Hilde"s heart stilled. Her ears rang.She had known Lady Saskia nearly her entire life, and with all the times Hilde had hurt herself since she was a child, she"d spent more time in the Physician"s company than she had with her sister and brother combined.
All these years, Lady Saskia may have cheerfully treated Hilde like a royal pain-in-the-a.s.s who didn"t know how to take care of herself, but had Hilde actually been such a real bother that the Lady wanted her to be done with it and just die?
"The way you abuse your own body," the older woman continued, "I cannot fathom how you aren"t dead yet!" She pointed an emphatic finger at the pillow behind Hilde. "Rest your head, young Princess."
The said head of that "young Princess" spun for a vastly different reason this time, but she could do nothing except comply. The moment she lay back on the soft bed and the fluffy pillow, a huge sigh escaped from her lips.
Seemingly satisfied for the moment, Lady Saskia turned to the bedside table and cleaned her hands with soap and water.
"Nelke"s physician was threatening to re-apprentice himself," she chatted busily. "I told him no, no, he should wait for my go-ahead." So saying, she wiped her hands dry and proceeded to prod and poke Hilde, spending a good five minutes examining her skull and neck. "That"s…" the Lady began, leaning back in her stool. She looked confused once again. "You feel no sharp pain or tenderness?"
"Just dizziness that comes and goes, a persistent headache…" Hilde decided to jump right into her immediate concerns. "Lady Saskia, my body"s been so weak. Is this how it"s going to be from now on?"
"Would that be such a bad thing?" the Physician asked. Alarm flashed in Hilde"s eyes, and she seemed to have noted it, but she didn"t back away from her stance. "Your sixteenth birthday"s less than three months away, Princess. It"s best to prepare yourself for… all sorts of major changes – sooner rather than later."
Hilde"s expression hardened. Thinking she"d had enough of being jerked around and "talked down" to, she sat up. "How soon would I recover my strength in full, Lady? That"s all I want to know from you."
The older woman raised an eyebrow, but she maintained her smile and didn"t answer.
A silent battle of wills ensued. It was a battle that Hilde had absolutely no intention of backing away from, and in the end, Lady Saskia was the one who clicked her tongue.
"Yes, yes," she said. "You"ll recover. Give it at least another week. I"ll have you know though, you could still die before then."
"I-I could?" Hilde stammered. She didn"t even get the chance to savor her small victory. What was with this Lady"s preoccupation with her death?
The Physician shrugged. "It"s been known to happen to head blow patients. Even when they wake up and appear fine, sometime later, there"d been those who just…" she finished the thought by shrugging a second time, then she smiled brightly. "If the inside of your skull"s swelling fit to bursting, traveling was one of the worst things you could have done." While her listener"s eyes widened, the Lady"s expression morphed again. From looking cheerful, it took on a lethal air. "And for making the mistake of allowing you aboard a carriage, Nelke"s physician would hang."
Despite their viciousness, the words caused warmth to spread across Hilde"s chest.
"Even if it was under the Queen"s orders?" she couldn"t help ask.
The Lady laughed. "Which country do we live in, dear Princess? If your sister"s orders would have caused our queendom harm, it would have been that physician"s duty to disobey her." With a soft smile, she took both of Hilde"s calloused hands. "Make no mistake, Princess Hilde, losing you would be a great loss as well. More than you know."
"Lady…" said Hilde shakily. That was all she could manage.
"You don"t believe me?"
"No, I…"
"I don"t believe I am really who you think I am," she finished in her head.
Aloud, all she could end up saying was, "Thank you."
Having no idea of what was going on in the privacy of Hilde"s mind, Lady Saskia beamed then got to work, concocting one of her "tailored" medicines to suit her patient"s current needs. As the Physician pattered around at her worktable on the far side of room, Hilde felt a great and urgent need to be completely alone. She turned on her side, her back to Lady Saskia.
A lot had happened to her these last few hours. It was easy to forget that in reality, the new Hilde had only been around for about four days, and she"d not been fully conscious for most of that time.
On a certain level, she was simply a human being who was glad for the opportunity to keep on living, even in this screwed up manner of "a.s.suming" another ident.i.ty in a world that was both familiar and alien to her.
It was familiar not only because of the original Hilde"s memories she possessed but also because of the similarities it had with Yong Fan Shu"s world. Yet it was also alien exactly because she had access to her previous ident.i.ty"s memories.
How can she be expected to fully integrate into this new life when she was increasingly more tortured about whatever happened to the real Hilde? Now she"d just been told she could die – again – and this time, before she"d even started meeting the "Setting"s objective" in earnest.
