Love Ain't Nothing

Chapter 9

He tapped the driver on the forearm, and pointed down the highway to the neon flickering off and on at the roadside. The sign said SHIVEY"S TRUCK STOP and EAT. There were no trucks parked in front.

"It must be good food," Kencannon said from behind him. "I don"t see any trucks there; and you know what kind of food you get at the joints truckers eat at."

Handy smiled quickly at the reversal of the old road-runner"s myth. It was that roundabout sense of humor that made Kencannon"s direction so individual.

"That okay by you, Mr. Crewes?" Jim asked.

"Fine, Jim," Arthur Crewes said, wearily.



The studio limousine turned in at the diner and crunched gravel. The diner was an anachronism. One of the old railroad car style, seen most frequently on the New Jersey thruways. Aluminum hide leprous with rust. Train windows fogged with dirt. Lucky Strike and El Producto decals on the door. Three steps up to the door atop a concrete stoop. Parking lot surrounding it like a gray pebble lake, cadaverously cold in the intermittent flashing of the pale yellow neon EAT off EAT off EAT ...

The limousine doors opened, all six of them, and ten crumpled men emerged, stretched, trekked toward the diner. They fell into line almost according to thepecking order. Crewes and Kencannon; Fred Handy; the two cameramen; three grips; the effeminate makeup man, Sancher; and Jim, the driver.

They climbed the stairs, murmuring to themselves, like sluggish animals emerging from a dead sea of sleep. The day had been exhausting. Chase scenes through the rural town of Mojave. And Mitchum in his G.o.ddam land cruiser, phoning ahead to have escargots ready at La Rue.

The diner was bright inside, and the grips, the cameramen and Jim took booths alongside the smoked windows. Sancher went immediately to the toilet, to moisten himself with 5-Day Deodorant Pads. Crewes sat at the counter with Handy and Kencannon on either side of him. The producer looked ancient. He was a dapper man in his middle forties. He clasped his hands in front of him and Handy saw him immediately begin twisting and turning the huge diamond ring on his right hand, playing with it, taking it off and replacing it. I wonder what that means, Handy thought.

Handy had many thoughts about Arthur Crewes. Some of them were friendly, most were impartial. Crewes was a job for Handy. He had seen the producer step heavily when the need arose: cutting off a young writer when the script wasn"t being written fast enough to make a shooting date; literally threatening an actor with bodily harm if he didn"t cease the senseless wrangling on set that was costing the production money; playing agents against one another to catch a talented client unrepresented between them, available for shaved cost. But he had seen him perform unnecessary kindnesses. Unnecessary because they bought nothing, won him nothing, made him no points. Crewes had blown a tire on a freeway one day and a motorist had stopped to help. Crewes had taken his name and sent him a three thousand dollar color television-stereo. A starlet ready to put out for a part had been investigated by the detective agency Crewes kept on retainer at all times for a.s.sorted odd jobs. They had found out her child was a paraplegic. She had not been required to go the couch route, Crewes had refused her the job on grounds of talent, but had given her a check in the equivalent amount had she gotten the part.

Arthur Crewes was a very large man indeed in Hollywood. He had not always been immense, however. He had begun his career as a film editor on "B" horror flicks, worked his way up and directed several productions, then been put in charge of a series of low-budget films at the old RKO studio. He had suffered in the vineyards and somehow run the time very fast. He was still a young man, and he was ancient, sitting there turning his ring.

Sancher came out of the toilet and sat down at the far end of the counter. It seemed to jog Kencannon. "Think I"ll wash off a little Mojave filth," he said, and rose.

Crewes got up. "I suddenly realized I haven"t been to the bathroom all day."

They walked away, leaving Handy sitting, toying with the sugar shaker.

