It was nearly seven o"clock, and they had been in the bathroom for three hours, before Diana could help Kate back to bed. Everything had been cleaned up, and once she was sure that Kate was safely tucked into bed, she ran downstairs to the garbage room, to dispose of the towel that held the evidence of what had happened to Kate.
The bleeding was less out of control, and she was still in pain, but it was tolerable. Diana explained that it was her uterus contracting to stop the bleeding, which was a good thing. The earlier pains had been to expel the baby. And if she didn"t bleed too much more, Diana hoped that she would be all right. She had already told Kate that if it got any worse she was calling an ambulance and sending her to the hospital, no matter how much Kate objected. And Kate had agreed, she was terrified and too weak to argue, and in shock from losing so much blood. She was shaking violently, as Diana put three more blankets on her bed, and the other girls began stirring.
"Are you okay?" one of them asked as she got up. They had cla.s.s that morning. "You look kind of pale, Kate. Maybe you got a concussion when that guy knocked you off your bike last night." She was yawning as she headed for the bathroom, and Kate said she had a terrible headache, and was still visibly shaking as she lay tucked into her bed.
Diana continued to hover over her, and a girl from another room came in to borrow some towels, and looked worried when she saw Kate"s ashen lips, and her face, she was the color of chalk.
"What happened to you last night?" the girl asked, and came over to take Kate"s pulse.
"She fell off her bike and hit her head," Diana covered for her, but the other girl knew better. Like Diana, she came from a medical family, in New York, and she knew enough to understand that Kate had more than a headache or a concussion. She was so gray, she looked like she"d lost a lot of blood, and was possibly even in shock.
She leaned her face down close to Kate"s ear, and gently touched her shoulder. "Kate ... tell me the truth... are you bleeding?..." All Kate could do was nod her head and shake. Her teeth were chattering so hard she couldn"t even speak. "I think you"re in shock.... Did you have an abortion?" she whispered. Kate had always liked her, and was willing to trust her with the information. She knew she was in trouble. She was feeling dizzy and her body had been so traumatized that she was freezing and couldn"t stop shaking, in spite of the stack of blankets Diana had put on her. Both girls were standing next to her bed looking worried sick.
"No," Kate whispered to the girl, whose name was Beverly. "I lost it."
"Are you hemorrhaging?" She didn"t think so, the bed didn"t feel damp around her. She was afraid to look.
"I don"t think so."
"I"m going to cut cla.s.s today and stay with you. You shouldn"t be alone here. Do you want to go to the hospital?" Kate shook her head no in answer. It was the last thing she wanted.
"I"ll stay too," Diana volunteered, and went to get her a cup of tea. Half an hour later, all the other girls had gone to their cla.s.ses, and the two caretakers sat on either side of Kate"s bed. She was wide awake, and crying intermittently. The entire experience had terrified and depressed her.
"You"ll be okay, Kate," Beverly said quietly. "I had an abortion last year. It was awful. Just try to sleep, you"ll feel better in a day or two. You"ll be surprised how fast you get better." And then she thought of something. "Is there anyone you want me to call?" Obviously, there was another person involved in this, and she didn"t know Kate"s situation. But Kate shook her head.
"He"s in England," she whispered, through teeth that were beginning to clench. She had never felt as awful in her life, the loss of blood had shaken her entire system to the core.
"Does he know?" Diana asked, as she patted Kate"s shoulder and Kate looked at her gratefully. She couldn"t have gotten through it without her. And this way, no one would know, neither Radcliffe nor her parents. Nor Joe.
"I didn"t tell him. I was going to have the baby."
"You can have another one when he comes home." Beverly didn"t add "if he lives," which was what all three of them were thinking as Kate started to cry again. It was a long, lonely day for her, and it was another two days before she felt even halfway human.
Diana and Beverly went back to cla.s.s the next day, and Kate just lay in her bed and cried all day long. It was Wednesday before she got out of bed, and when she did, she looked ghostly and had lost ten pounds. She hadn"t eaten since Sunday, but the bleeding had almost stopped. She looked and felt terrible, and there were dark circles under her eyes, but all three girls agreed, she was out of danger. She tried to thank them for what they"d done for her, but every time she did, she started crying again.
