Having with one dash of the pen scribbled her three lines, she slipped the letter into her pocket. That was done, and it had to be done; it ought to have been done before. How simple it was when one contemplated it as actually done! Aminta made the motion of a hand along the paper, just a flourish. Soon after, her head dropped back on the chair, and her eyes shut, she took in breath through parted lips. The brief lines of writing had cut away a lump of her vitality.
CHAPTER XI. THE SECRETARY TAKEN AS AN ANTIDOTE
Dusty wayfarers along a white high-road who know of a bubbling little spring across a stile, on the woodland borders of deep gra.s.s, are hailed to sit aside it awhile: and Aminta"s feverishness was cooled by now and then a quiet conversation with the secretary ambitious to become a school-master. Lady Charlotte liked him, so did her lord; Mrs. Lawrence had chatted with him freshly, as it was refreshing to recollect; n.o.body thought him a stunted growth.
In Aminta"s realized recollections, amid the existing troubles of her mind, the charge against him grew paler, and she could no longer quite think that the young hero transformed into a Mr. Cuper had deceived her, though he had done it--much as if she had a.s.sisted at the planting and watched aforetime the promise of a n.o.ble tree, to find it, after an interval of years, pollarded--a short trunk shooting out a shock of small, slim, stiff branches; dwarfed and disgraced; serviceable perhaps; not ludicrous or ugly, certainly, taking it for a pollard. And he was a cool well-spring to talk with. He, supposed once to be a pa.s.sionate nature, scorned pa.s.sion as a madness; he smiled in his merciful executioner"s way at the high society, of which her aim was to pa.s.s for one among the b.u.t.terflies or dragonflies; he had lost his patriotism; he labelled our English cla.s.ses the skimmers, the gorgers, the grubbers, and stigmatized them with a friendly air; and uttered words of tolerance only for farmers and surgeons and schoolmasters. But that was quite incidental in the humorous run of his talk, diverting to hear while it lasted. He had, of course, a right to his ideas.
No longer concerned in contesting them, she drank at the water of this plain earth-well, and hoped she preferred it to fiery draughts, though it was flattish, or, say, flavourless. In the other there was excess of flavour--or, no, spice it had to be called. The young schoolmaster"s world seemed a sunless place, the world of traders bargaining for gain, without a glimmer of the rich generosity to venture life, give it, dare all for native land--or for the one beloved. Love pressed its claim on heroical generosity, and instantly it suffused her, as an earth under flush of sky. The one beloved! She had not known love; she was in her five-and-twentieth year, and love was not only unknown to her, it was shut away from her by the lock of a key that opened on no estimable worldly advantage in exchange, but opened on a dreary, clouded round, such as she had used to fancy it must be to the beautiful creamy circus-horse of the tossing mane and flowing tail and superb step. She was admired; she was just as much doomed to a round of paces, denied the glorious fling afield, her nature"s food. Hitherto she would have been shamefaced as a boy in forming the word "love": now, believing it denied to her for good and all--for ever and ever--her bosom held and uttered the word. She saw the word, the nothing but the word that it was, and she envisaged it, for the purpose of saying adieu to it--good-bye even to the poor empty word.
This condition was attributable to a gentleman"s wild rageing with the word, into which he had not infused the mystic spirit. He poured hot wine and spiced. If not the spirit of love, it was really the pa.s.sion of the man. Her tremors now and again in the reading of his later letters humiliated her, in the knowledge that they came of no response to him, but from the temporary base acquiescence; which is, with women, a terrible perception of the gulf of their unsatisfied nature.
The secretary, cheerful at his work, was found for just the opening of a door. Sometimes she hesitated--to disturb him, she said to herself,--and went up-stairs or out visiting. He protested that he could work on and talk too. She was able to amuse her lord with some of his ideas. He had a stock of them, all his own.
Ideas, new-born and naked original ideas, are acceptable at no time to the humanity they visit to help uplift, it from the state of beast. In the England of that, period original or unknown ideas were a smoking brimstone to the nose, dread Arabian afrites, invisible in the air, jumping out of vases, armed for the slaughter of the venerable and the cherished, the ivy-clad and celestially haloed. They carried the dishevelled Maenad"s torch. A step with them, and we were on the Phlegethon waters of the French Revolution. For a publication of simple ideas men were seized, tried at law, mulcted, imprisoned, and not pardoned after the term of punishment; their names were branded: the horned elect b.u.t.ted at them; he who alluded to them offered them up, wittingly or not, to be d.a.m.ned in the nose of the public for an execrable brimstone stench.