He looked up for the first time, abruptly realizing how exhausted he was. There was a waitress shaking a wire basket of french fries, her back to him. The picture was on schedule, no problems, but no hook, no gimmick, no angle, no shtick to sell it; there was a big quarterly payment due on the house in Sherman Oaks; it was all Handy had, no one was going to get it; he had to keep the job. The waitress turned around for the first time and started laying out napkin, water gla.s.s, silverware, in front of him. You could work in a town for close to nine years, and still come away with nothing; not even living high, driving a "65 Impala, that wasn"t ostentatious; but a lousy forty-five-day marriage to a clip artist and it was all in jeopardy; he had to keep the job, just to fight her off, keep her from using California divorce logic to get that house; nine years was not going down the tube; G.o.d, he felt weary. The waitress was in the booth, setting up the grips and cameramen. Handy mulled the nine years, wondering what the h.e.l.l he was doing out here: oh yeah, I was getting divorced, that"s what I was doing. Nine years seemed so long, so ruthlessly long, and so empty suddenly, to be here with Crewes on another of the endless product that got fed into the always-yawning maw of the Great American Moviegoing Public. The waitress returned and stood before him.

"Care to order now?"

He looked up.

Fred Handy stopped breathing for a second. He looked at her, and the years peeled away. He was a teenage kid in the Utopia Theater in St. Louis, Missouri, staring up at a screen with gray shadows moving on it. A face from the past, a series of features, very familiar, were superimposing themselves.

She saw he was staring. "Order?"

He had to say it just right. "Excuse me, is, uh, is your name Lone?"

Until much later, he was not able to identify the expression that swam up in her eyes. But when he thought back on it, he knew it had been terror. Not fear, not trepidation, not uneasiness, not wariness. Terror. Complete, total, gagging terror. She said later it had been like calling the death knell for her ... again.

She went stiff, and her hand slid off the counter edge. "Valerie Lone?" he said, softly, frightened by the look on her face. She swallowed so that the hollows in her cheeks moved liquidly. And she nodded. The briefest movement of the head.

Then he knew he had to say it just right. He was holding all that fragile crystal, and a wrong phrase would shatter it. Not: I used to see your movies when I was a kid or: Whatever happened to you or: What are you doing here. It had to be just right.

Handy smiled like a little boy. It somehow fit his craggy features. "You know," he said gently, "many"s the afternoon I"ve sat in the movies and been in love with you."

There was grat.i.tude in her smile. Relief, an ease of tensions, and the sudden rush of her own memories; the bittersweet taste of remembrance as the glories of her other life swept back to her. Then it was gone, and she was a frowzy blonde waitress on Route 14 again. "Order?"

She wasn"t kidding. She turned it off like a mercury switch. One moment there was life in the faded blue eyes, the next moment it was ashes. He ordered a cheeseburger and french fries. She went back to the steam table.

Arthur Crewes came out of the men"s room first. He was rubbing his hands. "d.a.m.ned powdered soap, almost as bad as those stiff paper towels." He slipped onto the stool beside Handy.

And in that instant, Fred Handy saw a great white light come up. Like the buzz an acid-head gets from a fully drenched sugar cube, his mind burst free and went trembling outward in waves of color. The shtick, the bit, the handle, ohmiG.o.d there it is, as perfect as a bluewhite diamond.

Arthur Crewes was reading the menu as Handy grabbed his wrist.

"Arthur, do you know who that is?"

"Who who is?"

"The waitress."

"Madame Nehru."

"I"m serious, Arthur."

"All right, who?"

"Valerie Lone."

Arthur Crewes started as though he had been struck. He shot a look at the waitress, her back to them now, as she ladled up navy bean soup from the stainless steel tureen in the steam table. He stared at her, silently.

"I don"t believe it," he murmured.

"It is, Arthur, I"m telling you that"s just who it is."

He shook his head. "What the h.e.l.l is she doing out here in the middle of nowhere. My G.o.d, it must be, what? Fifteen, twenty years?"

Handy considered a moment. "About eighteen years, if you count that thing she did for Ross at UA in forty-eight. Eighteen years and here she is, slinging hash in a diner."

Crewes mumbled something.

"What did you say?" Handy asked him.

Crewes repeated it, with an edge Handy could not place. "Lord, how the mighty have fallen."

Before Handy could tell the producer his idea, she turned, and saw Crewes staring at her. There was no recognition in her expression. But it was obvious she knew Handy had told him who she was. She turned away and carried the plates of soup to the booth.