"It"s going to be like that for a while," Beverly warned. "I cried for a month. It"s just hormones." But it wasn"t just hormones, it was their baby. She had lost a part of Joe.
No one knew what had happened to her, and they all thought in the house that she was in bed as a result of her bike accident on Sunday night. And she never told anyone anything different. She felt as though she had been on another planet for several days. Everything seemed unreal and different, and the only thing that cheered her up were Joe"s letters. But she cried again when she realized that she couldn"t even tell him what had happened, and what they"d lost.
She spent the following weekend in bed, studying. She was quiet and pale, and still didn"t look well when Andy dropped by on Sat.u.r.day afternoon. It had been a week since the miscarriage, but she still looked awful. She made her way gingerly downstairs to see him. Beverly and Diana had been bringing her food from the cafeteria all week. And the first time she left her room was to see Andy, as he waited for her in the living room downstairs.
"Jesus, Kate, you look legally dead. What happened to you?" She looked so fragile and pale that he was frightened for her. She was wraithlike.
"I got hit by a bike last Sunday night. I think I had a concussion."
"Did you go to the hospital to get it checked out?"
"No, I"m okay," she said, sitting in a chair next to him, but he was genuinely worried about her.
"I think you should see a doctor. Maybe you"re brain dead," he grinned at her.
"Very funny. I feel better."
"I"d hate to have seen you on Monday."
"Yes, you would have," she said, but seeing him brought her back into the world again and she was less depressed when she went back to her room, although she was bone tired. Diana had warned her that she would be anemic for a while, and told her to eat lots of liver.
But by the following week, she seemed more herself, and felt well enough to go back to cla.s.ses. No one had any idea what had happened to her, and as the weeks went by, she quietly put it behind her. She never told Joe.
8.
FOR THE REST OF KATE"S soph.o.m.ore year, she was busy with school. She got letters from Joe constantly, but there were no leaves on the horizon for him. It was the spring of 1943, and Kate went to see newsreels every chance she got, hoping to catch a glimpse of Joe"s face. soph.o.m.ore year, she was busy with school. She got letters from Joe constantly, but there were no leaves on the horizon for him. It was the spring of 1943, and Kate went to see newsreels every chance she got, hoping to catch a glimpse of Joe"s face.
The RAF was continuing to bomb Berlin and Hamburg, and other cities. Tunis had been taken by the British, and the Americans had taken Bizerte, in North Africa, back from the Germans. On the eastern front the Germans and Russians had almost come to a dead halt, up to their knees in mud, in the spring thaw.
Kate saw her parents frequently on the weekends, wrote to Joe, and went to dinner or the movies occasionally with Andy. He had a new girlfriend from Wellesley that spring, and was spending time with her. It left him less time for Kate, but she didn"t mind. She, Diana, and Beverly had become fast friends after her miscarriage. And that summer she was working for the Red Cross again.
They went to Cape Cod at the end of August, but this time Joe didn"t appear to surprise her at the barbecue. He hadn"t been home in eight months, since the previous Christmas, when they met in Washington. And she couldn"t help thinking, as she took long solitary walks on the beach that, if she hadn"t lost the baby, she"d be eight months pregnant by then. Her parents never found out what had happened. And her mother was still talking about the fact that Joe had still made no promises about a future with her. She reminded Kate constantly that she was waiting for a man who had promised her nothing. No marriage. No ring. No future. He just expected her to wait for him, and see what happened when he came home. She was twenty years old, and he was thirty-two, old enough to know what he wanted to do when he returned.
Her mother constantly reminded Kate of it every time she went home, and continued to, as the leaves had begun to turn in late October. Kate was studying for exams, it was her junior year, and the house mother where she lived came to tell her she had a visitor downstairs. Without even questioning it, Kate a.s.sumed it was Andy. He was in his second year of law school, and working like a slave.
