Ch’in Ching had his torso pulled up against the desk,and soon the edge dug painfully into his waist, and he wiggled in discomfort.

ShenLiangsheng released his lips and hopped in through the window. He pulled theman into his arms and planted kisses all over his face.

“There’sa door for you to use, but you chose to jump through the window – you must be athief!” Ch’in Ching teased as he giggled from the ticklish advance.

“Whatin your hut is worth stealing?” Shen Liangsheng began easing towards the bed,his intention blatantly obvious.

“Well,there’s a real live person right here.” Ch’in Ching just didn’t know when toquit. He was pinned down on the bed and still teased in the man’s ear. “So ofcourse you’re stealing him.”

Shen Liangsheng slid a hand under the doctor’s clothesand began to explore.

Thesummer garments were thin and few in number. He squeezed the man’s nipples througha thin layer of cotton, and it was not long before the adorable nubs hardenedand perked up.

“Doesit feel good here?” Shen Liangsheng removed the doctor’s outer robe and suckedon the nubs over his undershirt. Saliva moistened the cloth, leaving two lewd,dark circles.

“Yeah…”  It appeared that Ch’in Ching was successfullyaroused as he tugged at his own collar exposing the perky tips. “So kiss itsome more.”

ShenLiangsheng dipped down and latched onto those two cute things, playing withthem. His hand wandered down to the man’s groin and as expected found ahardening erection.

“Nnh…” Aweak mewl escaped from Ch’in Ching’s lips. Perhaps the stimulation of a warmpalm around his member was truly phenomenal, for a murmur escaped, too. “I loveyou, Shen Liangsheng.”

“…”

“What’swrong?” Ch’in Ching opened his eyes and looked at the man curiously, wonderingwhy he had stopped.

“Nothing.Do you want more?” He responded smoothly, but actually he was taken bysurprise. He knew very well that this man would say anything as long as he waspleasured in bed, and he had heard this “I love you” more than enough times.This time, however, for some odd reason, his heartbeat picked up its pace.

“More…”Naturally, this was the only viable reply since his manhood had just come tofull attention under the care of the taller man. Then, as though he recalledtheir past intimacties and the joy his a.s.s felt, he added quietly, “…and don’tforget the back.”

“Evenif someone’s not a beauty, they should still have a little modesty, too.” ShenLiangsheng resumed the verbal sparring after composing himself, although hishands did not rest. He quickly stripped the two of them bare and began probingCh’in Ching’s backside and the entrance between the cheeks.

“With aface like that, it’s no wonder you don’t think anyone else is beautiful.” Ch’inChing pulled a dejected expression as he clung to Shen Liangsheng’s arm and groused,“Anyways, I’m a man, not a woman. You should be satisfied that I’ve got all theparts in the right places, not thinking badly of my looks.”

“Whosaid I thought badly of you?” The doctor’s actions made him want to laugh, butnaturally he did not actually do so. He instead leaned close to his ear andwhispered, “Besides, Ch’in-taifu, haven’tyou heard the expression, ‘a lover always sees a legendary beauty?’ ”

Atonce, the doctor settled down, and another red flush filled his face. For somereason, in that moment, Shen Liangsheng found the man to be rathergood-looking, not just the face but the entire body. He wanted nothing more thanto love every bit of him from his silky strands to his toes

As he wasthinking this, he slowly planted kisses starting with his brows. He visitedthose affectionate eyes, those moist lips and that quivering Adam’s apple. Hegreeted his straight collarbone, his naked chest and those alert nipples. Hetrailed past his flat abdomen and flicked his tongue in his belly b.u.t.ton beforesliding downward and licking his pubic hairs. He caressed the member that wasas smooth as a virgin’s and sucked its head attentively. He brushed over the softinner thighs and the swollen sac and carefully moistened the winking opening.He made his way down those slender legs, past the bony ankles to the toesalready curled in arousal.

“Mmnn…ShenLiangsheng…” The kisses made Ch’in Ching lose control, and he kept moaning the man’sname, repeating incoherantly, “I love you…”

No. It was not a hallucination. Something was notright here.

