"Yes," said Lucy slowly. "Yes, I"ll go now." She went to him and put her hands on his shoulders. Her eyes searched his face, and found it inscrutable. "You mind," she said, "I know you do. You ought not--but I"m glad of it."
He humbled himself at once. They parted as lovers part; but for the life of him he could not understand how she could find the heart to go. With himself, now, it would have been a point of honour not to go.
He did not see that the more a woman loves the more love she has to spare.
Vera Nugent took her into the room, pausing outside the door. "You"ll find him very jumpy," she said; and then, "My dear, you"re so sensible."
Lucy, who knew that she meant precisely the opposite, said, "No, I don"t think I am. I"m excitable myself. What do you want me to do?"
"Keep cool," said Vera. "He won"t like it, but it"s important." Then they went in. "Jimmy, here"s Mrs. Macartney."
The quick eyes from the bed had been upon her from the first. It was immediately evident to her that she was not to be spared. She heard his "At last!" and braced herself for what that might mean.
"I should have come before if the doctors had approved--so would James and Lancelot," she said as briskly as she might. He took no notice of her addition. Vera Nugent, saying, "Don"t let him talk too much," then left her with him.
She began matter-of-fact enquiries, but he soon showed her that she had not been brought in for such plat.i.tude. He played the mastery of the invalid without hesitation.
"Oh, I"m very sick, you know. They tell me that I shall be as fit as ever I was, if I behave--but really I don"t know. I"ve a good deal behind me--and not much before--so that I"m comparatively indifferent how the thing goes.... Look here, Lucy," he said suddenly--and she stiffened at her name--"I have to talk to you at last. It"s wonderful how we"ve put it off--but here it has come."
She said in low tones, "I don"t see why we should talk about anything.
I would much rather not. Everything is changed now--everything."
Urquhart began with a touch of asperity ill disguised. "Might one be allowed to enquire...?" Scared perhaps by his pomposity, he broke off: "No, that won"t do. I"ll ask you simply, what has happened? You liked me--to say no more. Now you don"t. No, no, don"t protest yet. Leave it at that. Well, and then there"s Macartney. Macartney didn"t know you existed. Now he doesn"t see that any one else does. What has happened, Lucy?"
She was annoyed at his _Lucy_, annoyed that she could be annoyed, annoyed at his question, and his right to ask it--which she had given him. Mostly, perhaps, she was annoyed because her answer must sound ridiculous. Hateful, that such should be the lot of men and wives! She repeated his question, "What has happened? I don"t know how to tell you. I found out, before we started--James found out-- Please don"t ask me to talk about it. Believe me when I say that everything is changed. I can"t say more than that."
He didn"t move his eyes from her. She knew they were there though she would not face them. "Everything isn"t changed. I"m not changed. I don"t know that you are, although you say so." She faced him.
"Indeed, I am. I hope you"ll understand that." He frowned, his fever flushed him.
"You can"t be. We can never be ordinary acquaintance. I have kissed you--"
"You had no right--"
"You have kissed me--"
"You are cruel indeed."
"I am not cruel--I don"t pretend to excuse myself. The first time--it was the act of a cad--but I worked it all out. It couldn"t fail; I knew exactly how it would be. You would of course think it was he. You would be awfully touched, awfully pleased--set up. And you were. I saw that you were when we all came into the room. You went over and stood by him. You put your hand on his arm. I said, "You divine, beautiful, tender thing, now I"ll go through the fire to get you....""
Lucy had covered her face with her hands; but now she lifted it and showed him as it might be the eyes of an a.s.sessing Angel.
"You went through no fire at all. But you put me in the fire." But he continued as if she had said nothing material.
"I had made up my mind to be satisfied. I thought if I could see you exalted, proud of what you had, that would be enough. But you found him out; and then you found me out too ... and we never spoke of it.
But there it was, Lucy, all the time; and there it is still, my dear--"
Her face was aflame, but her eyes clear and cold. "No," she said, "it"s not there. There is nothing there at all. You are nothing to me but a thought of shame. I think I deserve all that you can say--but surely you have said enough to me now. I must leave you if you go on with this conversation. Nothing whatever is there--"
He laughed, not harshly, but comfortably, as a man does who is sure of himself. "Yes, there is something there still. I count on that. There is a common knowledge, unshared by any one but you and me. He would have it so. I was ready to tell him everything, but he wouldn"t hear me. It was honourable of him. I admired him for it; but it left me sharing something with you."
She stared at him, as if he had insulted her in the street.
"What can you mean? How could he want to hear from you what he knew already from me?"
Urquhart went pale. Grey patches showed on his cheeks and spread like dry places in the sand.
"You told him?"
"Everything. Two nights before you went."
He fell silent. His eyes left her face. Power seemed to leave him.
"That tears it," he said. "That does for me." He was so utterly disconcerted that she could have pitied him.
"So that"s why he didn"t want to hear me! No wonder. But--why didn"t he tell me that he knew it? I taunted him with not knowing." He turned towards her; his eyes were bright with fever. "If you know, perhaps you"ll tell me."
Lucy said proudly, "I believe I know. He didn"t want to change your thoughts of me." He received that in silence.
Then he said, "By George, he"s a better man than I am."
Lucy said, "Yes, he is." Her head was very fixed, her neck very stiff.
She was really angry, and Urquhart had sense enough to see it. She got up to leave him, really angry, but unwilling to appear so. "You must forget all this," she said, "and get well. Then you will do wonderful things."
He said, "I"ve been a blackguard; but I meant something better."
"Oh, I am sure you did," she said warmly.
"I won"t see Macartney, if he doesn"t mind. Tell him from me that he"s a better man than I am."
"He won"t believe you," said Lucy.
"Oh, yes, he will," Urquhart held. "Good-bye. Love to Lancelot."
That melted her. "Don"t give us up. We are all your friends now."
He wouldn"t have it. "No. I am a neck-or-nothing man. It can"t be.
There"s no cake in the cupboard. I"ve eaten it. Send Vera in if you see her about. Good-bye." She left him.
She went through the hall, with a word to Vera, who was writing letters there. "He asked for you."
Vera looked up at her. "He"s excited, I suppose?"
"No, not now," said Lucy. Then she went into the sitting-room and saw the party at tea on the balcony. James paused in his careful occupations, and focussed her with his eyegla.s.s. She went quickly to the table.
"Oh, let me do it, let me." And then she sighed deeply.