She ran quickly down the stairs, with a book still in her hand, and a pale blue sweater over her shoulders. She was wearing a gray skirt, and saddle shoes, and the moment her foot left the last step, she saw him. It was Joe, looking tall and incredibly handsome in his uniform. He looked very serious as he waited for her, and her breath caught as their eyes met. He seemed to hold back for an instant, and then without a word she flew into his arms and he held her close. She had the feeling as he held her that he had been through some rough times. He couldn"t seem to find the words, but she knew that she not only needed him, but he needed her, as well. The war was taking a toll on everyone, even Joe.
"I"m so happy to see you," she said, still in his arms as she closed her eyes. It had been an agonizing ten months, worrying about him constantly, losing their baby, never knowing how he was.
"So am I," he said, pulling away from her finally, and looking in her eyes. It was easy to see how tired he was. He felt as though he was in the air almost constantly these days, and a heartbreaking number of their planes had been shot down. The Germans were getting desperate and hitting hard. He looked at her somberly then, and she realized that he felt awkward with her again. It took him time sometimes to open up with her, and readjust. His letters were so easy and candid with her that she forgot sometimes how shy he was. "I"ve only got twenty-four hours, Kate. I have to be in Washington tomorrow afternoon, and I"m going back tomorrow night." He was in the States for meetings involving a top secret mission, and he had been flown in with great difficulty. But he could share none of that with her, and she didn"t ask. Something about the way he looked told her that there was very little he could say. And it was even stranger to realize that if she hadn"t lost the baby in March, he would have returned to find he had a one-month-old child. But he knew nothing of all that. "Can you leave school for a while?" It was almost dinnertime, and she had no plans. She would have canceled them for him anyway.
"Sure. Do you want to go to my house?" It would be nice to have some privacy, and if they sat in the visiting room at school, they had to adhere to all the college"s codes and visiting rules. After ten months, they both wanted more freedom than that.
"Can we be alone somewhere?" He just wanted to relax, and be with her. Even after all this time, he didn"t want to talk. He just wanted to look at her, and feel her next to him. He was too tired to find the right words. Kate could sense viscerally how disheartened he was.
"Do you want to go to a hotel?" she asked in a voice no one could hear. There were other people standing around in the hall. He looked at her with relief, and nodded. He just wanted to lie next to her for a while. And Kate"s mind raced, as she made plans. "Why don"t you call the Palmer House from the phone booth outside. Or the Statler. I"ll be back in a few minutes." She went to the desk to sign out to go home for the night, and she called her mother from the phone in the hall upstairs. She told her she was spending the night at a friend"s, so they could study peacefully for exams, and she didn"t want her mother to worry if she called. Her mother thought that was sweet of her, and said she appreciated the call. Kate knew it would never even occur to her mother that the story was a lie.
Five minutes later, Kate was back in the lobby again, and Joe was waiting for her outside. She had brought a few things in a small bag, and she had packed a diaphragm. Beverly had given her the name of a doctor, and Kate had gone to him and said she was engaged. After what had happened the last time, Kate wanted to be prepared when Joe came home.
"They had a room at the Statler," he said nervously.
They both felt a little awkward going straight to a hotel, but they had so little time, and they wanted to be alone. He had borrowed a car, and they talked as they drove to the hotel. She couldn"t take her eyes off him. He was as handsome as ever, although he was very thin. And he looked considerably older than he had a year before, or maybe just more mature. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, things she felt awkward putting in her letters to him, and so many things he wanted to ask her.
As they drove to the hotel, they both started to unwind. It was as though they had seen each other just yesterday, and in another sense, she felt as though she hadn"t seen him in years. But the odd thing was that after sleeping with him the last time, and then losing their baby, she felt almost married to him. She didn"t need a piece of paper, or a ceremony or a wedding ring. No matter what the legalities, she was his.
Joe took a small bag out of the trunk of the car when they got to the hotel, and then parked the car in the garage. He met Kate in the lobby and signed in. They were registered as Major and Mrs. Allbright, and they were treated with considerable respect. The desk clerk had recognized his name. And a bellhop offered to carry his bag upstairs.
"No, we"ll be fine." Joe smiled at him, as the desk clerk handed him the key.
Joe and Kate took the elevator upstairs without saying a word, and she was relieved to see when he opened the door that it was a pretty room. She had expected something depressing and small, not that it mattered to them, but there was something a little tawdry about checking into a hotel with a man. She had never done that before, and it seemed very bold to her. But she was not going to miss the opportunity of spending the night with him, particularly if it was the only night he had on leave. Like everyone else in their circ.u.mstances, they were living each day as though it were going to be their last, as well it might be.
