Lost In Character: Transmigration Chronicles Of A Nameless Heroine

At Theodar"s look of hurt and confusion and at his sister"s frown, Hilde sobered.

"I beg your pardon," she said in an apologetic tone. "I wasn"t laughing at you, I was laughing at myself." With a self-deprecating smile, she further explained, "I think you were aware, I"d been terrified of an illusion all this while. But it"s only the distance that had created it. I only needed to look closer to see the illusion for what it"s not."

As if he understood Hilde"s meaning fully, the man"s expression eased. He did not answer, however, and beside him, Sieglind was still frowning.

Hilde smiled with a little more cheer. "I"m glad to finally meet you, Theodar. Truly. Was there anything I could help you with?"

Through their linked arms, she had been aware of Gisela"s tenseness since before. Hilde had little idea what she or anyone else had made of the recent exchange – she herself only spoke as candidly obscure as she did because somehow, in the moment that their eyes met, she"d felt an instant kins.h.i.+p form between them. They WERE the same, that connection had told her, and not only in the obvious ways.

As if to drive home this point, Theodar"s upfront answer was: "Will you please permit me to speak to Princess Gisela?"

This was not something he should ask of Hilde, but sensing the direction of his thoughts, she was inwardly impressed. Gisela, meanwhile, had tensed up even more, and Hilde worried that she might have stopped breathing. She felt a little bad at not being able to readily give him the response he sought – the response the woman in question seemed to also crave.

"I am not my cousin"s keeper," she said with a small smile. Privately, she continued, "It is that She-Bear under the tree who"s currently staring daggers your way." After noticing the direction she had glanced towards, she felt Gisela deflating beside her. Hilde sighed. "And after slaughtering you, she"ll probably come after me for this…"

She ignored how Theodar"s expression fell again and turned to her cousin. "Would YOU like to speak to him?" Gisela swiftly looked up at her as if she"d grown two heads. Hilde lifted one corner of her mouth in a wry, slightly apologetic smile before adding, "Your will, Princess."

It was as if the sun suddenly rose behind her cousin"s eyes. Her eyes shone, her cheeks bloomed, and the reactions weren"t merely due to the man she seemed to have formed an infatuation for.

She truly was beautiful, Hilde thought. She was so beautiful that it was almost painful to look at her. But that wasn"t Gisela"s fault at all. She didn"t ask to be born with that face, and she"d never been the type to lord her appearance over others. Half the time, she doesn"t even seem to be aware of how others saw her.

Gisela quietly nodded in response. With a final grateful look up at Hilde, she unlinked their arms so she could lead the lost-looking man towards the tree. After giving Hilde a confused stare that she returned with another laugh and a sideways nod, indicating he should follow, Theodar grimaced but went. Hilde stayed where she was.

So did Theodar"s twin sister.

"Princess – we"ve met once before, I believe?" said Sieglind, looking steadily at Hilde with a pleasant, lopsided grin on her pixie-like face, which was also beautiful in its own exotic way.

Returning a polite smile, Hilde answered, "Twice, I think?"

"Ah…" Sieglind"s grin widened. "I only recall the second time."

Hilde maintained her smile. If she had found in Theodar a kindred soul at first meeting, in Sieglind, this was the third time that she was finding… an enigma.

It was really the strangest thing. There was this odd sense that they SHOULD be getting along, but for whatever reason, whenever she tried to, Hilde couldn"t manage to form a good opinion of Lothar"s little sister. And each of the previous times they"d met, which were exceedingly brief instances, it had seemed like the resistance towards thinking well of each other ran both ways.

"I see you"ve been crying, Princess Hilde," Sieglind suddenly observed, her expression more solemn. "Father would be sad to hear it."

"He told you about that?" Hilde thought, hiding a flash of anger and hurt. Aloud, she asked in a bland tone, "Can I not cry for my brother?"

"Of course you can," the older woman answered readily. Then she c.o.c.ked her head sideways and continued in a considering tone, "He WAS much like a brother to you, wasn"t he? Certainly much more than he was to me. Or your real brother to you, for that matter."

Hilde"s ears rang. "Did she just…"

"Would you like to go see him again?" Sieglind asked while her listener was still reeling. "It might really be for the last time, Princess. You should take this chance."

Hilde had indeed been debating it before the subject up was brought up, but now, hackles raised because of Sieglind"s abrasive manner, she snappishly decided against it.

"I"ll be sure to find the chance later," she said with a politeness that bordered on being dismissive. "Right now, I should still be with family. Shall we go see if your brother"s business with my cousin is over?"

