CHAPTER x.x.xVII.
PRIDE BROUGHT LOW.
Pauline could have pa.s.sed her life in the happy dream that had come to her; she did not go beyond it--the golden present was enough for her.
The full, happy, glorious life that beat in her heart and thrilled in her veins could surely never be more gladsome. She loved and was beloved, and her lover was a king among men--a n.o.ble, true-hearted gentleman, the very ideal of that of which she had always dreamed; she did not wish for any change. The sunrise was blessed because it brought him to her; the sunset was as dear, for it gave her time to dream of him. She had a secret longing that this might go on forever; she had a shy fear and almost child-like dread of words that must be spoken, seeing that, let them be said when they would, they must bring a great change into her life.
In this she was unlike Sir Vane; the prize he hoped to win seemed to him so beautiful, so valuable, that he was in hourly dread lest others should step in and try to take it from him--lest by some mischance he should lose that which his whole soul was bent upon winning.
He understood the girlish shyness and sweet fear that had changed the queenly woman into a timid girl; he loved her all the more for it, and he was determined to win her if she was to be won. Perhaps she read that determination in his manner, for of late she had avoided him. She remained with Miss Hastings, and, when that refuge was denied her, she sought Lady St. Lawrence; but nothing could shield her long.
"Miss Darrell," said Sir Vane, one afternoon, "I have a poem that I want to read to you."
She was seated on a low stool at Lady St. Lawrence"s feet, her beautiful face flushing at his words, her eyes drooping with shy, sweet pleasure that was almost fear.
"Will you not read it to me now, and here?" she asked.
"No; it must be read by the sea. It is like a song, and the rush of the waves is the accompaniment. Miss Hastings, if you have brought up your pupil with any notion of obedience, enforce it now, please. Tell Miss Darrell to put on her hat and come down to the sh.o.r.e."
Miss Hastings smiled.
"You are too old now, Pauline, to be dictated to in such matters," said Miss Hastings; "but if Sir Vane wishes you to go out, there is no reason why you should not oblige him."
Lady St. Lawrence laid her hand on the beautiful head.
"My son has few pleasures," she said; "give him this one."
Pauline complied. Time had been when anything like a command had instantly raised a spirit of rebellion within her; but in this clearer light that had fallen upon her she saw things so differently; it was as though her soul had eyes and they were just opened.
She rose and put on the pretty, plumed hat which Miss Hastings brought for her; she drew an Indian shawl over her shoulders. She never once looked at Sir Vane.
"Your goodness is not only an act of charity," he said, "but it is also a case in which virtue will be its own reward. You have no notion how beautifully the sun is shining on the sea."
So they went out together, and Lady St. Lawrence looked after them with a sigh.
"She is a most beautiful girl, certainly, and I admire her. If she only had Lillith Davenant"s money!"
Sir Vane and Pauline walked in silence down to the sh.o.r.e, and then the former turned to his companion.
"Miss Darrell," he said, "will you tell me why you were not willing to come out with me--why you have avoided me and turned the light of your beautiful face from me?"
Her face flushed, and her heart beat, but she made no answer.
"I have borne my impatience well for the last three days," he said; "now I must speak to you, for I can bear it no longer, Pauline. Oh, do not turn away from me! I love you, and I want you to be my wife--my wife, darling; and I will love you--I will cherish you--I will spend my whole life in working for you. I have no hope so great, so sweet, so dear, as the hope of winning you."
She made him no answer. Yet her silence was more eloquent than words.
"It seems a strange thing to say, but, Pauline, I loved you the first moment I saw you. Do you remember, love? You were sitting with one of my books in your hand, and the instant my eyes fell upon your beautiful face a great calm came over me. I could not describe it; I felt that in that minute my life was completed. My whole heart went out to you, and I knew, whether you ever learned to care for me or not, that you were the only woman in all the world for me."
She listened with a happy smile playing round her beautiful lips, her dark eyes drooping, her flower-like face flushed and turned from his.