Lord Ormont broke through his shouts or grunts at Aminta"s report of the secretary"s ideas on various topics, particularly the proposal that the lords of the land should head the land in a revolutionary effort to make law of his crazy, top-heavy notions, with a self-satisfied e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n: "He has not favoured me with any of these puffb.a.l.l.s of his."
The deduction was, that the author sagaciously considered them adapted for the ear of a woman; they were womanish--i.e. flighty, gossamer. To the host of males, all ideas are female until they are made facts.
This idea, proposing it to our aristocracy to take up his other ideas, or reject them on pain of the forfeiture of their caste and headship with the generations to follow, and a total displacing of them in history by certain notorious, frowzy, scrubby pamphleteers and publishers, Lord Ormont thought amazingly comical. English n.o.bles heading the weavers, cobblers, and barbers of England! He laughed, but he said, "Charlotte would listen to that."
The dread, high-sitting Lady Charlotte was, in his lofty thinking, a woman, and would therefore listen to nonsense, if it happened to strike a particular set of bells hanging in her cranium. She patronized blasphemous and traitorous law-breakers, just to keep up the pluck of the people, not with a notion of maintaining our English aristocracy eminent in history.
Lady Charlotte, however, would be the foremost to swoop down on the secretary"s ideas about the education of women.
On that subject, Aminta said she did not know what to think.
Now, if a man states the matter he thinks, and a woman does but listen, whether inclining to agree or not, a perceptible stamp is left on soft wax. Lord Ormont told her so, with cavalier kindness.
She confessed "she did not know what to think," when the secretary proposed the education and collocation of boys and girls in one group, never separated, declaring it the only way for them to learn to know and to respect one another. They were to learn together, play together, have matches together, as a scheme for stopping the mischief between them.
"But, my dear girl, don"t you see, the devilry was intended by Nature.
Life would be the coldest of dishes without it." And as for mixing the breeched and petticoated in those young days--"I can"t enter into it,"
my lord considerately said. "All I can tell you is, I know boys."
Aminta persisted in looking thoughtful. "Things are bad, as they are now," she said.
"Always were--always will be. They were intended to be, if we are to call them bad. Botched mendings will only make them worse."
"Which side suffers?"
"Both; and both like it. One side must be beaten at any game. It"s off and on, pretty equal--except in the sets where one side wears thick boots. Is this fellow for starting a mixed s.e.xes school? Funny mothers!"
"I suppose--" Aminta said, and checked the supposition. "The mothers would not leave their girls unless they were confident...?"
"There"s to be a female head of the female department? He reckons on finding a woman as big a fool as himself? A fair bit of reckoning enough. He"s clever at the pen. He doesn"t bother me with his ideas; now and then I "ve caught a sound of his bee buzzing."
The secretary was left undisturbed at his labours for several days.
He would have been gladdened by a brighter look of her eyes at her next coming. They were introspective and beamless. She had an odd leaning to the talk upon Cuper"s boys. He was puzzled by what he might have cla.s.sed, in any other woman, as a want of delicacy, when she recurred to incidents which were red patches of the school time, and had clearly lost their glow for her.
A letter once written by him, in his early days at Cuper"s, addressed to J. Masner, containing a provocation to fight with any weapons, and signed, "Your Antagonist," had been read out to the whole school, under strong denunciation of the immorality, the unchristian-like conduct of the writer, by Mr. Cuper; creating a sensation that had travelled to Miss Vincent"s establishment, where some of the naughtiest of the girls had taken part with the audacious challenger, dreadful though the contemplation of a possible duel so close to them was. And then the girls heard that the anonymous "Your Antagonist," on being cited to proclaim himself in public a.s.sembly of school-mates and masters, had jumped on his legs and into the name of--one who was previously thought by Miss Vincent"s good girls incapable of the "appalling wickedness,"
as Mr. Cuper called it, of signing "Your Antagonist" to a Christian school-fellow, having the design to provoke a breach of the law of the land and shed Christian blood. Mr. Cuper delivered an impressive sermon from his desk to the standing up boarders and day-scholars alike, vilifying the infidel Greek word "antagonist."
"Do you remember the offender"s name?" the Countess of Ormont said; and Weyburn said--
"Oh yes, I "ve not forgotten the incident."
Her eyes, wherein the dead time hung just above the underlids, lingered, as with the wish for him to name the name.
She said: "I am curious to hear how you would treat a case of that sort.
Would you preach to the boys?
"Ten words at most. The right a.s.sumption is that both fellows were to blame. I fancy the proper way would be to appeal to the naughty girls for their opinion as to how the dispute should be decided."
"You impose too much on them. And you are not speaking seriously."
