Chapter 32 - A male cat-like boy
End of Volume 1. Check the announcement if you still haven"t. See you in couple of weeks.
Ichijou Jun —— I, was in love with that male cat-like boy.
Today as well, with a sulky face, and now that I"m recalling, sulky to the point it looked tormented, he was kind to me. Today as well, with an embarra.s.sed face, he was laughed at by me.
Also, today, he was looking into my eyes for such a long time. I love you…
Perhaps, this was my first love.
I thought I was in love several times, but that was a mistake.
Cause, this feeling as if my heart will melt from heat and disappear, I have it for the first time in my life… My head is about to go weird.
– Bye-bye…
Tiny words of farewell, escaped my mouth.
Yet, he has already walked to the distance, where he couldn"t hear it.
On the dark evening road, his now rounded back was rapidly turning small —
Oh my gosh, what to do…
I love you, today, I couldn"t say it again. Every day, I make a resolution of "Today, I"ll say it for sure", but… when will I be able to say it?
I won"t be able to meet him all the way to Monday… My chest is in pain, it"s so lonely…
While he turned my way with his head only, embarra.s.sed, Jun waved his hand.
Telling from the distance "Don"t worry, we"ll meet right away". Everything that he wanted to say, I felt like I understood it all.
My feelings reached him once again. His feelings reached me too.
No way… Like this, I feel like crying from being too happy. We seriously understand each other too much…
Love is about to overflow…
But, G.o.d, isn"t there a bit too much red string used on the two of us? It"s taking previous lives on board and coiling round and round too much. Please remember being economical a bit when using that string.
However, if it is really so, please, G.o.d… convey it this time, my feeling. Three words of "I love you". If it reaches him, I don"t even need to fall in love second time…
Immediately, with his face looking sn.o.bbish, Jun started walking once again.
Fool… Nothing has reached at all at the crucial moment. Insensitive guy.
But, if you don"t confess soon, some other girl will steal him, you know? I feel uneasy just from thinking so, yet even so, I couldn"t say it with my mouth.
Well then, how about I run to that straight-laced bookworm boy right now, cling to him… and force my first kiss onto him?
… No no! He"ll hate me for sure, are you stupid!
Seriously, what"s happening… to me? Although in the beginning I was making fool of him jokingly calling him virgin, it"s so painful…
Dragging heavy, painful feelings together with me and returning to the house, I sprawled on the room"s bed as it was.
Pressing my face against the pillow and imagining that this was the chest of the person I love the most in the world, I tightly hugged that warmth.
I casually played with my own hair.
Even though I tend to my hair every day without fail and take pride in it, right now I have no confidence at all. I wanted him to gently stroke it. I wanted him to say, how my hair is beautiful. So pretty, I wanted him to whisper this into my ear.
Until now, I thought I"m the most pretty in the cla.s.s. I thought that I"m the most pretty even in the whole grade and with a gap.
And yet, only he… only he, doesn"t make a fuss of it at all. Annoying.
—— Is a girl like me not his type?
—— Is he kind to me just because he is kind to everyone, is that just it?
—— Perhaps, he even dislikes me a little?
Haa… This, isn"t it me who is the virgin.
I"m too worried. Even though we flirted so much today.
But still, when I think that maybe Jun will reject me… No, you have to stop, Karen. I"m about to die just from thinking about it.
No no, I have to smile even if I have to force myself…!
Didn"t I see his face when I"m feeling downhearted many times?
At times like that, he always had a sad face.
And then, as if a bit shy, maybe out of simple concern, but… he treated me kindly.
He was so lovely, I wanted to embrace him right there. I like you…
However, how can someone say something like "I like you" …?
No — why did those people say something like "I like you" …?
"Tachibana, I like you. I want you to go out with me."
I was honestly happy.
I don"t think there is a girl who can be not moved when she is told that she is liked. At that time, my chest felt itchy and for a whole day I thought only about that.
"Al-, alright…"
That happened exactly one year ago, the other party was a fresh, good-looking second-year senpai.
He was the ace of the tennis club, and as he was always admired by everyone,
"You"re well-matched, Tachibansan is pretty too"
… Turns out, I"m pretty…
Since long ago, everyone has said so no matter if it were boys or girls.
There probably wasn"t a single day I wasn"t told so. Thanks to that, I gained confidence and became cheerful. I also think that I have many friends because of that. Every day there are many people who gather in my surroundings.
"Well-matched, well-matched! Truly, a pair of a handsome man and a beautiful woman."
Hmm, so pretty girls go out with attractive boys, huh…
In that case, are we a good couple after all…?
Somehow, I was happy feeling for everyone"s approval. It was like, I"m going out with that senpai.
Yet…
"It"s okay, it"s just a kiss. Haven"t we been dating for a month already?"