There was a moment of awkwardness again between them once they got to the room, but as Joe sprawled out on the couch with a nervous look and patted the seat next to him, she smiled as she sat down.
"I can"t believe you"re here," she said with a look in her eyes that told him how much he had been missed.
"Neither can I," he said. Two days before he had been providing fighter escort cover for bombers over Berlin, and they had lost four planes. And now suddenly, he was sitting in a hotel room in Boston with her, and she was prettier than ever. She looked so young and so fresh and so far from the life he had been leading for nearly two years. They had given him two hours" notice of the trip, and he was lucky they"d given him leave, no matter how brief. On the way over, he had been afraid that he wouldn"t be able to see her at all. The night at the Statler was an unexpected gift. And to Joe, at least, it seemed somewhat surreal. They were like homing pigeons that always came back to each other, no matter where they had been. They always found each other, whether in Cape Cod, or Washington, or here, and they would pick up the familiar threads again. Remarkably, no matter how long they"d been away from each other, the same fire and magic was always there.
He kissed her then, without saying another word. It was as though he needed her to comfort him, to soothe the wounds in his soul. He just needed to drink from the peaceful fountain she offered him. It was as though she understood exactly what he needed from her. And in turn, when she was with him, no matter how limited the words, she always knew how much she was loved. It was a perfect exchange.
A few minutes later, he walked over to the bed with her. He felt a little guilty as they undressed. He had planned to take her to dinner, and spend some time talking to her before they made love, but neither of them wanted to be around people or in a restaurant. They just wanted to be alone with each other and what they felt. They didn"t even need words.
He kissed her with gentleness and pa.s.sion as they lay on the bed, and as he undressed her, he realized how hungry for her he had been. Much to his own surprise, there had been no one else. In the ten months that they"d been apart, he hadn"t wanted anyone but her. And Kate only wanted him.
She was embarra.s.sed when she left him to go to the bathroom for a few minutes, and he didn"t ask her about it until long after they had made love, and lay in each other"s arms, sated and quiet, and drifting in their isolated, safe, little world. And feeling shy about it, she told him about the diaphragm, and he seemed relieved.
"I worried about that for months after last time," he said honestly. "I kept wondering what we"d do if you got pregnant. I couldn"t even have come back to marry you," he said, and she was touched by his words. It was nice to know he thought that way, and had been concerned for her. She had had no idea how he"d react, and she felt safe enough now to tell him what had happened to her.
"I got pregnant last time, Joe," she said in a soft voice, as he held her close. Her head was on his shoulder, and her hair was brushing his cheek. And he turned his head to look at her.
"Are you serious? What did you do about it?" He looked as though a lightning bolt had just hit them both. It had long since slipped his mind, she"d never said anything to him, and it had never dawned on him that they might have a child by then. "Or... do we ... did you..." She smiled at the look on his face. It wasn"t so much fear as astonishment. And he wanted to know why she had never told him. She grew immeasurably in his eyes when he realized that, whatever had happened, she had handled it on her own.
"I lost it in March. I didn"t know what to do, but I knew that if something happened to you, I"d never forgive myself if I"d done anything about it. I had to have it, if that was meant to be. I was almost three months pregnant when I lost it," she said, and there were tears in her eyes as she told him. He tightened his grip wordlessly around her.
"Do your parents know?" He could easily imagine that they were furious with him, and justifiably so. He felt guilty as h.e.l.l knowing what she"d been through.
"No, they don"t," she rea.s.sured him, snuggling closer to him. Whatever comfort he hadn"t been able to give, he was offering her now. "I was going to leave school in April, and tell them then. There was nothing else I could do. I got hit by a kid riding a bicycle, and I guess that started it. He hit me pretty hard, and it knocked me out. I lost the baby that night."
"Were you at the hospital?" He looked horrified. This had never happened to him before, although it had happened to many of his friends. But he"d never gotten a girl in trouble before, and he"d always been careful, except with her.