COULD she die before she achieved what she must? If so, what would happen to her?
"Are you there, useless system?" she thought. "It"s me, No One." Without any expectations either way, Hilde let the seconds pa.s.s. When the moment stretched and no response came, she simply shrugged. "Maybe HE"s dead."
In truth, though, she knew: p.r.i.c.k"s silence was answer enough. It meant the excruciating uncertainty was simply something else she had to endure.
"Here you go, Princess," said Lady Saskia, coming up behind her. Hilde sat up again and accepted a silver goblet half-filled with a dark and slightly foul-smelling liquid. As far back as Hilde could remember, the Royal Physician"s medicines were all this way. She braced herself. "I had Nelke"s physician detail your symptoms, and I prepared the necessary ingredients before you arrived. I really might need to put him through re-training, though. Your symptoms are not half as bad as what his latest letter said."
"Ah…" Hilde bit her lips. "That wasn"t a mistake. I… I got better. On the road."
"Oh?" Lady Saskia replied, sounding intrigued. "Was your journey so – what"s the word? Stimulating? Rejuvenating?" She winked suggestively. "I understand, Princess. I"d "heal" right away too if I spent time in "his" company."
"Ugh," said Hilde, eloquently expressing her distaste. "Please stop."
"Tut-tut, what a harsh reaction, the Viscount would be heartbroken."
"The… Viscount?"
Lady Saskia smiled innocently. "Yes, of course. I was speaking of him – he seemed to like you very much. Were you perhaps thinking of someone else?"
Hilde"s cheeks paled. To avoid having to answer, she drank the Lady"s vile concoction to the dregs. "Ugh."
The Lady"s smile became a smirk. "That"s what I thought."
"About our original point," Hilde pushed on, refusing to be baited anymore. "I"m quite serious, Lady, I got better on the road. It must be due to the last medicine that Nelke"s physician gave me – which tasted great, as I recall."
With satisfaction, she watched the Royal Physician"s smirk disappear. The older woman huffily s.n.a.t.c.hed the empty goblet from Hilde"s hand.
"Smoothly done, Princess dearest."
The "Princess dearest" settled back into the bed with another sigh and a small smile. "I"m sure I don"t know what you mean."
The concoction Lady Saskia gave didn"t make Hilde sleepy or foggy-minded, but it did make her nausea completely disappear. Closing her eyes no longer made her highly likely to throw up, and before she knew it, she was dreaming.
Perhaps because her previous ident.i.ty was so recently on her mind, Hilde"s dream featured her last moments as Yong Fan Shu. The actual scene happened mere days ago – or so it seemed to her – but quite literally, it all happened a world away. In this reenactment, she was more of a spectator than a partic.i.p.ant. Even in a dream, she was conscious that the villain-specialist actress was no longer who she was.
Still, there were echoes.
Yong Fan Shu"s death had been "messy" according to p.r.i.c.k. Her sleeping mind attempted a faithful recreation. And as it often was in dreams, she was both watching from a distance and experiencing what was happening firsthand.
Deep red blood gushed freely from a deep, gaping slash on the side of her neck. She felt the hot flow down her rapidly cooling skin, but that feeling was nothing compared to the burning sensation around her wound.
Strangely, there was also numbness, and it was wrapped thickly around her mind. The rising fear of what"s to come after – that kept getting past the numbness. That fear was worst of all.
From her external vantage point, she saw Jia Hui Liang screaming her throat raw at the sight of her Big Sister crumpling to the red-carpeted floor. Lines of tears streaked both her cheeks – but how unfair was it that she still looked so fetching?
And then, seemingly from one blink to the next, Jiang Heng was beside Yong Fan Shu. He was unmindful of his image-destroying appearance as, weeping steadily, he replaced a guard"s hand in applying pressure on her wound. Moments before, he had been bas.h.i.+ng in the face of her attacker, splitting his knuckles in the process. From his wounds, his own blood flowed out and mixed with hers.
Amidst the shouts, the cries, and the screams, Jiang Heng was also speaking. But it was hopeless. Both Yong Fan Shu and the nameless observer could not hear the words.
"Princess…" she thought she heard him say.
That couldn"t be right, though. That wasn"t what he called her.
"What is it, Ah Heng?" she would have said if she could. "Tell me and I"ll listen. I"ll listen, and I will believe you. This time, I swear—"
"Princess, wake up!"
Hilde"s eyes flew open and her first instinct was to turn sideways and hide her face. But a quick swipe of a hand over her eyes told her she hadn"t been crying while she dreamt. A small blessing.
She sat up and met Lady Saskia"s eyes in silent inquiry. The Lady simply said: "It"s nearly time."