"St-… Please, stop……!"
That look, it was a glare and it was dark.
One look and I noticed that that was a wrong person. After that, I haven"t spoken to him even once. It"s not that started hating him, but I thought that if I haven"t immediately run away, I would have lost something important.
Still, how exactly should I come to like someone…?
"I was always interested in you"
"It was a love at first glance"
"Tachibansan, please go out with me"
Attractive or not, it didn"t matter, everyone was the same.
I like you, I like you, hearing that too many times, I couldn"t understand what does it mean to like someone anymore.
Let alone kiss, just from them trying to join hands… what I truly thought about that person, I couldn"t understand at all. Finally, I couldn"t even understand if it was alright to be glad when called pretty.
I, am I only pretty…?
Are you really looking at me…?
In the end, there wasn"t anyone who lasted even a month.
And then, at some point I started rejecting all the confessions.
This is not love… right?
Being praised too much, what everyone truly think of me, what I truly think of everyone… got mixed up just a little. Love just makes you tired. Making noise with friends is sufficient.
It was at that time the I met that boy.
In the beginning, that person had a desperate look. He was very fl.u.s.tered.
On the school route between station and school, he had a necktie of same school grade, but it was the first time I saw him.
"Hey, you… You"ll be enough…! Mobile phone, do you have it…?"
When I wondered what has happened, I saw that that person carried a limp cat in his arms. Blood was flowing from its arm. Was it ran over by a car?
I understood most of it at a glance, so I immediately held out my smartphone.
"Hey, be quick!"
"So-, sorry…!"
That person forcefully s.n.a.t.c.hed it.
He was obviously fl.u.s.tered, had a serious look and his breathing was heavy. And yet, his tone when he was speaking to the person on the line was calm and I thought, somehow, this person is amazing.
"Please… Hang on, just a bit more…"
And then… he had clear eyes.
At that time, I only thought how he was a normally good person and gave an adult feel.
Something started to change after that.
I ended up in the same cla.s.s with that boy, Ichijou Jun.
I thought about talking with him. I wanted to ask some things about the previous matter.
But he — was always alone.
By himself, he was always studying. I asked about and apparently, he was famous as bookworm among our grade, but I didn"t know. Anyway, I remember how it was hard to starting a conversation with him.
Actually, n.o.body talked with him. n.o.body was even interested in him.
Despite that, I was the only one who was excessively interested in him… Why, I wonder?
I thought, why is he alone if he is a normally good person?
Always with a serious look, seemingly diligent and with tensed shoulders… I couldn"t take my eyes off that appearance.
That person, what kind of voice did he have? What does he talk about? His hobbies?
And I was just having troubles with studying… Well, isn"t it alright to ask him for help?
And that"s how, library illuminated by the evening sun… came to be.
When I first talked to him, with a very troubled look,
"Wh-, what…?"
While having a displeased look, he still kindly, earnestly taught me… Seeing such a boy, my heart started feeling ticklish.
His face crooked as if bothered, when I teased him, yet he never got angry. And when he looked tired, I started wanting to look after him… As much as he let be healed, I wanted to heal.
It became a habit, and we started naturally meeting every day.
"Hi-hi-hi… Virgin, teach me agaain♪"
"Shut up, b.i.t.c.h. Today, let"s finish it quickly, OK?"
"Yay!"
It was not like that in the beginning and now I don"t remember when it became so.
When we are alone in the library together with him, my feelings overflow.
My troubles, all of them just get blown off.
Memories that I can grin to when I get home, I"ve made lots of them.
Just remembering Jun"s embarra.s.sed face, my heart throbs.
Shy, caring and earnest boy.
He is distrustful, but dere dere when gotten used to a person, a male cat-like boy.
Most likely… this is genuine love.
I felt like puffing up with pride.
That the person I fell in love with, that he, is such a person. There are more good-looking people, probably, there are people more smart and people just as kind as him.
Still, this person… I cannot say it well, but everything was special about him.
He doesn"t hate me for being too spoiled… right?
Just a little… persistent?
My worries don"t stop even now.
Yet if I can meet him on Monday, my feelings will surely become calm again. I think I won"t be able to stop grinning. I want to get along, a lot more…
When I"m by his side, I understand that this is the place where I should be.
… I"m in love. I want to date. I want to… marry him.
I"m really glad that I gave up on the kiss that time. Because it is with a pure heart and body, you b.u.mp into the person you truly love.
, also! I want him to call me pretty!
Confession, kiss… Even if I"m not to Jun"s liking, I will absolutely make him fall in love with me.
Seriously… I won"t lose.
Recovering my spirit, I sat at the desk.
Hence, first thing necessary to do is winning that bet on tests.
And if I win… Something that makes you feel fun just thinking about it, I was secretly thinking of it.