The blow would have caved in the head of any man, but the sannyasi did noteven flinch. Yago howled in pain and clutched the offending hand. Rishi"s eyes grewwide and round, and he rushed from the room making occult signs and jabbering in Maran.
Atreus scowled at his friend. "Yago!" he shouted. "what are you doing?""Me?" the ogre boomed. The way you screamed, I thought he was tearing yourguts out."The Sannyasi turned to Yago. "Do not be angry with your son," he said. "He was in terrible pain."
Yago looked horrified. "Son?"
The Sannyasi motioned at Atreus and said, *Your son Atreus. He will recoversoon." Oblivious to the insult he had just inflicted on the ogre, the Sannyasiturned to Seema. "Now you see what comes with strangers. You have brought violence and anger into our midst"
"It"s not Seema"s fault," Atreus said, propping himself up "She was only trying to save*" "Of course," interrupted the Sannyasi, "but it is not permitted to bring strangers intoLangdarma."
Atreus"s jaw fell, and he wondered if he remained in the grip of his fever delirium.Certainly, the Sannyasi looked more like a hallucination than a real being, andrefused to believe that Seema had lied to him about Langdarma being a myth.
After a moment, Seema said in a quiet voice. I had no choice but to bring them.They were in terrible danger, and to leave them behind would have been murder."
The Sannyasi considered this, then reluctantly nodded "If that is true, lettingthem die would have been a terrible stain on your soul, but you are still to blame."His white wings began to flutter ever so slightly. He gestured at Atreus and Yagoand said, "This is what comes of visiting the outside world. You cannot escape itstaint"
Seema lifted her chin. "Would my soul have been any less tainted had 1 not tried to save Jalil?" she asked. The Sannyasi"s milky face grew sad. "Even here," he replied, "death is the inevitable consequence of life.""Jalil was a child!" Seema protested, shaking her head. "His time should not havecome for many years."
"And you know this how?"
"By the pain in my heart"
"Ahh... then your heart has misled you." The Sannyasi"s pure voice grew sterner ashe continued, "It is not for you to say who will live any more than it is for you to say who will die. You left the valley to find a cure, and Jalil died anyway. The wisdom of ahealer lies in knowing what can be changed and what cannot. To claim more is tousurp the powers of the Serene Ones."
Seema"s expression grew apprehensive. "That was not my intention," she said.
"But that was the result," the Sannyasi said, then took Seema"s shoulders and pulled her close, folding her inside his wings. "Seema Indrani, your vanity has cast ashadow on your soul and brought anger and violence into Langdarma. Your magichas become a burden you can no longer bear. I free you of it"
When the Sannyasi opened his wings, Seema looked weary and dejected.
Without raising her gaze, she nodded and stepped back.
"As you will have it, Sannyasi," she said.
"No!" Atreus exclaimed, sitting up and facing the Sannyasi. "She did nothing wrong.
You can"t punish Seema for saving us."
The Sannyasi gently pushed Atreus back down and said, "I am not punishing her.Until Seema lifts the shadow on her soul, her magic is only a trap. It will poison her thoughts with vanity and folly, and she will bring more wickedness down on usall." The Sannyasi turned to Seema will watch over Atreus and his companions duringtheir stay in Langdarma. If they do no harm and come to none themselves, yourmagic will return." Seema bowed her head. *Your wisdom shines like the sky, Sannyasi."The Sannyasi smiled benignly, turned to Atreus, and said, *You and your friends mayrest in Langdarma until you are well enough to travel. I ask only that you observe ourcustoms, and that you speak no angry words inside Langdarma."
Atreus nodded.
The Sannyasi folded his wings tightly behind his shoulders. This will be difficult foryou, but I know you will try." His silver eyes softened. He leaned down to touch Atreus"sshoulders and continued, "And I am sorry for the grief you will feel after you leave."
"What grief?" Yago demanded from the corner.
"You will be tormented by the memory of paradise," the Sannyasi answered, continuing to look at Atreus. "There is nothing I can do to ease this burden."
"I wouldn"t want you to," said Atreus. "Better to have the memory than nothing at all."
"You will come to think differently." The Sannyasi shook his head sadly, then laid hismilky palm over Atreus"s eyes. Now sleep. You must rest if you are to heal."
Atreus could not have disobeyed if he wanted to. Even before the sentence was finished, the Sannyasi"s dulcet voice had lulled him into a dreamless trance. Atreus"s eyelids fell, his breathing slowed, and he sank into a deep, vitalizing slumber.
