Chapter Thirty-Four
… Let Us Treasure this Affinity
Long Fei-li did not speak, and Xuanji grew increasingly uneasy, lowering her gaze. Those slips of paper which she had left within the tea tray… he must have thought that she harboured other intentions.
After a long while, he said, "Your mind seems to be filled with many strange ideas."
"That was -" She immediately tried to explain.
"Taught to you by your tutor," he finished.
Xuanji smiled, "Your Majesty is wise."
He carried her within his arms and leapt off the roof of the pavilion.
Disappointment rose within her, but she heard him say, "The tea you are preparing has been improving every day."
She froze, then happiness warmed her heart, yet she could not understand the meaning behind his words. After a moment"s thought, she asked, "So the eunuch from Qiuying Pavilion can continue to deliver tea to Chuxiu Hall, can he?"
"En," Long Fei-li a.s.sented, then continued, "Except I heard that Concubine Jin"s illness is not light."
Xuanji smiled, her eyes bright. "She will be well soon."
She was ill - was he concerned about her?
But how could she ask this question? She did not have the energy to ask.
He wrapped her securely within his cloak and pulled her into his arms as they leapt from the eaves of the trees.
She was enveloped within his embrace. Earlier, she yearned to remain here for a moment longer with him, but under the peaceful tranquility of the night, her headache sharpened and her body alternated between stabs of fever and chilliness, causing her to feel acutely uncomfortable.
Sure enough, there was a price to pay in enjoying a romantic moment on the rooftop beneath the moonlight.
She closed her eyes, her hands absentmindedly winding around his waist.
His fingers brushed against her forehead, even as he hastened in his pace.
Yet with a few more jumps, he abruptly stopped. Xuanji opened her eyes groggily to see that they had already landed on the ground.
She wanted to ask him what had happened, but his voice, embedded with a hint of anxiety, had already sounded from beside her ears.
"Can you stand on your own?"
"I can."
He placed her next to a st.u.r.dy tree. Xuanji rested against the tree for support, and under the beam of the moonlight, she saw that they had not yet left the willow forest.
Bewildered, she wondered what Long Fei-li was doing now.
A distance ahead, a candle had been lit, its glow faint.
The puzzlement in Xuanji only grew. She was actually unable to stand steadily on her own, but as she did not want to cause any more trouble to Long Fei-li, she chose to sit down by the tree. Squinting, she saw that Long Fei-li had lit a paper candle, and had walked over to the lotus pond far ahead.
She could not see the expression on his face, but knew instinctively that he was extremely anxious. Never had she seen him in such a manner.
Clenching her jaw, she stood up, walking over to his side as she asked, "Do you have any other paper candles?"
"It doesn"t concern you."
"Tell me what you"re trying to find. I"ll help you find it too."
He was about to bypa.s.s her, but she had already stood in front of him, blocking his path.
In a low voice, he returned, "It"s in the pond. How are you going to find it?"
Xuanji started, and suddenly remembered that when they had landed on the grounds, she seemed to have heard a ripple of water from the lakes. At that time, she had been feeling unwell, and had wrapped her arms around his waist…
It better not have been her who unwittingly caused him to drop something important…
Her worry caused her to momentarily forget about the pain enveloping her body.
"What is it? It is very important, isn"t it?" In her anxiety, she unconsciously tugged at his sleeves.
"En." He removed her hands from his robes, extending the candle further ahead to illuminate the pond.
As her hand fell from his sleeves, Xuanji stared at him. His brows were creased; her heart ached. Suddenly, a thought rose within her mind.
"Long Fei-li, are you unable to swim?"
He did not reply, his gaze measured as he stared intently at the lotus pond.
Days ago, in finding the best flowers for brewing tea, she had once led Diefeng and her other servants all over the imperial palace in search of the perfect species.
She had come here before, but as it was not the season of the lotus, within the pond, there were no blossoming flowers, only wilting stems.
Diefeng had once told her that the depth of this lotus pond was extremely deep. It was connected to the city moat beyond the imperial palace, hence the flow of the water was extremely quick, and one should take care to avoid dropping something into this pond.
His bodyguards did not seem to be around… Xuanji bit her lips, bypa.s.sed him and walked forward, away from him, before she stepped into the lotus pond.
