Chapter 1.2
The mobile phone keep on vibrating in my purse, I see the number and immediately stop grieving over the pa.s.sing of spring [1], because it is the boss who called.
[1] 伤春悲秋 Shāng Chūn Bēi Qiū: feel sad with the advent of autumn ； shed tears over the changes of seasons
The world is boundless, the boss is the greatest, if he wants you to stand living, you cannot die sitting.
“Ye Jing Zhi.” The boss seemed very angry, “I just wanted you to send some data, where have you’ve been?”
“I’ll be right back.”
Towards work one should learn to cherish, so even if love fails, lose your virginity, been divorced, you can also live on.
Returning to the office working hard until six pm, as expected, it’s was really exhausting, whatever thoughts I had were gone.
This year whatever grief I felt will have to wait until I have capital, otherwise even if I have the time and energy it’ll be useless. In those years when I was Mrs. Lu, every day I was free to quarrel with Lu Yu Jiang, now that we’re divorced, even arguing I did not have the grief ability.
I called Chen Mo, informing him where he needed to go for the next two days, and wait until I find a place and then move.
It is as expected, Chen Mo cried as if his b.u.t.tock was on fire, “Ah? You are going to move out? Then what about the 25 million?”
Recently since I got divorced I would often boast to Chen Mo, “Wait until I get half of the houses sold, I will have 25 million, then I’ll be a wealthy person.”
I didn’t tell Chen Mo as part of the divorce agreement, half of the property can only be sold to Lu Yu Jiang, or else Chen Mo will certainly loudly curse that I’m an idiot. But who can calculate Lu Yu Jiang? My whole body with my head being eaten was not enough.
“I spent it all”, I lightly touch on it and said, “Look, all of a sudden I spent 25 million, aren’t I awesome?”
Chen Mo half believe and half doubt, finally he actually seems to believe me, “Even a husband like Lu Yu Jiang you dare to not want, in one breath spending 25 million, I guess you really could have done it.”
I went to McDonald’s to buy a hamburger, and then sat in the store and finished eating, watching the color of the sky slowly getting darker. Across the street there is a big city square, a couple walking by fountain, also elderly walking by, and mothers with their children.
They all walked leisurely, but I wasn’t in a hurry. I could catch the last train back on the line, it’s best if Lu Yu Jiang was already asleep, that way it’ll be more convenient to pack my belongings.
Speaking of packing my belongings, there also wasn’t much, after our divorce I’ve gone through untold hardships to find work, when received my first month’s salary, I went and brought several sets of work clothes.
I remember when I return home, Lu Yu Jiang precisely was at home, seeing my bags, he also ridiculed, “You still have not convergent a little? Beware not to max out your credit card.”
I once quarrel with him because I max out a credit card, Lu Yu Jiang’s credit card ah, I estimate the bank was happy to death.
It was so rare, for the first time in many years I was filled with the feeling of exaltation upon fulfilment, I said, “I spend my own money, its does not concern you.”
I often use foul language in front of Lu Yu Jiang, every time he would be very angry, that time he became the most ruthless, so I felt very good, I finally felt like I’ve regain a sense of perception.
I have purposely waited until midnight to return home, who knew that Lu Yu Jiang have not returned.
Very good, maybe that a.s.sh*le is busy making money, have gone and flew thousands of miles away.
I did not have any other little thoughts, I placed a few simple clothes in the suitcase, the room was empty, I sat on the bed in a daze. Ever since the big quarrel we had, Lu Yu Jiang moved to the guest room until our divorce. Therefore, I have always lived in the master bedroom. After our divorce, I packed all his things into cartons and placed them in the hallway, let him clear it up. And the things that was ours, I threw them all away.
There wasn’t much that belonged to us, just wedding photos, also a teddy bear.
After our marriage Lu Yu Jiang hate me hugging him to sleep, but if I didn’t hug something I could not sleep, so he bought the teddy bear, on the bed there was a demarcate line, the teddy bear was placed in between the demarcate line. Sometimes in the middle of the night if I got carried away, and I crossed the line, he will push out the teddy bear, most of the time I was woken by this, and then obediently return to my own side.
How depressing, not even a little good memory.
I carried the suitcase downstairs, the lights downstairs have not been turned on, I could not see anything in the dark, I felt around the wall for a while before finding the switch, the bright light gave me a fright, because Lu Yu Jiang sat on the sofa.