Atreus pa.s.sed the next three days on that same sleeping pallet, staring up at theplank ceiling or gazing out through the window at an unchanging panorama oflooming cliffs and forested hills. Every morning he was awakened by the sound of groaning yaks and clanging bells as the herdersdrove their beasts out to pasture, and every evening he was lulled to sleep by laughingvoices as they returned. During the day, he occasionally heard someone talking out inthe street, though his window faced the wrong way for him to see who they were.Seema came five times a day to feed him and change his bandages. Though she often lingered longer than necessary, Atreus found it difficult to make conversation,feeling at once guilty about her sacrifices on his behalf and angry with her fordeceiving him about Langdarma"s existence.
At Atreus"s insistence, Yago and Rishi spent most of their time touring the wonders of the valley, returning each evening so weary they barely had the energy todescribe their adventures. The explorations seemed to take a heavy toll on Yagoespecially, as Langdarma"s customary fare of grains, legumes, and yak cheese werepoor subst.i.tutes for charred meat and sour mead. Although the ogre could easily havesupplemented his diet with a few rabbits or deer, he observed his promise to the Sannyasi and refrained from hunting anything more lively than blackberries. Rishi alsoseemed to honor the hospitality of their hosts, if only because the people of Langdarma lived very simply and had nothing to steal.
On the fourth day, Atreus was strong enough to move out onto a small woodenbalcony overlooking the tiny hamlet where Seema made her home. From his chair, he could look out across the stone huts down to the meadows where the villagers grazed their yaks and the terraced slopes where they grew their peas and beans. Asmall gully curled around below the terraces, marking the boundary between thevillage lands and the forested slope that led down to the stone-walled fields in thebasin"s fertile bottomland. Late in the afternoon, Atreus was staring out across the fields, trying to imagine where he might find the Fountain of Infinite Grace, when Seema came out and satbeside him. She was carrying no food or bandages, and her manner was unusuallyreserved. For a long time she simply sat there and followed his gaze across thevalley until he grew -nervous and began to imagine she had somehow sensed what he was searching for.
When she finally spoke, it was without looking at him.
*Truly it is a miracle how just sitting and gazing out at Langdarma can heal one"s soul. I was hoping it might also heal what has come between us." The comment itself did not surprise Atreus nearly so much as his reaction to it. He suddenly felt bitter and resentful, and he heard himself say, "That is a strange thinghear from someone who tried to convince me Langdarma does not exist"
Seema recoiled from the acid in his voice, and said, "Did you not promise the Sannyasi you would speak no angry words here?"Atreus felt another rush of anger well up inside him but managed to bite his tongueand say nothing until it pa.s.sed. "I"m sorry," he said finally, "that"s true, but you did tell me that Langdarma was only a myth."
Seema"s golden cheeks darkened to a tarnished bronze.
"Yes, I lied to you. I had hoped by now you would understand why."
"I understand." Despite his promise to the Sannyasi, Atreus could not keep the bitterness out of his voice. He touched a finger to his hideous cheek and said, "Ihave understood my whole life. My mistake was in thinking you were different thanpeople elsewhere."
Seema looked at her hands. "I do not know how people are elsewhere," she said,"but I did not lie to you because of how you look." * Don"t insult me," Atreus told her, then waved his hand at the lush forest below. "Everything is beautiful in Langdarma, and I am ugly. I know why you didn"t want mehere."
Now Seema"s voice took on an angry edge. "That is not so. You saw the Sannyasi"s anger for yourself."Atreus shrugged and said, "What"s the difference? Whether you found me toougly or simply knew the Sannyasi would, the result was the same.""You are not ugly. It is only that you do not belong here. The Sannyasi"s concern is for your welfare and Langdarma"s."Atreus rolled his eyes and looked toward a swarm of scarlet b.u.t.terflies dancing among the white blossoms of a plum tree.Seema stood and came to his chair. "If you were ugly," she asked, "would I do this?"
Taking Atreus"s cheeks in her hands, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his,and this time she was not trying to breathe for him. There was nothing friendly or modest in the kiss. Her mouth was warm and liquid and charged with ardor, andAtreus began to feel stirrings he had only dreamed of. His hands rose of theirown accord and grasped her shoulders, drawing her down onto his lap. She did notresist. He pulled her close, mashing her body close to his, feeling her wonderful softness against his lumpy brawn, so lost in pa.s.sion that when he heard a suddenpeculiar hissing sound, he did not even recognize it as his own voice. Seema cried out and jumped out of the chair.
"Your burns!" she cried, staring down at his bandaged thighs.
Atreus blushed, realizing there was more to notice in his lap than burns. Seemapaid no attention to his embarra.s.sment. She pulled the bandages back, then wincedat his torn and oozing scabs.
