Chapter Twenty Five
If Your Heart Were Dead.
"This morning, my servant discovered the wound on my face and wanted to summon someone to have a look at it. The physician lady we found was originally Physician Lady Cui, but later, Lady Jin… no, Consort An"s attendant came over and said…"
The Emperor"s eyes were intent upon her. "What did she say?"
"That tonight, Consort An will be attending to you and as she was feeling unwell, they needed a physician as well… and the physician lady they wanted was also Physician Lady Cui." Xuanji forced a smile, "It was my servant"s fault. We should not have fought with Consort An, but her servant should not have hit Diefeng either."
The man"s slender fingers brushed across her forehead. A smile traced his lips as he repeated, "Not fight?"
Xuanji could hear the scorn within the Emperor"s words, but she did not understand what he was amused by. Except… it did not matter. As expected, he was unmoved.
This scar which was gifted by his very hands - he did not care.
At this moment, An Jin stepped forward and said with furrowed brows, "Concubine Nian, you can"t put it this way. Physician Lady Cui was allocated by the Academy of Medicine to me. It isn"t my servant who fought with your servant for her."
The Emperor"s glance swept across An Jin. Mildly, he said, "Is that so?"
An Jin knelt and said softly, "Your Majesty, you are aware of my character. Even if I have entered the imperial palace, I will never be able to learn the clever ways of using my words to right the wrongs."
As she said these words, Diefeng"s body shook with infuriation. Yes, the Academy of Medicine had allocated Physician Lady Cui to An Jin, but this was also because they had used their status to force them to do so! Yet An Jin had found this loophole…
Diefeng wanted to defend herself, but Xuanji stopped her with a glance.
Diefeng gritted her teeth, and did not dare to speak further, only, she saw Xuanji lift her head and ask in a quiet voice, "So did your attendant hit mine?"
An Jin paled, and quickly looked at the Emperor, before saying in a low voice, "Your Majesty, then, the few servants were all struggling together. When they returned, I heard from them that Diefeng had struck the first blow by kicking my younger servant, Ah Su. It was only because of this that my older servant, Ah s.h.i.+, was indignant and hit Diefeng in return."
The Emperor a.s.sented.
Diefeng clenched her jaw, but did not speak. Xuanji looked at her and said, "Diefeng, did you hit Ah Su?"
"I did not." Tears flowing down her cheeks, Diefeng said vehemently, each syllable clear. "Your Highness, I can swear on my life: I did not!"
Xuanji turned to face the Emperor. She could only do this much…
The man"s pale fingers detached themselves from her forehead.
A pause. Then he said, "Jin"er will never lie."
"En." Xuanji lifted her head, forcing back her tears which were threatening to fall.
An Jin shot a glance at her.
The Emperor stared keenly at her. "All these while, you"ve refused to explain yourself because you intended to first receive these ten slaps before showing me your wound in order to elicit a thread of my sympathy. Am I right?"
Xuanji closed her eyes. She could hear with heavy clarity the disdainful whispers of everyone within the hall, whether they were the servants or the eunuchs… and Qingfeng"s sneer, Prince Lingrui"s contempt, even Xia Sang"s conflicted expression.
Struggling to obtain a shred of the Emperor"s pity…
Now, even the last of her dignity had been cruelly s.n.a.t.c.hed up and laid bare in front of everyone by this man, before being shattered into smithereens.
"Yes." She smiled.
"Why?"
The corners of Xuanji"s mouth lifted. "Seventeen slaps. My servant was. .h.i.t seventeen times by those two servants. She never hit back once. Your Majesty, you are right. I only wanted to use these ten slaps in exchange for your sympathy, to allow Diefeng a chance to strike back."
The smile on the Emperor"s face slowly froze, his expression darkening.
Stunned, Diefeng stared at Xuanji through dumbfounded eyes, as though someone had casted a spell upon her. She could not utter a single word, the tears in her eyes p.r.i.c.kling at her until she could no longer see anything through her blurred vision…
Ah s.h.i.+ had long fainted into unconsciousness. The Emperor"s gaze swept across the room before landing on the young servant, Ah Su.