"I was at school, but two of the girls in my house took care of me," she said discreetly, and spared him the details. She knew he would have been even more upset if he had seen the state she"d been in. It had taken months to feel like herself again. She had lost so much blood, it took a long time to get fully back on her feet. But she was fine by then. Joe was amazed too by the thought that if the pregnancy had come to full term, they would have had a one-month-old child. It was mind-boggling to him.
"You know, it"s funny. I thought about it for a long time. I kept thinking you were going to tell me that had happened. I don"t know why, but when I got back to England, it was all I could think about, I was so sure. But you never said anything, and I didn"t want to ask. I didn"t know if anyone reads your mail at school. And then I guess I forgot about it. But for a couple of months, I just had this weird feeling. Why didn"t you tell me, Kate?" He looked sad that she hadn"t, but he understood. And he admired her for it, more than she knew. She had handled it all herself, and recovered from it, seemingly with no bitterness toward him. He was grateful for that, and touched by how brave she had been. He could sense by the way she spoke of it, that it had been hard for her, in a number of ways.
"I thought you had enough to worry about, without adding that." He nodded, and pulled her even closer to him.
"It was my baby too." It would have been, and she was sorry all over again. There was nothing she wanted more than to be with him, and have his child, but it hadn"t been meant to be, so far at least. And given what was happening in their lives, it seemed to be for the best, even to her, and surely to him. "I"m glad you"re being careful now." He had brought prophylactics with him too this time. He didn"t want to be irresponsible with her, and take a risk. And the last thing he felt they needed was a child to complicate their lives.
They talked about the war for a while then, and she asked him how long he thought it would go on. He sighed as he answered her. "It"s hard to say. I wish I could say it"ll be over soon. I don"t know, Kate. If we pummel the h.e.l.l out of the Krauts, maybe a year." That was part of why he was going to Washington, to see if they could speed up the pummeling with some extraordinary new planes. It had been discouraging so far, the Germans just kept coming at them relentlessly in waves. No matter how many Germans the Allies killed, or how many cities and factories and munitions dumps they destroyed, they always seemed to have more. They were a seemingly indestructible machine.
And the war in the Pacific hadn"t been going well. They were fighting a people from a culture and on a terrain that was completely unfamiliar to them. Kamikaze planes were bombing aircraft carriers, ships were being sunk, planes were being shot down. And by the fall of 1943, Allied spirits were low.
It seemed to Kate these days that an incredible number of people she knew had died. It was devastating. A number of boys she had met at Harvard and MIT in the past two years were already gone. She was just grateful that nothing had happened to Joe.
They talked a lot that night, which was unusual for him, but they had so little time, so much pulling at them. They didn"t have time to unwind, to warm up, to coast along. They just had to be there, and be all they could, in the little time they had. And for the rest of the evening, they both tried not to think about the war.
They made love again late that night, and never went out. They ordered dinner in the room, and the room service waiter asked if it was their honeymoon, and they both laughed. They never spoke of the future that night, or of any plans. All she wanted for him was to stay alive. She couldn"t think of what she wanted for herself, she just wanted to be with him, when and where she could, for however long. More than that was like asking for a miracle at this point, a childish dream. She knew her mother wouldn"t have approved of it, but she didn"t understand. An engagement ring on her finger wouldn"t have changed anything, and it wouldn"t have kept him alive. And Joe asked nothing of her, except what Kate wanted to give of her own free will, and to the best of her abilities, she gave it all.
They both slept fitfully that night, holding each other and then drifting apart, and waking with a start when they realized that it wasn"t a dream, and they were really together.
"Hi," she said sleepily, as she smiled and opened an eye early the next morning. She had felt his warmth next to her all night, and she could feel his strong powerful legs next to her as she stretched, and he leaned over and kissed her. The night he had spent with her had been a far cry from what he was used to now.
"Did you sleep all right?" he asked, and put an arm around her as she snuggled closer to him. They were lying on their backs, whispering. She loved waking up next to him.
"I kept feeling you next to me, and thinking I was dreaming." Neither of them was accustomed to sleeping with anyone next to them, and it had kept them from sleeping deeply, no matter how happy they were together.