"Pardon me, I am. I should throw myself into the mind of a naughty girl--supposing none of these at hand--and I should let it be known that my eyes were shut to proceedings, always provided the weapons were not such as would cause a shock of alarm in female bosoms."
"You would at your school allow it to be fought out?"
"Judging by the characters of the boys. If they had heads to understand, I would try them at their heads. Otherwise they are the better, they come round quicker to good blood, at their age--I speak of English boys--for a little hostile exercise of their fists. Well, for one thing, it teaches them the value of sparring."
"I must imagine I am not one of the naughty sisterhood,--for I cannot think I should ever give consent to fighting of any description, unless for the very best of reasons," said the countess.
His eyes were at the trick of the quarter-minute"s poising. Her lids fluttered. "Oh, I don"t mean to say I was one of the good," she added.
At the same time her enlivened memory made her conscious of a warning, that she might, as any woman might, so talk on of past days as to take, rather more than was required of the antidote she had come for.
The antidote was excellent; cooling, fortifying; "quite a chalybeate,"
her aunt would say, and she was thankful. Her heart rose on a quiet wave of the thanks, and pitched down to a depth of uncounted fathoms. Aminta was unable to tell herself why.
Mrs. Lawrence Finchley had been announced. On her way to the drawing room Aminta"s brain fell upon a series of dots, that wound along a track to the point where she accused herself of a repented coquettry--cause of the burning letters she was doomed to receive and could not stop without rousing her lion. She dotted backwards; there was no sign that she had been guilty of any weakness other than the almost--at least, in design--innocent first move, which had failed to touch Lord Ormont in the smallest degree. Never failure more absolute!
She was about to inquire of her bosom"s oracle whether she greatly cared now. For an answer, her brain went dotting along from Mr. Cuper"s school, and a boy named Abner there, and a boy named Matey Weyburn, who protected the little Jew-boy, up to Mr. Abner in London, who recommended him in due season to various acquaintances; among them to Lady Charlotte Eglett. Hence the introduction to Lord Ormont. How little extraordinary circ.u.mstances are, if only we trace them to the source!
But if only it had appeared marvellous, the throbbing woman might have seized on it, as a thing fateful, an intervention distinctly designed to waken the best in her, which was, after all, the strongest. Yea, she could hope and pray and believe it was the strongest.
She was listening to Isabella Lawrence Finchley, wishing she might have followed to some end the above line of her meditations.
Mrs. Lawrence was changed, much warmer, pressing to be more than merely friendly. Aminta twice gave her cheek for kisses. The secretary had spoken of Mrs. Lawrence as having the look of a handsome boy; and Aminta"s view of her now underwent a change likewise. Compunction, together with a sisterly taste for the boyish fair one flying her sail independently, and gallantly braving the winds, induced her to kiss in return.
"You do like me a morsel?" said Mrs. Lawrence. "I fell in love with you the last time I was here. I came to see Mr. Secretary--it"s avowed; and I have been thinking of you ever since, of no one else. Oh yes, for a man; but you caught me. I"ve been hearing of him from Captain May. They fence at those rooms. And it "s funny, Mr. Morsfield practises there, you know; and there was a time when the lovely innocent Amy, Queen of Blondes, held the seat of the Queen of Brunes. Ah, my dear, the infidelity of men doesn"t count. They are affected by the changeing moons. As long as the captain is civil to him, we may be sure beautiful Amy has not complained. Her husband is the pistol she carries in her pocket, and she has fired him twice, with effect. Through love of you I have learnt the different opinion the world of the good has of her and of me; I thought we ran under a common brand. There are gradations. I went to throw myself at the feet of my great-aunt; good old great-aunt Lady de Culme, who is a power in the land. I let her suppose I came for myself, and she reproached me with Lord Adder. I confessed to him and ten others. She is a dear, she"s ticklish, and at eighty-four she laughed! She looked into my eyes and saw a field with never a man in it--just the shadow of a man. She admitted the ten cancelled the one, and exactly named to me, by comparison with the erring Amy, the sinner I am and must be, if I "m to live. So, dear, the end of it is," and Mrs.
Lawrence put her fingers to a silken amber bow at Aminta"s throat, and squared it and flattened it with dainty precision, speaking on under dropped eyelids, intent upon her work, "Lady de Culme will be happy to welcome you whenever it shall suit the Countess of Ormont to accompany her disreputable friend. But what can I do, dear?" She raised her lids and looked beseechingly. "I was born with this taste for the ways and games and style of men. I hope I don"t get on badly with women; but if I "m not allowed to indulge my natural taste, I kick the stable-boards and bite the manger."
Aminta threw her arms round her, and they laughed their mutual peal.