Then, in a rush, all of it came back to Valerie Lone. The rush of thoughts waiting to be reexamined after twenty years. The reasons, the situations, the circ.u.mstances.
"Emery, why didn"t we get married?"
And she answered her own question with a smile he could not see in the darkness. It was possible he had not even heard her, for he did not answer. And in her mind she ticked off the answers, all the deadly answers.
It was the dreams each of them had subst.i.tuted for reality; the tenacity with which they had tried to clutch smoke and dream-mist; the stubborn refusal of each of them to acknowledge that the dream-mist and the smoke were bound to become ashes. And when each had been swallowed whole by the very careers they had thought would free them, they had become strangers. They were frightened to commit to one another, to anyone really, to anything but the world that stood and called their names a hundred times in a second, and beat hands in praise.
Then Emery spoke. As though his thoughts had been tracking similarly to her own, heading on a collision course for her mind and her thoughts hurtling toward him.
"You know, darling Val, you always made more money than me. Your name was always star-billing ... at best, mine was always "Also Featuring." It wouldn"t have worked."
She was nodding agreement, at the complete validity of it, and then, in an instant, the shock of what she was accepting without argument, believing again as she had the first time, the insanity of it hit her. Twenty years ago, in the fantasy-world, yes, those might have been real reasons--in the lunatic way that blasted and twisted logic seems rational in nightmares--but she had spent almost two decades in another life, and now she knew they were false, as specious as the life that claimed her on the screen.
But for a moment, for a long moment she had accepted it all again. It was the town, the industry, the way the show biz life sucked one under. For those in the industry it had rapidly become that way, as they had fallen under the spell of their own weird and golden lives; it had taken more than twenty years to catch on completely, to permeate the culture. But now it was possible never to come up from under that thick fog of delusion. Because it hung like a Los Angeles smog across the entire nation, perhaps the world.
But not for Valerie Lone. Never again for her.
"Emery, listen to me ..."
He was talking softly to himself, the sound of moths in the fog. Talking about screen credits and money and days that had never really been alive, and now had to be put to death fully and finally.
"Emery! Darling! Please, listen to me!"
He turned to her. She saw him, then. Even dimly, only by moonlight, she saw him as he really was, not as she had wished him to be, standing there in the doorway of the bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel that first night of her new life with him. She saw what had happened to the man who had been strong enough to deny war and say he would lose everything rather than fight against his fellow man. Emery Romito had become a willing prisoner of his own show biz life. He had never escaped.
She knew she had to explain it all to him, to unlearn him, and then teach him anew. An infinite sadness filled her as she readied her arguments, her coercion, her explanations of what the other world was like ... the world he had always thought of as dull and empty and wasted.
"Darling, I"ve been out in the desert, out in nowhere, for almost twenty years. You"ve got to believe me when I tell you, none of this matters. The billing, the money, the life at the studios, it doesn"t matter! It"s all make-believe, we always said it was that, but we let it get us, grab hold of us. We have to understand there is a whole world without any of it. What if the show doesn"t go on? What then? Why worry? We can do other things, if we care about each other. Do you understand what I"m saying? It doesn"t matter if your picture is in the PLAYERS DIRECTORY, as long as you come home at night and turn the key in the door and know there"s someone on the other side who cares whether or not you were killed in the traffic on the Freeway. Emery, talk to me!"
Silence. Straining on her part, toward him. Silence. Then, "Val, why don"t we go dancing ... like we used to do?"
The shadow came again to devour her. It showed its teeth and it prodded her, looking for the most vulnerable places, the places still filled with the juice of life, which it would eat to the bone, and then suck the marrow from the bone, till it collapsed into despair as had the rest of her.
She fought it.
She talked to him.
Her voice was the low, insistent voice she had cultivated in the star years. Now she turned it to its full power, and used it to win the most important part of her career.
We have a chance to make it together at last.
G.o.d has given us a second chance.
We can have what we lost twenty years ago.
Please, Emery, listen.