"So did I," he smiled, and thought about their love-making the night before. He wanted to savor every moment he spent with her and take the memory of it with him.
"What time do you have to leave?" she asked, with a sad edge to her voice. It was impossible to forget that these were only borrowed hours.
"I have to be on a plane to Washington at one o"clock. I should drop you off at school around eleven-thirty" She had cut all her cla.s.ses that morning, and she wouldn"t have cared about the consequences, nothing would have made her leave him earlier than she had to. "Do you want breakfast?" She wasn"t hungry, except for him, and within minutes, as they kissed and his hands began to wander, they found each other again.
At nine o"clock they got up and ordered breakfast. When room service came, they had showered separately, and were wearing the hotel"s terrycloth robes. They had orange juice and toast, and ham and eggs, and shared a pot of coffee. It was beyond lavish to Joe, who had been living on military rations for so long he had almost forgotten what real food was. To Kate, it was far more ordinary, but what wasn"t was the sheer joy of looking at him across the table. His almost stern, sharply chiseled face looked beautiful to her as he sat drinking his coffee and reading the paper for a minute. And then his eyes moved toward hers, and he smiled.
"Just like real life, isn"t it? Who"d know there"s a war on." Except the newspaper was full of it, and none of it sounded good. He put the paper down and smiled across the table at Kate. They had shared a wonderful evening, and whenever he was with her, it was like finding the missing piece of him. It was as though there was a void in him he was never aware of, until he saw her. The rest of the time, other things seemed to fill it. He wasn"t a person who needed a lot of people. But this one woman in particular touched him deeply. As few had in fact, or any. He had never known anyone quite like her. It struck him again as he sat across the table, looking at her. Her eyes were so deep and so powerful, there was something so direct and open and unafraid about her. She was like a young doe sniffing the air, and liking what she sensed. She always looked excited about life, and as though she were about to burst into laughter, and this morning was no different. As she put her coffee cup down, she was suddenly grinning at him.
"What are you smiling about?" he asked, with a look of amus.e.m.e.nt. Her good humor was contagious. By nature, he was far less jovial than she was. It wasn"t that he was unhappy, he was just serious and quiet, and she liked that about him.
"I was just thinking of my mother"s face if she could see us."
"Don"t even think about it. It makes me feel guilty. And your father would kill me, and I can"t say that I blame him." Particularly after what she had told him about getting pregnant and losing the baby. He knew that the Jamisons would have been horrified, as well they should be. "I"m not sure I can ever face them again," Joe said, looking worried.
"Well, you may have to, so you"d better get over it." As she had. Particularly now that she"d seen Joe. She was almost sorry she"d used the birth control device, she really wished she could have his baby. She wanted that much more than she wanted to be married. Because Joe never talked about their getting married, in order to make her peace with it, she was beginning to tell herself that marriage was something old people did, everyone made such a big deal of it, and her friends that got married all seemed like silly children, or so she said. She claimed to Joe at least that all they cared about were the wedding presents and the bridesmaids, and afterward they complained that the boys they"d married spent too much time with their friends, or drank too much, or were mean to them. They all seemed like kids pretending to be adults. But having his baby was a bond like no other. It was real and deep and important, and had nothing to do with other people. Even knowing the problems it would cause for her, she had loved knowing she was having his baby, when she"d been pregnant. She knew then that she would have a part of him with her forever, and probably the best part. She had been hoping she"d have a little boy, and she was going to teach him all about airplanes just like Joe. Kate was always terrified now of losing Joe to the war. And a baby would be a piece of him that would remain forever hers.
Joe could see, as he looked at her, that Kate was having tender thoughts about him, and he reached a hand across the table and took hers, and then lifted it to his lips and kissed it. "Don"t look so sad, Kate. I"ll be back. This story isn"t over. It never will be." He didn"t know how prophetic that would prove to be. But she felt exactly as he did.
"Just take care of yourself, Joe. That"s all that matters." It was up to the fates now. He was over there risking his life every day, and who survived and who didn"t was in G.o.d"s hands. In comparison to that, everything else seemed unimportant to them.
