Lost In Character: Transmigration Chronicles Of A Nameless Heroine

Yes, the Queen was right, Hilde and Theodar were the same – elevated in rank after a brother"s death, but still only a spare. What real prospects did they have for their future? Consorts, at best, and that"s if someone would actually choose them over others. In the eyes of society, they were both defective products from two otherwise-proud bloodlines. There might be some who"ll want them anyway, for their blood and for their name, but for the person they were?

"It would take a saint like Gisela, but she might only be confused at the moment. Yes, that must be the case."

Hilde fully intended to become something more than just a bargaining chip. She thought she could ask for her sister"s help with that, but the Queen had her own agenda, and it ran very much counter with Hilde"s, not to mention the rest of the country"s. The Lord General"s offer had seemed sincere and uncomplicated at first, but it turned out he had his own agenda too – and that he thought nothing of using Hilde to achieve it. Now her trust in him was also in shambles. She didn"t know what or who to believe in anymore.

Of course, they made their moves thinking they knew everything there was to know about her and could therefore manipulate her at will. None of them could have suspected, she was no longer the Hilde that they all knew.

She used to only care about the things that brought her some measure of joy: her martial interests; the two people she wholeheartedly liked and who unconditionally liked her in return. She now knew that she HAD been affected and simply wouldn"t acknowledge it to protect herself, but back then, she thought she didn"t care about "behaving" as a princess should, she thought she didn"t care that she was treated indifferently by servants and close peers alike, sometimes outright ignored as she slinked about her own business. Anything other than what she wanted to do, she viewed as a waste of her time.

The only instances when she felt anything else strongly were the times she came face to face with her brother, who would then not pa.s.s up the chance to taunt and humiliate her in some way or another. In the fairytale castle she called home, he was the only enemy that had shown his true fac. Thus, she thought he"d been the only one. This was especially true back when their father just died. He was like a vicious hound who"d finally managed to slip out of his much-hated leash.

That was probably what had made him so effective on the battlefield. It was as if he didn"t know what fear was, as if he ate pain for breakfast and would welcome more of it any given hour. Unfortunately for their enemies, he was the type who"ll stop at nothing to give back as good as he gets. Any effort by the Lyseans to deceive or intimidate him was thrown right back at them, often with an extra helping. In war, it seemed, there was a lot to be said about vindictiveness and the absolute unwillingness to admit defeat.

Applied to personal relations.h.i.+ps, however, the one on the receiving end of those qualities would soon be reduced to cowering, to always walking on eggsh.e.l.ls, to brewing hatred in her own little heart. And when the lid blows off and that recipient also learns to give back as good as she gets? In their case, "conflagration" was too soft a word to describe the close-quarter clashes that had resulted.

It stood to reason the siblings would hate each other. They were much too similar; they should not have been expected to coexist peacefully in the same s.p.a.ce. Yet though there were times she might have welcomed Dieter"s death, she never truly wished for it.

At Hilde"s core, she was still the little h.e.l.l-raiser her brother had helped create, but she was much more than that now – much, much more. Her old self would have answered her sister"s cutting words with something just as sharp. While that would have felt satisfying, that wasn"t the right way to fight this type of battle.

Hilde smiled politely. "Do you think so, Queen? I see what you mean, and yes, you might be right."

She watched as Queen Heloise"s eyes narrowed slightly, sounding out whether Hilde meant anything more from what she said or from how she said it. The younger woman kept her small smile in place.

Didn"t the Queen say it herself? If you give the enemy the reaction they"re fis.h.i.+ng for, you lose.

So Hilde will not rise to her sister"s bait. She"ll let her stew in her frustration instead.

In its own way, doing this was satisfying too, except she had lost the capacity to feel pleasure after inflicting a wound on others. She did it this time with grim and detached purpose.

Finding in Hilde no foothold, Queen Heloise turned her efforts elsewhere.

"Don"t you also find their similarities striking?" she asked. She was facing Lady Ilse now, but too late, Hilde realized the bait thrown earlier might attract another target. If she"d also seen Gisela"s reaction to Theodar"s return… "The Lord General was perhaps more grief-stricken than I a.s.sumed, for his mind to be affected so. We now know he does not, but if he"d truly wanted Princess Hilde under his thumb, wouldn"t trying to marry her into his family be the easier method? Why raise the convoluted matter of trying to make her a general? It only planted false and unnecessary expectations in many." Smiling indulgently, she shook her head. "Was he thinking I would object to that match? I would not – I had always been open to one day joining our families together."

For three heartbeats, that statement was met with absolute silence.

"That"s…" Lady Ilse began, but she was unable to continue in the end and swallowed instead. In her eyes, though, the words she wanted to say were clear: "That"s just terrible."

Of course, politically speaking, there was nothing wrong with what the Queen just said. As for its humanity…

With rare and admirable control, the Lady had at least managed not to glance towards her younger niece"s direction.

It would have been fine, though. All anyone would have seen if they"d looked at Hilde"s face in those moments was that same smile, bland and absolutely devoid of meaning.

Then her aunt went on: "I say no to choosing that boy, no matter whose son he is. But on one score, I completely agree." This time, with all intent, Lady Ilse turned to Hilde. "Niece, I say it"s time for you to abandon the pursuits of your childhood. After all…" She had the grace to draw in a heavy breath, knowing the words she was about to say were equally as terrible as the Queen"s had been. "This timing – isn"t it quite auspicious?"