As she came back past them, Crewes said, softly, "h.e.l.lo, Miss Lone." She paused and stared at him. She was almost somnambulistic, moving by rote. He added, "Arthur Crewes ... remember?"

She did not answer for a long moment, then nodded as she had to Handy. "h.e.l.lo. It"s been a long time."

Crewes smiled a peculiar smile. Somehow victorious. "Yes, a long time. How"ve you been?"

She shrugged, as if to indicate the diner. "Fine, thank you."

They fell silent.

"Would you care to order now?"

When she had taken the order and moved to the grill, Handy leaned in close to the producer and began speaking intensely. "Arthur, I"ve got a fantastic idea."

His mind was elsewhere. "What"s that, Fred?"

"Her. Valerie Lone. What a sensational idea. Put her in the picture. The comeback of ... what was it they used to call her, that publicity thing, oh yeah ... the comeback of "Miss Ankle-Strap Wedgie." It"s good for s.p.a.ce in any newspaper in the country."

Silence.

"Arthur? What do you think?"

Arthur Crewes smiled down at his hands. He was playing with the ring again. "You think I should bring her back to the industry after eighteen years."

"I think it"s the most natural winning promotion idea I"ve ever had. And I can tell you like it."

Crewes nodded, almost absently. "Yes, I like it, Fred. You"re a very bright fellow. I like it just fine."

Kencannon came back and sat down. Crewes turned to him. "Jim, can you do cover shots on the bas.e.m.e.nt scenes with Bob and the stunt men for a day or two?"

Kencannon bit his lip, considering. "I suppose so. It"ll mean replotting the schedule, but the board"s Bernie"s problem, not mine. What"s up?"

Crewes twisted the ring and smiled distantly. "I"m going to call Johnny Black in and have him do a rewrite on the part of Angela. Beef it up."

"For what? We haven"t even cast it yet."

"We have now." Handy grinned hugely. "Valerie Lone."

"Valerie--you"re kidding. She hasn"t even made a film in G.o.d knows how long. What makes you think you can get her?"

Crewes turned back to stare at the sloped shoulders of the woman at the sizzling grill. "I can get her."

HANDY.

We talked to Valerie Lone, Crewes and myself. First I talked, then he talked; then when she refused to listen to him, I talked again.

She grabbed up a huge pan with the remains of macaroni and cheese burned to the bottom, and she dashed out through a screen door at the rear of the diner.

We looked at each other, and when each of us saw the look of confusion on the other"s face, the looks vanished. We got up and followed her. She was leaning against the wall of the diner, sc.r.a.ping the c.r.a.p from the pan as she cried. The night was quiet.

But she didn"t melt as we came through the screen door. She got uptight. Furious. "I"ve been out of all that for over fifteen years, can"t you leave me alone? You"ve got a lousy sense of humor if you think this is funny!"

Arthur Crewes stopped dead on the stairs. He didn"t know what to say to her. There was something happening to Crewes; I didn"t know what it was, but it was more than whatever it takes to get a gimmick for a picture.

I took over.

Handy, the salesman. Handy, the schmacheler, equipped with the very best b.u.t.ter. "It isn"t fifteen years, Miss Lone. It"s eighteen plus."

Something broke inside her. She turned back to the pan. Crewes didn"t know whether to tell me to back off or not, so I went ahead. I pushed past Crewes, standing there with his hand on the peeling yellow paint banister, his mouth open. (The color of the paint was the color of a stray dog I had run down in Nevada one time. I hadn"t seen the animal. It had dashed out of a gully by the side of the road and I"d gone right over it before I knew what had happened. But I stopped and went back. It was the same color as that banister. A faded lonely yellow, like cheap foolscap, a dollar a ream. I couldn"t get the thought of that dog out of my mind.) "You like it out here, right?"

She didn"t turn around.

I walked around her. She was looking into that pan of c.r.a.p. "Miss Lone?"