"We should continue this later," she said, kissing Atreus on the cheek. "The Sannyasi would be most displeased if I interfered with your recovery.""You won"t," Atreus said. His sour mood of a few minutes earlier had vanished, vanquished by the giddy astonishment Seema"s kiss had stirred within his breast. "And even if you do, I don"t particularly care what the Sannyasi thinks."
Seema"s jaw started to drop in shock, then she smiled. "I do." She wagged a finger at Atreus and drew her chair closer, adding, "There will be plenty of time later forDevotions."
"Devotions?"
Now it was Seema who blushed. "You know...."
But Atreus did not know, having learned as a young man that any sort of amorousadvance would send a woman scurrying for the safety of her father"s counting room.
Seema took his hand, drawing Atreus"s thoughts back to the balcony. "Perhaps it isbetter to wait anyway. It seems a lifetime since Tarch pulled you onto the slave barge,but it has been less than a ten-day. In truth, I hardly know you."
"What do you want to know?"
Seema thought for a moment, then said, "Why you are so angry with yourself."
"Angry? I don"t believe I am."
Seema nodded and said, "You are. I see it in this "ugliness" you talk about. Whywould you call yourself such names if you were not angry with yourself?"Atreus scowled. "Perhaps because that is what I learned from others." "Ah... so you are angry because you do not look the way they think you should, and so you cross the world, hoping that this penance will put you at peace with yourself.""Not exactly," Atreus said, unsure as to whether or not she was mocking him. "Icame to find Langdarma."
"Because someone told you it would make you handsome." Seema smiled, faced him, and tapped his chest. "And it will, if you let it.""I know, I know . . . beauty comes from within," Atreus said. "But to tell you the truth,I"m hoping for something more external."
He gazed directly into Seema"s brown eyes, quietly praying that she would saysomething about the Fountain of Infinite Grace. Instead, she only touched her fingers to his cheek.
"I am afraid you will have to look inside first. Until you change the way you look atyourself, nothing in Langdarma will change how others see you."
"Really?" Atreus started to ask her about the Fountain, then recalled how she had deceived him about Langdarma"s existence and felt his eyes grow hard. Notwanting her to see that he knew she was lying, he withdrew his hand from hers andlooked away. "Then I have just crossed half the world for nothing."
"No, not for nothing," said Seema. "Inside every ugliness lies a greater beauty.Before you leave, I will make you understand this. I promise."
Not trusting himself to make a civil answer, Atreus merely grunted.
"Perhaps I should prepare you something to eat," Seema said, standing. "Your hunger is making you cross."As she turned to go, the door downstairs banged open. "Atreus!" Yago"s deep voice reverberated up through the house."Out here," Atreus called, his heart jumping at the ogre"s excitement "On the balcony... with Seema."He emphasized these last two words as a warning. The last thing he wanted wasfor Yago to burst through the door and blurt out that they had finally found the Fountain of Infinite Grace. If Seema was not willing to tell him about it, he suspectedthe Sannyasi would take a dim view of them knowing its location. Yago came pounding up the stairs so hard that he shook the entire hut, stompingacross Atreus"s room toward the balcony. Seema met him at the door, her eyeswide with alarm, her hand raised to stop him.
"Stay inside," she warned, "or you will tear my poor balcony off my house."Yago dropped to his hands and knees, then thrust his head and shoulders out through the door.Before the ogre could speak, Atreus said, "Yago, calm down. I"m sure your news can wait until you gather your thoughts.""A moment, yes, but perhaps not longer," panted Rishi. The Mar squeezed past the ogre. "We have just come from Phari, where there is most disturbing news."
"Phari?" Atreus asked.
"A hamlet on the other side of the basin," explained Seema. "What is wrong inPhari?"
"Tarch!" boomed Yago.
Seema"s face paled to sickly yellow. "That is not possible!" she said. "He could not follow us through the Pa.s.sing.""He did," insisted Yago. "A man"s daughter is missing."Seema frowned. "You saw Tarch take her?" she asked. "No, thank the Forgotten Ones," answered Rishi. "She did not come home last night. They were searching for her when we arrived."
Seema took a moment to gather her wits, then asked, "What did you tell them?"
"Tell them?" echoed Rishi. That we had not seen the girl. Then we left. Theykept looking at Yago and his big teeth and saying absurd things about the yeti, and Icould see at once there was no use trying to reason with them."
"You said nothing about Tarch?" Seema asked.
Yago shook his head. They were edgy enough without us starting rumors about scaly devils," he explained.Seema closed her eyes in relief. "You were right to hold your tongues," she said. "I amsure this has nothing to do with Tarch."