Emery Romito had been falling for many years. A great, shrieking fall down a long tunnel of despair. Her voice came to him down the length of that tunnel, and he clutched for it, missed, clutched again and found it. He let it hold him, swaying above the abyss, and slowly pulled himself back up that fragile thread.
Pathetically, he asked her, "Really? Do you think we can? Really?"
No one is more convincing than a woman fighting for her life. Really? She showed him, really. She told him, and she charmed him, and she gave him the strength he had lost so long ago. With her career burgeoning again it was certain they would have all the good things they had lost on the way to this place, this night.
And finally, he leaned across, this old man, and he kissed her, this tired woman. A shy kiss, almost immature, as though his lips had never touched all the lips of starlets and chorus girls and secretaries and women so much less important than this woman beside him in a rented car on a dark oceanside road.
He was frightened, she could feel it. Almost as frightened as she was. But he was willing to try; to see if they could dredge up something of permanence from the garbage-heaps of the love they had spent twenty years wasting.
Then he started the car, backed and filled and started the return to Hollywood.
The shadow was with her, still hungry, but it was set to waiting. She was no less frightened of the long-haired children and the sharp-tongued interviewers and the merciless lights of the sound stages, but at least now there was a goal; now there was something to move toward.
A gentle breeze came up, and they opened the windows.
HANDY.
My first premonition of disaster to come was during the conversation Crewes had with Spencer Lichtman. It was two days before he was to shoot her initial scenes for the film. Spencer had made an appointment to discuss Valerie, and Crewes had asked me to be present.
I sat mute and alert. Spencer made his pitch; it was a good one, and a brief one. A three-picture deal with Crewes and the Studio. Sharpel, the Studio business head, was there, and he did some of the finest broken-field running I"ve ever seen. He suggested everyone wait to see how Valerie did in Subterfuge.
Spencer looked terribly disturbed at the conversation as he left. He said nothing to me. Neither did Sharpel, who seemed uneasy that I"d been in the room at all.
When they"d gone, I sat waiting for Arthur Crewes to say something. Finally, he said, "How"s the publicity coming?"
"You"ve got the skinnys on your desk, Arthur. You know what"s happening." Then I added, "I wish I knew what was happening."
He played dumb. "What would you like to know, Fred?"
I looked at him levelly. He knew I was on to him. There was very little point in obfuscation. "Who"s got the pressure on you, Arthur?"
He sighed, shrugged as if to say welllll, y"found me out, and answered me wearily. "The Studio. They"re nervous. They said Valerie is having trouble with the lines, she"s awkward, the usual succotash."
"How the h.e.l.l do they know? She hasn"t even worked yet; only rehearsing. And Jimmy"s kept the sessions strictly closed off."
Crewes. .h.i.t the desk with the palm of his hand, then again. "They"ve got a spy in the crew."
"Oh, c"mon, you"re kidding!"
"I"m not kidding. They"ve got a pile tied up in this one. That ski troops picture Jenkey made is bombing. They won"t get back negative costs. They don"t want to take any chances with this one. So they"ve got a fink in the company."
"Want me to sniff him out?"
"Why bother. They"ll only plant another one. It"s probably Jeanine, the a.s.sistant wardrobe mistress ... or old Whatshisname ... Skelly, the makeup man. No, there"s no sense trying to pry out the rotten apple; it won"t help her performance any."
I listened to all of it with growing concern. There was a new tone in Crewes"s voice. A tentative tone, one just emerging for the first time, trying its flavor in the world. I could tell he was unhappy with the sound of it, that he was fighting it. But it was getting stronger. It was the tone of amelioration, of shading, of backing-off. It was the caterpillar tremble of fear that could metamorphose easily into the lovely b.u.t.terfly of cowardice.
"You aren"t planning on dumping her, are you, Arthur?" I asked.
He looked up sharply, annoyed. "Don"t be stupid. I didn"t go all through this just to buckle when the Studio gets nervous. Besides, I wouldn"t do that to her."