Frightened, Ah Su could not help but tremble, her eyes darting everywhere nervously.
"Your Majesty…" An Jin began in a low voice as she shook her head.
"You cannot touch Consort An"s people." Bending down, the Emperor said quietly by Xuanji"s ear, "Never try to fathom the thoughts of another person, do you understand?"
It was a clear voice, serenely spoken, but why did it sound so unfeeling?
Xuanji thought: she understood. From the beginning till the end, it was never about right or wrong, never about reason or logic, only about whether the Emperor loved, or did not love.
Within the pavilion, everyone stared at her, as though she was a strange animal.
She was… just a fool.
She did not look at him again, only saying, "Eunuch Xia Sang, you can begin."
Xia Sang"s brows drew together, and he glanced at the Emperor once more.
Yet there was a new voice from the entrance of the hall, "Greetings to Your Majesty."
Within the newcomer"s hands was a medicine kit - it was Physician Lady Cui, who had only just returned. Earlier, she had left Qiuying Pavilion in order to retrieve some medical supplies which she had forgotten to bring from the Academy of Medicine.
Physician Lady Cui hurriedly dashed into the hall, and as she raised her head, she was suddenly aware of the tension within the room, as well as the ominous expression on the Emperor"s face. Only then did she realise that something was amiss, and stared around at a loss, her heart thrumming nervously.
The Emperor cast a glance at her, then said, "Take a look at her."
Physician Lady Cui froze, only to see the Emperor bend down and lift the pale-looking woman who had been kneeling on the floor into his arms, before walking towards a chair in the centre of the room at an unhurried place.
The Emperor sat down and placed the woman atop his knee.
Physician Lady Cui stared, stupefied. Yet she was not the only person dumbfounded - everyone in the room wore a similar expression on their faces, including Xuanji.
She was perched on top of his knees…
Xuanji stared at the Emperor, yet he did not look at her, his sharp gaze falling upon the small crescent-shaped scar on her forehead.
If Physician Lady Cui had not arrived at this precise moment, would he have allowed Xia Sang to hit her, or not.
If he had, then the last vestiges of hope and affection within her heart would simultaneously be shattered.
Her eyes glimmered with a faint trace of wetness.
Softly, she whispered, ‘You said to never try and fathom your thoughts… But I never knew them to begin with."
Her tears landed on the back of his hands, which had been caressing her cheeks. The Emperor"s brows drew together as he shook away her fallen teardrops.
It turns out, it was still possible to hurt even after she had been hurt to the point of numbness.
Xuanji turned her head away. Physician Lady Cui was kneeling on the ground, carefully observing her wounds.
"How is it?" The Emperor said in a low voice.
With a small smile, Physician Lady Cui said, "Your Majesty can rest a.s.sured. After I apply some medication for Her Highness, the wound will not leave a scar."
"En."
The room had fallen into silence once more.
An Jin lowered her gaze. The Emperor had protected her… yet he had carried Xuanji onto his lap in front of all the people within the room - why…
Jealousy and hatred blossomed in her heart, like a wildfire rippling across the plains of a gra.s.sland, setting everything ablaze.
Suddenly, a jolt of pain shot through her from her feet.
Alarmed, she saw that it was that little beast.
The little wolf had been gravely injured, and when Xuanji had placed it down on the floor earlier, it had been exhaling heavily though hooded eyes. Later, when its breath had slowed, everyone thought it had died.
Now, the little wolf had used the last of its strength to crawl over to An Jin, biting her.
A wave of anger rose within An Jin, melding with her frustration as she swiftly kicked the little wolf on its stomach.
The little wolf rolled to a corner, whining piteously as it spat out a mouthful of blood, its eyes burning with viciousness as it stared at An Jin. After a moment"s struggle, its movements slowed.
