"I might learn a great deal," she said, "if I persevered. I have so much time."
But she had not read many pages before the tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"If he had lived," she said, "I might have read them to him and it would have pleased him so. I might have done it often if I had thought less about myself. He would have learned, too. He thought he was slow, but he would have learned, too, in a little while, and he would have been so proud."
She was very like her father in the simple tenderness of her nature.
She grieved with the hopeless pa.s.sion of a child for the unconscious wrong she had done.
It was as she sat trying to fix her mind upon these books that there came to her the first thought of a plan which was afterwards of some vague comfort to her. She had all the things which had furnished the old parlor taken into one of the unused rooms--the chairs and tables, the carpet, the ornaments and pictures. She spent a day in placing everything as she remembered it, doing all without letting any one a.s.sist her. After it was arranged she left the room, and locked the door taking the key with her.
"No one shall go in but myself," she said. "It belongs to me more than all the rest."
"I never knowed her to do nothin" notionate but thet," remarked Mrs.
Nance, in speaking of it afterwards. "She"s mighty still, an" sits an"
grieves a heap, but she aint never notionate. Thet was kinder notionate fer a gal to do. She sets store on "em "cos they was her pappy"s an" her ma"s, I reckon. It cayn"t be nothin" else, fur they aint to say stylish, though they was allers good solid-appearin"
things. The picters was the on"y things es was showy."
"She"s mighty pale an" slender sence her pappy died," said the listener.
"Wa-al, yes, she"s kinder peak-ed," admitted Mrs. Nance. "She"s kinder peak-ed, but she"ll git over it. Young folks allers does."
But she did not get over it as soon as Mrs. Nance had expected, in view of her youth. The days seemed longer and lonelier to her as the winter advanced, though they were really so much shorter, and she had at last been able to read and think of what she read. When the snow was on the ground and she could not wander about the place she grew paler still.
"Louisianny," said Mrs. Nance, coming in upon her one day as she stood at the window, "ye"re a-beginnin" to look like ye"re Aunt Melissy."
"Am I?" answered Louisiana. "She died when she was young, didn"t she?"
"She wasn"t but nineteen," grimly. "She hed a kind o" love-sc.r.a.pe, an"
when the feller married Emmerline Ruggles she jest give right in. They hed a quarrel, an" he was a sperrity kind o" thing an" merried Emmerline when he was mad. He cut off his nose to spite his face, an"
a nice time he hed of it when it was done. Melissy was a pretty gal, but kinder consumpshony, an" she hedn"t backbone enough to hold her up.
She died eight or nine months after they"d quarreled. Mebbe she"d hev died anyhow, but thet sorter hastened it up. When folks is consumpshony it don"t take much to set "em off."
"I don"t think I am "consumpshony,"" said Louisiana.
"Lord-a-ma.s.sy, no!" briskly, "an" ye"d best not begin to think it. I wasn"t a meanin" thet. Ye"ve kinder got into a poor way steddyin"
"bout yere pappy, an" it"s tellin" on ye. Ye look as if thar wasn"t a thing of ye--an" ye don"t take no int"russ. Ye"d oughter stir round more."
"I"m going to "stir round" a little as soon as Jake brings the buggy up," said Louisiana. "I"m going out."
"Whar?"
"Toward town."
For a moment Mrs. Nance looked at her charge steadily, but at length her feelings were too much for her. She had been thinking this matter over for some time.
"Louisianny," she said, "you"re a-gwine to the grave-yard, thet"s whar ye"re a-gwine an" thar aint no sense in it. Young folks hedn"t ought to hold on to trouble thataway--"taint nat"ral. They don"t gin"rally.
Elbert "d be ag"in it himself ef he knowed--an" I s"pose he does. Like as not him an" Ianthy"s a-worryin" about it now, an" Lord knows ef they air it"ll spile all their enjoyment. Kingdom come won"t be nothin" to "em if they"re oneasy in their minds "bout ye. Now an" ag"in it"s "peared to me that mebbe harps an" crowns an" the company o" "postles don"t set a body up all in a minnit an" make "em forgit their flesh an"
blood an" nat"ral feelin"s teetotally--an" it kinder troubles me to think o" Elbert an" Ianthy worryin" an" not havin" no pleasure. Seems to me ef I was you I"d think it over an" try to cheer up an" take int"russ. Jest think how keerful yer pappy an" ma was on ye an" how sot they was on hevin" ye well an" happy."
Louisiana turned toward her. Her eyes were full of tears.
"Oh!" she whispered, "do you--do you think they know?"
Mrs. Nance was scandalized.
"Know!" she echoed. "Wa-al now, Louisianny, ef I didn"t know yer raisin", an" thet ye"d been brought up with members all yer life, it"d go ag"in me powerful to hear ye talk thetaway. Ye _know_ they know, an" thet they"ll take it hard, ef they aint changed mightily, but, changed or not, I guess thar"s mighty few sperrits es haint sense enough to see yer a-grievin" more an" longer than"s good fur ye."
Louisiana turned to her window again. She rested her forehead against the frame-work and looked out for a little while. But at last she spoke.
"Perhaps you are right," she said. "It is true it would have hurt them when they were here. I think--I"ll try to--to be happier."
"It"s what"ll please "em best, if ye do, Louisianny," commented Mrs.
Nance.
"I"ll try," Louisiana answered. "I will go out now--the cold air will do me good, and when I come back you will see that I am--better."
"Wa-al," advised Mrs. Nance, "ef ye go, mind ye put on a plenty--an"
don"t stay long."
The excellent woman stood on the porch when the buggy was brought up, and having tucked the girl"s wraps round her, watched her driven away.
"Mebbe me a-speakin"s I did"ll help her," she said. "Seems like it kinder teched her an" sot her thinkin". She was dretfle fond of her pappy an" she was allers a purty peaceable advise-takin" little thing--though she aint so little nuther. She"s reel tall an" slim."
CHAPTER XVIII.
"HE KNEW THAT I LOVED YOU."
It was almost dark when the buggy returned. As Jake drove up to the gate he bent forward to look at something.
"Thar"s a critter hitched to the fence," he remarked. ""Taint no critter from round yere. I never seen it afore."
Mrs. Nance came out upon the porch to meet them. She was gently excited by an announcement she had to make.
"Louisianny," she said, "thar"s a man in the settin"-room. He"s a-waitin" to see ye. I asked him ef he hed anything to sell, an" he sed no he hedn"t nothin". He"s purty _gen_-teel an" stylish, but not to say showy, an" he"s polite sort o" manners."
"Has he been waiting long?" Louisiana asked.
"He"s ben thar half a hour, an" I"ve hed the fire made up sence he come."
Louisiana removed her hat and cloak and gave them to Mrs. Nance. She did it rather slowly, and having done it, crossed the hall to the sitting-room door, opened it and went in.
There was no light in the room but the light of the wood fire, but that was very bright. It was so bright that she had not taken two steps into the room before she saw clearly the face of the man who waited for her.
It was Laurence Ferrol.
She stopped short and her hands fell at her sides. Her heart beat so fast that she could not speak.