"I hope not."
"I said not!"
"But there"s always the chance they can sandbag you; after all, they do tend the cash register."
Crewes ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Let"s see how she does. Shooting starts in two days. Kencannon says she"s coming along. Let"s just wait... and see how she does ..."
How she did was not good.
I was on the set from the moment they started. Valerie"s call was for seven o"clock in the morning. For makeup and wardrobe. The Studio limo went to get her. She was in makeup for the better part of an hour. Johnny Black showed up as she was going into Wardrobe. He kissed her on the cheek and she said, "I hope I do justice to your lines. It"s a very nice part, Mr. Black." We walked over to the coffee truck and had a cup each. Neither of us spoke. Finally, Black looked down at me and asked--a bit too casually--"How"s it look?"
I shrugged. No answer. I didn"t have one.
Kencannon came on the set a few minutes later, and got things tight. The crew was alert, ready, they"d been put on special notice that these scenes were going to be tough enough, so let"s have a whole gang of cooperation. Everyone wanted her to make it.
It was bright-eyed/bushy-tailed time.
She came out of Wardrobe and walked straight to Jim Kencannon. He took her aside and whispered to her in a dark corner for fully twenty minutes.
Then they started shooting.
She knew her lines, but her mannerisms were strictly by rote. There was an edge of fear in even the simplest of movements. Kencannon tried to put her at ease. It only made her more tense. She was locked into fear, a kind of fear no one could penetrate deeply enough to erode. She had lived with it unconsciously for too long. There was too much at stake for her here. The only defense she had was what she knew instinctively as an actress. Unfortunately, the actress who remembered all of it, and who put it to use, almost somnambulistically, was an actress of the Forties. Miss Ankle-Strap Wedgie. An actress who had not really been required to act ... merely to look good, snap out her lines and show a lot of leg.
They ran through the first shot again and again. It was horrible to watch. Repet.i.tion after repet.i.tion, with Kencannon trying desperately to get a quality out of her that gibed with the modern tone of the film as a whole. It simply was not there.
"Scene eighty-eight, take seven, Apple!"
"Scene eighty-eight, take seven, Bravo!"
"Scene eighty-eight, take seven, China!"
"Scene eighty-eight, take fifteen, Hotel!"
"Scene ninety-one, take three, X-ray!"
Over and over and over. She blew it each time. The crew grew restless, then salty, then disgusted. The other actors began making snotty remarks off-camera. Kencannon was marvelous with her, but it was a disaster, right from speed and roll it. Finally, they got something shot.
Kencannon wandered off into the darkness of the sound stage. Valerie went to her dressing room. Presumably to collapse. The crew started setting up the next shot. I followed Kencannon back into the corner.
"Jim?"
He turned around, the unlit pipe hanging from the corner of his mouth. It was still before-lunch, early in the day, and he looked exhausted.
"Will it be all right?" I asked him.
He started to turn away. He didn"t need me bugging him. I guess the tone of concern in my voice stopped him. "Maybe I can cut it together so it"ll work."
And he walked away from me.
That afternoon Kencannon got a visit from Crewes on the set, and they talked quietly for a long time, back by the prop wagon. Then they began pruning Valerie"s part. A line here, a reaction shot there. Not much at first, but enough to let her know they were worried. It only served to deepen her nervousness. But they had no choice. They were backed against a wall.
But then, so was she.
The remainder of the shooting, over the next week, was agony. There was no doubt from the outset that she couldn"t make it, that the footage was dreadful. But we always harbored the secret hope that the magic of the film editor could save her.
The dailies were even more horrifying, for there, up on the projection room screen we could see the naked failure of what we had tried to do. The day"s footage went from flat and unnatural to genuinely inept. Kencannon had tried to cover as much as he could with two and three angles or reaction shots by supporting actors, by trick photography, by bizarre camerawork. None of it made it. There was still Valerie in the center of it, like the silent eye of a whirling dervish. Technique could not cover up what was lacking: a focus, a central core, a soul, a fire. Her scenes were disastrous.