With one eyebrow raised as if to indicate she didn"t care either way, Sieglind nodded and fell lightly into step with Hilde as she continued her delayed return to the tree. Though Frieda had stepped to her other side to a.s.sist her in place of Gisela, Hilde didn"t take her arm again.

How puzzling it must have all looked, young representatives of two of Arnica"s most powerful families – whose heads had had a public confrontation just hours before – mingling and being all friendly with each other. It was a "unifying" sight if ever there was one. Even Lady Ilse seemed to be holding herself back for the sake of maintaining that image.

In truth, of course, they were all just going along with it. Not even the Queen could have accounted for the whirlwind of extreme earnestness that was Theodar. He had given his painfully sincere apologies to the young woman he"d offended, a feat made more difficult and prolonged because the other was sincerely insisting – in front of her equally offended mother, no less – that the fault was really, truly hers.

Lady Ilse was forced to step in and resignedly say both parties seemed to have been at fault and they should all leave it at that. Predictably, Theodar looked lost on what to do next or how to extricate himself from the scene after that, and it became apparent that Sieglind had accompanied him precisely because of it.

The Lord General"s graceful and magnetic daughter made their temporary goodbyes to the royal women. Feeling somewhat out of breath for the whole experience, they then watched the twins return to their parents.

"So…" said Queen Heloise all of a sudden, surprising the others. "He defeated my son in a chess match, did he? It seems Lord Alfwin had another prodigy hidden away."

Hilde snorted lightly and replied, "I think it was more that Theodar hid himself away, Queen."

The Queen turned to her with a small smile. "Interested, after all?"

Hilde showed a noncommittal look. "I doubt I"d ever want to marry."

"I suppose the Queendom must bear the shame of two spinster Princesses, then?" asked Queen Heloise in a false bantering tone.

Unfortunately, Lady Ilse mistook it for the real deal. "And of a divorcee Queen," she rejoined, t.i.ttering.

"Oh, Aunt…"

Hilde smiled as if she truly found the situation amusing and added, "Let"s not forget the widowed Royal Consort. But…" She met her sister"s eyes. "Queen, I never said I WON"T ever marry."

"Only…" she vowed silently, "I"ll be sure to wiggle my way out of anything YOU might decide for me."

"Good," the Queen replied. "Because your beloved cousin seems to be set on someone already." Hearing this, both Gisela and her mother looked stricken, but for vastly different reasons. Hidden to all, Hilde was also fighting down shock – why did THAT possibility only occur to her now…? In an amused tone, the speaker continued, "But perhaps that"s only the shock of the first plunge. If we"re to allow her to explore further, I"m sure she"ll come across much better specimens and choose among those instead. Dear, I"m afraid the one you think you want has already been earmarked."
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To her credit, Gisela was only terribly shocked by the Queen"s words, not fl.u.s.tered by them. Smiling past her confusion, she asked, "Have I been giving that impression, Queen? I mean no offense, I"m afraid that"s not how it is at all."

"Is it not?" Queen Heloise replied, echoing Gisela"s tone. "Next time you"re in that boy"s company, I"ll be sure to lend you a mirror. Ah, I should gift it to you instead, shouldn"t I?"

A heavy silence followed. "Playing the game" or not, "don"t give them the reaction they want" or not, Hilde had been one breath away from blowing her top off when she found there was absolutely no need for her to step in.

"I would be happy to receive that, Queen Heloise," said Gisela with a small, pleasant smile. "I didn"t think you knew we have almost no mirrors in Nelke – Mother really hates them, you see. Oh, but you must already know that too."

Lady Ilse did not look at her daughter, but her approval radiated from her very pores.

"You seem tired, Queen," she followed solicitously, a frown marring her still-youthful forehead. "Do you need a nap? There"s time yet, I think."

It took all of Hilde"s control not to explode in laughter. It would take a woman of Lady Ilse"s caliber to suggest with a straight face that her monarch was acting like a toddler.

However, Hilde knew that deep down, these were sincere excuses both mother and daughter were giving themselves for their precious family member"s behavior.

The Queen"s past actions towards her younger sister aside, Hilde too was unsure whether this new att.i.tude on display for everyone to see was a temporary "acting out" due to grief or if it was the first signs of a dam of hatred collapsing. Hilde didn"t know whether or not she should speak to them of her suspicions. She certainly didn"t expect they"d simply believe her out of hand.

Once again, the Queen"s smile that did not reach her eyes appeared. "No need," she said, getting to her feet with the suave a.s.sistance of two of her attendants. "We should get on with the rites instead." She heaved a short sigh. "Then home, and true rest."