"Little wolf -" Alarmed, Xuanji hurriedly pushed aside Physician Lady Cui"s outstretched hands as she stood up from the Emperor"s lap, rus.h.i.+ng over to the little wolf.
Diefeng cried, "Your Highness…"
With shaking hands, Xuanji lifted the little wolf into her arms carefully. Both the little wolf"s eyes were shut, yet it still clung onto life.
"I beg you, please save it." Xuanji pleaded in a low voice as she urgently thrusted the little wolf towards Physician Lady Cui.
"Yes, Your Highness." Physician Lady Cui was about to take the little wolf from her hands when the Emperor"s icy voice cut through the still air.
"Who gave you the permission to save it?"
Alarmed, Physician Lady Cui"s outstretched hands faltered.
In disbelief, Xuanji said, "What did you say?"
"Physician Lady Cui, apply the medication for Concubine Nian." The Emperor"s eyes narrowed.
"Save it first, it"s about to die, please, I beg you…"
Carefully, Xuanji showed the Emperor the state the little wolf was in, displaying in full view its snow-white fur which had been dyed red by its own blood.
With a sweep of his sleeves, the Emperor stood. Unmoved, he said, "A beast will amount to nothing but a beast. It hurt Jin"er."
An Jin heard the frigid anger within his voice, and her heart curled with happiness. As she walked towards the Emperor, the man extended a hand towards her and embraced her, brows creasing as his eyes took in the blood on her embroidered shoes.
Desperately, Xuanji shook her head. Something cold stung her cheeks, and as she raised her hands to her face, she realised that they were her tears which had long fallen from her eyes.
"I beg you. Please, I beg you."
In the world, the most unfeeling hearts often belonged to those who lived within the imperial palace, yet Physician Lady Cui was a rare exception, an upright and honest individual. Even though she could clearly discern the stern anger within the Emperor"s eyes, she still clenched her jaw and said, "Your Majesty, please allow me to first treat the little wolf."
Xuanji gave a grateful glance towards Physician Lady Cui as she took hold of the Emperor"s elbow through trembling hands, staring at him entreatingly.
"Anyone else who dares to speak of this again will be sentenced to flogging." The Emperor said in a glacial voice, his words dripping with finality.
Xuanji squeezed her eyes shut, before she slowly placed the little wolf onto the ground. Kneeling, she knocked her head against the floor as she pleaded, "I beg you, please, I will only beg you this once. I will do anything you ask of me…" Her voice, feeble and hoa.r.s.e, caught as she choked on her words.
"It should have died a long time ago."
The biting frost in the man"s voice - how could she have once thought of his voice as warm, have mistaken it as comforting?
Like the rus.h.i.+ng waters of a river slamming onto a barrage, the grief and resentment in her heart swelled, desperate for release, but with nowhere to vent.
Through her disorientated senses, she heard the numbness in her voice, and the three words she continued to repeat, over and over… Heard the crying of Diefeng and her other servants.
She stood, and stumbled over to Long Zijin. "Prince Lingrui, please say something to the Emperor."
Long Zijin turned away. In a dispa.s.sionate voice, he said, "Concubine Nian, I"m unworthy of your pleas."
As Xuanji"s gaze fell upon the little wolf"s unmoving body, the cold finality in Prince Lingrui"s answering voice buried her into the depths of hopelessness.
Silence.
Then she stood up from the ground, holding the little wolf tight against her chest. Lifting her head, she met the Emperor"s gaze.
As the Emperor"s eyes traced the wound on her face and took in the blood which flowed from her scar, his dark pupils seemed to contract by a minute fraction.
Hugging the little wolf securely within her arms, Xuanji turned, heading for the door.
"Nian Xuanji! Did I give you permission to withdraw?"
The frigid anger within the Emperor"s voice was unmistakeable, yet Xuanji smiled. Turning, she said, "Didn"t you order for me to move out of Fengjiu Palace at once? I"m going back now to pack my things. Your Majesty, you should never have saved me that day."
"For what…" Smiling bitterly, Xuanji finally walked out of Qiuying Pavilion without a second glance.