Surprised, Long Fei-li reacted as he swiftly moved forward to catch hold of her -
But she had already antic.i.p.ated this, so she had walked a distance away before she had entered the pond. Swiftly, she swam away from the grounds before she finally raised her head from the water and said in a hoa.r.s.e voice, "Tell me what is it, and the approximate location you dropped it… I can"t last very long."
Long Fei-li clenched his jaw as he said in a low voice, "Nian Xuanji, you are insane. Come up now."
"Long Fei-li, d.a.m.n you, stop saying irrelevant things. Hurry and tell me!" She also became anxious.
She was an extremely good swimmer, but the chilliness that accompanied spring had not yet pa.s.sed, and as she was also down with cold at the moment, the iciness of the lake caused her teeth to chatter.
Long Fei-li was anxious and angry, but he was a decisive person. Gritting his teeth, he said, "A few meters front - an embroidered pouch."
Embroidered pouch… something flashed across Xuanji"s mind, gloomy and urgent, but she did not have the time to catch hold of that fleeting thought. With a deep breath, she submerged her head beneath the waters.
The strong smell of mud within the murky waters flooded her senses at once. Within the darkness of the lotus pond, she could not see anything, and could only use her hands to feel for the pouch…
As she felt around, the sharp stones within the pond sc.r.a.ped against her arms and legs. Between the swirling pond water which besieged her and the aching pain of her body combined with the dizziness in her head, only one thought remained particularly clear:
She would help him retrieve it!
***
There were no movements within the water. His hands, hanging by his sides, had long curled into two tight fists.
He had not brought his fireworks with him. Tonight, he wanted to pay a visit to her, and had dismissed all his hidden guards… Living within a treacherous environment, he was constantly besieged by threats coming from the unknown, but as he was talented in both the books and martial arts, gifted with agility several times that of an ordinary person, he had managed to hone his martial arts to an even higher level than Qingfeng, even though he had started his tutelage under their master at a later date.
His heart, which had long been accustomed to calmness in the face of urgency, begun to feel a flutter of panic.
Panic - how many years has it been since he last felt such an emotion? Nian Xuanji…
Xuanji… nothing can happen to you!
I will not allow it!
***
Earlier, she had asked him if he was unable to swim.
How would she know.
Over ten years ago, on the night before the seven-year old Ninth Prince was to ascend the throne, he was violently submerged within a small lake in the imperial palace.
He tried multiple times to swim to the top, but was forced back down by the sheath of a sword which hammered heavily on his head each time he came close to the surface. That night, the blood which flowed from his forehead caused his vision to be filled with red.
All he saw was a darkly treacherous pond and a cloud of red water…
***
He clenched his jaw. With a sweep of his sleeves, he took a step into the pond.
The bitter iciness which met him was as abhorrent as a water snake curling around a person"s skin.
Yet even as he took the first step forward, water abruptly splashed from the pond, landing upon him like star dusts falling from the heavens.
Under the glow of the moon, he saw her emerge from the water - her face was pale, yet her eyes were bright and stubborn. Behind her, her long, black hair tumbled across her back.
She was just like a beautiful water spirit who had awakened from the depths of the pond after having rested for a thousand of years.
Without doubt, she was beautiful, but in the palace where countless stunning women gathered, she was not exceptional.
But at this moment, it was as though his soul had been s.n.a.t.c.hed away.
He hurried forward, swiftly landing upon the surface of the water next to her as he carried her out from the pond.
As they huddled together beside the lotus pond, she trembled within his arms, her teeth chattering. But her movements were faint, as though she did not even have the strength left within her to s.h.i.+ver.
He held her tighter against his chest - in the end, she did not manage to retrieve that item, so for what reason did she cause herself to suffer unnecessarily?
"The candle," she said, her voice weak.
He tightened his hold around her and lit the candle, a faint glimmer lighting the night skies.
"See if this is it."
Long Fei-li stilled. Under the glow of the fire, slowly, she uncurled her fist.
It was a brocade pouch, heavy with water, its embroidery simple.
Xuanji stared at it. A stifling desolation took hold of her chest, her body stiffening.
If there was truly such a thing as fate, what did this sort of coincidence mean?
This embroidered pouch was identical to the item she had picked up the other day.
The only difference was that this pouch was sewn with the words "Xinyi".
She saw Long Fei-li"s gaze completely fixated on the pouch.
This was the expression of a man looking at something he held close to his heart. She thought that this time, she could not be mistaken.