"How?" Atreus asked, perched on the edge of his chair. "How do you know that?"Seema said, "Even if he could have tracked us into the mountain*which he could not do*he does not know the Pa.s.sing magic. He would be trapped inside forever.""All the same, Tarch has a nasty way of surprising us," said Atreus. He stood, biting back a hiss of pain as his mending leg objected. "We"d better go have a look.""There is no need." Seema pushed Atreus into his chair and added, "Even if therewas, you are in no condition to go anywhere."
"But Tarch*" "Could not have followed us," Seema insisted. There was just enough doubt in hervoice to make Atreus wonder whom she was trying to convince. "Even in Langdarma,we have the normal sorts of tragedy. Children drown or hit their heads or get lost just likeanyplace else, and you will only add to the family"s anguish with senseless talk of devils."
Chapter 14.
Atreus sat alone at the rough-hewn table, sipping b.u.t.tered tea from a woodenmug while Seema cleaned the iron breakfast pot He would have helped, but hercooking area was more an apothecary than a kitchen, and no one was permitted to invade that spicy-smelling realm of earthenware jars and stoppered vials. Yago andRishi were clumping around upstairs, gathering bedrolls and extra cloaks inpreparation for an overnight foray. Having found no sign of the Fountain of Infinite Gracein the basin, Atreus had prevailed upon them to begin exploring the main valley.
"There is no need to be envious," said Seema. "We will be joining your friends soon. Your leg is growing stronger every day."
Atreus nodded slowly. "That"s just what I was thinking," he said, "and soon after that I"ll be well enough to leave."
"Perhaps not so soon. The Sannyasi will not ask you to go until you are strongenough to cross the High Yehimals without help, and by then the weather maywell have turned." Seema feigned a look of pity and added, "I am sorry to tell youthis, but it is possible you will still be here next spring."
"I can think of worse fates," Atreus said, half grinning. This place has a way of growing on you."
Seema pouted and asked, "And what of the company?"
"I liked the company from the start. The company is what I"ll miss most when I go." Atreus paused, then asked, "I will have to go, won"t I?""I am afraid Yago has nothing to worry about," Seema said, referring to the ogre"sobvious eagerness to be on his way home. Any place that frowned on head-bashing and banned hunting was hardly a Shield-breaker"s idea of paradise. "The Sannyasihas never allowed an outsider to remain in Langdarma. When it is safe for you toleave, he will insist that you do."
Atreus could only nod. Having fallen under the spell of what little of Langdarma he had seen, he would gladly have traded all his wealth back in Erlkazar for a simple stonehut on the Sisters" verdant slopes.
Seema"s brown eyes grew sad, and she began to coat her iron pot with flower oil.*Today, shall we walk down to the play yard and see the children again? I think theywould like that."
"So would I," he said. When Atreus had limped by the day before, several little girls had surprised him by bringing him a garland of wildflowers to help him heal. "Do youknow, that"s the first time a child ever ran toward me?"
Seema laughed. "Yes, I could see that. You were so surprised, I thought you would run."
"I would have, if my leg had been stronger."
Atreus smiled and took a drink from his wooden mug. The brew tasted more like asalty bouillon than tea. It was thick and greasy and probably the one thing he didnot really love about Langdarma.
From the street outside came the thump-thump of running feet. A dark streak racedpast the open window, and the door banged open. An adolescent boy rushed inside, panting for breath and filling the hut with the smell of sweat.
"There has been a rockslide!" He gulped down a breath, then continued, "My fatherneeds help."Seema grabbed a woolen satchel off the wall and began to stuff it with herbs andvials. "I will do what I can Timin, but you know the Sannyasi has taken away my*" "Oh no, not your help!" interrupted Timin. "k.u.mara is already there, but the rocksare very large and we need the orange man to move them."Seema let her satchel drop, her face falling as though she had been slapped. "Of course," she said.
Atreus limped to the stairs and hollered, "Yago!"
"Yeah?"
"Come quick!"
The ceiling shook as the ogre pounded across the floor above.
Seema handed Timin the last of Atreus"s b.u.t.tered tea. "Drink," she told him. "You will need strength for the run back. Where is your father trapped?"
"Beneath the Caves of Blue."
The youth began to gulp down the greasy tea.
"The Caves of Blue?" Seema frowned. "What was he doing there?"
Timin lowered the mug and pa.s.sed it back to Atreus. "Searching for my sister," he said. Atreus and Seema exchanged alarmed glances. Before they could ask any morequestions, Yago squeezed down the stairs, his orange fangs bared in alarm."What is it?"
"Come quickly!" Paying no attention to Yago"s expression, Timin grasped the ogreby the wrist and tugged him toward the door, saying, "You are needed."
Yago scowled and glanced toward Atreus.
Atreus nodded and said, "Do as he asks."