At her signal, the closing part of the royal funeral commenced. It was not strictly necessary to wait for dusk on account of the changing daylight hours throughout the year, but the nights were becoming longer again, and everyone a.s.sumed they"d wait for twilight this time around.

Certainly, for the families of the other fallen now also gathering around their dead, if they could have waited even longer than that, they would have. What comes last was too final. All across the line, the fresh flow of tears and the broken cries of pure anguish started and intensified.

Rested yet wearier, the Prince"s Guards who would be disbanded after this day took up their stations again. This time, it was only the coffins they lifted and brought into the white mausoleum, whose doors had finally been thrown wide open. First inside was Prince Dieter, the only royal among the five to be sealed inside the royal tombs.

As she followed, Hilde wept with the others, but silently, and – still – not for the blood brother she"d lost. The Prince, with the four soldiers that would join him, was brought to the wing that housed first-rank princes and princesses. On the way to the tombs of black marble prepared for him and his men, they pa.s.sed the one that held the remains of Prince Johann. Lady Ilse looked towards it with sorrow and longing, but she did not stop.

There were no more words or other ceremonies, just the raw necessity of letting go. Prince Dieter was the first to be lowered into his tomb. His family stood to either side, looking at his face as long as they might before the heavy lid was pushed completely into place, leaving him to the dark and to his eternal rest.

At the final click, Hilde began to turn around. Lothar"s tomb was just behind her; this was the chance she had been waiting for – the one window she"d been counting on. Her obligation to family was over, wasn"t it? Surely no one could have begrudged her this last glimpse…

Before she could even complete a quarter turn, Hilde was engulfed within a hard embrace. She couldn"t move, not because she couldn"t have broken away if she tried, but because she"d trapped herself into not offering any resistance.

Would a "proper" princess do anything except give comfort to a woman crying on her shoulder? When that woman also happened to be your sister and your monarch, there was no question, you"re expected to set aside your personal concerns no matter how heart-wrenching and desperate they might also be.

Did the Queen know Hilde was purposely trying to build up her image? Well, she might not know that it"s on purpose, but witnessing it happening anyway would hardly make her happy. For years, her sister had done her level best to suppress anything good Hilde might become. What neglect couldn"t accomplish, sabotage had fixed, because if Hilde were not a self-absorbed oddball that no one would take seriously, then she was another threat.

It was truly a wonder her relations.h.i.+p with Lothar had continued as long as it had. She supposed that that was Lord Alfwin exerting his own influence and, perhaps, her brother as well, as the Lord General had claimed.

Hilde heard the second lid slide into place. So did the Queen. She promptly released her.

It was a good thing she"d already been shedding fake tears before then. Hilde completed her interrupted turn to find a solid slab sealing in her teacher.

Would these sacrifices ever prove to be worth it in the end? She smiled bitterly as she wept. Which particular "end" was she even referring to? The dreams she had as Hilde? The objective, whose completion might simply spell her swift death in this life as well? The discovery of her true ident.i.ty and of the reason she seemed destined to go through h.e.l.l again and again?

Just who was the motherf*cker that signed her up for this?

The last slab slid into place. People began to stream out of the tombs soon after, but Hilde didn"t move from where she was. It took her a long time to acknowledge the female presence that had been with her since earlier. It was neither Gisela nor her attendant, she found. Surprising her even in the state she was in, Hilde saw that it was Sieglind.

"Here," she said, offering her something in her outstretched arm. In her wide palm, Hilde found a single flower, white petals looking impossibly perfect around its bright, golden center. "It"s Lothar"s. I kept one for you."

"You tried to tell me earlier," said Hilde.

Eyes long since dry, she reached out and took the flower. Hilde got a good look at Sieglind"s hand at the same time, and what she found there explained so much. Among these was the reason she"d been feeling an undercurrent of compet.i.tion running between the two of them from the time they first met.

The older woman smiled. "Here between our brothers, who were sworn to each other, allow me to say, Princess: someday, I hope we too might call each other Sister."

"Not sister-in-law."

"No. Not that."

Their eyes met. And though there never was and probably never will be an instantaneous understanding between them, they too had an undeniable connection. Hilde held out her hand and soon, two rough yet gentle hands were gripping each other.

"Someday soon, I hope."

The women, both tall and athletically built, with one dark in coloring and one light to the point of paleness, made a striking picture as they emerged together from the mausoleum. It was too bad that few eyes had noticed it because all around, there was a rising sense of pandemonium.

"Is it…"

"A riot downhill. Probably."

"For the Lyseans?"

"My bet"s for the Queen."

"Could be both."

"How soon were you hoping for, Princess?"

"Not "two seconds from now," Sieglind. Trust me, not this soon..."