Her entire body was cold to the point of numbness, the haziness in her mind spreading. Yet she held onto a fraction of clear-headedness, and heard herself ask, "Your Majesty, do you have a courtesy name?"
"Don"t you know what my courtesy name is?" Long Fei-li said in return.
"Youzhi," she said softly, both an answer and a question.
He murmured in a.s.sent.
Xuanji laughed, soundlessly.
Now that she thought about it… that day, the eunuch she met had flawlessly pale skin, and though she could not see his features, it was obvious that his build was extremely slender and pet.i.te.
It was a woman, wasn"t it.
Was it one of his other concubines, or someone else altogether. Except, if it were a concubine, why was there a need for such secrecy?
Courtesy names; embroidered pouches.
Youzhi; Xinyi.
Wordlessly, she stared at the back of her hands, at the cuts etched into her skin from where the rocks had sc.r.a.ped against her. The water from the pond mingled with her blood.
His gaze was on her hands, yet he could not see her wounds. He saw past it, his attention solely concentrated on the pouch within her hands.
Was this what it felt like to make the wedding dress of one"s rival in love?
But who could she blame… blame him?
He was the Emperor, and it was expected for him to have countless women.
It was just a small pouch. His eyes were filled with such sincerity only because it was something he treasured.
There was someone hidden deep within his heart, wasn"t there.
Xinyi - a ripple on the heart, a woman as graceful as the waters of a lake.
Who was she.
Was it Jixiang, or someone else.
He was the powerful and almighty Emperor, gifted with the supreme authority to dictate a person"s life and death, but he had also had a secret that could never be disclosed.
That day, within Chuxiu Hall, that woman had been right there…
Ah Qi - from the beginning till the end, it was all your foolishness.
***
Placing the pouch into his palms, she staggered to stand.
The flame from the paper candle was extinguished.
He stood, yet she broke free from his hand which had extended towards her.
"Nian Xuanji." The hint of anger was visible within his voice.
She took several steps back, then stared at him. She said, "Your Majesty, I helped you retrieve this. Is there any reward?"
Must she say such words at this moment in time? The restlessness which had taken hold of him the instant she had broken free from his embrace sharpened. In a low voice, he said, "Come over. I will help you expel your cold."
Xuanji shook her head. "Your Majesty, I only have one request. If you wish to, you can select my nameplate to summon me in serving you for the night. Otherwise, in the future, please don"t enter my rooms in the middle of the night," she said, each word clearly enunciated.
It was fake, fake. All of it was fake!
I thought that I could be without desire or demands, but perhaps it was only because, deep within my heart, I retained a thread of wistfulness, a wishful thinking that, one day, if I tried hard enough… I could become the person in your heart.
But I forgot. Within this palace, which woman did not harbour such thoughts?
Really, you are not to be blamed.
Blamed for not loving me?
How could I.
So, you are the Emperor, and I am your consort.
Other than that, there is nothing else between us, so please stop raising my hopes.
Let it be this way.
Whenever a woman was summoned to serve the Emperor for the night, an attendant would make a record of this. Not only was this evidence of whether a woman was favoured by the Emperor, it also served as proof for the legitimacy of her child if she were to conceive.
Upon seeing her body tremble from the chilliness, an icy fury rose within Long Fei-li.
Coldly, he said, "Nian Xuanji - this is what you are concerned with? Since you want to be the most favoured woman within this palace, I will grant you your wis.h.!.+"
"Thank you, Your Majesty." Xuanji only smiled. She turned, moving away.
Yet a sudden heaviness took hold of her body, and as darkness punctuated her vision, she staggered, falling towards the grounds…
Let us treat the crossing of our paths as a beautiful illusion.
It was truly the only meeting of our lifetimes - an affinity that was never meant to be, a temporal encounter which we should have treasured in that very moment with all our hearts.
Perhaps, earlier, we should have stayed a moment longer at the rooftops.
Translator’s notes:
Courtesy names are an ancient practice where upon reaching adulthood, a person would be bestowed a stylistic name in addition to their given name.
Xinyi (心漪; xīn yī).
心 (xīn) = heart; 漪 (yī) = ripple.
That"s why Xuanji said Xinyi was "a ripple on the heart - a woman as graceful as water." 漪 (yī) is a.s.sociated with water because it consists of the 氵shuǐ (water) radical (水字旁), which looks like three water droplets.