It was going to take more than soft-spoken words. It might even take sincerity. I wasn"t sure I knew how to do that any more. "If I didn"t know better ... having seen all the feisty broads you played ... I"d think you enjoyed feeling sorry for your--"

She looked up, whip-fast, I could hear the cartilage cracking in her neck muscles. There was a core of electrical sparks in her eyes. She was p.i.s.sed-off. "Mister, I just met your face. What makes you think you can talk that way ..." it petered out. The steam leaked off, and the sparks died, and she was back where she"d been a minute before.

I turned her around to face us. She shrugged my hand off. She wasn"t a sulky child, she was a woman who didn"t know how to get away from a giant fear that was getting more gigantic with every pa.s.sing second. And even in fear she wasn"t about to let me manhandle her.

"Miss Lone, we"ve got a picture working. It isn"t Gone with the Wind and it isn"t The Birth of a Nation, it"s just a better-than-average coupla million dollar spectacular with Mitchum and Lollobrigida, and it"ll make a potful for everybody concerned ..."

Crewes was staring at me. I didn"t like his expression. He was the bright young wunderkind who had made Lonely in the Dark and Ruby Bernadette and The Fastest Man, and he didn"t like to hear me pinning his latest opus as just a nice, money-making color puffball. But Crewes wasn"t a wunderkind any longer, and he wasn"t making Kafka, he was making box-office bait, and he needed this woman, and so dammit did I! So screw his expression.

"n.o.body"s under the impression you"re one of the great ladies of the theater; you never were Katherine Cornell, or Bette Davis, or even Pat Neal." She gave me that core of sparks look again. If I"d been a younger man it might have woofed me; I"m sure it had stopped legions of a.s.sistant gophers in the halcyon days. But--it suddenly scared me to realize it--I was running hungry, and mere looks didn"t do it. I pushed her a little harder, my best Raymond Chandler delivery. "But you were a star, you were someone that people paid money to see, because whatever you had it was yours. And whatever that was, we want to rent it for a while, we want to bring it back."

She gave one of those little snorts that says very distinctly You stink, Jack. It was disdainful. She had my number. But that was cool; I"d given it to her; I wasn"t about to shuck her.

"Don"t think we"re humanitarians. We need something like you on this picture. We need a handle, something that"ll get us that extra two inches in the Wichita Eagle. That means bucks in the ticket wicket. Oh, s.h.i.t, lady!"

Her teeth skinned back.

I was getting to her.

"We can help each other." She sneered and started to turn away. I reached out and slammed the pan as hard as I could. It spun out of her hands and hit the steps. She was rocked quiet for an instant, and I rapped on her as hard as I could. "Don"t tell me you"re in love with sc.r.a.ping c.r.a.p out of a macaroni dish. You lived too high, too long. This is a free ride back. Take it!"

There was blood coursing through her veins now. Her cheeks had bright, flushed spots on them, high up under the eyes. "I can"t do it; stop pushing at me."

Crewes moved in, then. We worked like a pair of good homicide badges. I beat her on the head, and he came running with Seidlitz powders. "Let her alone a minute, Fred. This is all at once, come on, let her think."

"What the h.e.l.l"s to think?"

She was being rammed from both sides, and knew it, but for the first time in years something was happening, and her motor was starting to run again, despite herself.

"Miss Lone," Crewes said gently, "a contract for this film, and options for three more. Guaranteed, from first day of shooting, straight through, even if you sit around after your part is shot, till last day of production."

"I haven"t been anywhere near a camera--"

"That"s what we have cameramen for. They turn it on you. That"s what we have a director for. He"ll tell you where to stand. It"s like swimming or riding a bike: once you learn, you never forget ..."

Crewes again. "Stop it, Fred. Miss Lone ... I remember you from before. You were always good to work with. You weren"t one of the cranky ones, you were a doer. You knew your lines, always."

She smiled. A wee timorous slippery smile. She remembered. And she chuckled. "Good memory, that"s all."

Then Crewes and I smiled, too. She was on our side. Everything she said from here on out would be to win us the argument. She was ours.

"You know, I had the world"s all-time great crush on you, Miss Lone," Arthur Crewes, a very large man in town, said. She smiled a little-girl smile of graciousness.

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