"You are my fate--my destiny! Ah! if you love me, Pauline--if you will only love me, I shall not have lived in vain! Your love would incite me to win name and fame--not for myself, but for you. Your love would crown a king--what would it not do for me? Turn your face to me, Pauline? You are not angry? Surely great love wins great love--and there could be no love greater than mine."
Still the beautiful face was averted. There was the sunlight on the sea; the western wind sighed around them. A great fear came over him. Surely, on this most fair and sunny day, his love was not to meet a cruel death.
His voice was so full of this fear when he spoke again that she, in surprise, turned and looked at him.
"Pauline," he cried, "you cannot mean to be cruel to me. I am no coward, but I would rather face death than your rejection."
Then it was that their eyes met; and that which he saw in hers was a revelation to him. The next moment he had clasped her to his heart, and was pouring out a torrent of pa.s.sionate words--such words, so tender, so loving, so full of pa.s.sion and hope, that her face grew pale as she listened, and the beautiful figure trembled.
"I have frightened you, my darling," he said, suddenly. "Ah! do forgive me. I was half mad with joy. You do not know how I have longed to tell you this, yet feared--I knew not what--you seemed so far above me, sweet. See, you are trembling now! I am as cruel as a man who catches in his hands a white dove that he has tamed, and hurts it by his grasp. Sit down here and rest, while I tell you over and over again, in every fashion, in every way, how I love you."
The sun never shone upon happier lovers than those. The golden doors of Love"s paradise were open to them.
"I never knew until now," said Vane, "how beautiful life is. Why, Pauline, love is the very center of it; it is not money or rank--it is love that makes life. Only to think, my darling, that you and I may spend every hour of it together."
She raised her eyes to the fair, calm heavens, and infinite happiness filled her soul to overflowing; a deep, silent prayer ascended unspoken from her heart.
Suddenly she sprang from his side with a startled cry.
"Oh, Vane!" she said, with outstretched hands, "I had forgotten that I am unworthy. I can never marry you!"
He saw such wild despair in her face, such sudden, keen anguish, that he was half startled; and, kneeling by her side, he asked:
"Why, my darling? Tell me why. You, Pauline," he cried--"you not worthy of me! My darling, what fancy is it--what foolish idea--what freak of the imagination? You are the n.o.blest, the truest, the dearest woman in the whole wide world! Pauline, why are you weeping so? My darling, trust me--tell me."
She had shrunk shuddering from him, and had buried her face in her hands; deep, bitter sobs came from her lips; there was the very eloquence of despair in her att.i.tude.
"Pauline," said her lover, "you cannot shake my faith in you; you cannot make me think you have done wrong; but will you try, sweet, to tell me what it is?"
He never forgot the despairing face raised to his, the shadow of such unutterable sorrow in the dark eyes, the quivering of the pale lips, the tears that rained down her face--it was such a change from the radiant, happy girl of but a few minutes ago that he could hardly believe it was the same Pauline.
He bent over her as though he would fain kiss away the fast falling tears; but she shrank from him.
"Do not touch me, Vane!" she cried; "I am not worthy. I had forgotten; in the happiness of loving you, and knowing that I was beloved, I had forgotten it--my own deed has dishonored me! We must part, for I am not worthy of you."
He took both her hands in his own, and his influence over her was so great that even in that hour she obeyed him implicitly, as though she had been a child.
"You must let me judge, Pauline," he said, gently. "You are mine by right of the promise you gave me a few minutes since--the promise to be my wife; that makes you mine--no one can release you from it. By virtue of that promise you must trust me, and tell me what you have done."
He saw that there was a desperate struggle in her mind--a struggle between the pride that bade her rise in rebellion and leave him with her secret untold, and the love that, bringing with it sweet and gracious humility, prompted her to confess all to him. He watched her with loving eyes; as that struggle ended, so would her life take its shape.
He saw the dark eyes grow soft with good thoughts; he saw the silent, proud defiance die out of the beautiful face; the lips quivered, sweet humility seemed to fall over her and infold her.
"I have done a cruel deed, Vane," she said--"an act of vengeance that cuts me off from the roll of n.o.ble women, and dishonors me."
Still keeping his hold of the white hand, he said: