"It"s more dangerous crossing the street in New York, Kate. You know that." He was amused that she"d been concerned. "Did your parents give you a rough time?" He figured they would after seeing him at the barbecue, and he was right.
"Only my mom. She thinks something"s going on."
"Very observant," he said admiringly. "Did you say anything to them?"
"Of course not. They"d be horrified. And I guess, when I think about it, so am I." She had thought about it all the way home, and he didn"t like the sound of her voice. She was consumed with guilt, Andy was so innocent in all this. He had no idea what was happening at home. Somehow, Joe felt he had seniority, and a right, because he had known her for so long. But it was Andy who had married her a year before, and given her a child. And it was Joe who owned her heart, and always had.
"Is it still all right if I come back tonight, Kate?" he asked her so humbly that it touched her heart. No matter how guilty she felt, there was no way she could bring herself to say no.
He came over half an hour later, and as always, they fell into bed. Their longing for each other was like a tidal wave, it swept everything in its wake, and left them gasping for air. Not being together for a week had seemed far too long.
September flew by as soon as Labor Day was past. Joe had to go to California for a few days, and then he flew to Nevada for a test flight. He invited Kate to come along, but she didn"t think she should. There was no way to explain it if Andy called. He had only called once or twice in the two months he"d been gone, it was almost impossible for him to call, but he wrote to her faithfully every day.
By the end of September, Kate and Joe had been living together for two months. It had begun to seem comfortable and normal, as though they were married. He was so relaxed that one night, when her mother called, he almost answered the phone. Kate grabbed it from his hand before he could say anything, and they both looked startled when they realized what he"d almost done.
She flew with him every weekend, went to the factory with him, he asked her opinions and she gave him advice. And the people in his office had begun to treat her as his wife. But remarkably, they hadn"t run into anyone she knew in restaurants or movie theaters, or even walking down the street. Part of their good fortune had been that many of the people she knew went away for the summer. But even after Labor Day there had been no chance encounters with people who might suspect she and Joe were having an affair. They had found an easy rhythm that worked for them. And then, in mid-October, Kate looked devastated when Andy called to tell her he was coming home. He told Kate how grateful he was, how well she had done, how uncomplaining she had been. Her letters had been wonderful, and he was dying to see her and Reed again. The photographs she"d sent were adorable, and Andy said the baby looked even more like Kate than before, except for the color of his hair. He told Kate that the trials he had partic.i.p.ated in, in Germany, had gone extremely well. But he was anxious to wrap up his work in the next two weeks and come home.
Kate and Joe sat in the kitchen for hours, discussing it, the night he called.
"What are we going to do?" she asked miserably. Now that she had to face reality, she had never been so tormented in her life. Someone was going to get hurt, possibly all of them, even her son. There was no way out. There were choices to be made, and she and Joe had to come to some kind of agreement or decision in a matter of days.
"I want to marry you, Kate," he said quietly. "I want you to get divorced. You can go to Reno and stay for six weeks. We could be married by the end of the year." It was all she had ever wanted from him. But in order to do that now, she had to destroy Andy"s life. It seemed a blow too cruel for anyone to take, and so unfair to him. He had done nothing to deserve this fate, and it wasn"t his fault that she had fallen prey to Joe"s charms again.
"I don"t even know what to say to him," she said, looking at Joe, and feeling sick over it. His parents were going to be distraught, and hers. But for Andy it would be the worst of all. And he had no suspicion whatsoever what was about to befall him.
"Tell him the truth," Joe said practically. It was easy for him to be the winner in the piece. All he had to do was stand back and let Kate deliver the fatal blow. "What other choice do we have, Kate? Walk away from each other again? Is that what you want to do?" It was the only other choice they had, or else to continue a clandestine affair, and Kate knew the pressure and deceit of that would drive her insane, and Joe agreed. He wanted to live with her, be married to her, he even wanted to be with Reed, and if they were married, he would. "I feel sorry for him," Joe said decently, "but he has a right to know."
"Are you serious about getting married, Joe?" She still remembered her mother"s words, and Kate knew him well. Joe loved his freedom and his planes. But he also loved her. And he was nearly forty years old. She believed he was finally ready to settle down and make a serious commitment to her this time, or so he said. She just wanted to be sure before she asked Andy for a divorce. Other than being devastated over losing her, she knew he would be heartbroken not to be living with his son.
"I"m serious," Joe said emphatically. "It"s time, Kate." For her, it would have been time three or four years before. Or even five. He had taken his time getting there. And her parents would have been happier if they"d gotten married before or during the war. But whatever path they had taken to get there, he had arrived, and now he wanted her to do what she had to, to make it work for them. It was in her hands. He couldn"t do more than a.s.sure her that he was serious, and wanted to marry her.
"I"ll tell him when he gets home," she said. She wasn"t looking forward to it, but they both agreed, it had to be done.
She found a sitter, and they spent a weekend at a cozy inn in Connecticut in an out-of-the-way place. Joe had stayed there once before, and no one had bothered or intruded on him. It seemed the perfect hideaway for them. Often, people recognized him wherever they went, and with ordinary strangers, he introduced her as his wife. She didn"t respond at first when the woman at the inn called her by Joe"s name. She realized it was going to be strange to give up Andy"s name. She had been calling herself Kate Scott for more than a year. It had been hard enough to adjust to giving up Jamison after twenty-six years. And now she would have another name. She felt as though she were on a merry-go-round. It was where she wanted to be, and had wanted to be for years, but now that it was happening, it all felt strange.
Joe moved his things out the night before Andy came home, but he spent the night with her anyway. The baby was teething and cried all night, Kate"s nerves were raw, and by morning even Joe looked strained. All she wanted now was to get it over with. She was going to tell Andy that night, and she had already convinced herself that it was going to be a gruesome scene of heartbreak and regret.
She felt as though she and Joe had lived in isolation for four months. She had been avoiding whoever she knew in order to keep their secret, and she had seen none of her few friends. But so far, no one seemed to have figured out what was happening. And in the next few weeks, everyone would know. After she told Andy, she was going to tell her parents, and she knew that wasn"t going to be a pretty scene. She had already played out all of it in her head, and with Joe. It was their destiny to be together, she knew. It had always been that way. She was just sorry that she was going to cause Andy so much pain. She never should have married him, she realized. It hadn"t been fair to him. But she had never expected Joe to come back into her life again. And if he hadn"t, maybe she and Andy could have made it work. They would never know. And at least, this way, she had Reed. Although Joe was certain he wanted Kate and Reed, he was still unsure about having their own kids. They had talked about it several times, and he wasn"t convinced that having children would improve the quality of their life. But he was enough now for Kate.
Joe left for the office at nine the next day, and she was picking Andy up at the airport at noon. She had told Joe she"d call him when she could, but she didn"t know if it would be possible that night. Out of respect for her husband, she had to see how it went. But she promised Joe she would call him no later than the next day.
They made love that morning before he left, and he kissed her one last time, and blew Reed a kiss.
"Try not to worry about it, sweetheart. I know you"ll do the best you can. Better now, after a year, than five years from now. You"re doing him a favor ending it this soon. He"ll get married again and have a good life." It irked her that Joe was so practical about it. It was easy being the winner. She was sure it was not going to seem quite so simple to Andy when he heard the news.
Kate took a cab to Idlewild at eleven o"clock. She had brought Reed with her, and she was wearing a plain black dress, and black hat. She realized that she looked a little funereal when she left the house, but it seemed appropriate. For them at least, this was not going to be a happy day She checked the list of arriving flights when she arrived at the airport, and saw that his flight was on time. And then, holding the baby close to her, she went to wait for him at the gate.
Andy was one of the first pa.s.sengers off the plane. He looked tired from the flight, and four months of hard work, but he smiled broadly the moment he saw his wife and son, and kissed her so hard he knocked off her hat.
"I"ve missed you so much, Kate!" He took the baby out of her arms and couldn"t believe how much he"d grown. Reed was nearly eight months old by then. He had eight teeth and could almost stand up by himself. And as Andy held him, he reached for his mother and started to scream.
"He doesn"t even know who I am anymore," Andy looked crushed, and as they walked out of the airport, he put an arm around her. He felt as though he"d been gone for years. He not only felt as though the baby didn"t know who he was, he could tell that Kate was ill at ease with him, and when he looked at her as they drove home in a cab, she looked strange. She said she was happy to see him, but she looked like someone had died. She asked him about Germany, and the trials, but when he tried to hold her hand in the cab, she pulled it away to look for something in her purse. She didn"t want to mislead him more than she already had.
Kate made lunch for all of them when they got home, and put Reed down for a nap afterward. All she wanted was to get it over with. She couldn"t wait. She didn"t want to play out a farce with him. He deserved more respect from her than that.
"Kate, are you all right?" he asked after she put the baby to bed. She looked suddenly older and more serious in the somber black dress. He didn"t know what had happened while he was gone, but he knew something had. The atmosphere around them seemed incredibly tense, and Kate kept avoiding his touch, his arms, his eyes.
"Can we sit down and talk?" she said, as they walked into the living room and she sat down on the couch. Andy sat down across from her, and all she could think of as she looked at him was Joe.
This was the worst thing she had ever done in her life, to anyone, she knew. When she had left Joe three years before, it had been an entirely different situation than walking out on a man who she knew loved her, and taking his child with her. But there was no escape now. They had to face the truth, both of them. She had been foolish to marry him and think that their love would grow, but she had meant well. She was very attached to him, and they had had lots of happy times. But all of it had meant nothing the moment she saw Joe.
"What"s wrong, Kate?" Andy asked quietly. He looked upset, but he was very much in control. He looked as though he"d matured in the past four months. He had seen and heard of atrocities that had made his blood run cold. There was no way not to grow up with all the responsibility that had rested on him. And now he had come home to something even worse. He could see it in her eyes.
"Andy, I"ve made a terrible mistake," she began, sitting well away from him. She didn"t try to sit near him, or take his hand. And she wanted to get it over with as fast as she could, for both their sakes.
"I don"t think we need to talk about this," he suddenly cut into what she"d just said, and she looked surprised.
"Yes, we do," she went on. "We have to talk about it. Something happened while you were gone." She was planning to tell him that she had met Joe again, and that, as a result, everything had changed. But Andy was holding up a hand to stop her, as though he could turn back her words, and she saw something in his eyes she"d never seen there before. It was a kind of strength and dignity she had never known he was capable of, and he took the control of the situation away from her.
"Whatever happened, Kate, I don"t need to know what it was. In fact, I don"t want to know. You"re not going to tell me. It"s not important. We"re what"s important, and our son. Whatever you were going to say to me, don"t. I won"t listen to it. We are going to shut the door behind us now, and go on." She was so stunned that for a moment, she couldn"t say a word.
"But Andy, we can"t..." She could feel tears filling her eyes. He had to listen to her. She was going to divorce him, and marry Joe. She didn"t want to be married to Andy anymore. And Joe wanted to marry her. She wasn"t going to lose him now, after all these years. But Andy had something to say about it, and she couldn"t divorce him, unless he agreed. He had obviously figured it out, or enough to know that their marriage was on the line, and he was not going to lie down and let her roll over him. He had already made a decision about it, no matter how she felt. And as far as Andy was concerned, the subject was closed.
"Yes, Kate, we can," he said in a tone that frightened her. "And we will. Whatever you wanted to say to me, you"re going to keep to yourself. We"re married. We have a son. We"ll have more children soon, I hope. And we"re going to have a good life. And that"s all you"re going to say to me. Is that clear? I probably shouldn"t have stayed away as long as I did. But I think we did something important in Germany, and I"m glad that I was part of it. And now you"re going to be my wife, Kate, and we"ll go on from here." Kate was stunned by the power of his words and the steel in his eyes. It was very unlike him.
"But Andy, please," the tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I can"t do this... I can"t..." she sobbed. She was in love with Joe, and not with him. She had never felt so trapped in her life as she just had, listening to him. He was not going to let her out, she knew, no matter what she said. Her only choice then would be to run away with Joe, and live with him. She couldn"t even take Reed with her if she wasn"t divorced and didn"t have custody. Andy might as well have put her in jail and locked her in. And they both knew he just had. She had not yet consulted a lawyer, she had wanted to tell Andy first, but she knew that she could not divorce him without grounds to do so. And she had none against him. Her hands were tied, unless he agreed. "You have to listen to me," she pleaded with him. "You don"t want me like this." She was sobbing, and his eyes were hard.
"We"re married, Kate. That"s the end of it. You"ll feel better about it in a while, and you"ll thank me for this one day. You were about to make a terrible mistake, and I"m not going to let that happen to us. I can"t. Now, I"m going to shower and take a nap. Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?" When she looked up at him, her eyes were bleak. She didn"t want to go anywhere with him. She didn"t want to be married to him. She was his prisoner now. Not his wife.
She never answered him about dinner, and he didn"t wait to hear her response. He left the room and closed the bedroom door. He was shaking when he walked into the bathroom and locked the door, but Kate didn"t know that. For the first time in the years she"d known him, she hated him. All she wanted was to be with Joe, but she couldn"t leave her son. Andy knew he had her by the throat. She would never abandon Reed. And if Andy would not agree to divorce her, she was trapped.
When she heard him turn on the shower, she called Joe. He was in a meeting, but she asked Hazel to get him out, and a moment later, he was on the phone.
"What"s up? Was it very bad?" He sounded worried. He"d been thinking about her all day, wondering how it had gone when she told Andy she was leaving him.
"Worse than that. He won"t even listen to me. He won"t give me a divorce. And if he doesn"t, I can"t take Reed."
"He"s just bluffing you, Kate. He"s scared. Just hold firm."
"You don"t understand. I"ve never seen him like this. He says the matter is closed. It"s done. He wouldn"t even let me talk about it." She hadn"t even had the chance to tell him about Joe, which had seemed fair and she thought would convince him. But he wouldn"t let her speak, and Kate felt as though he had surrounded himself with a wall of stone.
"Then take the baby and walk out," Joe said, sounding stern. She felt trapped between the two men, like their p.a.w.n. "He can"t force you to stay there."
"He can force me to come back with Reed, if he takes me to court." She sounded scared, and she was. The way Andy had looked at her, she knew she had good reason to be. Andy did not intend to lose her or his son.
"He won"t. The two of you can stay with me." It would be an even bigger scandal than it was, if she did. She knew she had to get Andy to agree with her, to let her out. It was the only way she could go.
"I"ll talk to him tonight," she said. He went back to his meeting, and she hung up as Andy got out of the shower. She called a sitter and agreed to go to dinner with him that night, but the atmosphere between them was extremely unpleasant when she did. He was icy with her and his tone was hard. He wanted her to know that he meant everything he"d said. She was hoping to convince him over dinner, but she got nowhere.
"Andy, please, listen to me.... I can"t do this. You don"t want to be married to me like this." She was pleading with him. And in order to win him over, it suddenly seemed like the wrong time to tell him it was Joe.
"Kate, when I left, everything was fine. It was great. It"s going to be great again. Trust me on this. You"re hysterical, you don"t know what you"re doing, and I"m not going to let you destroy our life." He was ice cold and firm, and she felt as though he had a grip on her throat. She could barely speak.
"Things have changed. You"ve been gone for four months." She felt desperate as she tried to explain it to him. And she had an eerie sense that he knew what had happened and with whom. But he didn"t seem to care. No matter what Kate did or said, Andy would not let her go. He didn"t want to know who or why. He wanted to hear none of it, and they spoke not a word to each other as they went home in a cab. Kate felt almost as though she had lost her strength to move or walk or speak to him.
She got a sitter and went to Joe"s office the next day. She was panic-stricken, and Joe was visibly upset. But she needed support and direction from him. It was as though Andy had grown into someone she didn"t even know while he was in Germany. He was immovable and invincible. And she sat talking to Joe in tears.
"He can"t just keep you there, Kate. You"re not a child, for Heaven"s sake. Pack your bags and get out."
"And leave my son?"
"You can go back for him afterward. Take Andy to court, for chrissake."
"And say what? That I cheated on him? I have no grounds for divorce. And he"ll say that I abandoned my son. I"ll never get Reed back again. They"ll say I"m an unfit mother for having an affair with you and leaving my son. Joe, I can"t leave." Not unless Andy agreed.
"Are you telling me you"re going to stay married to him?"
"What else can I do?" Her eyes looked like two dark blue pools of pain. "I have no choice. For right now anyway. Maybe he"ll give in eventually, but right now he"s refusing to be reasonable. He won"t even let me talk about it."
"Kate, this is insane." She knew it was. But Andy had been very clever about it, and he was fighting like a tiger to keep her, whether she wanted to be there or not. She had to admire him for that. But however much she admired Andy, it was Joe she loved. He came around his desk and put his arms around her while she sobbed uncontrollably.
"I never should have left you three years ago," she cried. Now she was trapped, and she realized that Andy would never let her out. She had lost her chance to be with Joe. And she wouldn"t give up her son, even for him.
"I didn"t give you much choice. I was a d.a.m.n fool to let you walk out on me three years ago, and tell you you"d never be as important as my planes." He still remembered the speech he"d made. Three years later, he knew how wrong he"d been, but for the moment at least, it appeared to be too late. "Do you want me to talk to him, Kate? That might put the fear of G.o.d into him. What about buying him off?" It was a cra.s.s idea, but Joe was willing to do whatever would work, but Kate shook her head.
"He doesn"t need your money, Joe. He has his own. This isn"t about money. It"s about love."
"Owning someone isn"t love, Kate. That"s all he"s got. He owns you right now because of your son. It"s the only hold on you he"s got." But it was a powerful one. He had checked it out with an attorney that day. If she left the boy, she ran the risk of losing him. And if she took him, Andy could force her to bring Reed back, unless she kidnapped him and disappeared. But that was impossible for either of them. She could hardly go into hiding as Joe"s wife.
"I"m trapped, Joe. I can"t get out," she said miserably. She had felt so sorry for Andy for the past four months, and now he was squeezing the life out of them. He had their future in his hands and he was turning it to dust.
"Just wait awhile. You can"t live like this forever. You"re too young, and so is he. He"ll give up eventually. He"s got to want something more than this in his life." He was fighting for his family, his wife, his son, and he wasn"t willing to give any of it up, nor lose Kate.
Joe kissed her before she left, and she went home. And when Andy came home that night, she tried to talk to him again, to no avail. He lost his temper this time, and threw a porcelain candy dish at the wall. It had been a wedding gift from one of her friends and it smashed to smithereens, while Kate cried. She had expected Andy to be hurt but reasonable. She had never expected him to do any of this. There was no way out.
"Why are you doing this to me?" she sobbed, as he sat down across from her with a look of despair.
"I"m doing it to protect our family, since you won"t," he said, looking distraught. "Years from now, you"ll be grateful I did." But in the meantime, it was a nightmarish time.
And what Kate did not know, or even suspect, was that Andy had instantly surmised it was Joe. It was written all over her face. He remembered too well their college days when she had been deeply in love with him, and waiting for letters from him. It was the same look Andy had seen in her eyes when Kate told him Joe was not dead, and ended their relationship. He knew that look well. There was only one man in the world who could make Kate look and feel that way. And he knew he was seeing it again and precisely who had walked back into her life again. He didn"t need to hear the words.
He was so certain of it that he didn"t even bother to call Joe. He just showed up in his office the day after Kate had been there to tell Joe all her tales of despair. Andy strode right into Joe"s office building, and asked his secretary to announce him. She looked more than a little stunned when she asked if Andy had an appointment, and he said no, but a.s.sured her that Joe would see him, and then he sat down to wait.
He was right. Less than two minutes later, the secretary led him into a staggeringly impressive office full of the art and treasures and memorabilia Joe had collected since the advent of his success. Joe did not rise to greet him, but sat watching him like an animal being stalked, from behind his desk. They had only met once years before. But they each knew who the other was, and why Andy was there.
"h.e.l.lo, Joe," Andy said calmly. His cool demeanor was a better hand of poker than he had ever played in his life. Joe was taller, older, smarter, more successful, and Kate had been in love with him for most of her adult life. He would have been an awesome opponent for any man. But Andy knew he had the winning hand, and for once Joe did not. Andy had their son. And Kate.
"This is an interesting move, Andy," Joe said with a lazy smile. Neither of them showed what they felt. Both were angry, both felt ill used and put upon. Each would have liked to kill the other, and instead Joe waved Andy to a chair. "Can I offer you a drink?" Andy hesitated for a fraction of a second and then asked for scotch. He rarely if ever drank before dinnertime, but he knew that in this case it might help to steel his nerves. Joe poured it over the rocks himself and handed it to Andy before he sat down again. "Do I need to ask what brings you here?"
"I a.s.sume not. We both know. Not a very elegant move on your part, I might add," Andy said bravely, and tried to pretend he didn"t feel like a boy in Joe"s office. In other circ.u.mstances, he would have liked to look around. The view was extraordinary and took in all of New York, with both rivers, and Central Park. "She"s married now, Joe. We have a child. She"s not going anywhere this time."
"You won"t win her this way, Andy. You can"t force a woman to love you by holding her hostage. Why don"t you just chain her to the wall? It"s not as subtle but it works just as well." Joe was not afraid of him, he didn"t even hate him. He was an important man, and knew he had nothing to fear. He could have bought and sold Andy a thousand times, and to Joe that meant a lot. It was something he couldn"t even have contemplated once upon a time. But those times had come and gone. Joe was on top of the world, and Kate was his, whether Andy held the key to her jail cell or not. He had never owned her heart as Joe did, or even at all, in Joe"s eyes. She felt sorry for him, she pitied him, she had never loved him as she did Joe. She and Andy had never shared what they did, and never would. And as Joe looked at him, he pitied him. "Why are we here, Andy? Let"s get to the point. What is it you want?" He still could not believe that Andy would refuse to let her go in the end, and felt certain that, with enough pressure from Joe and Kate, he would cave in. But he had no idea, nor had Kate till now, what a ruthless and determined fighter Andy could be. This time, he did not intend to lose, whatever it took.
"I want you to understand who she is, and what it is you"re chasing after with such pa.s.sion. I don"t think you know what you"re l.u.s.ting after, Joe." Joe was amused at the choice of words, and smiled from behind his desk, as Andy took a swig of the scotch.
"You think I don"t know her after ten years? I don"t want to shock you, but I"m sure Kate told you we lived together for two years."
"As a matter of fact, she did, although it"s somewhat indelicate of you to put it that way. I believe she was living at a hotel at the time."
"If that"s what she said," Joe said noncommittally, but Kate had told Andy the truth. He just didn"t like hearing it from Joe.
"And what were your conclusions after "living" with her? I gather that you weren"t anxious to marry her then. Why now?"