After breakfast, they dressed, and they almost didn"t leave the room on time. He was kissing and holding her, and they could hardly keep their hands off each other. But he had to drop her off at school and get to the airport on time. He couldn"t be late for his meeting in Washington, or worse, miss the plane. What had brought him back from England was serious business, and important to the outcome of the war in Europe. He loved Kate, but he had no choice but to keep it all in perspective. He had important things to do that didn"t include her.
As he drove her back to school, they were both quiet as Kate glanced at him. She wanted to remember what he looked like at this exact moment, to keep her warm in the days to come. She felt as though everything they were doing was in slow motion. And they reached the Radcliffe campus all too quickly. They got out of the car, and she stood looking up at him with tears in her eyes. She couldn"t bear seeing him leave again, but she knew she had to be brave about it. The night they had just spent together had been an unexpected gift.
"Stay safe," she whispered as he pulled her close to him. "Stay alive" was what she really wanted to say. "I love you, Joe." It was all she could say to him, as she felt a sob strangling in her throat. She didn"t want to make this any harder than it was for either of them.
"I love you too... and next time something important happens to you, I want you to tell me." There was always the chance that she could get pregnant again, even with birth control, it had happened to plenty of others. But he still appreciated the fact that she hadn"t wanted to burden him, and he loved her all the more for it. "Take good care of yourself. And say h.e.l.lo to your parents, if you tell them you saw me." But she didn"t plan to. She didn"t want them to suspect that she had gone to a hotel with him. She just prayed that no one had seen them entering or leaving the hotel.
They clung to each other for a long moment, praying that the G.o.ds would be good to them, and then she watched him drive away as tears streamed down her cheeks. It was a familiar scene these days, like so many others. There were wounded soldiers in every city and town, who had come home from the war injured and maimed. There were little flags in windows to honor loved ones who were fighting somewhere. There were soldiers and young girls saying tearful goodbyes to each other, and screams of joy when they returned. There were small children standing at the graves of their fathers. Kate and Joe were no different than the others, and luckier than some. It was a serious time for everyone, and a time of tragedy for far too many. All Kate knew for certain was that she was lucky to have Joe.
She stayed in her room for the rest of the day, and cut the rest of her cla.s.ses that afternoon. She didn"t go to dinner that night, in case he called her. And he did, at eight o"clock, after his meeting. He was just about to leave for the airport, but couldn"t tell her how his meeting had gone, what time his flight was leaving, or where he was flying to, it was all cla.s.sified information. She just wished him a safe trip back, and told him how much she loved him, and he did the same. And then she went back to her room, and lay on her bed, thinking about him. It was hard to believe they had known each other for nearly three years now, and so much had happened since they"d met in a ballroom in New York, in his borrowed tails and her evening gown. She had been seventeen then, and a child in so many ways. At twenty, she felt very much a woman. And better yet, she was his.
She went home to her parents that weekend, to study for exams, and get away from the girls in the house. She didn"t want to see anyone, she had been pensive and quiet since Joe left. Her mother noticed it as she sat silently all through dinner. She asked Kate if she was all right, and if she"d heard from Joe. Kate insisted she was fine, but neither of her parents believed her. She seemed to be getting older and more mature every day. College had seasoned her certainly, but her relationship with Joe had catapulted her into adulthood in an instant. And worrying about him constantly made her look and feel older still. Everyone was growing up overnight these days.
Her parents talked about it that night in their room, but they both agreed that Kate was far from unique in her worries about Joe. Most of the young girls and women in the country were worried about someone, brothers, boyfriends, husbands, fathers, friends. Almost every man they knew had gone to war.
"It"s a shame she didn"t fall in love with Andy," her mother said unhappily. "He"d be perfect for her, and he"s not even in the army." But maybe he was too obvious a choice for her, or possibly just too dull. For all his kindness and good breeding, Andy simply could not compare to Joe. Everything about Joe was dazzling and exciting. He was the personification of a hero in every way.
For the next four weeks, Kate kept busy at school. She did well at her exams, despite the fact that she was distracted. She got letters from Joe regularly, and she was both relieved and disappointed to discover three weeks after he left that she wasn"t pregnant. She knew it was better that way. Along with the agony of worrying about him, she didn"t need the problems that would have created for her.