"Yes. Let"s have tea and get it over."
She laughed, took off her gloves, and he watched her fingers as they occupied themselves with the china, as though he were impatient for the ceremony to be finished.
While she poured it out and handed it to him he said not a word. She saw that he looked pale and seemed rather nervous. Each tried to put the other at ease, more by looks than words. Edith saw it would worry him to make conversation. They knew each other well enough to exchange ideas without words.
He had something to say and she would not postpone it. That would irritate him.
"There," said Aylmer, giving a little push to the table. "Do you want any more tea?"
"No, thanks."
"Well--do you mind coming a little nearer?"
She lifted the little table, put it farther behind his chair, placed the arm-chair closer to him by the fire, and sat down again. He looked at her for some time with a serious expression. Then he said, rather abruptly and unexpectedly:
"What a jolly hat!"
"Oh, I _am_ glad you like it!" exclaimed Edith. "I was afraid you"d hate it."
For the first time they were talking in their old tone, she reflected.
"No, I like it--I love it." He lowered his voice to say this.
"I"m glad," she repeated.
"And I love you," said Aylmer as abruptly, and in a still lower voice.
She didn"t answer.
"Look here, Edith. I want to ask you something."
"Yes."
He seemed to have some difficulty in speaking. He was agitated.
"Have you forgotten me?"
"You can see I haven"t, or I wouldn"t be here," she answered.
"Don"t fence with me. I mean, really. Are you the same as when I went away?"
"Aylmer, do you think we had better talk about it?"
"We must. I must. I can"t endure the torture of seeing you just like anybody else. You know I told you--" He stopped a moment.
"You told me you"d never be a mere friend," she said. "But everything"s so different now!"
"It isn"t different; that"s where you"re wrong. You"re just the same, and so am I. Except that I care for you far more than I ever did."
"Oh, Aylmer!"
"When I thought I was dying I showed your little photograph to Miss Clay. I told her all about it. I suppose I was rather mad. It was just after an operation. It doesn"t matter a bit; she wouldn"t ever say a word."
"I"m sure she wouldn"t."
"I had to confide in somebody," he went on. "I told her to send you back the photograph, and I told her that my greatest wish was to see you again."
"Well, my dear boy, we have met again! Do change your mind from what you said last! I mean when you went away." She spoke in an imploring tone.
"Do you wish to be friends, then?"
She hesitated a moment, then said: "Yes, I do."
CHAPTER XV
After a moment"s pause he said: "You say everything"s changed. In a way it is. I look at things differently--I regard them differently. When you"ve been up against it, and seen life and death pretty close, you realise what utter rot it is to live so much for the world."
Edith stared. "But ... doesn"t it make you feel all the more the importance of principle--goodness and religion, and all that sort of thing? I expected it would, with you."
"Frankly, no; it doesn"t. Now, let us look at the situation quietly."
After an agitated pause he went on:
"As far as I make out, you"re sacrificing yourself to Bruce. When he ran away with that girl, and begged you to divorce him, you could have done it. You cared for me. Everything would have been right, even before the world. No-one would have blamed you. Yet you wouldn"t."
"But that _wasn"t_ for the world, Aylmer; you don"t understand. It was for myself. Something in me, which I can"t help. I felt Bruce needed me and would go wrong without me--"
"Why should you care? Did he consider you?"
"That isn"t the point, dear boy. I felt as if he was my son, so to speak--a sort of feeling of responsibility."
"Yes, quite. It was quixotic rubbish. That"s my opinion. There!"
Edith said nothing, remembering he was still ill.
"Well," he went on, "now, he _hasn"t_ run away from you. He"s stayed with you for three years; utterly incapable of appreciating you, as I know he is, bothering you to death."
"Oh, Aylmer!"
"Don"t I know him? You"re wasting and frittering yourself away for nothing."
"The children--"
"Don"t you think I"d have looked after the children better than he?"
"Yes, I do, Aylmer. But he _is_ their father. They may keep him straight."