"Because I was a fool, as all three of us know. I was building my business, I had a lot on my mind. I didn"t feel ready to take on a wife. That was three years ago. I didn"t have time for her then. I do now."
"Was that the only reason you didn"t marry her? Or were there things about her that worried you, Joe? Was she too needy, too demanding, did you feel trapped? Did you want to run?" Kate had told him all of it when she and Andy met again, but Joe couldn"t know that as he listened to him. He felt a vaguely familiar sense of what it had been like then, and they weren"t pleasant memories for him. He had felt everything that Andy had described. It wasn"t that Kate he wanted, it was the one she had become now. The one who appeared to understand what had gone wrong. "She"s the same woman, Joe. She looks panicked every time I leave the house. She calls me everywhere I go. If I go out to lunch, she has my secretary track me down. When she was pregnant, she nearly drove me insane. I had to go home to see her in the middle of the day. Is that what you want? Is that the kind of time you have available, Joe? You must be a very successful man indeed to have that kind of time on your hands. You"ll have to be with her night and day. How will you take her with you when you travel? She won"t leave Reed. And she wants to get pregnant again. She wants more babies. And she"ll get them with whatever ruse she has to use to see to it that that happens. I know Kate. She did it to me with Reed. I didn"t mind. You will." They were lies, all of them, but Kate had long since given him a map of all of Joe"s terrors, and Andy was systematically playing each one of them. And he was winning. He could see it in Joe"s eyes, although he felt some obligation to defend Kate. But he was scared. Andy could sense his terror heavy in the air.
"She"s not in love with you," Joe said firmly. "She"ll be different when she"s with me." But he didn"t sound quite as sure.
"Really?" Andy asked, as he finished his scotch. "How different was she in New Jersey?" He knew all about the fights that had brought them down, her panic over feeling abandoned, his terror of being engulfed. Kate had explained it all, in retrospect, to him. And Andy was using it all now. For a good cause, he thought.
"That was three years ago. She was a kid then," but he no longer sounded quite as convinced. He wouldn"t have admitted it to anyone, but he was beginning to wonder if Andy was right. He could feel a feather of terror tracing its way down his spine. Just listening to Andy describe her painted a picture of everything he didn"t want, no matter how much in love with her he was.
"She"s still a kid," Andy said smugly, longing for another scotch, but he wouldn"t have dared. The one had been just right to give him courage. But he didn"t want to get sloppy now. He could see the worry in Joe"s eyes. His demons had been reborn. "She"ll always be a kid, Joe. You know what happened to her as a child. So do I."
For once, Joe looked surprised. He was the better fighter of the pair, but this time Andy had him on the ropes. He was the small speedy devil who was going to bring down the champion, and he could already taste the prize. He didn"t care what he had to do to keep her, but he wasn"t going to lose her to Joe this time. No matter what. And he knew that if he played it right, Joe would never even tell her he"d been there. It was the perfect crime, and the only way to keep from losing her. He had to make Joe want to run.
"Did she tell you about her father?" Joe asked. There was a trace of hurt in his voice. Kate had never admitted it to him in ten years. All he knew he had heard from Clarke, that day in Cape Cod. But once again, Andy didn"t hesitate to lie to him. She hadn"t told Andy either, and he had learned it from Clarke too, shortly before they were married.
"She told me when we were in college. I"ve always known. We were good friends." Joe nodded, and said nothing. "Do you know what that must have been like for her? How terrified she is of losing the people she loves? She couldn"t survive without us. She couldn"t live through a day on her own. She is the most dependent woman I"ve ever met, and you know it too. Do you realize that she wrote to me twice a day while I was in Europe?" Even that was a lie. She had written him hastily scribbled notes that only mentioned their son. Andy had suspected that something was wrong then, but there was nothing he could do about it from Europe. He had had to wait till he got home. "Do you have any idea how desperately insecure she is? How frightened? How unbalanced? I don"t suppose she told you she tried to commit suicide after she left you in New Jersey." As he said the words, Andy knew he had hit his mark. Kate had told him when they first met again how consumed by guilt Joe had been, how painful that had been for him. "Intolerable" was the word she used. And at what Andy had just said, Joe looked like he had just dropped to his knees.
