"But you knew where I was, mademoiselle; you could have written to me."
"Raoul, I did not dare to do so. Raoul, I have been weak and cowardly.
I knew you so thoroughly--I knew how devotedly you loved me, that I trembled at the bare idea of the grief I was about to cause you; and that is so true, Raoul, that this very moment I am now speaking to you, bending thus before you, my heart crushed in my bosom, my voice full of sighs, my eyes full of tears, it is so perfectly true, that I have no other defense than my frankness, I have no other sorrow greater than that which I read in your eyes."
Raoul attempted to smile.
"No!" said the young girl, with a profound conviction, "no, no; you will not do me so foul a wrong as to disguise your feelings before me now!
You loved me; you were sure of your affection for me; you did not deceive yourself; you do not lie to your own heart--whilst I--I--" And pale as death, her arms thrown despairingly above her head, she fell upon her knees.
"Whilst you," said Raoul, "you told me you loved me, and yet you loved another."
"Alas, yes!" cried the poor girl; "alas, yes! I do love another; and that other--oh! for Heaven"s sake let me say it, Raoul, for it is my only excuse--that other I love better than my own life, better than my own soul even. Forgive my fault, or punish my treason, Raoul. I came here in no way to defend myself, but merely to say to you: "You know what it is to love!"--in such a case am I! I love to that degree, that I would give my life, my very soul, to the man I love. If he should ever cease to love me, I shall die of grief and despair, unless Heaven come to my a.s.sistance, unless Heaven does show pity upon me. Raoul, I came here to submit myself to your will, whatever it might be--to die, if it were your wish I should die. Kill me, then, Raoul! if in your heart you believe I deserve death."
"Take care, mademoiselle," said Raoul: "the woman who invites death is one who has nothing but her heart"s blood to offer to her deceived and betrayed lover."
"You are right," she said.
Raoul uttered a deep sigh, as he exclaimed, "And you love without being able to forget?"
"I love without a wish to forget; without a wish ever to love any one else," replied La Valliere.
"Very well," said Raoul. "You have said to me, in fact, all you had to say; all I could possibly wish to know. And now, mademoiselle, it is I who ask your forgiveness, for it is I who have almost been an obstacle in your life; I, too, who have been wrong, for, in deceiving myself, I helped to deceive you."
"Oh!" said La Valliere, "I do not ask you so much as that, Raoul."
"I only am to blame, mademoiselle," continued Raoul, "better informed than yourself of the difficulties of this life, I should have enlightened you. I ought not to have relied upon uncertainty; I ought to have extracted an answer from your heart, whilst I hardly even sought an acknowledgement from your lips. Once more, mademoiselle, it is I who ask your forgiveness."
"Impossible, impossible!" she cried, "you are mocking me."
"How, impossible?"
"Yes, it is impossible to be so good, and kind, ah! perfect to such a degree as that."
"Take care!" said Raoul, with a bitter smile, "for presently you may say perhaps I did not love you."
"Oh! you love me like an affectionate brother; let me hope that, Raoul."
"As a brother! undeceive yourself, Louise. I love you as a lover--as a husband, with the deepest, the truest, the fondest affection."
"Raoul, Raoul!"
"As a brother! Oh, Louise! I love you so deeply, that I would have shed my blood for you, drop by drop; I would, oh! how willingly, have suffered myself to be torn to pieces for your sake, have sacrificed my very future for you. I love you so deeply, Louise, that my heart feels dead and crushed within me,--my faith in human nature all is gone,--my eyes have lost their light; I loved you so deeply, that I now no longer see, think of, care for, anything, either in this world or the next."
"Raoul--dear Raoul! spare me, I implore you!" cried La Valliere. "Oh! if I had but known--"
"It is too late, Louise; you love, you are happy in your affection; I read your happiness through your tears--behind the tears which the loyalty of your nature makes you shed; I feel the sighs your affection breathes forth. Louise, Louise, you have made me the most abjectly wretched man living; leave me, I entreat you. Adieu! adieu!"
"Forgive me! oh, forgive me, Raoul, for what I have done."
"Have I not done much, much more? _Have I not told you that I love you still?_" She buried her face in her hands.
"And to tell you that--do you hear me, Louise?--to tell you that, at such a moment as this, to tell you that, as I have told you, is to p.r.o.nounce my own sentence of death. Adieu!" La Valliere held out her hands to him in vain.
"We ought not to see each other again in this world," he said, and as she was on the point of crying out in bitter agony at this remark, he placed his hand on her mouth to stifle the exclamation. She pressed her lips upon it, and fell fainting to the ground. "Olivain," said Raoul, "take this young lady and bear her to the carriage which is waiting for her at the door." As Olivain lifted her up, Raoul made a movement as if to dart towards La Valliere, in order to give her a first and last kiss, but, stopping abruptly, he said, "No! she is not mine. I am no thief--as is the king of France." And he returned to his room, whilst the lackey carried La Valliere, still fainting, to the carriage.
Chapter LXII. What Raoul Had Guessed.
As soon as Raoul had quitted Athos and D"Artagnan, as the two exclamations that had followed his departure escaped their lips, they found themselves face to face alone. Athos immediately resumed the earnest air that he had a.s.sumed at D"Artagnan"s arrival.
"Well," he said, "what have you come to announce to me, my friend?"
"I?" inquired D"Artagnan.
"Yes; I do not see you in this way without some reason for it," said Athos, smiling.
"The deuce!" said D"Artagnan.
"I will place you at your ease. The king is furious, I suppose?"
"Well, I must say he is not altogether pleased."
"And you have come to arrest me, then?"
"My dear friend, you have hit the very mark."
"Oh, I expected it. I am quite ready to go with you."
"Deuce take it!" said D"Artagnan, "what a hurry you are in."
"I am afraid of delaying you," said Athos, smiling.
"I have plenty of time. Are you not curious, besides, to know how things went on between the king and me?"
"If you will be good enough to tell me, I will listen with the greatest of pleasure," said Athos, pointing out to D"Artagnan a large chair, into which the latter threw himself, a.s.suming the easiest possible att.i.tude.
"Well, I will do so willingly enough," continued D"Artagnan, "for the conversation is rather curious, I must say. In the first place the king sent for me."
"As soon as I had left?"
"You were just going down the last steps of the staircase, as the musketeers told me. I arrived. My dear Athos, he was not red in the face merely, he was positively purple. I was not aware, of course, of what had pa.s.sed; only, on the ground, lying on the floor, I saw a sword broken in two."
""Captain d"Artagnan," cried the king, as soon as he saw me.
""Sire," I replied.
""M. de la Fere has just left me; he is an insolent man."