He comes and goes like a shadow, this is really terrifying.
What time did he come back, I was on the second floor, how I did not hear anything?
His eyes fell on the suitcase in my hands, then falls on my face, in any case I’m also a pot that’s been broken, I didn’t even want the 25 million, why would I be afraid of him? So with my head held high and chest out, I firmly stared at him, and walked to the door.
“Ye Jing Zhi.”
I ignore him, he shook the remote control in his hands, the door entrance lock, why did this a.s.sh*le lock the entrance door?
“What do you want?”
“Open the box.”
I was angry and raised my voice, “What do you want?”
“How do I know that you didn’t steal anything?” His lips had this faintly discernible intent smile, “All the rooms are unlocked, the house has many antiques.”
A scholar prefers death than humiliation! [2]
[2] 士可杀不可辱 Shì Kě Shā Bù Kě Rǔ: One can be killed, but can not be humiliated!
All the blood rushed to my head, I lifted up the suitcase and forcefully threw it at him, but the separation was too far, the box fell in the middle of the room on the carpet. The lock on the suitcase was originally not locked, so the zippier release, the suitcase cover loosen and open, the clothes inside all fell to the floor. I was like a madman screaming at him, “You look ah! You can have a look! Have I stole any valuable things? You widened your eyes and look, what have I taken? I tell you, the socks you have used your money to buy, I would not take a pair, even if I love money, and greed for wealth. I don’t need your money, because you really make me feel sick! Nausea!” I hoa.r.s.ely shouted at him, just like those Taiwanese Drama roles, I know I must also look fierce, but there is no way to control it.
In the room there was a short silence, I wiped my tears, place all the important things back into the suitcase. I have not walked away from the princ.i.p.al, because my next pay check is still too early, I want to rent a house, I had no money to buy clothes again. He sat there and did not move, even his tone was cynicism as usual, “Very good, I initially thought in this lifetime you would never cry.”
Who said I won’t cry? Today I have cried twice, once was because of him, another is also because of him.
He changed the door’s pa.s.sword, I could not leave, I went limp sitting on the suitcase, leaning back against the cold door, I just felt exhausted, “Lu Yu Jiang, what do you want? It has been more than a year since we’ve been divorced, I have endure this for more than a year, now I can’t bear it anymore, I admit defeat, I’m moving out, I don’t want the house, I’m cleanly leaving the family, why do you bother forcing such a struggle?”
“You owe me.” The tone in his voice became colder, like the cool night outside the window, “Don’t think you can just take off, not so easily.”
Kao!
I’m not playing!
I lost sense of reasons, pounce at him and kicked, “Lu Yu Jiang, you jerk! Open the door for me!”
I laid hands on him very ruthlessly, but accounted I was at a disadvantage, I practised Taekwondo for more than 10 years, while he has practised kick boxing for more than 20 years, so in the end he threw me over his shoulder and I fiercely fell hard to the ground, the back of my head heavily hit on the sofa’s ebony feet, so painful that all I could see was darkness, nasal discharge and tears flowed out, my entire body weakly slumped on the ground.
I must have been left with brain damage, because I felt dizzy, even Lu Yu Jiang’s face in front of me all of a sudden spun around towards me, and suddenly spun away, “Ye Jing Zhi! Ye Jing Zhi!”
He seemed a little anxious, patted my cheek, and rubbed the back of my head where it’s been hit, I felt his voice was so close to me, but it seems far away. I feel terrified, just like all those other nights, I felt very afraid, I would hold into the teddy bear that he bought for me, in my heart, and muttered, “Don’t leave me…… Please don’t leave me……” I don’t know what I’ve said, I just felt a burst numbness on the back of my head, just like the headache pains in the past, so painful that I felt nausea, wanting to vomit. I trembled not knowing whose name I was calling, perhaps my mother, perhaps my elder sister.
“Jing Zhi…… Jing Zhi……” My elder sister gently calling my name, “Lu Yu Jiang will take care of you, he promised me, he will take care of you……”
I have a terrible headache, I don’t want Lu Yu Jiang, I only want my elder sister, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than live with a complete stranger like Lu Yu Jiang.
I should not be greedy, I should not be greedy…… It’s just wasn’t me, he simply should not belong to me, this is retribution.