When the lights came up in the projection room, and Crewes and myself were alone--we wouldn"t allow anyone else to see the dailies, not then we wouldn"t--we looked at each other, and Arthur breathed heavily, "Oh G.o.d, Fred! What are we going to do?"
I stared at the blank projection screen. There was such a helplessness in his voice, I didn"t know what to say. "Can we keep the Studio from finding out, at least till Kencannon cuts it together?"
He shook his head. "Not a chance."
"They move along behind you?"
"Close as they can. I think they"ve got the labs printing up duplicate sets of dailies. They"ve probably already run what we just saw here."
Why? I asked myself. Why?
And the answer ran through my head the way those dailies had been run. Behold, without argument, self-explanatory. The answer was simple: Valerie Lone had never been a very good actress, not ever. The films she had made were for an audience hungry for any product, which was why Veda Ann Borg and Vera Hruba Ralston and Sonja Henie and Jeanne Crain and Rhonda Fleming and Ellen Drew and all the other pretty, not-particularly-talented ones had made it. It was a nation before teevee, that had theaters to fill, with "A" features starring Paul Muni and Spencer Tracy and John Garfield and Bogart and Ingrid Bergman; but those theaters also needed a lower half to the bill, the "B" pictures with Rory Calhoun and Lex Barker and Ann Blyth and Wandra Hendrix. They needed product, not Helen Hayes.
So all the semi-talented had made fabulous livings. Anything sold. But now, films for theatrical release were budgeted in the millions, for even the second-cla.s.s product, and no one could risk the semi-talented. Oh, there were still the pretty ones who got in the films without the talent to get themselves arrested, but they were in the minority, in the quickie flicks. But Subterfuge was no quickie. It was a heavy sugar operation into which the Studio had poured millions already, not to mention unspoken but desperate needs and expectations.
Valerie Lone was one of the last of that extinct breed of "semi-stars" who were still vaguely in the public memory--though the new generations, the kids, didn"t know her from a white rabbit--but she didn"t have the moxie to cut it the way Bette Davis had, or Joan Crawford, or Barbara Stanwyck. She was just plain old Valerie Lone, and that simply wasn"t good enough.
She was one of the actresses who had made it then, because almost anyone who could stand up on good legs could make it ... but not now, because now it took talent of a high order, or a special something that was called "personality." And it wasn"t the same kind of "personality" Valerie had used in her day.
"What"re you going to do, Arthur?"
He didn"t look at me. He just stared straight ahead, at the empty screen. "l don"t know. So help me G.o.d, I just don"t know."
They didn"t sign her for a multiple.
At the premiere, held at the Egyptian, Valerie showed with Emery Romito. She was poised, she was elegant, she signed autographs and, as Crewes remarked under his breath to me, as she came up to be interviewed by the television emcee, she was dying at the very moment of what she thought was her greatest triumph. We had not, of course, told her how much Kencannon had had to leave on the cutting-room floor. It was, literally, a walk-on.
When she emerged from the theater, after the premiere, her face was dead white. She knew what was waiting for her. And there was nothing we could say. We stood there, numbly shaking hands with all the well-wishers who told us we had a smash on our hands, as Valerie Lone walked stiffly through the crowd, practically leading the dumbfounded Romito. Their car came to the curb, and they started to get into it. Then Mitchum emerged from the lobby, and the crowd behind their ropes went mad.
There had not been a single cheer or ooh-ahhh for Valerie Lone as she had stood waiting for the limousine to pull up. She was dead, and she knew it.
I tried to call Julie that night, after the big party at the Daisy. She was out. I took a bottle of charcoal Jack Daniels and put it inside me as quickly as I could.
I fell out on the floor. But it wasn"t punishment enough. I dreamed.
In the dreams I was trying to explain. My tongue was made of cloth, and it wouldn"t form words. But it didn"t matter, because the person I was trying to talk to couldn"t hear me. It was a corpse. I could not make out the face of the corpse.