WhenShen Liangsheng heard that “I love you” again, his heart jumped and sped upeven more, accompanied by a peculiar sense of frustration.

He penetrateddeeply into the man and shared a long, breathless kiss with him. He rockedagainst the man at a dizzying pace, but the frustration persisted all the same.

“Ah!” Suddenly, Ch’in Ching was pulled up to a sittingposition. The shaft inside him reached an impossible depth and he let out ayelp.

ShenLiangsheng now was face-to-face with the doctor in his arms as he pounded intohim. He didn’t know how else to ease that feeling, and his brows knitted moreand more tightly.

“I loveyou…Ah-Liang…I love you…”

PerhapsCh’in Ching had detected the taller man’s mood and wanted to say somethingcomforting, completely unaware that it was only adding gasoline to the flame.

“Do you really?”

Everythingcame to a standstill when he heard his own question. The sense of frustrationdissipated with his words and was replaced by an inchoate fear.

Hefinally remembered. This was but a dream.

It wassummertime in the dream. They had just met and were already converging in nakedhonesty.

Timehad been reversed. s.p.a.ce had been altered. It was but a delusion.

Andwhat was on his mind was merely the question:

“Do youreally love me?”

“I love you, Shen Liangsheng.” Sure enough, the mangave him the one answer that he wanted.

Withthat, black silk became white fibres, and his face was now devoid of flesh andblood, no more than a dried layer of skin stretched over bones.

“I loveyou, it’s true.”

Nomatter how terrifying his face was, those eyes were as sincere and tender asalways. With sincerity and tenderness, theyconfessed their love for him.

“Thatis good… That alone is enough.”

Now,the fear faded, too. No fright, no dread, he held a dried corpse tightly andcontinued their intimacy in the dream as though his life depended on it.

Perhaps the nights before war were unusually long.When Shen Liangsheng opened his eyes, the sky was still dark and the worldtranquil.

Thus helay, still and quiet, and took out the mengts’ao from his chest pocket and then the sachet.

The potpourrihad been removed a long time ago, and the only thing inside was a small handfulof flying ash that Miao Jan managed to secure that day. The amount was sopitifully small that the bottom of the sachet could not be fully lined.

ShenLiangsheng stuck a digit inside to collect a few particles, held it against hislip, and licked it clean.

Ofcourse, it had no taste.

Justlike that “I truly do love you,” it was tangible in his dream but becamenothingness when he awoke.

Slowly but surely, dawn broke. Shen Liangsheng rose,dressed, did his hair and opened his door to the final battle of his life.

“Forgive me, Ch’in Ching, for I cannot keep thepromise I made.”

By theend of the battle, the Hsing Sect had mostly perished or surrendered. Perhapsthere were a few who escaped, but they would not post a threat.

The twoelders and four t’angchu had alldied, leaving only Shen Liangsheng. Perhaps he could still escape, but he hadno wish to do so.

“Notbecause I hate you, but because I found out after trying that I cannot.”

Theradiant sun hung high in the sky, casting rays of heavenly principle. Themounting debt of blood and murder must be repaid.

Coveredwith wounds, Shen Liangsheng gripped his sword as skilled warriors surroundedhim in a momentary deadlock.

Asthough sensing its owner’s intentions, the sword emitted a long, high-pitchedshriek.

Not inprotest but in heartbreak.

The sword was still crying with sorrow, but its ownersmiled.

“Youleave me with three words of ambiguity, but I will return three of sincerity.”

Thesummer shower had long ceased. The umbrella painted with inky reeds had longsucc.u.mbed to the mud. Everything truly from the start had long beenpredestined.

But hadhe the power to reverse time, to return to that tiny cosmos, to look into thoseeyes once again, to hear the man ask him that question…

Hewould surely smile and tell him:

“Grant me death.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

ayszhang: And that brings us to the end of this story... I"ve included a link to TDDUP if you want to read what happened in their next lives :")

Who was at fault? Who wronged whom? It"s this "unfinished business" that const.i.tutes what the Chinese calls affinity, and this invisible bond ensures their lives cross paths again in the next life.

Living to Suffer - English Translation by  is licensed under a .