“Jing Zhi…… Ye Jing Zhi…….” His face in front of me, my pupil heavily dilated, just like a camera’s zoom. Lu Yu Jiang’s eyelash was very long, also slightly curved, I often wanted to wait until he fell asleep and secretly pull a strand, however every time I would have fallen asleep before he did.
I must have fallen asleep again, because I dreamt of Lu Yu Jiang, he gently calling my name, rubbing where my headache was, lowered his head and plant a kiss on my lips, although it was very lightly. When was the last time he kissed me? Two years ago? Three years ago? I almost greedily inhaled his scent, refusing to release him. He held me close, I heard his chest thud, his heart pounding, he muttered while kissing me, “Jing Zhi……. I miss you…….”
I suddenly awaken, as if my head has been poured with ice water, my temple was palpitating, my entire person jumped up, suddenly like a rabbit, running far away.
He half knelt, half sitting, his chest slightly rise and fall, staring at me.
It was like being poured with sulfuric acid, from the tip of my tongue down to my stomach, all like sizzling toxic smog that has leapt to my forehead. I was certainly awake, although my head felt excruciating, although I felt pain somewhere on my body. My mouth parched and my tongue scorched, I certainly had to say that sentence, “You look carefully, I’m Ye Jǐng Zhi, I’m not Ye Jìng Zhi [3], Jìng Zhi is dead.”
[3] 竟知 Jìng Zhi: So Jing Zhi and her elder sister’s name has the same ping ying but it’s actually different Chinese characters and meaning. 景 Jǐng meaning scenery while her elder sister’s name 竟 Jìng means complete/unexpected.
His face was white as a ghost, I think my complexion wasn’t any better off.
For a long time he did not move, I didn’t either.
Finally my feet felt numb, I could hardly stand, I searched for the remote control, and placed it into his hands, “Open the door, I want to leave.”
He didn’t open the door, instead the remote fiercely fell to the ground, fortunately the carpet was thick, I rushed to pick up the remote control, and he rushed in like a madman to tear my clothes. I have never seen such a ferocious Lu Yu Jiang, his forehead was bursting with blue veins, as if he wanted to swallow me alive. Even before, when he made me frantically angry, he also used up more harsh words to infuriate me to death. But today he must be crazy, I know, I know I already mentioned he has lost his senses. I tried very hard to resist, who knew my strength were inferior than his. He caused me much pain, even more painful than the first time. The first time was when he was drunk, he actually thought I was my elder sister, I took this opportunity [4] to coax him to bed. (Obviously in this context, it’s referring to s.e.xually seducing him and doing “it”) Then threatened him, blackmailing him with guilt and moral values, and finally he had no choice but to marry me.
[4] 顺水推舟 Shùn Shuǐ Tuī Zhōu: Push the boat along with the current — make use of an opportunity to achieve one’s end ； make use of the favourable current situation to push matters through with little effort.
He did not take a knife and forcefully asked me, “Why do you want to marry me?”
But why was he so obnoxious, still willing to marry me? Even after marriage, there also were some certain aspects of he xie (harmonization) [5], although Lu Yu Jiang was a neat freak, after he xie was done he’ll be far away from me as possible, shall not let me exceed the demarcate line and touch him.
[5] 河蟹; Hé Xiè: An internet slang terms created by Chinese netizens in reference to Internet censorship or the other censorship of China. The word use in this context refers to s.e.xual intercourse between the couple.
I thought about the question numerous times, finally I inadvertently heard Chen Mo say, “Men will separate love and s.e.x, when he’s hugging you indefinitely he could be thinking of someone else.”
I know who Lu Yu Jiang would be thinking of, he would think of my elder sister, Ye Jìng Zhi.
However, but I know I don’t look one bit like my elder sister. She is pretty, gentle and kind, like a white orchid (gardenia) flower, and I was covered in spines, my heart and liver were black.
In the beginning I thought I could endure it, the results I have overestimated myself. Overwhelmed by grief, I would cry in my dreams, as long as he’s away on a business trip, every night I was so scared that I would remain shivering, so scared that I could not sleep, afraid that he would never return. However, once he return home, I also found reason to quarrel with him, because I know why he treat me with benign countenance, he was reminded of my elder sister, he thought of Jìng Zhi. Every single time I would become hysterical, and he would contrast sharply with me, if it wasn’t for Jìng Zhi, if he had not promised her to take good care of me, I estimate our marriage also wouldn’t last for more than three years.