"She what?" what?" He was stunned. He was stunned.
"I didn"t think she"d tell you. It was on Christmas, I think. We hadn"t met again yet. She was in the hospital for a long time." Andy was shameless. But he was a desperate man. And he was convinced that if he could get Kate away from Joe this time, she would be his for the rest of his life. But he didn"t know his wife. The only way to have wrested Joe from her would have been to kill her or him. Anything less wouldn"t have worked. She loved Joe that much.
"I can"t believe that." Joe looked appalled, and Andy looked sad. "A mental hospital?" This time Andy nodded, seemingly unable to speak he was so chagrined. But the poisoned dart he had aimed at Joe had done its job. The venom was coursing through Joe"s veins. The very thought of her committing suicide because of him was more than he could bear. It terrified him and would have made him not only the bad little boy he had been accused of being as a child, but a truly evil man as an adult. And a hidden fragile part of him could not allow him to risk that, just as Andy had hoped.
"What are you going to do about her wanting more children? She told me only yesterday she wants two more." Andy continued to hone in with blow after lethal blow.
"Yesterday?" Joe looked shocked. "I think you must have misunderstood. I"ve been very clear about that."
"So has Kate. She"s a lot like her mother, in a far subtler way." Andy also knew from Kate how much Joe had hated Liz. "And we haven"t spoken about the most important issue to me, my son. Are you really prepared to bring him up, to play baseball with him, to sit up with him at night when he has an earache or a nightmare or he throws up? Somehow, I don"t see you doing that." Andy was letting it all sink in. And Joe looked visibly sick. He and Kate had discussed none of those things. Or at least he thought they had. She had said she would be content with only one child, and would have a nurse for him so she could travel with Joe from time to time. But Andy was painting a far more vivid picture than she ever had. Particularly of Kate. The knowledge that she had attempted suicide when she felt abandoned by him three years before nearly drove him insane. It was guilt of the purest kind, and highly toxic to him. "So where are we now, Joe? I don"t want to lose my wife, or my son"s mother. I don"t want her feeling abandoned when you travel and perhaps trying something foolish again. She"s very fragile, far more so than she looks. It"s in her family. Her father committed suicide after all. She could easily follow in his footsteps one day." It was an evil trick to play on Kate, and such a cruel one. She had no idea what Andy was doing to her, in Joe"s eyes, or to Joe. Andy was playing all Joe"s worst fears like keys on a piano, and Joe was so anxious he could hardly speak. All he wanted to do was run, and all he could remember was Clarke describing her as a bird with a broken wing. Joe had no way of knowing that Kate had never even contemplated suicide, and no matter how unhappy she"d been over him, it had been the farthest thing from her mind. But Andy"s ploy had accomplished just what he had wanted it to. No matter how much he loved her, Joe realized again now that marrying her was not a responsibility he could undertake. He had known that before. And Andy had convinced him with a few brief brushstrokes that he"d been right. He was gone.
"So where are we now?" Andy asked innocently, in the guise of talking man to man. But what he had done was not worthy of any man. It was something Joe would never, ever have done, to her, or anyone else. But his own fears were so rampant, he couldn"t see Andy"s ploy for what it was. The act of a desperate man. He took it as truth. And he wanted to cry as he sat at his desk.
"I think you"re right. I think no matter how hard I try, the way I live my life, and have to with my work, will cause her irreparable damage. Imagine if she killed herself while I was on a trip." He couldn"t even bear thinking about it, the very idea made him feel sick, and overwhelmed.
"I think she could," Andy said thoughtfully, as though weighing the possibility, as he met Joe"s eyes. And all he could see in Joe"s eyes was fear.